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Daily Prophet Reporting posted a comment on Monday 14th May 2007 11:06pm

Tim,

You were trying to tease your readers a bit in this chapter a bit, weren't you? First it's Ginny kissing Pansy and then it's that battle, if you can call it that. They're nice hints of what's to come, though.

I'll deal with Ginny first. I should start by admitting that I was partially spoiled by reviews I saw by accident when I was reviewing previous chapters, so when I saw the not-so-subtle hints in this chapter, I think I was able to figure out where you're heading finally. I have no idea why you would go there (the only things that are popping into my head are that Pansy gets what Pansy wants or that you're trying to show you're not beholden to any ship), but if I'm right, this was just a prelude. Still, I can appreciate how that kiss had the exact opposite effect one would naturally assume -- bringing Pansy, Ginny and Harry closer rather than driving them apart. Plus, how could anyone not enjoy a scene that ends with Ron being thrown in the lake?

The fight here strikes me as a prelude, too -- a meager taste of what's to come. After all that training you showed us, that was about as non-dramatic as it gets. What it did show is that the secondary characters can take care of themselves. But I'm definitely looking forward to when Harry and Pansy actually have to let loose what they've learned.

The other big thing I can't help noticing is that, other than Voldemort and company, you've eliminated all the opposition. You bring the Weasleys and Dumbledore on board, show that Harry is already calling the shots at the Ministry, and deal with everyone's favorite professors. In the case of Umbridge and Snape, I rather enjoyed the contrast between Pansy's vindictive vengeance and Harry's calm, organized, humiliating method of ousting Snape. It definitely fit the way you've been developing your characters right from the start.

It's Dumbledore pledge of loyalty at the end that surprised me most, though. I have a hard time seeing him ever giving up his ideals, even if means failure. Admittedly, though, that view is shaped considerably by HBP. Given that he's the puppet master you make him out to be, I could see how he would need to join Harry to remain in the game, to avoid being left out.

If I've got a complain at this point, it's that, like in TMW, this is coming together so fast. That's got to be a byproduct of how powerful and in control you've made Harry in both stories. It's fun -- makes for impressive moments and good comedy -- but it can make the buildup rather more complicated than the resolution. I can definitely tell why you go that way, though. You couldn't draw the stories out without compromising the level of detail.

Anyway, I'm rambling (again). But I'm definitely looking forward to how you finish this off.

-KC

cutecess posted a comment on Monday 14th May 2007 12:41pm

absolutly amazing! I like the humor that you put into all your fics (that i've read) and it was clearly in this one. I think my favourite part was that you thought about the OCs you had and how they would react - are you a writter?

Daily Prophet Reporting posted a comment on Sunday 13th May 2007 6:49pm

Well, you're revealing moments were as dramatic as I expected they would be. You managed to nicely knock Malfoy, Snape, Umbridge and Dumbledore down a peg or two without burning out your greatest attacks on them. And I loved McGongall's smug reaction to all the chaos. It's odd, her not being on Dumbledore's side, but it fights and she adds a nice bit of subtle levity in her unique position.

I though, for the most part, you got the main characters' reactions right. Ron's snap distrust was spot on, and I found Hermione idealistically over=thinking all of Harry's changes was pretty fitting too. Ginny's a tougher read because I think she'd be quite inclined to fight for what she wants. But fight against a situation where Harry's obviously happy? I think you got that one right, and I like that you (and Pansy) gave her chance to find that out herself.

And speaking of Ginny, like I said, I knew you had something planned for her. But I can't say I actually expected her to become instant best friends with two Slytherins. Still, that's a trio that has some serious potential for entertainment. I can't wait until they get a hold of her toadiness.

Looking forward, though, I've got to wonder how you're going to finish this in just two more chapters, even if they are long. This chapter was basically 20,000 words in real time (I pace, which for a chapter or two, at least, I can really get into), and that's got me wondering if you're going to race to the finish as fast as you did in TMW. It certainly seems that way, though I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Anyway, I'm still definitely enjoying this. Thanks for the hard work!
-KC

Daily Prophet Reporting posted a comment on Saturday 12th May 2007 11:33pm

One of the great things about your writing is that the more outlandish it gets, the funnier it gets. This chapter totally cracked me up.

Perhaps the best example is Harry and Pansy's little trip to boot camp. I thought it was clever and amusing when of their trainers was a military officer. Next thing I know, your main characters are proving themselves -- impaling themselves even -- in front of a bunch of Muggles soldiers. And the Royal Marines have pledged to have their backs. That's insane, but it's definitely brilliant.

Speaking of which, Harry in this story is going to have an even more eclectic arm then he did in TMW, is he? Through in the Marines, knife fighting and Acromantulas along with the typical students, goblins and werewolves and that promises to be even more bizarre then the last I read one of your final battles.

I was somewhat taken aback by the speed in which Harry and Pansy's relationship jumped ahead at the end of this chapter, although that does seem to fit with what I've seen of your writing in the past. When your main characters act they tend to be totally decisive and committed. That might be part of the reason why your characters always seem to be much older than they are, but in the case of Harry's impending engagement at least it makes plot sense as being a tool in Harry's manipulation of Dumbledore.

To whit, I loved the entrance at the end here, by the way.

And as the H/Ger, I was rather impressed by Ginny's speech in the last chapter. It's obvious now that the point of contention there has passed, but I can't help thinking there's something more coming from Ginny. I'm think you've played her (and Harry's redheads thing) up too much for that not to be the case.

I know I'm rambling (stayed up too late reading this last night; which is why I didn't review the last chapter ... sorry about that) so I'll, stop here, but I'm definitely intrigued by how this is going to work going forward. You've built up a lot of big moments for the next chapter or two and I'm definitely looking forward to it.

-KC (who should have gotten over his closed-minded fanfic provincialism and read this a long time ago.)

Daily Prophet Reporting posted a comment on Saturday 12th May 2007 12:15am

OK, I guess I’m officially on board. This story is definitely eclectic in all the directions it moves, but it’s easy to read and quite enjoyable.

I really, really like what you’re doing with the time turner. It’s a completely clever way to build Harry into a fighting machine in a short time (while working Royal Navy officers into the story, no less). And it’s a great way to bring your characters together. It’s a lot easy to accept the way Harry and Pansy grow together when I think that, from their perspective, they’ve already been working together every day for six weeks by the time their first date rolls around.

And when you finally did have that date, you certainly didn’t hold back. Dinner and champagne at the Ritz followed by dancing a trendy nightclub? That’s about as far from Privet Drive (or the Burrow) as it gets. For that matter, so is better the pulp out of four thugs. But you’re making the H/G shipper in me feel badly for Ginny. Not only is she going to be blindsided, but it seems like she’s going to look like a little girl next to Pansy. The romance at the end here was definitely well done, though. You, like your characters, were patient and waited for the time to bring them closer. And it worked well because of it.

Dobby again turned in a masterful performance. The Chamber was a brilliant choice, and his ability to teach Harry elf magic was a rather clever idea I’d not seen before. I was also glad to see I was right about Tonks. Like I said I’m very interested to see who comes into the fold of Team Potter next.

Good work!
-KC

Daily Prophet Reporting posted a comment on Friday 11th May 2007 12:42am

Well, I can't help it. You're starting to overcome my skepticism. I'm still having a bit of a hard time with the way you've tinkered with the main characters, but the writing's good enough and the story's clever enough that it's definitely drawing me. And that’s quite a step from where I was last night.

A big reason behind that is the fact that Malcom and Gruoch work really well. There's something refreshing about characters with the ability, intelligence and willingness to do whatever it takes to help Harry. Time-turners? Muggle surgery? Political intrigue? House-elf spies? Muggle weapons? They're all such logical weapons, but only with the right characters wielding them, and I think you've hit that spot on with the Parkinson's blend of pureblood aggressiveness and muggle ingenuity.

And the idea of a third side for the war is quite exciting -- something very fresh from my somewhat limited fanfic background. I'm very intrigued to see how the "good guys" react when Harry starts going his own openly way. It's looks pretty obvious that Tonks will follow him, but Remus and the elder Weasleys? That promises to be very interesting.

I’m doing my best to ignore Ginny at this point because you definitely seem to be setting up the romantic side of the story as a major point of conflict for down the road. But I do like that you’re not trying to rush Harry and Pansy together. The time-turner’s definitely helps in giving them more time to get to know each other. And even I thought Harry promising to help her overcome a fear of flying was an extremely fitting turn. That was one point where you could definitely use Harry’s excesses of loyalty and his ‘helping people thing’ to your advantage.

My favorite part of this so far has got to be Dobby, though. He's just hilarious; especially when he's angry. I loved the way he's become Harry's greatest champion. And that he’s perfectly happy (and able) to kick Snape's butt makes it all the better.

So, anyway, good job. I can’t help saying I'm liking what I'm seeing.
-KC

Daily Prophet Reporting posted a comment on Thursday 10th May 2007 12:53am

Tim,

I know I said several times before that I was going to give your non-H/G fics a try, but since I've been here the last few nights finishing up TMW anyway I figured it was about time I actually did it. Hope probably would have been my first choice to start with, but I'm also trying to stay away from in-progress fics, so here I am giving this a try.

And to be brutally honest, you almost lost me in the first section.

Draco has only paid attention to me, as I’ve been a simpering hanger-on. I know that I have friends who like me for my personality, not my looks, and it’s been a really Slytherin thing to do - trick everyone in the house, including Snape, for my entire time there.



As the kind of canon-thumping reader who hangs out at sites like PS and SQ, being told five books worth of Jo's portrayal of a character was all a lie is not something that goes over well. I couldn't make that jump for some random author, but I know and respect your writing enough that I was willing to keep going. And I'm still here.

Where you deserve the most credit is for the state you put Harry in when the Parkinsons found him. Making him that helpless -- and I don't think that was too huge of a stretch from the Post-OotP perspective -- really disarmed a lot of the trust issues that this pairing naturally creates. And, as we've seen in canon, nothing brings characters together better than a good rescue.

I still think Harry here is a bit too open too quickly for my tastes (especially about the Prophesy), but given this background I could definitely see Harry being desparate to trust someone. That's especially the case given his lack of trust in Dumbledore and the Order, something that certainly promises to be an especially interesting point of conflict going forward.

At first I was also put off a bit by the fact that Pansy here acts so similarly to Ginny in TMW. But the more I think about it, if I'm willing to accept that Pansy's not a brainless cow, the ambition, the ruthlessness and even the willingness to commit to loving Harry almost blindly fits a lot more naturally here. As you've made clear in both stories, it is a rather Slytherin attitude. And it worked in TMW, so I'm guessing it might work better here.

And lest I sound too negative, I greatly enjoyed the Parksinsons' reaction to the Dursleys. It was refreshingly gratifying after all the righteous anger I've seen so often in canon and fanon.

So, anyway, that's enough rambling for Chapter 1. I'm definitely interested to see where you're taking this, and I'll do my best to keep an open mind.

-KC


Robin Hood posted a comment on Saturday 5th May 2007 7:15pm

I don't think it is over until we hear about them working out their issues, especially considering a certain diamond ring Harry is still carrying around.

silverleafhp posted a comment on Thursday 26th April 2007 9:27pm

Err...do you even realize what the title to this fic is? White Knight (Harry), Gray Queen (Pansy)? I mean where in the title does it say Spunky Red Head?

Sorry about being sorta flamish. But this could of been up there with some of the best HP fics of all times until it was ruined by this weird thing with Ginny. I mean you spent countless words giving Pansy a great fleshing out. Harry, falls in love with her and they become inseperable, they love each other.

Then bamm..out of nowhere the reader is forced to endure Ginny wedging herself inbetween them. I am not sure I will ever figure it out. I mean I know you have a thing for Ginny, since most of your fics have that ship, and I honestly don't mind it. However, you completly ruined this fic by adding Ginny as possible a second lover for Harry and Pansy.

Just not sure what you where thinking here. It makes no since whatsoever.

AnyaGrace posted a comment on Thursday 19th April 2007 3:15pm

I absolutely loved your story! This is the FIRST Harry/Pansy that I have ever seen and I have to say that I enjoyed it greatly. Please keep writing in your life! It really shows that you enjoy wirting as much as many enjoy reading what you write! Thanks!

la13 posted a comment on Wednesday 18th April 2007 6:32pm

Wow, this story is awesome. It's funny, fun, and believable. Umm, ok, believable in the sense that we're not considering the whole "people waving magic wands around" part. No, what I mean is, the story really came to life for me and I enjoyed it a lot.

Anubis Rex posted a comment on Friday 13th April 2007 10:53pm

I have read, or attempted to read, every Harry/femaleSlytherin fanfic I have stumbled across. This is by far the most believable of those fics. Half the time Harry suddenly discovers he really should've been a Slytherin all along and falls for Bellatrix or someone similar; you took the time and effort to build a decent, believable relationship. Thank you.
A.R.

fairyp80 posted a comment on Thursday 12th April 2007 11:23am

I love this story, as I do all your writing.

Will you ever be writing the follow up stories to this one?

noylj posted a comment on Friday 30th March 2007 6:07am

Need more. Need the story of Harry and Pansy (sorry about the error in previous review) actually getting the WW into some sort of ethical shape. More more more

noylj posted a comment on Friday 30th March 2007 6:06am

Need more. Need the story of Harry and Daphne actually getting the WW into some sort of ethical shape. More more more

noylj posted a comment on Monday 26th March 2007 10:18pm

Why, oh why, do so many people have a dislike of profits? It is time that the WW and RW realize that the profit motive if the best control to ensure that resources are used to their fullest by the whole of society. As long as the Parkinson's are not involved in fraud or coersion, they are a benefit to both worlds.

Potter Thinker posted a comment on Saturday 17th March 2007 10:27pm

When do we get a quick fic on the life of HP/PP/GP? You still have not kept up to that promise you gave your loyal readers. We like your stories the best anyway.
John

MrRigger posted a comment on Thursday 15th March 2007 4:29pm

So, are you going to have any more from this universe any time soon? If not, that's fine, but I'd like to see you tie up the loose ends. It's a good thing, and I'd like to see just how everything else works out.

draxomulus posted a comment on Sunday 11th March 2007 7:06am

Loved this chapter, but I MUST point out an error hoping that there is more in the coming story. When referring to Harry's height, you have Dobby referring to Harry as a "magician". With the utmost respect, I cannot idly sit by and wonder what would lead you to have Dobby insult Harry as a magician- somebody performing parlor tricks, instead of complimenting him with respect as the full magic-bearing wizard he is.
Please respond,
Draxomulus +1

uberwald posted a comment on Tuesday 27th February 2007 6:03pm

One of the best fics I've read -- detailed and thoughtful plot, believable character development, just enough fluff. I like it a lot better than Rowling's year 6 book.

Thank you. :)