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Reviews

krushii posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 11:05pm

Contrary to anything any one else has said, I truly enjoyed both chapters!! I felt that the first chapter was a very different approach and used the Fanfic clichés in a different manner/outcome from what normally happens. My Opinion on clichés is that at one time they were some fanfic author’s brilliant new idea. And you are one of those authors. Keep up the great work.

Ken (KRusHII)

millercommamatt posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 8:07pm

I enjoyed this second chapter more than the first. I felt the characters were a little flat in the first chapter and Dumbledore shines in this chapter. The guilt and angst he feel shines through well in your writing. The only missing element - and this is more an indictment of the source material than your writing - is the rationale for Dumbledore's blindness to Harry's plight and the troubles at Hogwarts. His resolution of these problems is so swift and effective that is raises the question of how things got so bad. Was Dumbledore willfully ignorant, incompetent, lazy? Is there a scenario where off-camera things can actually explain how Dumbledore failed so badly and still have Dumbledore seem like a great and powerful wizard and leader?

Nevertheless, I enjoyed this story and I'm glad to see new work from you again. I like that your tone is evolving. This reminds me of some of your earlier writing; drabbles that I always wished you had finished or expanded upon. Your fairy tale phase was fun. The last few chapters of TMW left me inspired. Usually the "inspire the troops" speech doesn't have the emotional impact the writer intends, but you pulled it off. However, your pre-hiatus tone crescendoed to a saccharine level of cheeriness. I welcome the return of characters with shades of grey.

ralob posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 7:59pm

I thought the story was rather interesting. As you previously mentioned at the end of the first chapter, it certainly puts a spin on the whole "non-human bond/enslavement" trope. I thought Harry's journey to self-discovery was rather interesting; admitedly more time could have been spent detailing his personality's metamorphosis. Also, I found it refreshing that Dumbledore was given a chance to redeem himself as he is normally just given the role of manipulative uncaring villain (which his actions or lack thereof have certainly earned him). And I admit that I laughed my ass off at this line: “Zis ‘as been one fucked up tournament,” Fleur sighed.

Well done! I love your work and can't wait to read your future updates.

harrysfriend posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 6:08pm

Wow.

I have thought of this may times, but you made it a story that was perfect. Thank You

maltor posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 4:45pm

Good Story. It seemed a little rushed, but I think that was because each chapter was from a single character point of view. The first chapter really had to be Harry POV only, but this last one could have used some POV jumps to other characters even with keeping Albus as the main focus. I would like to see this continue, if only to see Harry's life in the Enclave.

adammy posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 4:39pm

In this chapter you explained in more detail so there is not many doubts other than one doubt. In this story it is said that wormtail is caught. However I believe wormtail is taking care of voldemort. So he should have been caught too right..? Waiting for the next chapter.

keichan2 posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 4:05pm

Interesting set of consequences… Usually, such deep changes only happen after Harry has been killed…

I loved the way the phalanx dealt with the aurors! :-D

I have to confess that I would love to read an epilogue of sorts: After Voldemort is caught and they contacted the Enclave for Harry’s part; just to see how Harry changed (I honestly do not care what happened up to that point to “the magical world” – read: the British wizarding community)

Thanks for sharing!

happyreader posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 3:49pm

Delightful,,

I do not want to belittle those stories you wrote while over immersed in the deep end, but this walk in what you consider the shallows is more fulfilling than most fanfics.

Yeah I noticed this is a fanfic and not a novel .... I am not disappointed in the least.

May I remind you the ones who find it is ohhhhhh so quick and easy to criticize the end result will likely never put in the time and effort needed to create a good fanfic.

vladdie posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 3:19pm

Great story! The first chapter doesn't really stand on its own as a oneshot, it needs this second chapter to fill in the gaps and explore the parts of the world that Harry doesn't have access to, but the final form of the story is very solid. I think if you had posted both halves of the story at the same time you wouldn't have gotten such a mixed reaction.

I'm interested to see where your writing goes from here. You are a very engaging author but you tend to really love the fairy tale themes, the sweeping romance and the triumph of good over evil. It's tough to write those things in short format. 'Enslavement' clocks in around 30k words, and it feels like it barely has time to address the issues of the Ministry and Voldemort.

If you find yourself looking for shorter story ideas, consider the (rather overused) crossover option. I know, I know, they're overdone... but if you want to knock out a lot of time-consuming exposition and get to the conflict, a crossover really saves a lot of legwork.

I think everybody would rather see more of Hogwarts Dawn or your other unfinished stuff, but like you said, you're a hobby writer now. What's fun for you? Do that.

licelli posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 2:41pm

Hi,

I cannot see why people are complaining about your writing. There is nothing wrong with it. And it is not as if you are getting paid for the effort!

I for one am enjoying this new story. I had thought that it ended with the first chapter, so this new one is a cherry on the cake. Yum.

licelli

foreceflow02 posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 1:55pm

I'm not sure who's complaining about your writings, and I wouldn't agree with them if I did.

Time has passed. People change with time, and their writings change with them. You are just as amazing as you were when I first discovered your stories. Don't take naysayers to heart. You have a gift, and I love reading your stories!

Bigguns123 posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 10:45am

I really love this story. It is truely a unique and different approach to the HP world. You have a wonderful gift of writting and I throughly enjoy reading your work. Thank you for sharing these stories with us.

DannyBoy2k posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 10:14am

Other may whine and bitch all they want. As for me, I'm always happy when you write something new, be it a chapter or a wholly new story. I had no sense of this being hurried. I couldn't say it was written badly. And as I don't think I've ever read anything similar before, it couldn't really be cliched either!

So, please do write more. And, while I do understand if you stop here, I, personally, would like to see what happens in the future...particularly with Hermione.

Almadynis posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 7:22am

A little under-developed. As a full story, fleshed-out,this could have lasted a very long time. However, taking into account RL and that you actually have been able to /have/ a life. I salute you!

And thank you very much for sharing. I greatly enjoyed missing out on three hours of sleep.

Iarann posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 5:28am

I have to say, I still quite enjoy your writing. Thank you for this new offering and whatever time you can spare. Unlike some, I take every story on it's own merits and your skill as a storyteller makes your writing well worth reading.

rune1806 posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 3:44am

Thank you for the story. I enjoyed it and look forward to more of your work.

dennisud posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 2:52am

Liked how you structuredand developed thispplot line given wat you ave us in the first chapter.

I don't see how Hermione, Sirius or Remus will get any chance to apoligise or redeem themselves except for a suicide attack on death eaters,

Oh and wil Luna be any better now in Ravenclaw?

Finally, will the Veela be at the front of taking out Tommy-boy?

So we will need finalt chapter to see right!

;-)

Richard Robinson posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 2:50am

I rather liked it.

I did spot the rather obvious cliche of Fluer liking the spell to contol her allure, while Gabrielle wanted to go with Harry.

I don't see anything wrong with your changing your style but that's just me!

I wouldn't mind seeing s sequel or a third chapter dealing with longer range effects of this story.

Richard Robinson

Infin1x posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 2:06am

Sure there are a few small spots that don't have your usual polish but you have an amazing thing in this second chapter. The first was an interesting idea but this is the best redemption of any character I have read in a long while. It isn't clean or perfect but it shouldn't be. It's messy and human and Dumbledore just trying his best.

No one sane begrudges you your attempt at balance. All of us that have been reading/writing for a while have to eventually try for that balance. Thank you and good luck.

Dale Dietzman posted a comment on Tuesday 25th February 2014 1:44am

Actually, Tim, I think this story is quite up to your previous standards. You now don't have to write epic length stories to being a reasonable conclusion to a problem you have set up. I really do not think you have any reason to bad mouth yourself, or your writing skills, when I know at a minimum, several tousand people wish they could wriote 10% as well.