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Reviews

gadriam posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 6:05am

Highly enjoyable.

I would agree that your writing has changed, but so have I. I no longer need all those flowery and eloquent descriptions of well-known things. I want a story, i want original thought and i want good English. On these points you deliver, as you always have.

This was not what i had expected. Harry was actually right! I assumed some great misunderstandings and Harry jumping to flawed but understandable conclusions.As it stands, all his premises for leaving and joining the Enclave were valid. Surprise!

I liked the Penance. All these little things to "fix" society won't mean a thing if the fundamental flaws aren't dealt with so I'm very much looking forward to the continuation, and I'm quite thrilled with your version of Veela culture. I'd like to see more of Harry's perspective but I'll take whatever you choose to give.

I think I've said it before, but you write better than most fanfic authors in your sleep, and if someone complains, offer them a refund. I know I'm not paying for more than a spare time left-hand hobby. You always deliver more.

Thanks

g

timwin posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 6:01am

Nice story, very unique handling of the Triwizard story line. I would like to read any more you are willing to post about the aftermath of Harry no longer being around to deal with Voldemort.

Riegert8 posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 6:01am

I was suprise that Harry was kicked out of Gryffindor House, I wonder if Harry ever be friends with any member from that house. I like to see the Gryffindor member that had a hand in kicking Harry out pay a heavy price, they have to learn that there always a consequence for their actions

I have doubt that Harry will ever be friends with the Weasley's again, I have doubt that Hermione will remain a friend. Since she taken part in Harry getting kicked out

RedRyder posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 6:00am

Awesome simply awesome though I think it needs an epilouge telling what came of Albus Harry and Hermione's actions

namelis posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:56am

I don't think I reviewed the last chapter but I thought both that and this one were good I didn't notice any lack of quality compared to your earlier works but that may be more the fact that my mind auto-corrects as I read and I dont notice punctuation at all so if its right or wrong I wouldn't know all the punctuation in this came from my phone trying to guess what I want to type accept for the - it just seemed like it belonged there like I said I mostly ignore punctuation I dont need it to read and dont understand why outhers do so yeah im glad your wrighting again and have found an Internal balance between life and fun I cant wait to read more of your unfinished works that you mentioned in the last chapter particularly the perfect slytherens series although I cant think of any story you have written that I haven't enjoyed

Neil Glover posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:55am

Another great chapter. I would love to see a chapter covering Voldemort's reactions to what's been happening and maybe something about Harry's new life.

Machelle posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:55am

I saw the comment for part 2 and wanted to comment before reading it. I loved part 1 and thank you for whatever you choose or can share with us. It was different but different does not equate bad just different. Thanks for not letting the naysayers stop you from posting.

A dedicated (though review challenged) reader.

AgriasNesme posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:48am

Right, I'm gonna take this one bit at a time. Been a while since I've reviewed anything by you, but then I try to review stories as a whole rather than individual chapters. I feel you need a big picture, and reviewing chapter-by-chapter can unintentionally (or intentionally) influence an author's writing and what once has a cohesive flow suddenly has jarring sequences of 'not right', unless it's a pulp-fiction or episodic style of story.

That said...

I liked it, I really did. You took a cliche, turned it on its head, and used it. Would I like to see more of this story? Hell yes. Do I think the story is complete? Technically, yes. There is no cliffhanger, and all questions posed by the story itself have been answered. Others will argue 'Voldemort isn't dead'. I don't care. This isn't a story about a hero conquering a villain, this is a story about self-empowerment, freedom, and what it costs, and who -pays- those costs, in one part, and in the other, it's a story about realisation, comeuppance, and redemption after the fact.

Did Albus Dumbledore legitimately change? Yes. Unequivocably, in this story, he changed, and for the better. Why do I say this? Because he was the only person connected to Harry that realised that for Harry to be happy, he needed to be elsewhere. The scarcrux was destroyed. The prophecy, by Dumbledore's interpretation, had been completed. So he let Harry be, to grow and live as he would, with hopes that he would be happy, and turned his attention to improving the mire he, Dumbledore, had allowed his own nation to become.

Do I want the story to end? Not in the least. I want to see more about the Enclave, I want to see Harry's experiences growing up as an Enclave Legionnaire, see him fall in love and ponder the possibility of children with bird (or fish) girls. I want to see an utterly ineffectual Dark Lord attempting to knock on every Enclave's gate, cap in hand, asking if Potter can please come out to die. I imagine by the end he'd be destroying his horcruxes just to regenerate missing body parts.

Is any of that necessary? No, as I said, the story is complete and left me with a feeling of satisfaction, and a desire to experience -more-. Which, in the end, completely tears apart your argument that your writing has degraded in any way. In actuality, I find your writing to be more mature, to be more cerebral, and I support your argument that those who don't like it don't have to read it. At least you've never stealth-yaoibombed anyone, so they really can't complain they didn't know what they were getting into before they opened the page.

That said, I liked the story, I really did. My only complaint is that I want more, and that's...not a complaint, really. I do want more. I want more Hogwarts' Dawn, more Konoha's Legion, more Perfect Slytherins, and I want that Castles in the Sky that was promised! I want more intelligent and meaningful Habrielle!

*coughs*

Fanboy moment's over. On a scale of one to ten, this story rates a nine. Have more faith in yourself, J. You -are- a good author, and you do have dedicated fans who love your work and would cheerfully lynch you with cheese graters and copies of James Cameron's 'Avatar' on Blu-ray Disc if you ever decided to stop writing. I'm not one of them, personally, I go for the more traditional baseball bat and pliers method, I find Avatar to be a bit -too- cruel myself, but you -do- have fans like that.

So quit downin' yourself and start writin'. Mah eyes need more sustenance.

Adam posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:47am

A good second chapter to this, it was nice to see what was happening after Haprry left, but also see why some people acted the way they did.

It was also good to see the reactions of the various characters on what was going on, especially to the important lesson finally being taught at Hogwarts - actions have consequences.

Well done, and I will look forward to seeing what you write next :) Just remember you write for you, we just enjoy the benefits of your time and effort, have fun and keep smiling.

Ken Warner posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:46am

As someone who has been reading your works since, as far as I can determine, you began posting them on FFdot net - I would contest that the quality of your writing has diminished - this pair of chapters was wonderful, the tragedy so bravely overcome in the 1st, and in the 2nd the Dumbledore from book one back again, with the humility to admit his errors, and to truly repent, by doing all he could to rectify the damages caused by his errors.

wonderful - and a joy to read.

I hope that you find peace and joy in your life outside fanfiction, and pray that you will still find the time to share your extraordinary gift at story telling in one way or another, whether it be in fanfiction, original fiction or documentary - I will be in line to read it.

Warmest regards

Riegert8 posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:37am

It be interesting to see how Petunia talk her way out that Harry is mssing, I doubt that she could say anything that don't make her look bad.

I still think that your a good author, your one of the few reasons that I still read fan fiction.

BJH posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:32am

Interesting second half. Almost as if they were two seperate stories linked by common events. I wish Harry well in his future with the Enclave and May Sirius, Remus, and Hermione too find peace in their future.

As to your writing, I noticed a few more minor grammatical mistakes than in the past but still a very well-written and thoughtful piece and that IS what I've come to expect from your work.

BJH

red jacobson posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:22am

Okay, nice to see Albus growing a pair and doing what needed to be done, but, I'm afraid that my overall reaction to this story is 'Meh' I don't enjoy angst in stories, and, while this was technically well written, it was like 'Catcher in the Rye' to me, well written but none of the characters are anybody that I would care to meet or spend time with.

Please don't take this as a criticism of your writing style, because I can understand that your style has changed, and I still enjoy Hogwarts Dawn and Perfect Slytherins, it's just that this particular story that you chose to tell left me cold. While I make it a habit to re-read some of your stories on a regular basis, this one isn't one that I'm going to re-reading.

Thanks for posting

Red

bommor posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:15am

I don't really agree with other people that the first chapter was sub-par. The premise you've chosen is unique and there are only two ways it could have gone: forgiveness and redemption of the wizarding world, or no forgiveness. I like this story, and while it may not be my favorite of your work (that honor goes to Hope), it is certainly up there, and is in the top 10% of fanfics I've ever read.

romero posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:13am

Awesome story. I really did enjoy seeing the other side of the coin and was cheering Dumbledore on with his new way of seeing and dealing with things. While I did feel a little sorry about Sirius and Remus it didn't make up for the fact Harry couldn't count on them to be there for him. It's wonderful to have you writing again and I enjoyed this story very much.

Garnok posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:10am

Excellent! Firm lines drawn by Dumbledore, yet he is owning up to his guilt, justified punishement, and alot of self realizations by the characters. Loving this versions of Albus, he is wrong and realizing it and trying to do better without laying it all on Harry or someone else.

GinnyLover posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:04am

So is the story done or is there one more chapter?

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 4:55am

A most interesting look at "the rest of the story". I do believe that at least part of this was a failure on way too many persons' part to communicate and that leads to all sorts of problems. This Albus is at least honest enough to admit his multiple failings and start working to correct matters; some, like Ron Weasley, don't seem to feel that they've failed. I do like the idea of sub-contracting hunting down and exterminating Tom to the Enclave, that could lead to some colorful situations, especially now that Tom's powerbase is significantly reduced and rendered powerless. Albus comes across as having realized his errors (having them tatooed on you with the equivalent of a 2x4 between the eyes will do that) and I can see him working hard to correct problems in Hogwarts before they have a chance to spread further; correctly the entrenched problems with wizarding Britain is going to take a whole team of people of good will and common cause and will still be quite difficult, but, IMHO, doable.

Finally, welcome back to writing; I don't notice any difference in the quality of your work and find it quite enjoyable, and stimulating, reading.

Greg Webb posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 4:55am

Well I for one have enjoyed this story so far. I certainly look forward to the next chapter and any after that.

And of course you have changed over time, it's called growth. We all go through it and are effected by it.

Anyone who expects nothing to change has major problems and needs to move on.

Great story for me!!

Silo posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 4:48am

i hope to see moe at let show us how what happend well harry was with them and happend to the world after the turnament