Crys posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 6:21am

Damn, Jec, you write fun fairy tales. That nightclub scene and his taking her home . . .

Tossing the drug dealers into the mix was brilliant, btw. He was still paying attention. Though they're living a fantasy, the real world is still the real world. If told about it, I would think the drug dealer situation would have "broken our immersion in the story" so to speak. But it was handled well enough that it didn't.

And the timing allowed the reader to calm the emotions/feelings well. Therefore, we could read the last scene without a sensual overlay.

Brilliantly written.

Ron and Hermione handled well. Lots of good info on Veela, including the downside for them. And her telling her mother that Mated Veela mature faster and "think of me as twenty", to which Aimee didn't object, helps reduce that squick factor.

"and then it just came to me, like a whisper over the wind." Sounds like you're hinting toward someone having used an Imperious on her eight years ago. She has the mental fortitude to block something like that now, probably, but an eight year old, in a strange and frightening environment/situation?

"He looked up into the eyes of Harry Potter and had thoughts about his life ending." *snicker*

Jamie46 posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 5:48am

Awww :) What a cute chapter. I really loved it. I'm glad that this story seems to have captured you so; it really shows in your enthusiasm. (Not that you don't usually have enthusiasm for your stories, but I think you know what I mean. :) hehehe) Fabulous. Can't wait for the next one (esp. after that enticing Beta's note!). Keep up the great work!

Marie2 posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 5:31am

absolutely bril. cant wait for more

Bharath posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 4:36am

Brilliant stuff... I like how you're able to find the right kind of romance between Gabrielle and Harry... I was obvious that they couldn't have an exactly conventional relationship, and you've incorporated that really well. Update soon!

brad posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 4:25am

Very nice. A bit of calm after the furore of the last chapter, relationships mended or strengthened. And now that the question of will-he-or-won't-he has been settled (will he consider Gabrielle, or will he explode?) it was nice to see some solid H/Gabby development. As Gabrielle ruminated, their relationship has moved on.

Lovely last page. There's an excellent element of ... innocent femininity? ... with Gabrielle in your story, at least for me. Mainly a factor of her youth, of course. Plus your using the word 'innocent' so many times might have something to do with it! But it was a lovely final image, the nightclub dancing, then Harry carrying her home and tucking her in.

Hermione being my favourite character I'm pleased and grateful that she and Harry reconciled, and that was one of my favourite parts.

(Now I just have to hope that they reconcile over in Crys's "Scion of Gryffindor" also to make it two-for-two)

It seems a bit too lucky or coincidental that Gabrielle just happens to be the best seeker in the entire school, you know. What if there'd been someone better? Oh well, this is fiction.

So far the theory that Gabby was imperio'ed is still standing firm - "and then it just came to me, like a whisper over the wind". I never would have thought of it myself, that's something I read from the bright sparks in the group. But it's an intriguing hypothesis.

Nice chapter. I haven't checked the group yet, but I trust/hope that people are abusing Kokopelli right left and centre. That man has perfected the art of teasing, he is now a master - putting his latest gloating reminder that he sees everything before us, right at the end of this chapter, before anyone can even start begging for the next installment, was brilliant. The man is evil.

Well, time to go to the group and find out all the clever things I missed this time.

Maxennce posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 3:59am

Fantastic, this is sounding better and better as the chapters go on. Although slightly deviating, it does share some similar characteristics with the Harry/Pansy story, and I will not doubt your spectacular writing ability by questioning your plot differentials in regards to that story and this one. Keep up the fantastic writing and I am really looking forward to reading what you have planned for Harry and Gabby next. By the way, just what is happening with "This means war?" It has been quite a while, and despite the fantastic stories that you have pumped out at quite a speed during that period, that story does remain to this day, the one I love most, and would most dearly like to read the end of
Cheers
max

Youri posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 3:18am

hmmm... i stopped reading once i got to the point of harry being manipulated, but his friends no less, but a friend convinced me that it was worth a try. while not in the league of TMW (when will you update that one?) or WKGQ (sequel?), your natural ability as a writer makes up for it. a good point, for me, in your story, is that apparently, harry doesn't care for dumbledore or his opinions. i like that.

well, i'll continue to read it, but i do hope you'll update your other stories as well. TMW chief among them, perhaps a sequel to WKGQ and the CTF story with harry vs aurors.

Lyz posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 2:28am

:) You really like the nightclub setting, don't you? Lol.
And someone cheated Harry on his first professional contract? Aww. I'd like to see what happened to that person. ;)
*g* Good to see that Harry have made up with those around him, and can concentrate on bashing Hogwarts.

Adam posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 2:25am

Now that was a wonderful chapter, I especially liked the ending scene. Looking forward to the next chapter.

PJ7 posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 2:17am

Kokopelli, that parting shot was cruel. Why tantalize us with tidbits of innuendo when we already starve?

Louis posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 1:07am

Oh Jolly Greatness! Whatever I am doing, I always stop whenever an email comes up about a new chapter of yours. I can't wait for an update, especially after Kokopelli's comment! :-)

TheGimp posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 1:01am

I absolutely LOVE this story as well as all your other stories as well, BUT I hate how you tease us with hints of how great the next chapters are. It makes the already painful wait much more excruciating.

Sorry this wasn't much of a review (it wasn't a review at all, was it?).

Debby Smith posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 12:06am

Absolutely fantastic! I am looking forward to being blown away by the next chapter and I hope its soon!

Manatheron posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 12:04am

This chapter in its self was enough to blow me away, I am aboslutley astounded that I have missed out on this level of storytelling in the past. this is an enthralling, and compelling story, and I hope that there is alot more of it before it winds it's way to a close.

It is an honor to be allowed to read a story of this caliber, and I thank you for that honor.

Regress posted a comment on Thursday 17th November 2005 11:43pm

Oh. My. God.

I understand what Eric Caton means. Seeing what you've described would be the stuff of nightmares, simply because your NOT the man dancing with Gabrielle.

You've awed me, and that's not an easy thing to do. I like a good story, and I've read a my fair share of HP fan fiction. I rarely even review, much less so glowingly, so that gives you an impression of what this means.

Congradulations, you haven't finished this and I'm stunned. The imagery was incredible, and the flow, flawless. (I couldn't help myself)

P.S. I'm not normally so formal, but I couldn't help myself. YOU ROCK! I was listening to 9 P.M. by ATB while reading the dinner/dance scene and it was PERFECT!

Seaver posted a comment on Thursday 17th November 2005 10:40pm

Never, have I read more sensual, passionate scenes than the ones written here. My hat off to you. I almost believed in such a thing as a fary tale love. Part of me want to ask you to get the next chapter out soon but that would demean this one. Take your time.

Kuraiko posted a comment on Thursday 17th November 2005 10:40pm

This is a great story.

The characters are well-played, their progression through time past Hogwarts is not detailed, but enough comes through to make it understandable as to how they act now, even if a little more history would be preferable. I particularly liked Hermione; this was a good example of her busybody know-better-than-you attitude. The comparison to Dumbledore was more apt than in passing.

The plot is also, seemingly, well-thought out and defined, with a steady progression that brings enough character interactions and drama, with a mix of action and subterfuge.

The story as a whole has many things to keep us interested. A long-standing crush, a budding romance, an insurmontable challenge for the hero, while people in the shadows plot something that, as the story isn't far along enough yet, can barely be hinted at.

And yet... the original plot bunny has already been revealed. Harry's friends conspire to bring him love and happiness in relation to a precocious half-Veela who prematurely Mated herself. The machination was revealed quickly, the entire situation has been discovered and is known by all the major players.

Of course, the shady characters (Dumbledore, Snape, Malfoy) have yet to learn of the Bond and the consequences, and surely, will either try to take advantage of it, or cause situations to make the whole thing crumble. But that is to be expected.

In fact, this entire thing, so far, reeks, if you'll excuse the negative connotations, of a fairytale romance for our young heroes Harry and Gabrielle. Soon enough their budding relationship will come to light and they'll have some difficulties from without and within, which will make training Gabrielle as Seeker harder and even almost hopeless, but somehow, something will happen to make them come together at the right moment and carry on stronger than before and win against all odds.

Though I love the story so far, another chapter in that direction will start to make me revisit that opinion.

What is missing, and I do hope that this is already planned, is a multiplication of love interests. The problem is that the original plot bunny has almost completely destroyed the possibility. Gabrielle isn't interested in anyone else, and Harry can't feel anything for anyone else. It's a deadlock, one that I hope magic will be able to affect, otherwise this is a story of two people falling in love without much hardship or tragedy. Not to say that it wouldn't be interesting, but there's already too much of that anywhere.

The problem is that anyone trying to break that potential relationship to form one with either Harry or Gabrielle, will automatically be seen or written as a villain in some way. If Ginny, for example, were to find out that the reason things didn't work out with her lifelong crush is because a 'little Veela-slut' Mated him and not to do with her own failings, what IS she capable of doing to try to win Harry's affections? From what's been written so far, nothing.

Gabrielle, because of being Veela and Mated, can't possibly feel for anyone else short of, and this is doubtful, love potions. And we all know how these things can turn out. Harry, while human, is so far magically powerful that it is doubtful that anything can affect him long enough.

It is my serious hope that my budding reticence towards this story will not pan out, that these situations are addressed in some way, or not applicable at all. I am a big fan of Jeconais' stories and find myself re-reading a few from time to time, and so far I really do like this story. I await the next chapter with high expectations.

KK

anonymous posted a comment on Thursday 17th November 2005 10:21pm

what do you mean the next chapter will blow us away?! i want, no...i need it now!

Prince Charon posted a comment on Thursday 17th November 2005 10:10pm

I like it. Very, very much.

M. Kearney posted a comment on Thursday 17th November 2005 9:35pm

I'm speechless. I am really, really enjoying this story more than I ever expected to.

Wonderful job - I cannot wait to read more.