rune1806 posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 3:44am

Thank you for the story. I enjoyed it and look forward to more of your work.

dennisud posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 2:52am

Liked how you structuredand developed thispplot line given wat you ave us in the first chapter.

I don't see how Hermione, Sirius or Remus will get any chance to apoligise or redeem themselves except for a suicide attack on death eaters,

Oh and wil Luna be any better now in Ravenclaw?

Finally, will the Veela be at the front of taking out Tommy-boy?

So we will need finalt chapter to see right!

;-)

Richard Robinson posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 2:50am

I rather liked it.

I did spot the rather obvious cliche of Fluer liking the spell to contol her allure, while Gabrielle wanted to go with Harry.

I don't see anything wrong with your changing your style but that's just me!

I wouldn't mind seeing s sequel or a third chapter dealing with longer range effects of this story.

Richard Robinson

Infin1x posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 2:06am

Sure there are a few small spots that don't have your usual polish but you have an amazing thing in this second chapter. The first was an interesting idea but this is the best redemption of any character I have read in a long while. It isn't clean or perfect but it shouldn't be. It's messy and human and Dumbledore just trying his best.

No one sane begrudges you your attempt at balance. All of us that have been reading/writing for a while have to eventually try for that balance. Thank you and good luck.

Dale Dietzman posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 1:44am

Actually, Tim, I think this story is quite up to your previous standards. You now don't have to write epic length stories to being a reasonable conclusion to a problem you have set up. I really do not think you have any reason to bad mouth yourself, or your writing skills, when I know at a minimum, several tousand people wish they could wriote 10% as well.

Deborahsu posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 1:01am

Like! Totally unexpected, completely different, and well done! I do look forward to updates on all of your stories!

Lordamnesia posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 12:50am

Seriously, I have no idea what people were complaining about, this 2 shot is as good as any and all of your short stories! It's a great look at a what might have been, thrown in with the veela angle taken to a further point then most. And it was good, entertaining, and left actual feelings of pleasure for reading something interesting behind! Because really, that's what reading fanfiction is about, being entertained, and I was.

solitare99 posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 12:28am

I like this story quite a bit. Harry gets betrayed by everyone close to him and they actually repent without getting a sense of entitlement about Harry coming back. The part about Harry disliking humanity and prefering the company of nonhumans reminds me of Fate's Gamble by Lupine Horror. While I would like you to write about Harry's life in the Veela enclave, it would probably ruin whatever ideal image the reader has in mind. I'm really looking forward to your next chapter of Legion.

jtork posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 11:56pm

Very nicely done. It is good to see what a responsible Dumbles could do--even if it is much too late.

wizmage posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 11:35pm

Hey,

Regardless of what others thought, i liked the story. It was interesting, and i have never seen a story quite like this. Sometimes i think that people just don't like good stories.

Once again, well done.

Dicknorn posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 11:31pm

This is definitely an interesting and an actual unique plot line in an endless sea of reoccuring plot lines. It is a pleasure to read even if you don't dedicate as much time to writing anymore. Whie the first chapter with Harry abandoning the Wizarding World is not a unique idea, the way you portrayed Harry doing so was quite interesting. What I personally enjoyed though was a differenet take on Dumbledore where he actually grows a backbone and does what most people believe he has the power to do, but willfully ignores his preaching of, 'doing what is right over what is easy.' Even if it took Harry abandoning the world for him to step up and fullfil his job as an educator.

KenF posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 11:22pm

I like what you did with Dumbles in this one. Glad to see you back.

slickrcbd posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 11:09pm

I forgot to add that the part with Fudge seemed like it was not as well thought out. First you made it sound like Fudge was either finished politically and would be sacked the morning after being locked in the office with him, or was going to go to jail, but then you had him still holding the position at the third task. Perhaps a bit more on how Fudge survived that storm should be flushed out.

slickrcbd posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 10:36pm

Nice update, showing things from another side.

The effective, useful and redeemed Dumbledore is something new, I've only seen it in one other story ("Dumbledore's Next Great Adventure" by dunuelos). I do however have misgivings on his summary expulsion of Draco and Marietta.

Given the sudden change in policy, and the fact that the staff had been enabling both of these students, especially Draco, it seemed harsh and sudden. Especially since Draco was only 14. He also hadn't done anything over the top. If it had been something he'd been constantly disciplined for, it would have made sense, but the sudden enforcement with expulsion seemed wrong. A suspension followed by expulsion on the first repeat offense would have been better, and only because they cited the previous time being enabled.

Not that either of them didn't deserve it, but it sets a bad precedent that a future headmaster with the morals, ethics, or mindset of Snape could use to hurt innocents. Call me paranoid, but I tend to see how rules or actions made with good intentions and used to good effect could be twisted around by an abusive authority figure and used to hurt good people.

Then again, I've got issues with authority, especially in schools because I ran into abusive teachers like Umbridge and Snape enough times, and protected bullies like Draco where the principal and disciplinary board enabled them.

FeNo posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 10:35pm

If the spell was "intelligent" enough to understand the cup was not "standing in Harry's way" the same rule should count for champions that were outclassed by several leagues, i'm not worried for them ^_^

Well i for my part liked the alternative view at much of the happenings and Albus penance was especially funny to read (if maybe not the most believable plot you could have gone with, but hey we're talking about an old guy leading a castle containing a school where you get teached magic... believable doesn#t appear until page 74 of this general concept or so :D Call it a dropskill) as it was at times moving and the first part with Harry's plan and step by step advance into freedom while all the time fooling anybody around them by playing up to their (low and lower) expectations and interpretations of him... Giving Fleur the boot just when she thought herself lost forever was epic and the only whiff of "cliché" i got while reading both of these outstanding chapters/stories was maybe a bit of a hollywood overdose as you seem quite fond of the blockbuster device to first show the illusion at work and then slowly putting th epuzzle together unveiling how all the seemingly clear and unambiguous steps were anything but that, instead contributing to the whole, big, complicated hoist when nobody even saw a hoist happen :D I'm not aware of many HP stories making use of such a concept, so it's absolutely acceptable in my eyes to stray a bit from all the bookish plots into cinematic territory. And even more so, if the result is so impressive and laden with emotions.

Which brings me to the "absolved" candidates in this chapter... Nope, did not make much of an impression to me. They are Gryffindors for pete's sake. They are the epitome of "doing what is right, not what is easy" and yet even our hero figures are drawn down into the sump of cowardice, prejudice and cangaroo court justice? And the scene at the last task was pathetic and more than stupid so i'm deeply disappointed in them... you do not make amends and beg for forgiveness by running like a madman towards an estranged friend, eagerness or not. And aren't Remus and Hermione known as intellectual types? Couldn't they really research Veela protocol between waking up and the last task? I'm sure you only had the best intentions, but redeeming those three would have taken a lot more and something very similar to Dumbledore's own "Walk to Canossa"... (if you didn#t know that, look it up, Henry IV (the german, not the british monarch) and his friend the pope had a nice little squabble ending up with the king being outlawed.. :) and in the end doing the whole penance routine rough homespun robe and barefooted and everything. Okay, you probably knew it judging by Dumbledore's new clothes :D) and maybe even give up any attempt to contact Harry for a more broadly outset of making him want to contact THEM as their acts of redemption get known all around and even inside the colony... :) Yeah, might take a lifetime, but what? They've earned the anger and desparation of a lifetime through what they did or didn't to Harry. He has now chosen his path, his dedication, they can continue to whine away at not getting a chance at making amends or they can make their amends in other ways, there must be lots of people out there deserving help and support. Wouldn't it be the way to make James and Lily and Harry proud to see them doing so much good instead of wallowing in self pity and waiting for a chance to ask for cheap and costless forgiveness that may never come?

Hmmm what else... okay, the colony got a bit out of hand... over 10.000 defenders? With petty nations like Britain or tournament France around them how did they ever survive the middle ages in between so many magicals that all would feel threatened and enticed at the same time by such an amassment of power, riches and beauty... Oh and the first chapter "Soldiers" totally reminded me of the wood elves coming to Helm's Deep. Right up to the supernatural, rather asexual or androgynous beauty. Another brilliant "theft" from the silver screen.

Well that was a lot to read through and some tangents, so i'll get to an end soon... Is it too much to hope for an eventual sequel ala "twenty years later" with the paths all those who regretted how they dealt with Harry described and compared? PLEASE Sir, may i have more? :D

Tomek posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 10:10pm

Thamk you for writing again. I enjoyed reading both chapters of Enslavement. First it is original, that is always worth Big Brownie Points. Next it shows independent-Harry in a new way, never shown before. I truly look forward to your work in the future and understand RLI ( Real Life Issues ) very well unlike some. Again - good work and all the best.

kcgx23 posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 9:41pm

GREAT CHAPTER, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HOW THEY ASK THE VEELA FOR HELP AND IF SIRIUS AND REMUS EVER GET TO MEET UP WITH HARRY.

Musichowler posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 9:15pm

Whew! Ouch! Guilt really is the worst. I liked it. No, its not as all-encompasing as your previous works, but its a good story reguardless. A balance is important. I still come back to read the old stuff from time to time. ;-)

Silly_Billy posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 9:12pm

As much as I enjoyed the first chapter, I think the second was even better!

Thankyou for a great story.

Blackstone4005 posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 9:09pm

I find it amazing that anyone can still come up with an original idea in the HP universe. You have done it. The quality of your stories has not diminished at all. Thank you for your time and effort to provide another interesting read.

Dumbledore in sack cloth as penance is a real hoot...mainly because he will convince hmself that it is sufficient. Lack of lemon drops in lieu of the flail whip is right inline with his self-delusions.