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Christopher L. Estep posted a comment on Saturday 23rd July 2005 12:18am

*Thunder and Lightning*! (I'm not talking about the Parkinson horses, either.) Harry rather sneakily co-opts Croaker, Shacklebolt, Moody, and *all* the Weasleys (except Percy) while capturing Nott and getting him to confess with the literally oldest trick in interrogation, wizard-style (good witch, bad witch, worse wizard), which then enables Harry to co-opt Tonks, frighten Snape, and, amazingly, co-opt *Dumbledore*. And this was *after* frightening Umbitch into resigning and getting Snape fired, not to mention co-opting *Aragog* and his kids, and even painting Fudge into a corner.


Matt posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 9:49pm

Great job! You've carried the characters forwar nicely and given them more depth as usual. I'm not sure that ron is capable of the one-day epiphany and assume that you will explain his miraculous recovery from what I would only wish could be terminal stupidity later. Maybe your Ron is simply learning the things that he needs to in order to truly become one of the three. IN any case, thanks for a great (and most extensive) read.

tlslick posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 7:23pm

Ilove this. I have found to enjoy this more than the last book. please keep wrighting.

Ophiuchus posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 3:38pm

Another great chapter! We are always happy to see an update from you.

Grossclout posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 2:43pm

Excellent chapter. I've been checking for it practically daily and I wasn't disappointed when I found it this morning. (Had to take care of some business before I could get back here and finish reading it and add my comment or you would have had this earlier.) As I said earlier, I am eagerly looking forward to the last chapter, but am saddened as well as it will end this wonderful story. Looking foward to you working on other WIPs when this one is finished.

James Rayner posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 1:44pm

I love it the best chapter yet in my opinion
you are building up to a great last chapter. the story is so good that i have went back an reread it again and again.

jb238 posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 12:49pm

Excellent story! Super-Harry, with powers he got credibly from hard work, training, and from help of friends (the Parkinsons, Dobby's elf magic lessons).

I liked that Umbridge and Snape got what they deserved. Punching Snape on the nose every time somebody gets near him could be turned into a habit (same as "you rang?"). Umbridge deserved more punishment however, after endlessly frustrating the readers of OotP. Maybe not let her just walk away from Hogwarts, but having her chased off thru the forest by a herd of centaurs?

Speaking about frustration: having just finished HBP, I really appreciated a new chapter of a highly enjoyable story for a change. Many thanks for this!

Things I particularly enjoyed:

- Dobby having a humorous streak ("You rang, Harry Potter sir?" he grinned; "Ohhh, Dobby is a bad elf, Dobby will be punishing himself endlessly," he promised. "Dobby will be listening to Hogwarts elves complain about Dobby rocking boat for thirty minutes or more."; "The Stupidest Wheezy")

- Pansy being nice to Ginny, the hair care scenes

- Snape hanging himself and getting a good punch on the nose (serves him right for making Harry's life miserable and continuously annoying readers in earlier stories)

- Dobby being intelligent and self conscious

- Harry dropping Ron in the lake to cool him off (he'd deserve a punch on the nose too...)

- Ginny and Pansy acting (reminds me of excellent scene in another outstanding story where Snuffles nearly got himself neutered ;-)

- Cool cars (though I still miss a black Jaguar)

There are a couple of typos (I'm not nagging, but an excellent story deserves to be free of distraction by typos):

- several "to" instead of "too":

- "our own decisions not to get to drunk"
- "It was to important to her, and she knew it was to him"
- "You’ve changed so much Harry, grown up so much, and you’re forcing me to, as well" (?)

- one "too" instead of "to" ("unless Pansy tells you too")

- "formal green dress with a high colour" (collar)

- "but for you to get rich because your parents die" (but NOT for)

I'm looking forward to chapter 8/8 and am curious how you'll fit all the loose ends into one chapter (defeating Voldi and the Death Eaters, Remus as Minister, possible marriage, a black Jag ;-). But then, there is no limit for the length of a chapter...

Rocky235 posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 12:24pm

This is the best chapter, story, I've read in 5 years. (I can't remember back any further.)

You've got all the favorites, the girl, the gold, and the chase. Plus, it's wrapped up in excellent dialog and grammar. Your style is concise and clear.

This chapter takes the cake.

Jonny B posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 12:06pm

Very nice. Its good to see youre still going to keep this going regardless of HBP. Good chapter, and I look forward to reading some more. Possibly Hope as well?

Sabia posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 10:27am

Faboo! I loved it when Dumbledore swallowed his pride! Harry is amazing, and I love the fact that Ginny is her own person, and has sense. Excellent writing; excellent plot; excellent. Keep it coming!

nonjon posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 9:41am

*sigh*. Just reread this chapter again. So lovely. Left me with a bit of the melancholy feeling HBP did. The knowledge that this is the second to last one and we're almost done.

Wonderful chapter. I'm sure it's tiresome hearing the same praise, so I decided to try and get nitpicky. If you're desperate for some criticism, I will say Ron slurring the word 'dancing' into 'danshing' seemed very odd. Slurring words to show that he's drunk/been drinking is fine, but it stands out funny when I'm pretty sure that is the only word intentionally spelled differently. If there were a few more examples, or that word had been pointed out as being slurred it'd be fine. But as the lone example, it feels like it might just be a really bad typo.

A couple of other small choices of words seemed like they could be improved. Things like: "You might be a little surprised if you look behind his aura at the man behind it." The word behind twice kind of bugged me. The first 'behind' could be 'beyond' and would sort of flow better for me. A typo was "If he had to think about it, he was already acting to slowly." My grammar and such is lacking but I think you want "acting too slowly". Also: "In a field by Parkinson Manor, we’d go out to the lake there on Thunder and Lighting, our horses," I think it was Lightning, not Lighting. Might double check this too: "So it’s okay for me to be rich because my parents were murdered, but for you to get rich because your parents die?" Feels like a 'not' or something should be in there. And "He stretched out further, lying fully out," again with a repeated word, 'out'. And "all you can see is are pairs of feet sticking out and wiggling." Great visual, and the fact that it's dialogue could be intentional but "is are" sounds incorrect to me. For proper names: "I’ll get Peirce to look at Ginny." It seems to be both 'Pierce' and 'Peirce', in spots. A search and replace on whichever is intended might be a good idea. And here, "horrors of a warm bath, after my personal tended to her wounds," 'personal' doesn't really explain anything to me. Feels like 'personal healer' or 'personnel' maybe. Here: "To get Mrs Weasley to trust him,", the 'Mrs.' is missing the period. Another: "“That’s taken care off,” Harry smiled." 'of' instead of 'off' maybe. Another that's a bit subjective is, "I’ll leave the country, go some where else," 'somewhere' as a single word might be preferred. And then, "We can’t let him go, he knows too much about him now." I'm not clear on who the second 'him' even is. Snape maybe? And also this one: "There is Good and Evil are in all of Hogwarts’ Houses" I think just taking out 'are' will fix that one.

Surely more, but hope these help.

Great chapter, want more. Keep them coming.

Amanda posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 9:41am

Tim!!!! Holy cow...I'm shaking in my chair! Seriously, I'm having a hard time even typing this review! The character's attitudes and personalities in this chapter are so alive and realistic. Talk about changing the world and shaking life up! Pardon me while I go back and reread the whole thing again and wipe the drool off my chin in anticipation of the final chapter!

Ben Russell-Gough posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 8:43am

Ah Tim! I can say so many good things about this story. The characterisations are good and the storyline is compelling.

I really enjoyed the party as well as Ginny & Pansy's girl-bonding. I liked Ron being... well... Ron as well. Too often, fan writers gloss over possibilities like this to make everyone happy, but Ron /does/ have issues to resolve.

I liked Harry winning over the Weasleys and especially enjoyed Harry, Pansy and Ginny playing 'good auror, bad auror' with Nott.

If there is one thing that I don't like it is that there is only one chapter left. Only one more chapter for all of Harry's plans to mature and for the final confrontation with Voldemort. It is a pity, because you could write a 20+ -chapter story using this concept, following how Harry and his friends' (and enemies') lives are changed by these incidents as Harry grows into the leader of the Wizarding World.

Still, I'll forgive you if you write lots of spin-offs about the future in this time line.

BenRG's Rating: 9/10

Shawn Pickett posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 7:25am

Damn! That was one outstanding chapter, there were so many parts in it that just were damned enjoyable, be it funny or thrilling, that I'm going to have to read it a couple of more times just to digest it all. Again, outstanding work, thank you.

kelvin posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 6:32am

another great chapter. i am looking foward to the last chapter and possibly the sequal as well?

ginny and deph have grown so much during the last and this chapter and i liked them both very nuch. will you be haveing them both stay with harry forever?

i am happy that ron did what he did, i suspect he is the person that will make the hardest transistion between adult and child as he see too much in black and white. all the kids (herm, ron, ginny) have force to grown up practically overnight after when harry came back and i expected some adjustment problems.

great chapter overall and pleaes update soon

CloudySky posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 4:57am

Wonderful, a usual. I very much love this story.
Things seemed to be moving a bit fast toward the end, but that's certainly preferable to a few pages of Harry trying to convince several people he's not really Dark. Dumbledore confused me, by the way. One moment he seems to get that his manipulating isn't appreciated, the next he's doing it again. So I can't really tell how sincere he is with his offer of following.
I loved Luna's part. The scene with the thestrals seemed a bit overly ostentatious. And the dancing scene was a bit unclear. I got the general idea, but the description seems a bit overly detailed, which broke up the flow of the story a bit.

I must say, I'm a bit sad that this story will soon be finished. It's a very good read.

Aureliades posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 4:31am

OMG! That was AWESOME! You rock so much. I'm not usually a het fan, but this is truly an amazing story. You've got amazing character interaction and just.... guh, there are no words. I LUV it so much. Thanks for sharing and I can't wait for more.

AutumnHeart posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 3:18am

I swear this is the single best fic out there right now :) I have been hoping for this chapter all week, and you definitely delivered on it.

I particularly liked Harry's interactions with Luna and Moody - and everyone else, of course, but those two stood out. The scene with the thastrals was inspired, too - in fact, why not just say I liked the whole chapter and let it go at that?

I'd ordinarily beg for a fast update at this point, but that would be terribly rude given the lovely long chapter you just gave us, so I'll just say I'll be haunting your site till I see the next update go up.

Thanks heaps for a really fun story,

- AutumnHeart

len vandiveer posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 3:02am

This is getting to be a much better story than JKR's stuff.I thought JKR was slipping starting with Book IV. But then I forgot, she has to follow along with what her publishers want. I am sure you have read Tolkein and can appreciate the lack of 'loose' ends his stories have. Then think Of the HP stories. JKR leaves so many openings and paths for writers to exploit. I still find the wizard world kind of stupid for lack of muggle tech stuff. Imagine a battle with wands and machine guns? Scary.

Harry posted a comment on Friday 22nd July 2005 2:43am

Wow so many things happend in this chapter. I like how you have everything fall into place at exactly the right time. Hope to see the next chapter soon.