Content Harry Potter Naruto Buffy the Vampire Slayer XMen Translations

Back to: Naruto » The banishment of Uzumaki Naruto

Reviews (54)

Printer friendly version

Also available as: Epub | txt | pdf | mobi | lit

Display options

The ninja council room was full.  As always, the Hokage was at the front, flanked by her council.  The civilian members and clan heads were sat on cushions in front of her.

“We welcome the honourable representative from the Daimyo’s court,” Danzo said, his face showing the barest amount of respect to be considered polite.  The representative was sat to the right, in front of a small desk.

There was some applause from the civilians, while the clan heads offered small bows of respect.

The Hokage offered a far deeper bow.  She was secure enough not to have to play those games. 

The unnamed and masked man merely nodded and eye-smiled.

“Now,” The Hokage started.  “We are...”

“Get to the point,” one of the Civilians yelled.  “We erk.”

Tsunade sighed and looked at the peasant that had interrupted her. 

“Hokage-sama,” the representative said softly, “I think he would appreciate being let loose.”

“Hmm?” she asked, before realising she was still glaring at the worm that had interrupted her.  And that her glare might be carrying her rather large irritation.

Killing instinct was a curious thing; at its heart was the knowledge that you could kill someone forty seven ways with just a toothpick, a business card and a blue inflatable pig.

“As I was saying,” she continued, looking away from the man, who collapsed into a heap on the floor.  “We are here to discuss the continuing reconstruction efforts from the failed invasion.”

“Hokage-sama,” Homura said politely.  “I believe we should also discuss the failed mission to retrieve Uchiha Sasuke.”

“Why?” Tsunade asked.

“Because,” another loud mouth from the civilian council yelled, “the demon used the fox’s power, he should be executed!”

Tsunade nodded once.  An ANBU member blinked in and executed the loud mouth.  His blood dropped onto the floor, before he was hauled out of the way.

“Is anyone else going to break the law?” Tsunade asked into the silence.

“I believe,” the representative said, his quiet voice barely audible, “that merely referring to Naruto as a demon in front of others who know his status is not actually covered by that law.”

“Really?” Tsunade asked.

He nodded.

Tsunade sighed and pulled out her wallet.  “I hereby fine myself the cost of his value.  1000 Ryo.”

“What!” came the explosion from the civilian side of the council.

Tsunade glared at them until they shut up.  “Now,” she said, looking back at Danzo.  “You were saying?”

Danzo fixed his eye on her, and looked thoughtful.

“The dearly departed Hoshigo did have a point,” he said.  “We do have Kakashi’s report of Uzumaki using the Kyūbi’s chakra.  As such, we need to discuss punishment.”

“Why?” Tsunade asked, wondering if the representative would like a drink.  She needed one.

“I’m sorry,” Danzo said, frowning.

“Why does he need to be punished?  It is not illegal for him to use it.”

Danzo frowned again.  “The Kyūbi must be affecting him.  He needs to be dealt with, before he becomes a problem.”

“Tell me,” Tsunade interrupted.  “How many Jinchūriki are there?”

Danzo’s face cleared.  “I do not know,” he said.

‘Liar’, Tsunade thought but didn’t call him on it.  “Good, then, moving back to our original point.”

“Hokage-sama,” another of the civilians called.  There were ten civilians left, and she was starting to hope that they’d all be stupid enough so that she could kill them without worrying about it.  “I must protest.  Uzumaki failed the mission, he must be punished.”

Every Clan Head suddenly went very still.

“I beg your pardon?” Inuzuka Tsume asked.

“He failed the mission.  As such, he will be punished.  The punishment must be banishment.”

Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

“We have decided this,” he continued.  “And have already passed judgement.”

“If that is the case,” Hyūga Hiashi said, his voice calm and level.  “I hereby withdraw every one of my clan members from active duty.”

“As do I,” every other clan head said in unison.

“What!  You’d protect the demon-erk.”

Tsunade looked to the side, to see Tsume raise her hand.  “That one was me,” she admitted.  “I’ll pay the fine later.”

Tsunade nodded.   “To continue.  I hereby tender my resignation as Hokage.”

The civilians were now looking a little put out, but not to worried, even as Danzo was looking gleeful.  He really wasn’t that good at hiding his expressions to Kage level ninjas.

“W-why?” a pink haired one – Haruno something or other, asked.

Tsunade had memorised the name of every single ninja under her command.  She hadn’t bothered to memorize the councils.  They really weren’t that important.  A legacy of her predecessor.

“Because the very second that civilians think that they can punish ninja – any ninja – that fail a mission, is the moment that Konoha has fallen.”

“But he’s a Jinchūriki,” she protested.  “We wouldn’t do this to anyone else!”

Tsunade shook her head, even as the door opened and five of her Jounin trooped in.  Despite her resignation, and she’d get back to that shortly, she was still sat in the chair.

“Problem?” she asked.

“Hokage-sama,” Gai said cheerfully, moving to the fore.  “You are looking most youthful today.”

“Thank you,” she said dryly.

“I am sorry to ruin what is clearly a most youthful meeting with tales of unyouthfulness, but we felt we must report immediately, lest our springtime of youth be diminished.”

“Please, go ahead.”  Tsunade always found Gai amusing.  His dedication to his cause was matched only by Kakashi’s dedication to porn.

“As our youthful Genin and Chūnin are still a bit sore from their most youthful mission to retrieve the traitor...”

“He is not a traitor,” the civilians shrieked, almost in unison.

“Most unyouthful,” Gai said, shaking his head in a disappointed fashion.  “I shall endeavour to restore your youthfulness with an injection of the truth!”  He posed, his hand out, his teeth gleaming in a way that had to be an illusion.  “The most unyouthful Uchiha refused to return to our youthful village, and used my eternal rival’s most youthful assassination Jutsu on one of our cute little Genin.”  He paused, and leaned forward, as if talking to a particularly stupid child.  “Using an assassination Jutsu on a colleague is traitorous.”  He gave a nice-guy pose again and beamed at everyone.”

“It was only the demon-urk.”

Everyone looked at Tsume, who was holding her hands up, before they looked to see Anko whistling innocently.

“You’re fined 1000 Ryō, Anko,” The Hokage said.

“But that’s my lunch money for the week,” Anko whined.

“I’ve been assured that merely calling Naruto a demon isn’t enough to sentence them to death.”

“Oh,” Anko said.  “Whoops.  Sorry.”

“Gai, if you’d continue?”

“Of course.  Anko’s youthfulness remains undiminished by such a simple mistake.  My honourable and most youthful eternal rival, Hatake Kakashi...”

Kakashi looked up from his book.  “Yo!” he drawled, raising one hand in greeting.

Gai beamed, and continued, “Suggested that we have a most youthful get-together, and look at exploding tags.”  The spandex clad Shinobi’s smile pinged in the sunlight.

Tsunade looked at the council members, and sighed internally.  They seemed to finally be learning that Ninja’s killed people. 

Her predecessor might have put up with their foolishness, but she wasn’t going to.

“So, we gathered the youthful Sarutobi Asuma, Yūhi Kurenai, who was with the slightly youthful Mitarashi Anko.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Anko interrupted.  “I can be really youthful, just give me a chance!”

“You scared the Genin,” Kurenai pointed out.  “And flirted with Mini-Gai.”

Anko pouted.

“To continue my most youthful tale,” Gai said loudly, “we gathered around a training ground, and set to our task.  Kakashi took the lead, and demonstrated the creation of tags.

“While our beautiful Genin were making their own, the most youthful Naruto explained to the others his status as Jinchūriki and what it entails.”

“What! The demon broke the law, he must be execu-erk.”

Everyone looked at Anko, who held up her hands.  “Not me this time.”

“My bad,” the representative said apologetically.  “I will, of course, pay the fine.  It was an instinctive reaction.”

Tsunade smirked.  “We could not accept.  You are a guest, and a representative.  And if our civilian council members are incapable of learning such basic lessons, as the one we have been teaching today, then it is their own fault.”

The remaining civilians all gulped.  “Would you like to leave?” Tsunade asked.

They shook their heads.

“Our students were most youthful in their reactions,” Gai said proudly.  “Naruto-kun was most overcome by their youthful acceptance of his burden, and the respect that he had earned.

“Some of them did point out the most unyouthful actions of the villages.”

“Oh?” Tsunade asked curiously.

“Some of the shop owners wouldn’t serve him.  The orphanage threw him out, stuff like that,” Anko explained.  “Little gaki never let him get it down.”

“ANBU,” Tsunade called.

Two masked members appeared in front of her.  “Cat, Butterfly, after this session is over, please find out from all witnesses who these shop owners were.  Revoke their licence and invite them to leave Konoha.”

“Hai!”

“Hokage-sama,” Homura said.  “I must protest.”

“Do so in your own time,” Tsunade snapped.  “I am not having people think that they can treat one of my ninja badly.  Gai, continue.”

“Of course.  Well, my most youthful of students, Tenten, wondered what would happen if the Kyūbi’s chakra was used to power a tag.  Naruto-kun agreed to give it his most youthful effort.”  Gai paused and looked at the civilian council.

Asuma next to him was balancing a kunai on his finger tips.

“Look,” Gai said magnificently.  “They have learnt a lesson.”  He beamed, before leaning forward.  “Most youthful of you!”  Gai retreated to his normal pose.  “The exploding tag was most...” he paused.

“Probably youthful,” Kurenai said thoughtfully.  “For us, anyway.  For our enemies, it would be very unyouthful.”

“Thank you,” Gai beamed at her.  “Yes, most youthful, however, it was, perhaps, a small bit over the top.”

Asuma chuckled darkly.

Tsunade wondered just how much paperwork this was going to cause her.  The idea that Gai thought that something was over the top, was both amusing and scary.

“Naruto-kun threw it a few hundred meters away, and then most youthfully assisted us five as we threw up a Six-Violet Flames Battle Encampment to protect us from the backlash.  We even worked together to place a lid on the explosion, so that it would not go higher than a few hundred metres.

“And then the tag exploded.”

“And it was glorious,” Anko sighed.  “Like one of those bombs in the history books.”

“Nuclear?” Hiashi asked, looking interested.

Anko nodded.  “Mushroom cloud and everything, well, until it hit the roof of our technique.”

“As a most unyouthful and unexpected consequence, the explosion was focused down,” Gai continued, a winning smile on his face.  “And well, there appeared to be some empty tunnels under ground, as the ground itself collapsed.”

Tsunade noted Danzo go pale.

“The flames vanished up the tunnels, and with the most youthful application of Chakra, we were able to hear some screams.  Fearing the worst, the most youthful Kakashi acted quickly.”

Kakashi looked up again.  “Yeah,” he agreed.

Gai beamed.  “So, realising that we needed something as big to douse the flames of our youthful endeavours, we dropped the barrier, and Kakashi quickly taught Naruto a basic water technique.  The most youthful Naruto, realising that time was of the essence, put his all into learning the technique, and was quickly able to use it.”

Gai’s teeth pinged dramatically as he smiled.  “Soon, a wondrous and most youthful torrent of water headed after the fire.”  He lowered his head.  “Alas, the most youthful Kakashi had not taken into account how hot the fire was.”

“Yeah,” Kakashi agreed without looking up.  “My bad.”

“The water met the flame, and well, a youthful battle of epic proportions must have occurred, and well, as I’m sure your youthful teachers have told you, water and fire can make steam, and this steam shot through the rest of the tunnels at high pressure.”

“What happened!?” Danzo screamed.

Gai stared at him for a very long moment.  “Your flames of youth have diminished!”

Danzo growled, and his fingers twitched, before he seemed to wrest control from somewhere.

“There are your flames,” Gai cheered.  “After the steam had gone along its most youthful path, we decided to explore.  However, we were wary, until my beautiful student, Lee, suggested Shadow Clones.  Well, before we could say ‘flames of youth’ Naruto-kun had around a thousand of them exploring.” 

Gai turned serious and shook his head.  “So many dead ninjas,” he sighed.

“What!” Tsunade shrieked.

“Indeed,” Gai said.  “Most unyouthful.  But what was strange, was that the most youthful Asuma recognised their masks.”

“Yeah,” Asuma muttered.  “You can imagine my surprise when Naruto said that they all had the same symbol on their masks.  Root.”

Tsunade glared at Danzo.

“Guards,” Danzo yelled.  Only, nothing happened.

Anko coughed.  “Do you think we should tell him we killed his guards earlier,” she wondered to Kurenai.

“Possibly.”

Anko beamed.  “We killed your guards earlier.  Membership of private militia is not covered under the Clan Laws, and as such, is illegal.  They refused to cooperate, so we killed them.”

“What have you done!?” Danzo yelled.

“Accidentally killed ninety one ninja?” Kakashi asked distractedly.  “Eliminated a threat to Konoha, oh, and destroyed some laboratories including all sorts of blood samples?”

“The Shodai, the Nidaime,” Danzo muttered.  “Gone!”

“Hmm, genetic experiments as well?” Tsunade asked.  “I think we’ve heard enough.  ANBU, take this peasant to Torture and Investigation.”

“Yay!” Anko cheered.  “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”  She was, after all, the representative from that department.

Danzo leapt to his feet, his bandaged arm suddenly appeared, as he raised his left arm and pulled down his bandages that were covering his eye.

“Sharingan,” Kakashi hissed.

The civilians screamed, as they scampered to the sides.  Danzo ripped the bandages of his right arm revealing ten more eyes.

“Gross,” Anko muttered.

“That, that, brat has ruined everything,” he growled.  “I did what was good for Konoha.  I will fight for the future.”  He paused.  “Izanagi!”

“All Jōnin bar Kurenai and ANBU, barrier encampment, now,” Kakashi snapped.   His book safely stored in the pouch around his waist.  “Kurenai, it’s an Uchiha forbidden art.  He can turn his body into an illusion, try and break it.  Everyone else, block and dodge.”

“So, you know about this, it won’t help.”  Danzo seemed to shimmer, before he appeared in front of Gai, who seemed to shimmer himself, before throwing up the barrier with the others, including all the clan heads, trapping Danzo within the barrier, and protecting the ones holding it.

Danzo growled, and moved toward Tsunade.  The cut he managed to give her was healed almost before he had finished making it.

“Stop,” Danzo yelled, as he held up one of the council members.  “Or the civilian gets it!”

“Okay,” Tsunade agreed.

“Wait,” The civilian shouted.  “I’m important!”

“To yourself or your family,” Kakashi said with a shrug.  “To me, you’re someone who’s interfered in something that so far out of their league, it’s not even humorous.  And you’ve helped, the forbidden technique Danzo is using seems to last a minute per eye.  And by being a victim, you’ve wasted a whole eye.  Well done.”

“Damn you,” Danzo growled.  He vanished, only to appear, clutching his normal arm, as he had bounced off the barrier.

There was a strange series of incredibly bright chakra pulses, which sped up, until Tsunade started to feel sick.

Danzo fell to his knees and retched.

“Lightning Cutter,” Kakashi yelled, he exploded forward, burying his arm with its lightning straight into Danzo.

Danzo yelled, and vanished.  He reappeared near the ceiling, and fell to the floor.  Nine of his eyes were now closed, leaving just the one in his head, and one on his arm.

Kurenai stopped her pulsing, and fell to the ground in a faint.

“Let me go,” Danzo yelled, as he managed to get a hold of the Daimyo’s representative.  “You might not care for the civilians, but you need him.”

“He raises a good point,” The representative mused.  “Perhaps negotiations are in order.”

“Oh?” Tsunade asked.

The representative casually reached up and scratched his nose.  “Yeah,” he said.  “Perhaps I could offer some sort of parole for Danzo.  He has had many years of service.”

“I’m listening,” Danzo said.

“Well, I was thinking about,” Tsunade saw the final eye close after the representative’s delaying tactic, and she launched herself out of her chair.  The representative finished, “telling you that I’m a shadow clone.”

“Shit,” Danzo yelled, as the clone suddenly turned to smoke.

Tsunade hit Danzo as hard as she could, crushing four of his ribs, even as Kakashi sliced lighting, blinding his Sharingan.

“I’m not leaving here alive, and I’m taking you with me,” Danzo spat, through gritted teeth.  “Reverse Sealing Technique.”

Tsunade glanced at Kakashi, and saw that he had the same thought of her.  “Body Replacement Technique,” she whispered, swapping herself with Koharu.  To her right, she saw Kakashi swap with Komura.

A black sphere emanated from Danzo, reaching a fifteen foot diameter, before it collapsed, taking the two advisors with it.

All that was left was Danzo’s broken body.

“A most youthful fight,” Gai cheered, as he and the others let the barrier down.

“Hmm, you say something, Gai?” Kakashi asked; his nose in his orange book.

Gai chuckled.  “Nothing, my rival, nothing.”

“Hey,” Kakashi protested.  “That’s a hip answer!”  Kakashi’s visible eye widened.  “Wait, I didn’t mean...”

It was too late; Gai was already hugging him in triumph.

“Interesting meeting,” the representative said.

Tsunade looked at the celebrating Gai and chuckled.  “Jōnin,” she called.

The four, and one special Jōnin – Anko – turned to her.  “As I was about to explain, I’m afraid that I’m no longer your Hokage.”

“What?” Asuma demanded, narrowly missing the others.

“The civilians,” she said, pointing to the cowering group in the corner.  “Have decided to punish a ninja for failing a mission, with banishment.”

Even Kakashi lowered his book.  “What?”

“They have decided that Uzumaki Naruto should be banished.”

“Who do I give my resignation to?” Anko demanded, as the others nodded.

“No idea,” Tsunade shrugged.  “I was thinking of grabbing the brat and going to Wave.”

“It has good beaches,” Anko cheered.  “I’m in.”

“And better trade routes,” Kakashi added.  “I could get my Icha Icha hours earlier!”  He paused, and then glowered at the others.  “I’ve already lost my father to something this stupid, I will not lose my student.  If he goes, I go.”

“And Wave has a most youthful bridge,” Gai added thoughtfully.  “It would be a most youthful destination.”

“And enough land for us,” Hiashi said, dusting himself down.

“Moving home could be fun, it’s the pack, not the lair that’s important,” Tsume agreed.

“Why,” the Haruno women yelled.  “Why are you doing this for him?  We’ll be invaded and killed!” 

Tsunade sighed.

“Allow me,” the representative said.  “You seem to think this is about one Genin, it is not.  It is about people with no experience and no ability interfering in matters that they have no right to do so.  Konoha is a military dictatorship.  The Kage holds absolute power.  You exist at their pleasure. 

“The Sandaime hoped that allowing you power would make for a better place, and for a while it worked.  The civilian side of the council looked after the civilian aspect of Konoha, something that Ninja sometimes have problems with.  But, rather than realising you served at your Kage’s pleasure, you took it for granted, and thought yourselves equal.

“Today, you crossed the line.  And once that line has been crossed, you can not take it back.  Today, you were doing it because of a Jinchūriki, tomorrow, it would be because they are a part of the wrong clan, the day after that, for any reason at all.

“And it is that power that they have objected to. 

“As the Daimyo’s representative, I refuse to accept Tsunade’s resignation.  I also accept the resignation of the civilian council.”

“We don’t, erk,” one of the council members tried, before dying in mess of his own intestines.

“Anyone else?” Asuma asked dryly.

None of the other council members said anything.

“You may leave,” Tsunade said.  “Oh, and anyone found trying to interfere will just be killed.  I can’t be bothered wasting time on giving you a trial.”

Lead by the pink haired Haruno woman, the remaining few council members left the room, their heads down.

As soon as they were gone, Tsunade started to snigger, as did the representative.

“Take that mask off, Tenzo,” Tsunade chuckled.

The Konoha ANBU member revealed his face, and looked down at his fine clothes.  “Mind if I keep these?” he asked. 

“Go ahead,” Tsunade said with a smile.  “Nice little speech at the end. “

“I was preparing it through most of the meeting,” he said modestly. 

“Good work, people,” Tsunade said as she took her seat.  “Not even Danzo had a clue that it was a set up.  Kakashi, Gai, Anko, Asuma, Kurenai, well done at getting rid of Root.  Shikaku, great plan, as always.”

The elder Nara bowed formally.

“Naruto did most of our work,” Kakashi admitted.  “It actually happened like we said; only he knew beforehand, so deliberately over-charged the explosion.  And while he may not be as skilled as us, he does have such huge chakra stores that he can do more damage in these situations.”

“I’ll add an S-ranked mission to his stats, and to all of yours.  I feel much safer here already.”

“It was a good move,” Hiashi agreed.  “The civilians were getting troublesome.”

“Hey,” Shikaku muttered, “my son has that phrase trademarked.”

There was some laughter from the gathered crowd, who were now relaxing, after clearing up the dead bodies with fire techniques, and washing away the blood with water techniques.

“Kurenai, very good and quick thinking with that pulsing.  It was horrid.”

“Agreed,” Hiashi said.  “Fluctuating your chakra like that meant I had to close and protect my eyes.  It would have been a lot worse for someone with twelve eyes.”

Kurenai smiled and bowed demurely.

“Anyway, Shizune, be a dear and remind me to write to the Daimyo later explaining that the council has quit.”

Shizune appeared from behind Tsunade’s chair, and handed her a letter.

“Oh, good work,” Tsunade grinned.  She signed it with a flourish.

Shizune took it, placed it in an envelope, added a privacy seal, and then attached it to a messenger hawk.

“Now, with all that out of the way, who won the betting pool?”

Shizune picked a sheet of paper out of her pocket, and then quickly counted on her fingers.  She giggled softly.  “Naruto-kun did.”

“What!” Tsunade demanded.  “How?”

“Erm, that might have been my fault,” Kakashi muttered.  “I forgot I taught him how to enhance his hearing.  He heard Asuma and I place our bets, and wanted in.  As he was already involved in the plan to flush the Root, I didn’t see a reason not to let him.”

“Because the brat has the luck of the devil,” Tsunade grouched.  “Just for that, Anko, you get to tell him who his dad was.”

Anko giggled and looked down-right evil.  “Another silly law down.  That should make him popular with the girls.”

Tsunade smirked.  “I smell a bet,” she muttered.  “A hundred thousand Ryō entrance.”

“I’ll have some of that,” Tsume announced.  “On Hana.  The brat needs a slightly older woman.”

“Can I bet on myself?” Anko asked.

“Nope,” Tsunade said firmly.  “Half your age plus seven, standard creepy rules apply.  You’re too old.”

Anko pouted.  “But he can run all day; imagine that stamina in the sack!”

“Bad Anko, down girl,” Tsunade said firmly.

Hiashi frowned.  “Thirteen and a half as the lower range?  That’s a little unfair on the girls his age.  Including Hinata.”

Tsunade rolled her eyes.  “Fine, within a year younger than him and three years older.  Happy?”

“Not really, but she at least cares for him.  I’m in as well.”

“I don’t think my daughter is getting over the traitor that quickly,” Inoichi groaned.  “So, I’ll bet on Gai’s Genin, she’s a cutie and a hard worker.”

“Yosh,” Gai agreed.  “Her youthful ways will surely win the day!”  He frowned.  “Unless she is still hung up on the most level Neji.”

Kakashi scratched the side of his nose.  “Hmm, judging by the one girl, apart from Sakura, that he liked, he prefers slightly older girls, long dark hair, c-cup breasts, long legs, calm and intelligent.”  He paused.  “And I’m not sure if he prefers them to dress as guys, or if that was just this one.”

Everyone looked at him.

“I pay attention to my students,” he protested.

“Leered at his friend, more like,” Kurenai mumbled.

“Kakashi, is he still hung up on Sakura?” Asuma asked.

“No,” Shizune answered, as Kakashi shrugged.  “He just does that to boost her confidence.” 

“Really?” Tsunade asked curiously.

“Hai.  We had a talk about it.”  She blushed prettily.  “He also might have promised that if I’ve not found someone by the time he’s old enough to court me, he’s going to come for me like a swirling whirlpool.”

“Hey,” Anko whined.  “What about me?  Finding a good man in Konoha is about as likely as my old Sensei not buggering the Uchiha traitor.”

“I think we’ve been insulted,” Kakashi said, looking at Gai.

“Then we must up our flames of youth,” Gai cheered.

“See!” Anko demanded.  “And don’t get me started on some of the Chūnin!”

“Moving on,” Tsunade said firmly.  “We’ve got Hinata and Tenten so far.”

“Although blonde, I’m gonna go with Temari,” Kakashi decided.

“Am I going to have to punch you if I ask you why?” Tsunade demanded.

Kakashi nodded.

“Kurenai? Anko?”

“I’m in on Hinata as well,” Kurenai said.

“Oh, oh, me too,” Anko agreed.  “Private training, to prepare her!”

Kurenai sniggered.  “Sounds like a plan.”

“Hmm,” Shikaku mused.  “I’m in as well.  Smart money appears to be on Hinata.”

“What he said,” Akimichi Chōza agreed.

“Shizune?” Tsunade asked.

“You know I don’t gamble, Tsunade-sama,” Shizune said softly.

Tsunade rolled her eyes.  “Okay, my bet.”

“Yes?” Anko prompted.

“Ichiraku Ayame!”

There was silence.  “Who?” Anko shouted.

“The waitress at the Ramen stand?” Kakashi said, looking up once more from his ever present porn.

“Yeah,” Tsunade agreed.  “Of course, she’s had a crush on Kakashi for ages, but I was chatting to her the other day, and I quickly got her out of that.”

“Hey,” Kakashi protested.

“Poor girl hadn’t realised what a sick and twisted degenerate Kakashi is,” Tsunade continued.

“Hey!” Kakashi protested once more.

“She’s a very sweet girl, very pretty, and can look after Naruto.”  Tsunade grinned to herself.  'And, as a bonus, she’s got great child bearing hips, so can provide me with plenty of grand children to corrupt!' she thought to herself.

Everyone stared at her for a long moment.

“What?” she asked, and smiled. Danzo was dead, the Root was disbanded (forcibly), people who had treated Naruto badly were being invited to leave Konoha, Naruto himself was safe, and she’d even got to gamble.  All this, without her perverted teammate even being aware of it!

Damn, she was good.

All she had to do now, was get Ayame and Naruto together.  And, in a few years time, when the poor civilian girl was exhausted, she’d suggest the idea of sharing with Shizune.  That way, she’d get even more grandbabies!

Definitely a plan worthy of a Kage.

You should follow me on Twitter.
Follow @Fanficauthors for the fastest updates
Author Notes:

Mmm, crack fic.

There are 10 yen to the Ryō, so 1000 Ryō is 10,000 yen, which at today’s exchange rate is about £75 or $112 dollars.

And, you can see where Tsunade’s values are.  £75 for the death of a civilian.  £75,000 on a bet on Naruto’s girlfriend.

Log in using your account with us

Log in/create an account using

Create account

Fields marked with * are mandatory.

%raw(lang-user-errorUsername)

The selected email address is already in use. Please try another.

The selected email address is already in use. Please try another.

Retrieve your password

Simply enter your email address in below, and we will send you an email with a NEW password in it. Once you have logged in, you will be able to change your password to something a little easier to remember.