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Ash posted a comment on Friday 13th January 2006 11:05pm for 7 - Milan

It doesn't really matter whether its a story or fantasy. It is a really well written adventure that draws you into reading it. Everyone that leaves a review, likes it. Jeconais isn't forcing you to read it, if you don't like it then don't read it.
Ash :)

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Thursday 12th January 2006 5:37pm for 7 - Milan

How is it a story? There Hero can't lose and is always right - how can there possibly be any conflict that way?

There is a difference between a hero that continually gets crap heaped on him (which is also bad writing, but for a different reason) and a hero that can be beaten, but gets back up again.

And that is different again from a hero that can't ever be beaten and always wins. The outcome is never in doubt. The only interest that can be built comes from HOW the hero beats the villains (or how badly - a lot of people like that) and that is usually only interesting if the reader is putting him/herself in the Hero's place and trying to personally identify with the Hero's inability to lose at anything, which is what makes it a fantasy.

A fulfilling one, probably, but not a story.

Tahlia posted a comment on Thursday 12th January 2006 4:23pm for 7 - Milan

Hey Tim it's me again, this story IS a STORY and its good because in nearly all other fan fics Harry is the one that gets all the crap put on him. If anything Make harry kick others people asses more. It aint dull!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Wednesday 11th January 2006 10:06am for 7 - Milan

It is impossible to relate to the protaganist in this story. He's like Galahad, who was always dull to read about becuase he was too good and too able, unlike Lancelot who - because of his human flaws - was actually interesting.

This Super Harry is dull to read about because there is nothing that can challenge him. He would be more interesting if he were able to get his ass kicked a bit. Not specifically literally, but just something that would make him have to struggle.

And that's the other problem - there's no struggle, no drama. Harry is so incredibly Good and so incredibly powerful and capable, and the people standing against him are either incredibly incompetent (though that seems superflous as it has been made quite clear that Harry is More Competent than anyone else) or completely underestimating him. As things have been laid out, it is impossible to concieve that Harry could lose (either at his romantic entanglement or his "contest" with Dumbledore).

There's no threat (how can there be? No one can best Harry at anything) and no threat means no drama.

It's kind of not really a story, more like . . . like . . . a personal fantasy.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Tuesday 10th January 2006 10:59am for 7 - Milan

That was great stuff. Really enjoying this story.

gunny

Tahlia posted a comment on Monday 9th January 2006 2:57am for 7 - Milan

Hey another Fantastic chappie Tim. I nearly jumped at the computer when I saw it was updated cause it was a long time between 6 and 7. I especially loved this bit;

"In a strange way, hugging Fleur helped prove that it wasn’t the Veela part of Gabby that he enjoyed so much. Fleur was as much a Veela as Gabrielle was, but she didn’t affect him in any way whatsoever".

It proves that Harry likes her for her, not necessarily for the veela side of her. Keep going, the interaction between them is what's so good about it. I'd love to see more of them together and ideally have Harry bat bogey hex Snape, Draco and dumbledore.
Look forward to your next update!!!!!!!

Tahlia

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Friday 6th January 2006 2:22pm for 7 - Milan

That rocked! Excellent job with how the trip to hogwarts was done and especially the enterance, and how harry kinda used gabby. Great job with what he did with the annoying Madame....The bit with bill was awesome, and very well done. Great dialogue as usual! Cheers!

Joshua posted a comment on Friday 6th January 2006 1:13pm for 7 - Milan

Damn that was good... now i just got one thing to say MORE!!!!

:D I cant wait till you update :D

brad posted a comment on Thursday 5th January 2006 3:24am for 7 - Milan

Awww, what a nice ending! It seems you're concluding every chapter now with Gabrielle or both of them falling asleep. Which is very nice; by all means, please continue this trend!

I guess the first half of this chapter could be entitled "An Essay on the Implications of Mating for a Veela". Excellent how you keep pulling out the details of Gabby's mating with Harry, very clever and interesting.

I'd thought that Beauxbatons would be *teleported* to Hogwarts, a' la' apparation. And I've always thought that the castle's wards were non-physical - after all, people, brooms, birds can quite happily enter the grounds, I think, with no problems. Ah well, this other way was fun to read too.

I love the fact that the D.A. has continued on as "Harry's Crew". Good stuff. It's that sort of cameraderie that really makes a HP story sing, in my opinion. And the other little touches that I would never think of but enjoy so much - like Harry's "display of trust" in Hermione's potion. I love that sort of stuff.

Great Christmas present, thank you!

mashimaromadness posted a comment on Thursday 5th January 2006 12:39am for 7 - Milan

Wow, that was amazing. This story is officially number one on my list of the all time best fanfictions I have ever read. I absolutely love this story, it is so good. Please update soon, I don't think I can stand waiting any longer. This is just too good. I adored it!

bgoldnyxnet posted a comment on Wednesday 4th January 2006 12:48pm for 7 - Milan

I think the story as a whole would be better served by leaving out the whole Fleur/Bill/Mating subplot, or at least by a complete rewrite of that section. The whole "blank slate" bit is just too hard to swallow. Reading fiction requires a willing suspension of disbelief, but that doesn't mean hang it by the neck until dead.

Up through chapter 6, my reaction to this story was that it was a masterpiece, taking an almost totally unbelievable premise (the mating and its side-effects) and making it not only believable, but seemingly inevitable.

AFAIK, Veela mating is not mentioned anywhere in the canon. Rowling introduced Fleur as a competitor and Gabrielle as a macguffin (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macguffin ) for Harry to rescue, then assumed that Gabrielle wouldn't be be affected by the experience. Not an unreasonable assumption: Ron remembers nothing of the time he spent underwater.

But Tim takes that one glossed-over plot point and makes up a whole sub-mythos about it. First, that Gabrielle was at least partly awake during the experience (because she's a Veela, natch), second that the mer-people were going to murder her (because...), third that Veela have such a thing as "mating" and that Gabrielle at 8 decided to mate herself to Harry.

When I first encountered this concept in ch.1, I almost gave up on the story. It really was an extreme deviation from the canon. It doesn't _contradict_ anything Rowling has written (at least through HBP), but it also doesn't have any justification beyond the bare fact that Gabrielle was Fleur's macguffin in the second task and Harry rescued her. Pretty thin stuff to base a story on.

But I kept reading, and found a quite believable story, pretty much up to Tim's usual excellence. (I'll deal with that in another comment) Up until I got to the part where Fleur is telling Harry about Gabrielle becoming a blank slate. The story has now become hard to believe, again. All the work at making this seem real that Tim did in chapters 1-6 is thrown away in a few paragraphs.

I think Bill could be dissuaded from wanting Fleur to Mate him with other items (like no fights and no make-up sex), without introducing the blank slate stuff.

It's not even necessary to set up the arrival at Hogwarts. Tim has already established that Mating makes Gabrielle a slave to Harry, forced by her own choice to obey any command he gives her. That could be reinforced with a few comments, perhaps you could keep the part where Gabby explains what would happen if Harry told her to go away. That alone is sufficient to explain Gabrielle's response when Harry tells her to go out and not let on how tired she is.

So: recommendation #1: delete the whole Bill/Fleur/mating thing, and find another way to produce the effect at the end of the section,

recommendation #2: if that's too much, leave out the "blank slate" and use the other arguments to convince Bill to stop asking Fleur to Mate him.

Sorry for my first review being negative. This has really been a great story up to now.

ichtys posted a comment on Wednesday 4th January 2006 9:05am for 7 - Milan

Hi Tim.
I really liked the interaction between Bill and Harry. Very funny with the swift action by Harry. Bill obviously needed to cool off.
I also liked Fleur telling Harry about which consequences the bonding had for Gabrielle. It added depth to Gabby’s character.

Quote:
'“Spoken like a true academic,” George said in mock-disgust. “We, on the other hand, want to hear stories about kisses that take your breath away and hands inappropriately placed – you know, the good stuff.”'
So do I!!!

I loved the revelation of “Harry’s Crew”. Nice to see he has more friends that he thought.

I've sent a small .doc with some SNOT (you know what I meen).

Looking forward to the next chapter.
Regards Ichtys

Manatheron posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd January 2006 8:46pm for 7 - Milan

...

O.O

WOW, now THAT was pretty awesome,
Please keep up the excellent work!

Puck1 posted a comment on Sunday 1st January 2006 5:05pm for 7 - Milan

Wow. This is an excellant story!!! I have rarely read such a good story that was not a Harry/Ginny story. This is excellant!!

AnvariX posted a comment on Sunday 1st January 2006 1:20pm for 7 - Milan

Exquisite...keep up this superb story!

azrael1 posted a comment on Sunday 1st January 2006 11:01am for 7 - Milan

I think this is brilliant and i am looking forward to the next chapter

edo posted a comment on Saturday 31st December 2005 3:48pm for 7 - Milan

Cada capitulo es igual o mejor que el anterior.
esperando el proximo capitulo

ecocd posted a comment on Friday 30th December 2005 9:38pm for 7 - Milan

I was lucky enough to happen upon this story only now. If I had been reading it from the start, I would have been going insane waiting for the next installment along with the other faithful, agonized readers. ;-) It's rather funny, because I very much enjoyed White Knight, Grey Queen, yet didn't catch Hope. I've laughed more during this story than any other story in a long time. I've read a frightening amount of fanfics and you're easily one of my favorite writers. Of course, I'm a sucker for uncommon pairings and an uberwizard Harry.

Regarding the story, the humor is great, though the moments are now fleeting from having read them in such a short span. For instance, I remember laughing when Ron answered Bill in French just to show off. Then how Oliver immediately decided to Floo Hermione to learn French as soon as he knew he was going to France. Even though it was a throwaway joke of sorts, I especially liked having Draco immediately flung into a wall.

I also appreciate the fact that you went out of your way to establish that Gabriel is "older" than she is in calendar years, even going as far as saying "twenty years old" during a conversation between Gabriel and Aimee. Some of the stories out there end up just a bit awkward when you stop to think about the 15 and 16 year olds running around. Having the run of the whole of Europe makes the dates loads of fun as well. The Barcelona (?) night club scene ala WKGQ was cute. I imagine it's a bit difficult coming up with them since the options are so ridiculously wide open, nonetheless do keep trying. :)

It looks like the wait will be a while for an update, but I'll be keeping my eye out for more updates.

Harley posted a comment on Friday 30th December 2005 7:11pm for 7 - Milan

I LOVE THIS STORY....ouch I hurt my throat. Seriously this is one of my favorite stories to date and very original. I have only seen maybe 3 other with this pairing and none of them are still being writen. Keep those chapter coming, cann't wait for the next.

MalfoyAngel posted a comment on Friday 30th December 2005 2:10am for 7 - Milan

i love this i can't wait to read more