White Knight, Grey Queen
4 - Promises
By Jeconais
Reviews
Black's Phoenix posted a comment on Tuesday 28th June 2005 9:59am for 4 - Promises
Good chapter. Keep up the good work with this story and I hope that the work on it is progressing steadily and up to your satisfaction.
Christopher Estep posted a comment on Monday 27th June 2005 5:17pm for 4 - Promises
Unless you're a fanatic (and to be honest, I doubt that few of the DEs fall into that category, especially in the inner circle) the movement is based pretty much *entirely* on self-interest and settling old scores. In the case of the Parkinsons, their backing of Harry specifically, as opposed to the Light in general, makes all sorts of sense given their rather odd position. That the Parkinsons can also settle their personal hash with the Malfoys is a bonus. Pansy is also well aware that Harry has his own *Malfoy issues*, and very much subscribes to "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Also, has there been some sort of roadblock preventing Grunnings' products from being used in the wizarding world (other than magical physics)? Given the magical knowledge of the Parkinsons (Slytherin and Ravenclaw), I would find it surprising that this hasn't been investigated (simply in terms of sales to the goblins alone). Cross-world businesses simply make way too much money (witness Pansy's own idea of turning Malfoy Manor into a hotel for Muggles). Think of how much the Parkinsons (and Harry, if he is clued in enough to invest in it) could make rehabbing magical structures for use as hotels (wizarding, Muggle, or both)? They won't even have to buy the buildings; they could simply *operate* them, like many Muggle hotel chains do. Not so stupid.
Jon Schuman posted a comment on Monday 27th June 2005 6:57am for 4 - Promises
Thank you very much for showing an 'evil Slytherin' in a much more realistic light. At first, I didn't think a HP/PP ship could possibly sail, but you have done an outstanding job with this concept.
The first of your stories that I read was 'This Means War' and I enjoyed it very much, so much so that I felt compelled to find everything else that you have written. This led me to your YahooGroup and then to your .fanficauthors.net site.
I am pleased with how you are helping Harry grow with Pansy, his rational for trusting the Parkinsons makes sense...he has been manipulated, used and lied to his whole life, and finally he meets a group of people who have every intention of using him, but they are up front and honest about it...what's in it for then, and what's in it for him. This is a classic implementation of the 'Principle of Enlightened Self-Interest' (E.E. Smith).
Again thank you for writing a believable story that has captured my interest so strongly.
Jon H. Schuman
NeverTooOld
jon_schuman@yahoo.com
Rene Otto posted a comment on Sunday 26th June 2005 6:05pm for 4 - Promises
I want to tell you I find you writting excellent, I am a Harry/Ginny supporter and thus look forward to THIS MEANS WAR to be completed. But I find that all of your stories are written so well that I also look forward to reading more of HOPE and WHITE KNIGHT GRAY QWEEN. I look forward to reading more and I will recomend your stories to anyone I can. Thank you for the effort.
The Silent Legend posted a comment on Saturday 25th June 2005 8:29am for 4 - Promises
Excellent, as always...keep up the great work.
RKumono posted a comment on Friday 24th June 2005 3:55pm for 4 - Promises
-- Review of: White Knight, Grey Queen --
Status: Incomplete at Review (4 Chapters)
Initial Comments:
I remember this story from the challenge made
and posted about in LiveJournal and the
initial teaser chapter pieces posted there.
Now, we're four chapters along, with much
more promised soon.
Now with Harry Potter fanfiction, I look for
stories with well written plots. When it
comes to ships, I first prefer H/Hr, with H/G
following close behind. I've read many odd
ships before as well, and I find them to be
very enjoyable when they are well written.
Knowing the quality put in other stories, I
knew this one would be very good.
Story / Creativity - 9.5/10
[ * * * * * * * * * / ]
Storyline is always important. It must flow
without breaks that cause people to say,
'how'd they get -there?', or something
similar. From the very beginning, each event
is chained without breaks, leading into what
goes on next. It also takes a lot of
creativity to deal with any story that
involves time travel, such as with the time-
turner in this fic, to make sure everything
stays when it is supposed to.
But story and creativity go beyond that, to
the little things that -could- be left out,
but just add so much to the story. Details
and their originality are what give a good
creativity score. Little things, such as a
brawl in a club that was a setup to see if
Harry would fight to protect Pansy. Even the
small one-liner, such as Gruoch's comment
about Pansy's outfit in the club.
A good story will take us where we haven't
ever been before. You've done a great job so
far. I can't wait to see where else you take
us.
Characterization / Use of Source - 8.5/10
[ * * * * * * * * / x ]
Boy are we out-of-character. A whole lot. But,
there would be next to -no- way that Harry
and Pansy would get together otherwise. Now,
as for the reasoning behind being out of
character, that you have to deal with case by
case. Harry starts as being very depressed,
very sick, alone, having been somewhat
manipulated, and having to deal with people
being dishonest with him--then he ends up
with people who, despite having their own
intentions, they let him know right up front,
honestly, after saving his life--then they
-ask- him for a favor. Yes, he's got reason
to change his personality. Pansy is a bit
more difficult, but given the backgroud
listed--that she was doing what she had to do
to survive; some people really do wear such
masks--her mask is just magical as well. Ron,
Ginny, and Hermione are a little more off
character, but given the limited interaction
with them early on, it can be overlooked a
bit more. It's also light enough not to be
too major--just a bit too manipulative on
Ginny's part, a bit to illogical on
Hermione's part, and Ron isn't embarassed
enough or tripping over is teaspoon-sized
emotional depth.
Source use, however, is excellent. Twisting
the owner of Vernon's workplace into a wizard
gave a real nice lead-in. Pansy's Slytherin
side making her hide her real self from
everyone to make friends and using magic to
do it was a great way to rebuild a character
and stay true to the original books. Pulling
in the Time-Turner, and all the things they
are learning. Truly masterful use of source
materials.
Sorry, though. You have to take a hit, albiet
a small one, for being out of character so
much.
Grammar / Spelling - 10/10
[ * * * * * * * * * * ]
Spelling and Grammar are near perfect. With
the extensive Beta reading this story has
gone through, what few mistakes that are in
it are either commonly confusable words, or
Freudian slips. No matter who is writing a
story, be it a hobby writer to a professional
novelist, there will be errors made--even
J. K. Rowling has mistakes in the books.
Keeping these to a minimum is what it is all
about. It is done here in such a way that no
one can complain.
Quality / Length - 10/10
[ * * * * * * * * * * ]
I love long stories. Many people feel
otherwise, but I think a story should be
longer, because the longer it is, the more
you can be drawn into the story. Long stories
allow more detail into the descriptions, more
growth in the characters, and more
interaction between characters. Really good
stories are usually made even better by
becoming longer; you already love the story,
and you get to read even more about it. The
quality of this story definately is on the
higher end, and the length of it (so far) is
keeping us entertained for a nice long while.
Theme / Presentation - 9.5/10
[ * * * * * * * * * / ]
This story has an underlying seriousness to
it. It is, after all, a story going from
recovery, to alliance, and onward to war--
while trying to live life along the way.
Covering the high points of life with events
such as falling in love, to low points in
life with the grieving and discussion of lost
loved ones. It's the interaction here that is
behind a serious theme--bringing this close
to what might happen in their lives if they
were real people. There is no one that ever
has a perfect life--even real-life heroes
have down points in their lives, and the best
heroes in stories with have their down
points.
Good transitions in presentation, shifting
from the view of one person to another, to
take in all sides of some events, cause this
to work out really well. Additionally, there
are points where many scenes flow together
and then break back to what happened
elsewhere, which is a general must for good
presentation around any time travel.
Everything is placed where it's needed, and
it's designed to flow without the reader
wondering what caused something else. Well
done from start to finish[ing point].
Fic Rating - Average of the Above Scores
47.5/50 -> 95/100 -> 95%
Modifier: Incomplete (Automatic): -05%
Rating at Current: 90%
[ * * * * * * * * * x ]
Nine Stars out of Ten
Advice to Author:
Well, I know the story is mostly finished, so
there isn't much I can say in regards to
advice on it.
I guess I'll say this: Keep checking back
over your stories. As you read what you've
written for your own entertainment, you can
always fix the little tiny mistakes you
catch, not that there are any.
Otherwise, keep writing these excellent
stories.
Final Comments:
I decided to go ahead and review here, even
though I usually wait until a story is
finished, or almost finished, before writing
up a full review. This is too good to let
wait for too long, though. The best of the
Harry/Pansy stories written to date. No one
has done this anywhere near this good. I
would also include this in my "Best of the
Best" list in Harry Potter Fanfiction, as
well as my "Best of the Best" list overall. I
simply cannot wait to see the ending to this
story, and I have been slightly grumpy at
seeing the teaser quote in your sig in
message groups. I just hope you don't leave
us all hanging somewhere later on, stuck on a
big cliffhanger until you get the ending
finished.
Final words? We want more!
--RKumono
The Kumori Index
Best of Fanfiction - Indexing and Reviews
patches posted a comment on Friday 24th June 2005 3:35am for 4 - Promises
Really good! I like the way the story is progressing. Harry is growing and moving forward and at the same time he is becoming more self-confident.
Interesting how you have used Tonks them Remus and Ginny to broaden Harry's circle of loyal friends who love him. And now Daphne.
The story is great and the people involved are really excellent. I am looking forward to more.
Also TMW.
Thank you for your work. I am really enjoying all of it.
tlslick posted a comment on Thursday 23rd June 2005 4:59am for 4 - Promises
loving it.
keep it up
ulkser posted a comment on Thursday 23rd June 2005 2:04am for 4 - Promises
an amazing chapter again. please update soon. i think we need some action and some darker spells as well. i mean harry shouldn't use stunning spells in his fights. he should some pain curses as well. a very good romance.
Scott posted a comment on Thursday 23rd June 2005 12:23am for 4 - Promises
Only just found these 2 chapters today since I was only checking the update section, probably just wasn't paying enough attention.
Realy like how H/P thing is going and can't wait for it to start happening in the school environment.
Don't know how ron will react given thathe seems to off grown up a bit, so can't wait for that.
You keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Samantha posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd June 2005 9:24pm for 4 - Promises
It's every bit as wonderful as I've come to expect from you.
Kai posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd June 2005 7:42pm for 4 - Promises
Well, thats something. Remus as minister is a good concept. Will Snape finally be getting his dues soon for all that he has done? Can't wait for the next chapter.
Kai
Christopher Estep posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd June 2005 8:44am for 4 - Promises
*TIMBER*! Harry has indeed fallen for Pansy, and fallen rather hard. Fortunately, Remus has fallen for Tonks as well. We also meet Daphne Greengrass, who joins the Grey Team, along with Remus. And guess who the Grey Team will be backing for Minister after Fudge is booted? (No, it is NOT Arthur Weasley.) The first two prongs of the three-pronged attack are under way.
Bill posted a comment on Tuesday 21st June 2005 8:49pm for 4 - Promises
The way you have this worded, a good bit of things have been resolved... Harry admits his love for Pansy, Ginny accepts that she has no hold over Harry, Remus is brought over to the "grey" side, Dumbledore is having his allies thwart his actions, and there is foreshadowing and planned actions (remus' ministership, for example) as to how this war will be fought and how Harry will win it.
This all is great, but is slightly worrisom... that wasn't the end, was it? I mean, to my mind, with what you have - that powerful ending to chapter 4 almost seems final... I'd be a pity not to see a final battle, Ginny's acceptance of Pansy in reality (instead of in intention), Draco's face getting beatin in, the detailed execution of the wizarding world's manipulation, and even some more mind-linked Harry/Pansy Fluff-fest!
This story is a fantastic example of imagination at it's best - you take JK's charecters and put an excellent spin on them that makes your fics a pleasure to read. I honestly hope that you have much more to come - there are so few H/Pansy fics out there...
Kevin Ketcham posted a comment on Tuesday 21st June 2005 8:42pm for 4 - Promises
I've read every story on your web site, my favortie was "This Means War" but this story is taking over very quickly. But I still want "This Means War" to end.
Please continue I hope to read much more in the future.
russ posted a comment on Tuesday 21st June 2005 8:22pm for 4 - Promises
i've just started reading hp fanfics a week ago and got this site as "must read fics" from a friend. it took me a couple of days to read all your fics and all i can say is you really are a great writer. every ship you write seems to work even this harry/pansy ship.
Fay posted a comment on Tuesday 21st June 2005 2:50pm for 4 - Promises
Tim,
Wow! Absolutely loved it - definitely one to be read and re-read while waiting for the next installment! I really like Daphne and I'm glad Remus is on Harry's side now - it just keeps growing!
Any chance of McGonagall joining Harry? Or just not supporting Dumbledore as much?
Thanks for making my day!
Fay
Sen posted a comment on Tuesday 21st June 2005 12:37pm for 4 - Promises
wow, well what a story, each chapter I try and decide if things are going slow or fast in this story, and I can't for the life of me figure it out. I guess both seem to be happening, there are a lot of things going on and happening at this point and time, but in the overall scheme of the story (at least as how I see it) it still hasn't gotten through the summer. Not that either way is good or bad I am just rambling about my speculations. Well that's it, good job on Daphne and till next chapter, good bye and good luck
XanDutch posted a comment on Tuesday 21st June 2005 11:13am for 4 - Promises
Wow. It might have been the shortest chapter (if you say so); it certainly wasn't lacking anything. I went from one shock/plottwist to another, and I laughed out loud a whole lot. Crawling Snape and pouncing Gruoch for example. Ginny deserves a big yay-you hug, and I was glad Molly was there to provide. Go Min!, and I can't wait for Remus as Minister, he would be fabulous I think. Once the general public get over the shock they will adore him. I'm starting to loose track of everything I wanted to mention, so I'll just recap with saying I really, really loved this and I look forward very much to more.
XanDutch
(Oh! Sirius! Will! Parrot! *hysterics*)
brad posted a comment on Thursday 30th June 2005 11:08am for 4 - Promises