Astral Dee posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 9:47am for 5 - Barcelona

Great addition to an awesome story. All the interactions between the characters is incredible, especially between Harry and Gabby.

Minor nitpick:
In the dinner scene, "with not trace of deceit or dishonest" should be "with no trace of deceit or dishonesty"

And can I just add that your beta is such a TEASE!

Wytil posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 9:34am for 5 - Barcelona

Well it seems to be picking up speed. Interesting how they were more concerned for the city than Gabby. From the way you have constructed the story, Jean had better be careful or then might have a leaning tower of Paris, formally called 'Eiffel'.

Joe Ritter posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 7:48am for 5 - Barcelona

That was the most fun, enjoyable, moving, intense, sensual written piece of fanfiction or any other form of literature I have ever read. on the lighter side, I particularly enjoyed Harry not forgiving Hermione and Jean trying to make sure Harry didn’t accidentally destroy Barcelona.

Tim, you are amazing. Please continue writing your vision.

Robbert posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 7:36am for 5 - Barcelona

This is a very nice story, I'm really enjoying it.

Matt posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 7:03am for 5 - Barcelona

Wow. Nicely done. You've done a great job with the lyric nature of what Gabrielle is trying to build and the power of the dream that she has--and for the first time imply that Harry might be able to find what he truly needs in her as well. I object to most of the "traditional" pairings specifically because of the clashing nature of the flaws of the characters.
YOu have dealt with the characters' flaws very well here and with the beta's teaser at the foot of this chapter ... well, I can't wait for no.6.

NCSH posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 6:53am for 5 - Barcelona

Good chapter. I like the relationship moving slowly, like in WK/GQ. It's just frustrating enough to be addicting. Not to mention the fact that moving too quickly wouldn't work at all :)

TX and keep them comming.

Hoss posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 6:27am for 5 - Barcelona

Good fun as always.

Crys posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 6:21am for 5 - Barcelona

Damn, Jec, you write fun fairy tales. That nightclub scene and his taking her home . . .

Tossing the drug dealers into the mix was brilliant, btw. He was still paying attention. Though they're living a fantasy, the real world is still the real world. If told about it, I would think the drug dealer situation would have "broken our immersion in the story" so to speak. But it was handled well enough that it didn't.

And the timing allowed the reader to calm the emotions/feelings well. Therefore, we could read the last scene without a sensual overlay.

Brilliantly written.

Ron and Hermione handled well. Lots of good info on Veela, including the downside for them. And her telling her mother that Mated Veela mature faster and "think of me as twenty", to which Aimee didn't object, helps reduce that squick factor.

"and then it just came to me, like a whisper over the wind." Sounds like you're hinting toward someone having used an Imperious on her eight years ago. She has the mental fortitude to block something like that now, probably, but an eight year old, in a strange and frightening environment/situation?

"He looked up into the eyes of Harry Potter and had thoughts about his life ending." *snicker*

Jamie46 posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 5:48am for 5 - Barcelona

Awww :) What a cute chapter. I really loved it. I'm glad that this story seems to have captured you so; it really shows in your enthusiasm. (Not that you don't usually have enthusiasm for your stories, but I think you know what I mean. :) hehehe) Fabulous. Can't wait for the next one (esp. after that enticing Beta's note!). Keep up the great work!

Marie2 posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 5:31am for 5 - Barcelona

absolutely bril. cant wait for more

brad posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 4:25am for 5 - Barcelona

Very nice. A bit of calm after the furore of the last chapter, relationships mended or strengthened. And now that the question of will-he-or-won't-he has been settled (will he consider Gabrielle, or will he explode?) it was nice to see some solid H/Gabby development. As Gabrielle ruminated, their relationship has moved on.

Lovely last page. There's an excellent element of ... innocent femininity? ... with Gabrielle in your story, at least for me. Mainly a factor of her youth, of course. Plus your using the word 'innocent' so many times might have something to do with it! But it was a lovely final image, the nightclub dancing, then Harry carrying her home and tucking her in.

Hermione being my favourite character I'm pleased and grateful that she and Harry reconciled, and that was one of my favourite parts.

(Now I just have to hope that they reconcile over in Crys's "Scion of Gryffindor" also to make it two-for-two)

It seems a bit too lucky or coincidental that Gabrielle just happens to be the best seeker in the entire school, you know. What if there'd been someone better? Oh well, this is fiction.

So far the theory that Gabby was imperio'ed is still standing firm - "and then it just came to me, like a whisper over the wind". I never would have thought of it myself, that's something I read from the bright sparks in the group. But it's an intriguing hypothesis.

Nice chapter. I haven't checked the group yet, but I trust/hope that people are abusing Kokopelli right left and centre. That man has perfected the art of teasing, he is now a master - putting his latest gloating reminder that he sees everything before us, right at the end of this chapter, before anyone can even start begging for the next installment, was brilliant. The man is evil.

Well, time to go to the group and find out all the clever things I missed this time.

Maxennce posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 3:59am for 5 - Barcelona

Fantastic, this is sounding better and better as the chapters go on. Although slightly deviating, it does share some similar characteristics with the Harry/Pansy story, and I will not doubt your spectacular writing ability by questioning your plot differentials in regards to that story and this one. Keep up the fantastic writing and I am really looking forward to reading what you have planned for Harry and Gabby next. By the way, just what is happening with "This means war?" It has been quite a while, and despite the fantastic stories that you have pumped out at quite a speed during that period, that story does remain to this day, the one I love most, and would most dearly like to read the end of
Cheers
max

Youri posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 3:18am for 5 - Barcelona

hmmm... i stopped reading once i got to the point of harry being manipulated, but his friends no less, but a friend convinced me that it was worth a try. while not in the league of TMW (when will you update that one?) or WKGQ (sequel?), your natural ability as a writer makes up for it. a good point, for me, in your story, is that apparently, harry doesn't care for dumbledore or his opinions. i like that.

well, i'll continue to read it, but i do hope you'll update your other stories as well. TMW chief among them, perhaps a sequel to WKGQ and the CTF story with harry vs aurors.

Lyz posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 2:28am for 5 - Barcelona

:) You really like the nightclub setting, don't you? Lol.
And someone cheated Harry on his first professional contract? Aww. I'd like to see what happened to that person. ;)
*g* Good to see that Harry have made up with those around him, and can concentrate on bashing Hogwarts.

Adam posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 2:25am for 5 - Barcelona

Now that was a wonderful chapter, I especially liked the ending scene. Looking forward to the next chapter.

PJ7 posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 2:17am for 5 - Barcelona

Kokopelli, that parting shot was cruel. Why tantalize us with tidbits of innuendo when we already starve?

Louis posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 1:07am for 5 - Barcelona

Oh Jolly Greatness! Whatever I am doing, I always stop whenever an email comes up about a new chapter of yours. I can't wait for an update, especially after Kokopelli's comment! :-)

TheGimp posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 1:01am for 5 - Barcelona

I absolutely LOVE this story as well as all your other stories as well, BUT I hate how you tease us with hints of how great the next chapters are. It makes the already painful wait much more excruciating.

Sorry this wasn't much of a review (it wasn't a review at all, was it?).

Debby Smith posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 12:06am for 5 - Barcelona

Absolutely fantastic! I am looking forward to being blown away by the next chapter and I hope its soon!

Manatheron posted a comment on Friday 18th November 2005 12:04am for 5 - Barcelona

This chapter in its self was enough to blow me away, I am aboslutley astounded that I have missed out on this level of storytelling in the past. this is an enthralling, and compelling story, and I hope that there is alot more of it before it winds it's way to a close.

It is an honor to be allowed to read a story of this caliber, and I thank you for that honor.