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Lira posted a comment on Thursday 2nd February 2006 12:08pm for 7 - Milan

Impressive story. Loved how they upstaged everyone with transporting the whole castle to Hogwarts.
When are you going to update? ;)

Laurel posted a comment on Sunday 29th January 2006 5:58pm for 7 - Milan

I have never really liked the idea of Gabrielle/Harry stories, but yours was absolutely brilliant! Please keep writing, your story is enchanting.

anonymous5 posted a comment on Sunday 29th January 2006 11:20am for 7 - Milan

goodness, I just noticed something:

[b]A younger woman of about forty[/b] appeared and took one look at Gabrielle before opening the door fully. “Little Gabrielle!” the woman cried in French. “It is so good to see you again.” “It is good to see you again as well, Madame Valerio,” Gabrielle replied.


Madame Valerio chose a dress and said a few sharp words to the assistants, who took the rest away. “Step,” [b]the elderly woman[/b] ordered brusquely, holding the dress in front of Gabrielle, who stepped into it obediently.


Am I reading this wrong, or does Madam Valerio's age fluctuate?

walsall posted a comment on Sunday 29th January 2006 2:01am for 7 - Milan

Josh
Explain to me one thing, please. You see have come a cropper. The problem is this, Tim apparently has no conflict in Hope. Yet despite this i am very much enjoying it, you see i fear for a mistake i am making. Am i mistaken in thinking this is a damm good story. I think Hope appears to be an exception to your "rule". Don't know who told you conflict was neccesary, it most definately isn't. I suggest you redo you English CLASS.
Nick

Jay-F posted a comment on Friday 27th January 2006 5:46pm for 7 - Milan

VERY nice, i hope to see more of this (preferably soon) i like the few harry/Gabriel stories i run into but i have to say this is probably the best of them.
Thanks for wrriting,
Jay

Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Thursday 26th January 2006 10:26pm for 7 - Milan

I absolutely love this story. I've just read it in its entirity today. I enjoy how you've taken what could be a very bad situation and are turing it into something truly unique and spectacular. Harry & Gabby's courtship, while dealing with the ever-looming deadline and potential pitfall of insanity, feels very real and heartfelt. I loved Harry's reaction to Hermione's unilateral decision to run his life, and I enjoy seeing a grown-up Ron. If JK would write Hermione & Ron more like this, then maybe I would be more comfortable with the idea of those two characters in a relationship (Yes, I confess, I am actually an H/Hr shipper and I shall remain happily deluded!) Taking away my preferred couplings, I have been amazed with this story from the get-go. Not only with its execution, but its bold set-up and choice of pairings. Bravo, and I can't wait until the next chapters are up!

Ash posted a comment on Thursday 26th January 2006 3:21am for 7 - Milan

I think Joshua that we are going to have to agree to disagree on this particular topic. No matter what anyone argues you still believe that there is no conflict and therefore you dont think it is a story. That is fine, that is your opinion.

"Story = Conflict" is the basic tenant of Newton's law of gravity for writing. You can disagree with it all you want, just like you can disagree with Newton, but that doesn't make it less true, and it doesn't make a story that breaks that rule any more of a story."

Basically you are calling us all idiots because we dont agree with your particular notion. You say that we can disagree all we want but you are insinuating that only your opinion is true and factual. You may think that you alone are the voice of reason, and like Mrriddler wrote all the power to you. That however soes not make you right and everyone else unintelligible fantasy faries. Who really cares if this STORY is designed around Tim's personal gratification. I dont really care if you say it is "writers cop-out" but it is his story and he should be proud of it as it one of his best. Little house elves don't operate undercover at night time and secretly type this onto his laptop for him to find in the morning. It's his own work and i wasn't copping him out but applauding his writing skills. This STORY isn't bad on the contrary to what you believe. You may think your ideas are golden but more than likely Tim isn't going to heed to your rules in this story. ACCEPT THAT HOPE ISN'T GOING TO BE WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE. If you cannot simply get past that real truth than dont read it as no one really wants to read your continued arguments, "truths" or supposed concrete rules that try and persuade Tim and 'us' (the avid readers of this story and his entire works) into changing our mind sets to simply accommodate your ideas. If somehow you were an actual professional reviewer leave your ideas but dont try and change others. That action is not appreciated. You may think you are right but no matter what you, I or anyone else say's there is no one right formula for a story and no one can argue about it because it isn't ours to try and change. You obviously don't like it so don't read it. If you are going to read it which you probably are dont try and change it because Tim more than likely isn't going to acquiesce to your request. NO ONE CARES if this story contains enough conflict or if its classification is right as people just love it for what it is.This is the last time Iam going to write back to you as I LOVE this STORY and personally I don't want to waste my limited time reading your holy grail opinions as I no longer care what you think or what you believe is right.This is my fav story and it isn't going to cahnge because it doesn't follow Newtons law.

Happy reading and blasting stories in the future. This is Ash signing out.
PEACE :d

stu posted a comment on Wednesday 25th January 2006 9:33pm for 7 - Milan

ok loved the christmas present, but didnt recieve nothing for new years, please dont make me wait till valentines day, i am not above begging

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Wednesday 25th January 2006 5:54pm for 7 - Milan

"Here it's like you are trumpeting the basic tenant of Newton's law of gravity to a class of high school kept-backs where anyone who disagrees is clearly an idiot"

I'm not trying to call anyone an idiot.

But.

"Story = Conflict" is the basic tenant of Newton's law of gravity for writing. You can disagree with it all you want, just like you can disagree with Newton, but that doesn't make it less true, and it doesn't make a story that breaks that rule any more of a story.

Normally I'm all about adding in "I Thinks" and the like, but this is one area where there is no room for that. There's either conflict or there isn't. And there isn't any in Hope.

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Wednesday 25th January 2006 5:48pm for 7 - Milan

"I understand what you are trying to promote and express. You think that because it is a fantasy is could never relate to real life."

I'm not saying fantasy as in witches and wizards et al. versus real life. I've obviously read Harry Potter and such, I know what it is. What I mean is a fantasy, a day-dream, where the main character is a personification of the writer, and the plot is designed around the writer's personal gratification.

I know that a lot of people like it and have left great reviews, but that doesn't have anything to do with my opinion of it. I can only go with what I see.

And you have to be very careful with the "This is the Author's story and is what he wants" statement. That is known as The Writer's Cop-Out, and it's the worse thing a writer can say or you can say to or about a writer. Very, very often a story can be exactly what an author wanted it to be - and still be extremely bad.

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Wednesday 25th January 2006 5:36pm for 7 - Milan

The plot of a narrative or dramatic work.

Not to be too disparaging but your entire statement smacks of "this is how it's suppose to be/should be and it's lacking". If you want to argue technicalities, perhaps you should get it right as I don't see the word 'conflict' anywhere in describing a story.


That's technically true, but that's not really what I'm talking about, it's just arguing semantics and missing the point. What you're saying, what the dictionary is saying, is that story and plot are synonyms, and that's not really right. Plot is a part of a story, but there are other things that a story needs.

B134 posted a comment on Thursday 19th January 2006 2:43pm for 7 - Milan

A device that creates an apparation point that can bypass the wards on the castle? Seems quite a dangerous thing to have if it ever fell out of use (and was forgotten). A lot like having half a pair of vanishing cabinets.

Great chapter.

Bill

Mrriddler posted a comment on Thursday 19th January 2006 8:17am for 7 - Milan

Josh, maybe you should check:

sto·ry1 (stôr, str)
n. pl. sto·ries

The plot of a narrative or dramatic work.

Not to be too disparaging but your entire statement smacks of "this is how it's suppose to be/should be and it's lacking". If you want to argue technicalities, perhaps you should get it right as I don't see the word 'conflict' anywhere in describing a story.

Is conflict good for a story? Hell yeah, and usually, I would agree with you that it's essentially implied as being necessary. But you know what, the reason that Jeconais really stands out for me is that his stories are still good WITHOUT the real-conflict you say he should include! AMAZING! I could really focus on the small stuff and the character interactions, which are (IMHO) second to none in HP fanon.

I'm not here to put your views down, but I'm here to say that there are people who makes the same observations and come to the exact OPPOSITE conclusions. The fact that the story is fairy tale-like or a 'day dream fantasy' as you call it, enhances not detracts my enjoyment of the other aspects of the story Jeconais chose to focus on. Heck, I'm a dark/evil Harry centric reader/writer myself. Practically speaking, Jeconais is like on the other side of the spectrum.

You say you find realistic conflict lacking? That's fine. You say you are disappointed Jeconais doesn't include what YOU consider to be a necessarily ingredient of a 'good' story. That's fine as well, more power to you. But for you to try and take the scholaristic high-ground by calling...not even just calling, but ASSERTING that his work "not a story"? Pardon my language but, seriously, that kind of blanketed statement is just ASKING for an argument. You should have DEFINITELY, at least, percolated your exposee with LOTS of 'I think', 'I believe', and a few 'you might not agree but...' especially around statements like "it[the story] has flaws in the foundation".

As is, Josh, your reviews didn't read like constructive criticisms where a reader makes his case, leaving it to the author to decide what to do with it. Here it's like you are trumpeting the basic tenant of Newton's law of gravity to a class of high school kept-backs where anyone who disagrees is clearly an idiot. Such catagorical statments belittle Jeconais as an author and belittle us as his readers and they are NOT appreciated.

Tahlia posted a comment on Tuesday 17th January 2006 7:13pm for 7 - Milan

I agree with Ash. I understand your argument Joshua and I myself would like Harry to totally go off on Malfoy and Snape. That is what I think is constructive criticism, giving some ideas, regardless however I still love this story. I personally dont actually like 'Perfect Situations' and ' White Knight, Grey Queen'. But I read them anyway because I loved certain parts and situations in them. I was able to read them because Tim is a wonderful, creative writer that keeps and maintains your attention even if you don't necesarily like it at some points. Tim is one of the best writers and like Ash said I think you have to accept that this particular story isn't going to be what you want it to be.

What do you think Tim?
P.S Can't wait till Hope is updated
~ ~
* *
D
Tahlia

Ash posted a comment on Tuesday 17th January 2006 6:52pm for 7 - Milan

What do you mean "I review because I think Tim could be a good writer, if he would ever leave fantasyland". ITS HARRY BLOODY POTTER. It is a fantasy with magic, witches and wizards and Tim, regardless of whether he meets your personal writing criteria or not IS a fantastic, imaginative writer.

Conflict is not the only thing that makes a story interesting and while drama is an interesting and sometimes integral part of a stories foundation it is not a prerequisite. Hope uses small candid moments of drama such as Harry burning the orchard and finding the aurors in the nightclub that suit the story to a tee.The plot of the story is the solid foundation which is then built upon which then becomes your story aka tale, adventure.

"If there is no conflict, there is no story. You can have a plot and characters and dialogue et al., and it can all be done very well, but without conflict, you have no story." "On a wordsmith level it is crafted fine, but it has flaws in the foundation."

I understand what you are trying to promote and express. You think that because it is a fantasy is could never relate to real life. It sounds to me though that you dont like anything about it. I think you fail and have to understand that creativity (that includes writing) DOESN'T stick or pigeonhole itself into a minority. Every Story doesn't have to convert itself to meet your approval simply because you don't agree with it. HOPE is Tim's story, his idea, his creative world that he has put together to express his own ideas and views. Just because you don't necessarily like it doesn't mean anyone else won't. Look at how many reviews this story and his whole collective works have gotten. That alone should tell you that he is a great writer and that the majority of those people absolutely love what he is able to do. His fanfics are probably the best on the net. I have read many myself and most don't hold a candle to his. If you attack and disect Tim's stories like this I would shudder to think what you would say and do to others. You can constructively criticize which in turn helps authors. You don't however attack their creativity and everything about their story. You may think it is a fantasy, but it's not your fantasy to try and mould.

If you don't like what he is doing which is his own right to do whatever he wants, then become an author and write your own story so that everyone including Tim can compare and then dissect yours like you have to his.

I understand your whole debate but HOPE is not meant to be in the category that you want it to be in.

Ash :)

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Tuesday 17th January 2006 2:12pm for 7 - Milan

"Yes struggle and drama is interesting in stories"

That's not quite right. Drama isn't Interesting In Stories - Drama is Stories.

Stories = Conflict.

What you point out is the plot, but a plot is not a story. If there is no conflict, there is no story. You can have a plot and characters and dialogue et al., and it can all be done very well, but without conflict, you have no story.

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Tuesday 17th January 2006 2:07pm for 7 - Milan

"Ha ha ha funny. No those aren't the only two options and yes I do believe in constructive criticism, only when it isn't blatantly attacking the author and their entire work respectively. You said this story is

"dull, no struggle,impossible to relate to, no drama, not a story, no threat, no conflict, it's dull to read, the outcome is never in doubt".


But that's not all I said. I didn't just put a lot of invective in order like that - I gave rational reasons why I thought those things - which is what makes it constructive criticism.

Dumbledore, Malfoy, and Snape are Harry's antogonists in the story, but they don't represent a conflict as it is quite clear that they can't possibly defeat Harry, the same as with Trelawney in the most recent chapter. You know before the words leave there mouths that there is no chance Trelawney can stop Harry from bringing the school to England. Thus, there is no drama in the situation. Drama can be light, it doesn't have to be heavy or melodramatic (melodrama being generally a bad form of drama), but it does need a chance for the hero's defeat.

For instance, if Trelawney and the french divination teacher had managed to stop Harry from transporting the school and forced them to arrive at Hogwarts in the carriages, giving for a limited time the seeming advantage to Dumbledore and making Harry look weak even though we know he is not, which would then build more tension for the final conflict. That's why it's called rising action. There is no rising action in this story because Harry always wins, which keeps tension from building.

You have the emotional question between Harry and Gabrielle and whether Harry can ever trust someone who has lied to him; but there's no drama there because Harry's not in conflict with anyone. Theoretically he should be in conflict with himself, but he's not - as soon as he realizes he's being played he chooses to keep going (following a short temper tantrum) and find out if they can make it work for real, because he's sooo noble. There's no chance that he will leave Gabrielle to her fate, so no drama.

If there is no chance of failure, then there can be no drama.

And I didn't say fairytale, I said fantasy. A personal fantasy, like a day dream, which is what this is.

On a wordsmith level it is crafted fine, but it has flaws in the foundation. It could be a good story, which is why I make constructive comments about what's wrong with it. If I thought it was beyond help, like a Kinsfire story or something, I wouldn't say anything or bother reading it.

I review because I think Tim could be a good writer, if he would ever leave fantasyland.

Ash posted a comment on Monday 16th January 2006 6:02am for 7 - Milan

Ha ha ha funny. No those aren't the only two options and yes I do believe in constructive criticism, only when it isn't blatantly attacking the author and their entire work respectively. You said this story is

"dull, no struggle,impossible to relate to, no drama, not a story, no threat, no conflict, it's dull to read, the outcome is never in doubt".

Basically you are saying it is boring and criticising everything about the story and it's format. Yes struggle and drama is interesting in stories, but 'Hope' incorporates them. The struggles in this story involve Harry coming to terms with his bond to Gabrielle, the deception of it all and also how to open himself up to Gabby and trust her when he's used to closing people off. It's not Titanic, but there are struggles. The Drama is between Dumbledore, snape, malfoy, Gabby and Harry. By returning to Hogwarts, Harry is confronting people and reopening issues that he has tried to avoid, the deception, treachery and underhanded secrecy that was in essence moulded and used upon him by those he trusted. Also Gabby being a younger than Harry will cause a stir. In your own words a hero that's beaten but gets back up again is only interesting, and you consider Hope not fitting in that category. Tell me how its not? Harry is lied to and used by his mentors like a puppet to do their bidding. His freedom was taken, he's used as a thing and his life was gambled by dumbledore who left Harry alone at the final battle. Would'nt you consider Harry rising above that and his past, becoming independant and holding his own against dumbledore and Snape a hero that gets beaten both physically and mentally but gets back up again?
And yes it is a story like Tahlia said. As all stories can be classified as fairytales in one way or another. This story isn't necessarily meant to be heavy or over melodramatic or it would ruin the lighter moments by making them seem out of place. I think it's about love, trust and overcoming mental and physical barriers. You dont have to fawn over it, all I was saying is that nearly everyone loves it and since you seem to have so many problems with the story and its underlying plot, don't read it!

YOU ROCK JECONAIS, THIS STORY IS A MASTERPIECE!
:) Ash

Joshua Starnes posted a comment on Monday 16th January 2006 12:02am for 7 - Milan

"It doesn't really matter whether its a story or fantasy. It is a really well written adventure that draws you into reading it. Everyone that leaves a review, likes it. Jeconais isn't forcing you to read it, if you don't like it then don't read it.
Ash :)"

Not a believer in constructive criticism? Either fawn over how great the story is or don't read it? These are the only two options?

KNIGHT posted a comment on Sunday 15th January 2006 1:03am for 7 - Milan

aww.. it so beautiful.. i can't wait to read more.. in some scenes i can actually see the picture in my mind, the touching scenes unfold in front of me, and the sweet romance along with the sport makes this story a truly master piece.

i thank you for writing this story and all the BETAs for editing this story.. you guys are so lucky!

sincerely,
Karl