LordLexx posted a comment on Friday 3rd January 2020 2:45am for 1 - Discovery

Theres alot I feel is wrong with this so far. The Parkinsons feel generally ok in their attitudes but Harry feels off to me. Far to trusting. Why the hell is Pansy the one talking to him and not a professional or at least an adult? Why, if they were friends, did the Parkinsons not try and help Harry this whole time? Even if they were blocked before Hogwarts for whatever reason, why didn't Pansy approach Harry after? Because of house loyalties? That seems like a pretty piss poor excuse considering your backstory for their parents. I can see Harry at least giving them the benefit of the doubt based on Dobby's word, that's reasonable. But not him spilling his guts and about the prophecy so fast. While you having Pansy have a similar experience to relate to the Sirius stuff is fine, I feel like it's far to early in their relationship to get into shit like that. You had Harry say that "being Griffyndor has gotten him nowhere" but then he immediately "goes Griffyndor" and just accepts her deal with no discussion. Why? Because she's being honest with him? That's not a good reason to just accept what they say. The Parkinsons saying that they are gonna get tudors for him to train him up to fight is just as bad as the order demanding he fight. Either was done without his permission. Granted, at least the Parkinsons would be the better way because they are actually getting him better prepared but either option has taken away his choice. One one hand its "You're going to take all these classes so you can deal with the Dark Idiot for us and then help us make money" and the other its "Your going to kill this Dark Idiot because Dumbledore told you too". Other random parts that bug me: I must have missed where Pansy was a blonde. You has Harry compare her to Hannah Abbot, a blonde and Daphne Greengrass, fanon usually has her as blonde. Pansy has dark hair, not blonde hair. I can't see her glamoring that. Thinking Hermione was interested in Ron. JKR made this mistake also, so I guess it's understandable that others would too. I'm not sure who thought that yelling and screaming at each other and insulting each other to the point of tears or anger was a sign of sexual tension but they should stop. Those two together is nothing but a domestic violence dispute waiting to happen. I can't pronounce the mother's name.. completely unimportant but still bugs me. Your magic detection, the infamous trace, has no grounding as being centered on the wand. Harry got a notification of using magic at his residence when Dobby was using the magic and Harry didn't have his wand. While it's only one event, it is also the only of such we have to go off of to conclude that the ministry can only detect magic in an area and since Harry was the only magical living in the area, it must have been him. I understand that JKR never went into depth about this and people like to make their own way with it in their stories, so this is just more of a pointing out of facts. The names of James Potters parents... The Parkinsons are the ONLY pureblood family that deals with non-magicals... statistically improbable. More like impossible really considering basic needs. Other than that it's really well written. I especially like Tonks' reaction to Snape. Well deserved.

Jon08 posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd September 2015 3:10pm for 1 - Discovery

Never read a Harry Pansy story before, but your summary jumped out at me.The only stories I've seen before with a HP/PP tag have been 'contract' stories. The opening premise behind this is so Slytherin, helping others to help themselves to the mutual benefit of all.

Looking forward to the next chapter and I'll be reading that before you read this.

Mirky posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd February 2015 12:59am for 1 - Discovery

wow... just wow...

I know its like 10 years (o.O) since this was written and in those 10+ years of my fanfiction reading I've never read a Pansy/Harry fic. I can say this is very well written, not too far from believable, and the fan girl in me isn't squeemish with the Het love being thrown around. <3 <3

reiko17 posted a comment on Tuesday 1st April 2014 1:24pm for 1 - Discovery

Honestly, this chapter was really disappointing. The best part of the Harry/Pansy pairing is that Pansy isn't particularly pretty, or particularly nice, or particularly likeable, but Harry still manages to fall for her anyway, despite her many imperfections, mainly because she GROWS into someone he can like and respect. And yet, within the first chapter she's already this beautiful, charming, likeable character and is basically the very epitome of a Mary-Sue. If I didn't know any better I'd think Pansy was Fleur, minus the accent and with a different name. That, or an OC who happens to share her name. So yes, this was very disappointing. I don't mean to flame, honestly, but the overwhelming OOCness just really bothered me. What makes it even more aggravating is that the writing isn't bad and it's pretty grammatically sound. It's the characters that ruin it. I mean, c'mon, Pansy actually offered Harry up to Voldemort to save her own neck. That speaks volumes of how highly she thinks of him, and yet she's singing his praises to the Dursleys without even having spoken to him. And while I suppose I can accept her dislike of Draco, you didn't make me believe her reasons for simpering over him all those years. Your explanation as to why she wears glamours to hide her appearance and acts like a vapid moron when she isn't are also pretty implausible. I hope that if you choose to write Harry/Pansy again you'll forego turning her into what I feel must be your personal dream girl and put in the effort to make her in-character. There needs to be more Harry/Pansy fic in the fandom, but honestly, there's no point if either Harry or Pansy are so OOC that they're unrecognizable.

Good luck with all your future writing endeavors.

noylj posted a comment on Saturday 14th September 2013 3:27am for 1 - Discovery

>Well, he knew the Weasleys did but apart from that, the good side just seemed to use him.

You mean the Weasleys that know he is abused and still allow him to return to be abused? The ones who would rather kiss Dumbledore's ass than really take care of Harry? The ones who know that Harry's life is shit and still are jealous 'cause he has money and fame? The ones who take 1000 Galleons from him but don't help him escape the Dursleys? Those Weasleys?

In canon, everyone but Harry can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.

gtgrouch posted a comment on Friday 24th May 2013 6:59pm for 1 - Discovery

Interesting . . . Voldemort has to go, because he is bad for business.

Nice original twist on Pansy Parkinson with the glamour spells!

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

sanbeegoldiewhitey posted a comment on Saturday 2nd February 2013 5:37am for 1 - Discovery

Brilliant ploy. Pansy was hiding her looks.

HellWolf666 posted a comment on Friday 21st October 2011 2:27am for 1 - Discovery

wright more harry/pansy and harry/hermione plz i love ur fanfics

reader1writer1 posted a comment on Tuesday 7th June 2011 2:25am for 1 - Discovery

I really liked this. This Pansy handled herself well. i think i like her, too :)

sitruc1986 posted a comment on Friday 22nd April 2011 8:36pm for 1 - Discovery

i think this is like the 10nth time reading this story i love it

Keeroo92 posted a comment on Saturday 22nd January 2011 8:53pm for 1 - Discovery

I don't think Harry would have told pansy about the prophecy so quickly but other than that, very believable. Good job!

adam777 posted a comment on Tuesday 31st August 2010 11:33pm for 1 - Discovery

good fic i love it

Christopher Estep posted a comment on Sunday 20th June 2010 10:44pm for 1 - Discovery

Here we find out that horking off a house-elf is bad enough (remember, Lucius Malfoy got knocked off his feet by Doggy three years ago, in Dumbles' office doorway); horking off *any* Parkinson (especially Pansy) is probably worse. Dobby, if he weren't a house-elf, would likely be a Gryffindor (given that Dobby was the Malfoys' house-elf, that says something rather disturbing about the Malfoys in general, and Draco in particular); Pansy would definitely come after you (and get you); however, you would have no idea when, or how.

Severus Snape, do you want to live beyond the war? If so, I would suggest you shut your yap and keep your ears open, especially about Harry Potter.

Harry is recovering (and getting closer to Pansy), Dobby is horked off, Tonks is horked off, and Remus is *getting* horked off.

White Knight Leo posted a comment on Friday 15th January 2010 11:52pm for 1 - Discovery

Actually, that is being selfish. The problem is that the meaning of selfish has been perverted.
Properly speaking, "selfish" just means "concerned with one's own interests".
This is difficult for many to understand, as it is the position of the altruists that selfishness is evil, and since they are largely in charge, we are taught that selfishness is evil. As for helping others, by what right does anyone have a claim to your life? By their need? Why do their needs supersede yours?
This has always been my primary complaint regarding Dumbledore, who talks so much about the greater good, but has never actually taken upon himself the sacrifices he demands or imposes upon others. In this sense he is no less evil than Voldemort, even in canon, because both men want essentially the same thing, its just that Tom is willing to name what he wants (he simply refuses to consider the consequences) and Dumbledore is unwilling to name either.
I really like this story otherwise.

Andrius posted a comment on Tuesday 7th October 2008 6:04pm for 1 - Discovery

Nice!
The only thing I dislike slightly is Harry being so weak and pathetic.

bookaholic_au posted a comment on Tuesday 16th September 2008 4:12am for 1 - Discovery

One of the few things I can find to criticise about your work is theway your characters tend to flaunt what they've got. Even when you write Harry as modest, he spends riduculous amounts of money, is described as gods gift to womankind and is possessed of vast estates. It is a skill to write about the rich and famous, however I would challenge you to write about the poor or middle class - you rely too much on the lure of money and fame, it would be great to see you extend yourself to write about a realler world.

My difficulty arises not because your characters are all rich (Hogwarts is, afterall, a private school), but because they are unrealistically rich. Having been through the private school system, I feel qualified to tell you that the attitude Pansy displays in this chapter - scorn at people less beautiful, rich and tasteful, is unrealistic.

joeBob posted a comment on Wednesday 27th August 2008 1:49am for 1 - Discovery

Fantastic opener. I was a fool to put off reading it.

Fixing the canon errors would make it almost flawless.

jimnjoye posted a comment on Saturday 3rd November 2007 9:58pm for 1 - Discovery

Great first chapter. I really like the ambitious-not evil-Parkinson family.

Gulfbar posted a comment on Saturday 15th September 2007 12:44pm for 1 - Discovery

Wow! This was a great chapter. I hope the rest of the story is this good as well :)

SHSTigurlof06 posted a comment on Monday 3rd September 2007 3:33pm for 1 - Discovery

This was great! I loved this first chapter!

Concha