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Reviews

queensereya posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:36pm

While as you said some did not enjoy this just know that I as well as many others did. I hope to read more new stories of yours in the future. Keep up the good work and remember as long as you like what you have written who really cares what others think.

laith preston posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:12pm

I for one like the story. While not as long as some of your work I think your writing style still shows through.

azrael3 posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 5:11pm

some damn good stuff here keep up the good work

Oldhope001 posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 4:54pm

I thought this was well written. I'm glad your getting back into writing, and have found a happy balance. I'd prefer any stores from you compared to none.

Now if only you did some more Hogwarts Dawn. :-)

jknezek posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 4:14pm

By and large I liked the idea of these two chapters, but I feel like the execution was a bit lacking. In the first chapter I felt bludgeoned to death by Harry's dislike for "humanity". I understand it was the major theme, but when you read through it the idea is just pounded again, and again, and again until, as a reader, I grew irritated and annoyed by it. The premise had a lot of promise, but that repetition robbed much of the joy from the reading. As for Chapter 2, it was much more readable, but the premise, on top of being left incomplete, and unexplained, was so much less interesting than an exploration of the Enclave or Harry's evolution in a new society. The chapters are interesting each in their own way, but flawed from THIS reader's perspective. Thanks for the entertainment!

MCDTC posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 4:05pm

Any one who said this story wasn't up to your normal work. Is correct in a sense, but I say F*** them. This story had me on an emotional roller coaster. The first 3/4 of the first chapter had me hating you, and then your amazing plot was revealed, and I felt foolish for doubting you. Your old stories are master pieces. I easily rank them above most published books I've read. You can tell you slaved over every detail. That each chapter had been worked, and reworked painstakingly for days if not weeks. I felt bad reading your work for free cause you could tell you put just as much work, and dedication into a story as a paid author. So yes this story was a little on the rougher side then your old work, but still amazing. So like you said if people don't like your new style they can quit reading. I on the other hand will still get all giddy when I see that story update email. So thank you for the new story, and can't wait to read more from you.

Apaidan posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 4:04pm

an interesting contrast to the first chapter, but one that fully meshed with it.

Albus' changes may or may not be permanent, guilt while overpowering is a fleeting thing and it all depends upon how much he has truly taken to heart.

an excellent chapter that adds as many questions as it answers. It would be interesting to see if Harry every finds out the circumstances behind some of the thigns that drove him to do what he did.

Crys posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 3:53pm

> "I work for the Ministry!" > "And I ate porridge this morning for breakfast; I fail to see how either fact is relevant. Oh, well played.

> "Poppy?" (as the puppy's name) *chuckle* Good moment to interject a bit of humor. Whole series of very serious moments (well played, indeed, Albus!), so a moment of levity is good. Breaks it from becoming too depressing.

Very good idea to hardly have Harry in this chapter at all. You could've forced a scene of his training or something, but I think that it's better the way you have it.

But is Albus really changed? Hmm. Good question. He recognizes what he did wrong. He's trying to make amends (and allowing others to do the same). But would he repeat some of the same mistakes? Probably depends on how long into the future it occurs. If he was presented such a problem in the next couple months, he'd behave properly. If it was years (with Harry out of sight) and things slowly drifted back toward "traditional"? Afraid I can't answer that.

Truly excellent story.

Dervish posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 3:28pm

I honestly find absolutely nothing wrong at all with your writing ... I am getting way more than i pay for ... :)is this just a two chapter fiction or will there be more?

adafrog posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 3:19pm

Even though it was hard in an emotional sense, I really enjoyed both last chapter and this chapter.

Cheri Ireland posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 3:15pm

Seriously, some idiots dissed your story? I don't usually... read: ever... comment on this site, but Jeez Louise.

The concept is so orginial and refreshing that I was blown away it by the first chapter. Still looking forward to how it plays out. Very satisfying as the actions of the reformed Albus play out in chapter two.

As far as whatever the comments were made about your current writing style, if you're ever pressed for time, there are a lot of us who will be fine if we can read your ideas sketched on a napkin. A couple of connecting lines and arrows. Scan it in and we're good.

Looking forward to the end of "Enslavement". Thanks again.

Cheri

Flamefoxrose posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 2:53pm

What a beautiful well written story. Looking forward to your next chapter.

amulder posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 2:46pm

This was fun. Quite a lot of fun, thank-you!

I have to say that it took me about 2 pages to realize that this started AFTER the last chapter. Your author comments about "seeing the other side" made me somehow think that this chapter was going to be in parallel with the first one. Once I realized my error, things made a lot more sense!

Kokopelli only missed one minor typo from about midway: "It had been a productive day, but not it was over, now he had nothing to distract him from the overwhelming guilt." I think that should be "now it was over". :-)

Going forward, I would think that Sirius is the one most likely to get a bit of forgiveness the soonest... But even that might take a while.

I was also kind of surprised that Fudge was still minister by the time the 3rd task appeared.

Things are dark, but Voldemort is not yet reborn, and he lost most of his followers. Really, rounding him up should not even be that tough at this point, something that should be pointed out to Amelia. (and the rest of Britain, come to think of it.)

thanks for a fun read, looking forward to the next chapter!

Vincent_Moon posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 2:37pm

Love the chapter, tje inly chanfe I would have made would be to ise peter instead of crouch for the naming of death eaters, would have been more reliable. Crouch could have still been called delusional due to his stay in Azkhaban.

truly_charmed posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 2:23pm

I really enjoyed reading this story. It is something different that really captured my attention and the enclave idea is amazing. I would love to see more to this story. Maybe an extension of this by writing about Harry in the enclave and his interactions with the mermaids and the single veela girls or maybe another chapter with how hermione, Sirius and Remus try to get in touch with Harry and if it works or not. I'm not sure how to advance this but it was a wonderful read.

HarnGin posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 2:16pm

Thank you for this chapter. It was great to see that the inhabitants of Hogwarts (at least most of them), especially Dumbledore, learned from their mistakes and felt guilty about how Harry had been treated. Thank you so much for writing.

Will we be getting a final chapter explaining how Voldemort took over Britain due to the leadership of the ostrich (Fudge) and his fellow sheeple looking to a child to do their dirty work? Or is the story told and the rest left to the readers' collective imaginations? Regardless, you have told a great tale. Thank you for sharing it.

Lostinfantry posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 2:11pm

I like this story. It's very original. I don't think I've ever actually read a story where we're taken through Albus' steps to redeem himself. Usually it's just summarised in a paragraph in the story or epilogue. I'm hopinh there's a third chapter.

Micky0077 posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 1:59pm

I found this quite good. I don't care what some might have said to cause your A/N preface, but I found nothing wrong or "cliched" or whatever else was said. It seemed quite original and humorous in a Dark Comedy kind of way. Would I like to see this as a multi-chapter in-depth examination and possible redemption of some of our friends? YES! But, it is quite nice as a quick short-story.

Lee Dickie posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 1:50pm

It took me a while to get into this story but it really is a refreshing take with Harry having the supporting appearances. Well done.

cathal posted a comment on Monday 24th February 2014 1:30pm

I have to make a slight complaint here about something you wrote. Screw that - I'm truly ticked.

My writing is not going to return to where it once was (Not that it was that great back then)

You said that about your writing. So now take a bar of soap(cheap, smelly etc) and wash your mouth out for such a heinous lie.

By the way - I will follow the story to the bitter? end.