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Reviews

Frank Hacklander posted a comment on Friday 23rd June 2017 1:57am

You know, I finally had the chance to read the original (now under ELLORY). I think you have done an exceptional job in positing the after-events. In some ways, I like this even better than "Motivation." That said, I look forward to the Starlight Cafe Diners Club and hope that you finish your series with Wednesday. C'mon, it's been more than a year. Can't have the owner of the web-site fall into the ranks of those who no longer post stories.

Tora58 posted a comment on Monday 22nd May 2017 1:29am

its worth noting that Kiss of a Maiden has been reposted by the orignal author here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11575977/1/The-Kiss-of-a-Maiden

krisb posted a comment on Wednesday 1st March 2017 4:49am

You call this a failure? Damn. This is a great little romance fic in a formal tones and I love how Astoria plays things. I hadn't read the maidens kiss until afterwards. That short had some cringe worthy spots in it. It just felt like it could have been better.

Yours though? It was well done. It was actually very well done in explaining behind the scenes actions and responses and such. I don't really buy some of the original concepts. I don't buy rejecting an offer from one family as spitting on magic. That was one of those WTF moments. I could easily see why Hermione and her parents wouldn't want anything to do with Draco and his family. Would you want to some strange boy to suddenly show up and say that they are engaged and all that? No. A polite no thank you. Everything else was some big name calling towards her.

One part where the original fic had right was Astoria setting Harry down and attempting to explain some things. Why would they have thought Harry had been educated by Sirius? Sirius was in jail for most of Harry's life. The handful of moments Harry had actually met the man, he didn't really seem to get that much solid info. At most he got some very basic stuff, but no where near what he should have.

I was also sort of irked at how they rail against Mr. Weasley for trying to pressure some one into marriage as that's exactly how Hermione and her family would have read and reacted to the Malfoy familys offer. She'd have considered bonding as some foreign idea and no where near actual marriage.

It actually feels like the basis of a good fic is hiding within the two short fics. I'd love to see a real Hermione and Draco thing form though. The main reason that Hermione was really against him was some drastic mis communication from both cultures.

Another bit was that Hermione is coming from a place where she is getting most of her relaible info from books. It wouldn't be concievable to her that the most important things aren't printed, but are only orally passed on.

The way that you presented things shows that it is actually backed up by some real magic. The way the original was shown, it seemed only odd pureblood customs. It wasn't until she gave him that kiss. Damn, talk about knocking his socks off. There was some magic there. Actually, all things considered there didn't have to be. It could have been a minor by product of the emotional connection of the event between the two.

You know. Actually thinking about things, I could actually understand Snapes POV of thinking that Lily was his. Oh, he wasn't going to force her into marriage. He wanted her bonded and all that. He just likely considered it a done deal due to his mom and Lily's sponsership.

Face palms. I could see him calling her that in private after finding out that Lily had started dating James or actually did kiss him. To Snape's POV, Lily did betray his family's sponsership of her.

Like I said, there were some excellent elements in there that could have been better fleshed out for all involved.

Jason9 posted a comment on Sunday 8th January 2017 1:06am

I still find re-reading this preferable to most of the other fanfiction out there these days. Even though it's not your best work, I still enjoy this story and your other more recent works. While you might find fault that they're not 'Hope' or 'White Knight, Gray Queen" I find them to be just as enjoyable, and am still really looking forward to 'Starlight Diner's Club'

Frederick Herriot posted a comment on Tuesday 7th June 2016 2:27pm

BTW, Jeconais, Ell's reposted Kiss of a Maiden, so you might want to change your introductory notes.

Feno3000 posted a comment on Monday 29th February 2016 11:22pm

Meanwhile Ell Roche's story is back on FFN. And it is quite shocking to read. Wonderful prose, but the whole idea of pureblood society does not make the least bit of sense. While in "normal" HP universe a lot of excuses are possible for Albus Dumbledore to draw his wrinkled skinny neck out of the sling for neglecting Harry and leaving him unschooled and unknowing about anything wizardy, this world would tar and feather him and then start thinking about creative ways to punish this treason. If magic itself demands the rules being followed he should be a squib by tomorrow latest after Harry ran into the situation that he knew nothing about such fundamental rules. Also the whole "Slytherin isn't REALLY bad" sujet is pissing me off, the "explanation" with the house-elf does not fit the scene after the sock (Avada Kedavra isn't easily said in joke or as pretend and Lucius DID mean it in the book, the text leaves no doubt... and the whole bashing of Hermione and Ron to get them out of the way is similarly problematic to the situation Harry finds himself in. How could a proposal for sponsorship A) come from Malfoy with his utterly dishonored position in society (even the "i was imperiussed" excuse makes him a weak and vulnerable liability not a strong and admirable wizard, plus if magic has its rules about honesty, dependability and loyalty then taking a brand like the Deffies do must carry a high burden close to blood traitor status too! And as much as i loved reading your switcheroo of Lucky Lucies stance, the whole "the Dark Lord promissed us we would be purebloods again and rule over the lesser bloods" thing does not make any shred of sense in this universe, they seem to rule just fine and have no real tangible prejudice, so why join a ruthless terrorist and murder, rape and pillage in his name?) and B) would never allow to be so shallowly presented that you can judge vainly on just the notion of "barbaric laws" without hearing all the important details first. The thing with Sirius is even worse, he has told Harry a small bit (maiden's kiss) but not the rest, not even that Harry's mum was not a mudblood and why? The Weasley's just open one question, after Molly's motives for joining the house if they are dishonored and disregarded in finer society... House Prewitt seemed rather arrogantly proud of its importance judging by Molly's few mentions and Aunt Muriel... Or why don't other noble families like Longbottom or Bones call them Blood Traitor too if that is the judgement of magic itself? What is even the sense of keeping Hermione declining to accept sponsorship if that is a horrid crime against Morgana's law? Shouldn't those who know the rules be warned that she's never to be clued in due to her denial of help? What are the others playing with when McGonagall is angered by hearing Hermione being called a Mudblood if that is an apt description of her status in society and was ordered by magic? Surely Draco as the affronted party is given leniency for using a derogatory word when the shoe fits?

No, nothing in this AU makes sense to me, it's an orgy of WTF moments whenever the core concept comes back up. And i still like the story for other qualities. Damn!

In the face of this messed up background for the story your attempt to go on from where it left is admirable. Ok you switched her from Ravenclaw to Slytherin without explanation and laid some things on even thicker, but on the other hand the additional use you gained from the absurd Pureblood stuff was legendary.

The scene with Lucius being chased by YKW was an epic height to the "payback" motif, although tbh the rather medieval nature of this world would have required something like six families each providing one of the items, in romantic symmetry and accepting the quest-like nature of the task set by Lord Potter-Black. and Malfoy had his already "ticked off".

If only the whole personalities and timing thing would have worked out better, the story feels rushed, Harry wins far too easy and all it takes is two days plus Astoria's birthday breakfast.... ehh no. Not in a hundred million universes is that realistic. Astoria's instant rise to unexpected heights does not feel much saner either. Well, at least i got a chuckle out of Tracey seeing the truth sooner than Daphne, despite Daphne's earlier talk with her sister about just this subject... ouch.

Still, while i see a lot that is in desperate need of better writing (sorry) i still feel the story is a good example of a solid writing exercise that just failed in terms of planning and laying out the exposee before starting to put down letters on "the paper". Especially since half the shipwreck already happened in the story that inspired you which really had some serious problems. Slightly overworked for better timing (of a few months or maybe a year and a half til Harry turns 17 instead of Story turning 15?) it could make a wonderful crack version of these Slytherin Apologist stories where everything snaky-green is so cool and everything gryffindor-gold is yucky-barf. If a cheat were needed to get Harry over the initial shock of not knowing jack e.g. one of these nifty house rings with verbal diarrhea would come handy (or is that fingery?) making stuff like the blood feud, the patronage of Lil Natalie and the ousting of Cornelius Fudge-Up way more believable due to delivering a how and why he knows so many details when hours before he was absolutely clueless. And finally while the set up leaves me speechless because it is so hole-y, you managed to milk it for a lot of funny scenes and quotes, which made the experience weird but enjoyable, i guess in a similar way to Harry getting Astoria's maiden kiss :P

Ehhh must i worry because this Starlight Cafe Diner's Club doesn't say anything to me?

Neeliemom posted a comment on Tuesday 29th December 2015 8:26pm

You may have abandoned this story, but I like it quite a lot. You should be happy to know that Ell Roche has reposted "The Kiss of a Maiden" over on fanfiction.net so folks can go read it and see what you're talking about. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11575977/1/

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Friday 13th November 2015 4:09pm

Corny but cute!

Charles M Liddle posted a comment on Saturday 31st October 2015 5:51pm

Eli Roche's original story is back on Fanfiction,net:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11575977/1/The-Kiss-of-a-Maiden

Also, in spite of what Jeconais said in his Author's Notes, I found his follow-up to

"Kiss of a Maiden" a very entertaining read.

kpjam posted a comment on Sunday 19th July 2015 6:48pm

I enjoyed this. I read through it before finding a link to the source of your inspiration. You continue to give your stories a stroy book flair to them that makes them very fun to read through.

GlennCLP posted a comment on Saturday 11th July 2015 12:34am

http://fictionhunt.com/read/7231737/3 - that's a link to the original for those of you who can't find it.

The Seeker posted a comment on Thursday 9th July 2015 4:38am

I have not read The Kiss of a Maiden, but found it really didn't matter. You recreated that world well enough that I could feel what wasn't stated in your story. This story seems to be like a set piece in a drama or a small canvas by an artist. Given your writing abilities the atmosphere created was consistent and very interesting (other than the Malfoy/Granger first year situation, which didn't play well at all). I enjoyed it. As always, thanks for your efforts on our behalf.

Rivana posted a comment on Wednesday 1st April 2015 3:18am

After having looked up the original "Kiss of a Maiden" story and reading your followup I have to say I quite enjoyed it. It was a very different take on the world of HP and really was quite intriguing. The characters might have been a tad "flat" as you say, but that didn't really ruin the enjoyment I got out of reading this. I think overall it was a good read and I'm very happy you decided to post it.

Liedral posted a comment on Monday 2nd February 2015 2:04pm

Hmmm... on my third readthrough I noticed this little issue that I thought I should bring up. Given how much marriage is despised... shouldn't Harry have asked Astoria to be his bonded instead of asking her to marry him? Nice fic though, really enjoyed it and went to search for the prequel.

kb0 posted a comment on Tuesday 6th January 2015 4:29am

Yeah, I had to infer a number of things, but it wasn't that bad for something that was abandoned. To make it a real story, you'd obviously have to set up the "universe", but that would probably only double the story size. Still, if it's just something that allowed you to play around to get ready for a full story, I can understand letting it go. :)

Kevin

GinnyLover posted a comment on Wednesday 24th December 2014 10:01pm

Thanks for the continuation! I too read the fic by Ell Roche and wanted to see it done.

I love fics where the author does into the intricacies of Magic.

ctattrie posted a comment on Sunday 21st December 2014 6:25pm

I to was wanted more from The Kiss of a Maiden and absolutly adore the the sequel you have written. Thank you for sharing it - as it ha made me smile and brightened my day. =D

qadoshkyrie posted a comment on Thursday 18th December 2014 2:17am

I'm now excited to see The Starlight Cafe Diner's Club.

I find your ability to be so much better than others, and then put down certain stories maddeningly frustrating. ^_^ Seriously, why do two of your most thought provoking stories have to be this and Princess (another Abandoned). I know it's probably, in part, because you haven't finished them, but I truly have enjoyed both.

This is the first thing I have read in a LONG time that makes me want to try my hand again at writing.

avatar99 posted a comment on Wednesday 17th December 2014 6:14am

I found the original story here: http://fictionhunt.com/read/7231737/3

Zaxxon posted a comment on Monday 15th December 2014 2:37am

I like Ell Roche's "Chancing Chaos" series of one-shots, and I believe the one you are referring to was Chapter 13, "Truth, Trust, and Tradition." Of course, I do like fics where the author actually does some world-building and shows that there is something unique and worthwhile besides being Muggles with Wands.

Not sure I would call this a failure... yes, you couldn't make this into a series, but a stand-alone, one-shot would work. Yes, there is not much drama/challenge, but there is closure here.

Seeing what comes out next with interest.