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OriksGaming posted a comment on Friday 26th June 2015 2:16am for Chapter 3

Well, I think Harry's got the perfect girlfriend. She wants him, they've saved each other's lives, she'll never hurt him, she's smart, she helped him become smart(or at least give him a whole lot of knowledge), they're both now sneaky, ambitious, and brave. Salazar and Godric had babies(Don't ask me how two males made babies, I'd say with some kind of special potion or spell, it's a world of magic after all), and they're perfect! Plus, she's beautiful, is now his same age and in his year, they will be playing the same quidditch position, they both now love pranking, seriously, what could be more perfect?! Anyways, one thing I've been enjoying from your Dawn Hogwarts(I think that's what it's called, sorry, I'm too lazy to check) story and this one is that it's mainly just good things happening, but they're all plausible, and the story is written really well, so I can just completely enjoy it.

OriksGaming posted a comment on Friday 26th June 2015 1:48am for Chapter 3

I'm only a third of the way through the chapter, and I'm writing this little correction to stop myself from writing a long review when I reach the end of the chapter, so I can just move on to the next one quickly. Charlie said Norbert was starting to show interest in lady dragons. If I'm remembering wrong, sorry, but I seem to recall that sometime during the series(I'm thinking sixth or seventh book(Harry's bday?)), Charlie told Hagrid that Norbert was actually a girl and they were calling her Norberta. Just something I noticed, it's only a minor detail.

AlexPublius posted a comment on Wednesday 17th October 2012 7:49am for Chapter 3

I've been re-reading these stories, and I was struck by a brief aside in this chapter: Flitwick was Hagrid's Best Man at the wedding? That is... quite a mental image you loaded me up with. Wow.

Celebrithil posted a comment on Monday 25th August 2008 8:42am for Chapter 3

Hmm, hi!

I feel a bit bad, because I never left a review before, but read almost all of your stories. I could say it was because I didn't trust my English but - well, to be honest, I probably didn't trust myself.

So I'll just tell you that I love your stories. Some of them have me thinking - which probably wasn't your goal, but, well, fairy tales weren't actually written for children. That sentence particularly:

"What was wrong with these people? Why did they have to be forced to be happy? Wasn’t that the point to life?"

got me thinking. About my life's goals, and being happy, and all that. And, yes, being happy should be a goal in itself. And I sincerely hope you are, because writing a fairy tale that got people thinking about their life probably isn't easy - even if this absolutely wasn't your goal in the first place. (Please note that I have my English dictionary right there with me while I'm writing this.)

So, er, thanks for writing fanfiction? Yeah, that's it. Thank you.

Nanio posted a comment on Thursday 24th July 2008 10:13am for Chapter 3

Your Harry reminds me a lot of Willy Wonka: he's tricky, moves too fast for others to properly object, does what he has to for the results he wants, and is willing to play/be played if it's worth it. our Harry has a tendency to play the game of life very easily, but the personality fits for his actions.

Daily Prophet Reporting posted a comment on Thursday 17th July 2008 1:10am for Chapter 3

“Gabrielle has literally trained her subconscious to believe that she is in a fairy tale.”



I'm probably leaping too far out with tangential thinking here, but that's one of those lines that set off alarm bells in my mind. My immediate instinct is to think this isn't one of those character imagines the whole things stories, is it? I doubt it, but seeing as it's you doing the writing, I wouldn't put it past you. You have said this is a fairytale, after all. ...

Elsewhere, Harry's distinctly odd personality is starting to make more sense in light of the admissions here. At first I was surprised Harry's not more upset that the two women closest to him have spent years subliminally manipulating him, but considering he's having fun at the moment and that he didn't have to go through the OotP showdown with Dumbledore, I suppose that would give him a lot less reason to be suspicious (at least, of the people he's not programed to be suspicious of ...).

Your Gabrielle is an extremely interesting character. She's so arrogant and elitist that, like Hermione, I really don't want to like her. And I'm a bit put off by the fact she's fallen in with Harry so easily like so many of your past female heroines. But that odd combination of cunning, determination, innocence and conceit has certainly helped keep things exciting, unpredictable and surprisingly humorous. I've particularly enjoyed her aside thoughts/comments about the other, "non-princess" female characters, and her ability to manipulate everyone around her is quite enjoyable, too.

I also see you starting down the inevitable lets-reshape-the-world stage so familiar in your stories. Here it's got incredible energy and it's made for a couple fun, light moments, with the goblins and twins. I can't help thinking you might be moving too fast, though, because you haven't given us much of a chance to see and comprehend the problems you're trying to resolve except through the occasional comment or anecdote. Perhaps a bit more depth in that area might have helped because, unlike in many of your past stories, the AU setting makes the conflicts here different from those familiar in canon.

Anyway, I can see I'm rambling and over-analyzing so I'll leave this at the fact that I'm enjoying the enjoying the energy and creativity of this story -- and that I appreciate the effort you're putting in on our behalf.

Thanks a lot!
-KC

mashimaromadness posted a comment on Wednesday 25th June 2008 11:10pm for Chapter 3

And a great fairy tale, at that.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Wednesday 18th June 2008 5:10am for Chapter 3

Very good chapter. I like the way you are doing the charactors.

gunny

hayeth posted a comment on Thursday 12th June 2008 5:36am for Chapter 3

I have to say you have a talent for Harry/Gabrielle stories. And the last line of this chapter pretty much sold me for the rest of this story. I just cant help but wonder what possablities will emerge from that one line.

Dustin Hoeppner posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 8:41am for Chapter 3

Very good When is the next chapter is going to be up

Anaknisatanas posted a comment on Tuesday 10th June 2008 11:51am for Chapter 3

Are there consequences for Gabrielle having trained her subconscious to believe she is in a fairy tale?

KylePK posted a comment on Monday 9th June 2008 9:07pm for Chapter 3

Fun. Really, really fun. I don't believe I have continuously smiled at a fic since the last Rorschach's Blot fic came out.

Please keep writing this.

MARIDEE posted a comment on Monday 9th June 2008 9:12am for Chapter 3

Wow she lives her own fairy tale, every girls dream. I like it. I also like that you have put everyone he knows in their place. I can't wait till you put the rest of the wizarding world in their place.

RhiannonMei posted a comment on Monday 9th June 2008 7:39am for Chapter 3

Um... wow... I was surprised about that bit at the end, about Gabrielle training herself to believe that her universe is just like a fairytale. It's almost a little bit... creepy. Sadly, I have the same complaint about this chapter that I had about the previous ones, so I don't think you want to hear them again xD.

But I do like how Hermione was also working with Gabrielle/against Dumbledore, and Gabrielle's personality really intrigues me. To have made herself truly believe that she was in a fairy tale is astounding, but also slightly irresponsible to me; I find that a similarity between this Gabrielle and the one in "Hope". I like her character... I think. Honestly, she makes me a little unsure.

Tlcatlady posted a comment on Sunday 8th June 2008 8:47pm for Chapter 3

I am absolutely LOVING this story! I'm such a sucker for the fairy tales anyway, and this is such a fun twist on it all. Thank you so much & keep up the excelent work!!!

Peregrine829 posted a comment on Sunday 8th June 2008 8:18am for Chapter 3

"...trained her subconscious to believe that she is in a fairy tale"!!

I believe Gabrielle has achieved a level of self-delusion that is as astounding as it is disturbing. This is a very unhealthy state-of-mind. The longer this delusion is allowed to continue, the greater the irreparable damage will be to her already warped mental state when said delusion is finally shattered by reality.

That is to say, the first time some random event happens which doesn't coincide with her little fantasy world, she's going to completely lose it.

Jeconais replied:

As with a lot of what I right - the truth is somewhat here, and somewhat not.

Sadly, though, I don't explain this in great depth until Part 2 of Castles in the Sky.

Shadowglen posted a comment on Sunday 8th June 2008 2:13am for Chapter 3

Hello, I just wanted to say that I've enjoyed your story so far but I must disagree with what you said in your introduction. So far, I don't really view this story as the successor to Hope. From the elements you've revealed to this point it seems more like a re-write and refinement of many of the ideas and characteristics you used in This Means War. Hope started with a Harry who was strong, powerful, rich and influential already, what he lacked was love. You are currently starting backwards and instead writing a story about becoming. Just as in TMW, this Harry is not yet those things, but will be.

I must admit that so far, though you've been quite liberal with your kisses, you have backed down on the melodrama and the syrupy and contrived romance that, in my opinion, plagues your other works. Though the bit in Chapter two about Sirius suddenly breaking down in laughter at Harry "pranking the whole school" was a turn off sentence, and completely against what you are trying to portray his character has been like for the last eight years, the rest seems to have been toned down and seeming more realistic. It almost seems to me that you don't trust your reader's enough to understand how you want your Harry's to be portrayed, by showing us through his actions in your stories. Instead you seem to rely on long, false-sounding monologues to tell us how good and selfless he is. An example I would show you would be the scene with Rosie at the end of your Drabble, Ron's "Stupid". I will take this time to note that you moved away from this in your story Hope and that was quite the enjoyable story. I "hope" you continue that same on that same track for this one.

Please don't take my criticism to mean I do not like your works. Quite the contrary. You are an amazing author, with many good and original ideas that allow you to build excellent, character-driven story lines. Your perception of how things turn out, of how Harry should act and be viewed is applause worthy. I only hope to point out what I see as your Achilles' Heel in my duty as a reviewer and faithful reader.

For the actual story you've written so far, I believe it to be a novel idea, especially with the twist of Gabrielle's apparent psychosis, of sorts. I enjoyed how you incorporated the idea that fairy tales have their basis in reality and may hold the answer to many of the conundrums that face the world. As I mentioned above I did not really care for the scene in the Great Hall where Harry was kissing Gabrielle in her underwear. Though it was well written, I do not see how it is really a prank or why Sirius would find it so hilarious. I believe a snort of amusement would have been better called for and more in keeping the character and the Sirius-ness of the situation. They were supposed to have lost the spark and "fun" in their lives while Harry was unconscious. But despite that one instance I could find no wrong with the story. I truly enjoyed your portrayal of the goblins. What they respect in a wife, how they test the humans and how they generally do business. This is in keeping with your other works, in which the same has always been a high point. I'm happy how you played the twins. I could not see them being completely serious when they would rather be joking, and your explanation as to why was excellent, believable, and more importantly in keeping with your plot. I really enjoyed that they were somewhat maudlin and depressed, as your story implies that is the general state of the wizarding world, but that were also willing to bounce right back when given the chance. It seemed a lot more realistic than if they had broken down in hysterics in the Great Hall. For Hermione and Ron, I must truly praise you. You have taken what I believe to be the best Ron ever written, that of your story Hope, and altered him to fit with this story. He has grown up to become a loyal and intelligent man. He is still somewhat slow on the uptake but an excellent analyst and full of common sense. Hermione is still insightful and scary intelligent but a bit brash and holier-than-thou, though not as much. You have given them advantages but left them with room to grow as characters. I appreciate that.

And finally I come to Dumbledore. I must say that while I enjoy stories that portray Dumbledore as a manipulative or sometimes down right evil old man, they are getting to be pretty old. While you have already stated that this Dumbledore is manipulative and controlling, you have also said that he is ultimately good. I would really like to see Harry have a good relationship with him, and eventually have him back off his old ways and just enjoy what he loved to begin with: Children, magic and his school.

Well that should do it. If you've gotten this far I appreciate you taking the time to read and perhaps listen to what I have to say. Most of all, I would like to thank you for taking the time and energy to write and post your works for us. They are highly appreciated!

Best Regards,

Shadowglen

Jeconais replied:

For those interested, I replied to this directly to Shadowglen.

GuardianOfLight posted a comment on Saturday 7th June 2008 1:01pm for Chapter 3

More more, I need more

Lady-Hope posted a comment on Saturday 7th June 2008 12:44pm for Chapter 3

wow...wow...that is gonna make it fun!!
evil way to end the chapter though...i want more!!

and im reallllllly glad mione and ron arent gonna be portrayed as "bad guys". i love them too much for them not to be the best friends forever. so i now offiically like this story. ive never read anything quite like it...

Anthony May posted a comment on Saturday 7th June 2008 8:25am for Chapter 3

This story has been, from the start, extremely fun and gratifying. I love it and can't wait for the next chapter!!!!!!