Konoha's Legion
Chapter 6
By Jeconais
Author Notes:
Been a while, but as switchhammerhit asked nicely, here's a new chapter.
Still the same pace, don't like, don't read.
It was late in the evening when they stopped. He’d set up a couple of tents, and they were eating dinner. He’d dropped his adult look, and was happily back acting like the fifteen year old he was.
It was all very well trying to be mature, but he still preferred acting like a kid.
“Finally caught up with you,” Jiraiya grunted as he sat down and helped himself to some soup.
“Enjoy the whore house?”
Jiraiya nodded. Happily. “So, Tsunade-chan, he convinced you, eh?”
“No,” Tsunade replied. “He won us in a poker game.”
Jiraiya seemed to freeze.
“Hmm, I broke him.”
“It’s not difficult.”
“He, he, he, he,” Jiraiya giggled. Suddenly he stood, and pounced, grabbing Naruto and pulling him away. “I know you’re a kid,” the Pervert continued, “so some advice, don’t forget to make them kiss each other before bed!”
Naruto sighed and freed himself from the unresisting Sannin. He headed back and sat back down.
“Know what you’re doing, kid?”
“Think so…”
“Be careful, tonight’s full of potential pitfalls, and I really don’t want to be killed by an enraged Sannin.”
“I know, I know.”
“I had hoped to leave him behind,” Naruto said to the others. “But, like a venereal disease, he turns up where he’s not wanted.”
“Hey,” Jiraiya protested. “A little respect, please.”
“What have you done to earn it recently? As far as I can tell, you spend your time being a pervert.”
“I’m not a pervert,” he protested. “I’m a super pervert!”
Naruto stared at him for a long time. Then he smiled thinly. “It’s time for bed. The three of us.”
Shizune and Tsunade looked at each other, a hint of worry on their faces, as they followed him into a tent.
He turned his back, as he got undressed, and hopped in to the enlarged bed. Tsunade was sending apologetic glances at her apprentice, as the reality of the situation she’d so blithely entered them in suddenly became real.
She had gambled both of them in a card game, and in one sense, he now owned both of them.
He suspected that they thought that he was a normal horny teenager, and he was. But he was also loyal to Anko and Kurenai, and besides, he was just doing this to drop Jiraiya in it.
The two women, dressed in the most prudish sleep wear that he’d ever seen, climbed in to bed next to him.
“Jiraiya also said that, as well as sleeping with you, I should get you two to kiss. He seemed to know what he was talking about.”
Pure unbridled anger appeared in both of their eyes for a second.
“Naruto,” Tsunade said slowly. “It’s not normal for us to kiss. He was being a pervert again.”
Naruto frowned. “Do you not love each other?” he asked curiously.
“We do, but we’re the same sex.”
“So?”
“Look, what if you were here with Jiraiya, would you kiss him?”
“Of course not.”
“See?”
“I don’t love him, so I wouldn’t kiss him. You do love each other, so you should.”
Tsunade paused, before she shot a look asking for help at Shizune. Shizune shrugged helplessly.
“Look,” Naruto sighed. “It’s easy, I’ll show you.” He leaned forward, and gently kissed Tsunade on the cheek, then did the same for Shizune. “See, a kiss. I really don’t know what all the fuss was about. Now, I’m going to sleep. Sleep well.” He pulled on his frog night-cap and settled down. “Sleep please, foxy-chan.”
“Look at their faces,” Kyūbi laughed, as she obliged and knocked him out. “They look like you just smacked them around the face with a wet fish.”
Shizune looked down at the sleeping boy, and felt like she’d never be able to raise her jaw from the floor again. It had been the strangest thirty hours of her life. From meeting a handsome man, finding out he was a kid, getting drunk, then having the best date of her life, and now she was here, having had her future sold by her master, to a kid who’d just made her feel like she was as bad as Jiraiya.
When he had said for them to kiss, she’d instantly presumed he meant in a deeply erotic way. And she was mortified at the idea, and she refused to acknowledge the tiny part of her that was slightly curious.
And then, he had shown her, with a simple soft kiss on the cheek, and she realised that it was her that had been the pervert, not him. This innocent teenager in front of her had taken Jirayia’s perverted advice, and cleaned it up so much.
Tsunade giggled next to her. “I’m going to beat the Pervert to within an inch of his life tomorrow, then hug the brat for not letting himself be corrupted.”
Shizune giggled. “I feel so guilty,” she confessed. “I thought…”
“Yeah, me to.”
“Why did you do this?” she asked softly.
“Because, by saying he what he did, by asking not if I would take the job, but if I was worthy, he made me want to prove myself again. Dan and Nawaki, and my parents, and grandparents, were judging me, and like him, they were not happy.
“What I want, is for people like him to think about me, as he does about Sensei. But I’m not strong enough to do it by myself. If I was, I would have done so a long time ago. I know who I am, Shizune, I’m not strong.”
“You’re the strongest,” she protested.
“In strength, maybe, but not where it counts. Without you, I would have probably lost a fight years ago, on purpose. I’ve not been a good master.”
“You have!”
“No, I’ve not been, and I know it. You’ve been incredibly loyal, more so then I have deserved.” Tsunade reached over and gently kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you.”
Shizune felt herself blushing. “But…”
“And I did it for you,” Tsunade finished with a teasing glint in her eyes. “Someone was walking on air when she got in last night.”
“He’s already in a relationship, though.”
“And they’re going to have to get used to the idea that he owns you,” she said smugly. “And no one who cares so much for his home is ever going to let you go.”
Shizune re-acquainted herself with the feeling of her jaw being on the ground.
“Now, sleep,” Tsunade ordered, and settled down on the other side of Naruto.
Shizune settled down as well, but her thoughts would not let her sleep in to well in to the night.
The Sandaime looked up as there was a knock on his door, and a familiar figure entered.
“I don’t think we’ve met?” the Hokage asked.
“Oh, I’m Five,” the Naruto-clone said cheerfully. “And, would it be okay if I borrow some Chakra from someone? I’m running a little low. I kinda got from Bird in a few minutes by riding the lightning. Great fun, but tiring. Oh, and well, I kinda need a hug to get it.”
“I’ll do it,” Anko said, emerging from the shadows.
“Um, would be better if Yugao-san was here,” Five said.
“Oh?” Anko asked.
“Hug the boss’s girlfriend?” Five asked. “Not a good move, I might get demoted!”
“Demoted?” The Sandaime asked, as Yugao moved out of the shadows as well.
Five walked over and hugged her, there was a small glow as Yugao opened up her Chakra, and Five took it in.
“That’s better,” Five said, bowing to her. “The best clones get created many times, and get numbers. I’ve got a really high number, and I don’t want to lose it. There are thousands of clones after my job, after all.”
“So what’s with the Yugao-san?” Yugao asked curiously.
“Only the boss call’s you Babe-chan,” Five explained. “We’d only do it when we’re impersonating the boss.”
“You do that a lot?” Anko asked.
He shrugged, “When it’s needed. Thirteen, Fourteen and Fifteen are currently on long term duty impersonating the boss in various countries, getting reports on how the businesses are doing. When they come across something they can’t handle, the boss asks for help here and tells them what to do.”
“Fascinating,” the Hokage murmured.
“Clone politics are fun,” Five continued. “But it means we’re always looking to pull of the best moves. I was the one that scared Gatō in to signing over his businesses, so I got promoted to level three. Eleven’s spent the most time of anyone out and about, and he’s the one that knows how the boss thinks best of all of us, so he’s really good at being a replacement.
“And of course, then there’s Four,” he sighed softly.
“Four?”
“I think we’re all in love with Four,” Five explained. “She’s the only female clone. We did wonder if, you know, one of us could get with her.”
“But, she likes girls?” Anko suggested.
“Exactly, well, as much as any of us clones do. You know, she was with us on the dock, when one of the bastards got a lucky shot in and dispelled her. We all went a bit nuts after that.”
Anko sniggered.
“Why are you here?”
Five sat up straight. “Sorry. Naruto’s got Tsunade-sama returning to Konoha, they should be here in a couple of days. I need permission to open a casino here.”
“Why?” The Hokage asked.
“Because Tsunade really enjoys gambling, and this way Naruto can control it. The money she loses to him, Naruto can give to Shizune to ensure that she has enough. It also means he can ban sake when she’s working.”
“He can ban?” the Sandaime asked.
Five’s hand reached up and he scratched the back of his head. “Well, Naruto kinda won Tsunade and Shizune in a card game.”
The Hokage sighed, as an amused look flickered around his eyes. “You know how to run a casino?”
“We’ve got a load of them already, we know the laws, and we can guarantee you a very healthy tax revenue stream. As well as guaranteed ethical management, local employment, and a place for all the Ninjas to let off steam safely.”
The Hokage shrugged. “Okay.”
“Cool,” Five breathed in relief. “The boss sent me so that I can grab the Wave guys and gals and get them to work on the next project. They’re working so fast and doing such a brilliant job on the boss’s home.”
“Naruto,” Jiraiya said, “there’s a small bandit camp up ahead. A couple of Chūnins there, do you want to take care of it?”
Naruto vanished.
Jiraiya chuckled to himself.
“Can he look after himself?” Shizune asked worriedly.
“He has the single greatest mastery of the Shadow Clone technique I have ever seen or heard of. Each of them has a personality, and is quite capable of using Jutsus. His normal technique is to cover the sky line with Clones and attack using overwhelming force.”
Tsunade smiled faintly. “Good technique.”
“Apart from the fact that he’s always in the middle, where the fighting is hardest.”
Tsunade and Shizune both paled slightly.
“Anyway, how are you, really?”
Tsunade shrugged. “I actually want to go back. His reverse psychology worked.”
“Yeah, it took me a while, but I’ve worked out his secret. He never does anything alone.”
“What?”
“He’s clever, he always gets plenty of opinions on what to do before hand. He asked Sensei, me, Hiashi, and a couple of others about you first, then he had a group discussion with his clones.
“Don’t get me wrong though, if he didn’t trust you, you wouldn’t be here. Naruto killed both of Sensei’s teammates because, “the old man needed people he (Naruto) trusted advising him, not self serving wretches”, and that was at the same time that he set up Danzo to be killed.”
Tsunade sniggered. “I wish I could have seen the old fool’s face as he died.”
“You can, Sensei got it all on video.”
Tsunade rubbed her hands together in pleasure. “I thought I sensed you around when he was talking to me.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t have a high opinion of me, and I understand why.”
“Oh?”
“Kakashi.”
“Your number one fan?”
“Not even in the top hundred,” Jiraiya mumbled. “And the most idiotic. Even I don’t recommend reading Icha Icha Paradise in public. A couple of academy students stole a copy from him, one of them, a Hyūga heiress, thought it was a guide book, and long story short, Naruto woke up with a twelve year old, who had barely started puberty snuggling him, expecting some fun and games.
“As much as he blames Kakashi, he has some anger at me for writing the stories.”
“Ahh,” Tsunade nodded. “That explains his distaste.”
Jiraiya nodded. “I’ll get through to him, I do have some principles.” He paused. “Not many.”
“True,” Shizune mumbled.
“Naruto has dealt with Kakashi?”
Jiraiya grinned. “Unmasked him in a bar. Sensei then grabbed him, as one of the kids that got the book was Kon.”
“So,” Tsunade interrupted. “What’s going on with the world?”
“Have you ever heard of Akatsuki?”
The Sandaime looked at the Jounin Senseis in front of him. “So,” he said, “I said that I’d ask your opinions about your teams. What do you think?”
“I’ve got a problem with Haku,” Kakashi said before anyone else could say anything.
“Oh? She’s not ready?”
“No, well, I mean, she’s at Jounin level already. She’s massively over-qualified for it. Stamina, skill, ability, planning, you name it, she’s that good. So I don’t know what to do with Sasuke and Sakura.”
The Hokage smiled. “That’s perfect. Naruto should be home in the next few days, he can take her place temporarily.”
Naruto bounced back toward the four others, and picked up Tonton who was trotting happily between Shizune and Tsunade.
“That took a long time,” Jiraiya teased. “Losing your touch?”
“Three Chunins, not two,” Naruto explained. “Was fun.” He took a deep breath. “There’s a hot springs three miles ahead, on the left, at the bottom of a large hill, and it seems that there’s some sort of female-only day there.”
Jirayia’s after image slowly faded in to nothing-ness.
“Naruto-kun?” Shizune asked.
Naruto moved out and took her hands, he placed Tonton in her arms, and slipped a pair of handcuffs on her wrists. “Sorry, Shizune-chan, these are from Ibiki, they won’t let you use Chakra.”
“What?” Shizune and Tsunade both demanded.
“I’ve asked Foxy-chan to not heal me,” he continued, ignoring them. He pulled out a kunai, took a deep breath, and plunged it into his chest. Shizune screamed. The pain was white hot, he dragged the metal out, and some blood for an arterial vein squirted in to the air, some of it landing on Tsunade, who froze.
The pain was worse than he had expected, there was no adrenaline to act as a pain killer.
“P-please,” he choked out, finding blood in his mouth. He started to choke, and couldn’t seem to stop.
“Tsunade-sama, you must do something, Naruto-kun is dying.”
Tsunade didn’t move. She was staring at her hands, at his blood on her hands, in horror.
“Naruto, you fucking idiot, you’re almost completely out of chakra! I might not be able to fix this in time. Atleast ask before doing something so mindbogglingly stupid!”
“Tsunade,” Shizune shouted firmly, “you will heal this patient in front of you immediately!”
Tsunade looked up, her eyes were lost.
“You will use your chakra to drain his lungs and heal his wounds, and then you will relax. You will do it, and you will do it now.”
Her hands reached out, a green glow appeared around them.
“The lungs first,” Shizune ordered.
“I know, I know,” Tsunade snapped back, her hands moving. She paused. “I know,” she whispered, and a small smile appeared on her face. The pain in Naruto’s chest slowly vanished, and he was able to breathe again.
A few seconds later, with Foxy-chan now helping, he was back to normal.
He panted for a few seconds, then unlocked Shizune’s handcuffs. The dark haired medical specialist reached back and gave him a punch that would have made her mistress proud.
Naruto flew back, landing on the ground, his head snapping to the right. “I deserved that,” he muttered. He stood and shook his head. “That was, by a long way, the Kami-damned stupidest thing I have ever done!”
Tsunade giggled, and reached out and pulled him close. “Thank you,” she said, and kissed him gently on his forehead.
He grinned at her. “It was still a stupid way of dealing with it, it could have backfired massively.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “And as Shizune has punched you, and you already understand how stupid that idea was, not to mention that if you’d been an inch to your left, you’d have died, I’ll just appreciate the gesture.”
“Well,” he scratched the back of his neck. “The Pervert told me about your fear of blood, and we can’t let anyone use that against you, can we? Oh, and foxy-chan said thanks, and is still telling me off for not even checking with her first.”
“And why, exactly, are you so short of chakra? The bandit camp can’t have been that bad.”
“Err,” Naruto grinned. “So, maybe I shouldn’t have set up a prank like I did before trying this. I’ll learn that lesson for next time.”
“A prank?” Shizune said, as she walked up and hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”
“I’m sorry for scaring you, and I did deserve it. Oh, and the ordering around? Really sexy.”
Shizune blushed and giggled.
“Come on, let’s go see my revenge on the Pervert. It’s something that Kurenai-chan came up with. Like with clones, I can’t create normal ones, as I’ve just got to much Chakra. With clones, I create thousands of Shadow Clones, which is way over the top. So, Kurenai-chan thought I should try a massively over-the-top illusion, so I did.
“Long story short, I managed to make it look like Konoha had vanished. And it scared the stuffing out of people, because all the Ninja couldn’t tell it was an illusion, it was so big, and so massive, that it hid all the signs they normally look for.
“Once you’ve seen it a few times, you’ll be able to tell, but because it’s so big, it will fool anyone the first time.” He grinned. “It fooled the old man.”
Tsunade had a big smile on her face, as the four of them walked, well, three walked, one pig snuggled against Shizune’s chest.
Naruto nudged Tsunade, “is it wrong of me to be jealous of a pig?”
Tonton looked up and grinned at him.
Tsunade just laughed and put an arm around his shoulders.
They caught up with the Pervert, who was hidden behind a fence, giggling incessantly as he scribbled frantically. There was a pool close to the fence, then some grass, and another series of pools that the ladies were bathing in.
“Stay here,” Naruto whispered, “and watch.” He walked over to Jiraiya, “Look, Pervert, I’ve been a bit harsh on you,” he said.
Jiraiya nodded in agreement.
“So, as an apology, Foxy-chan gave me a Jutsu for you. You use the Dog seal three times, concentrate on your eyes, and call, “Memory No Jutsu,” it will seal what you see in to your memory, so that you will always be able to remember it in perfect clarity.”
“Thank you,” Jiraiya breathed excitedly. His hands flew, and he grinned happily.
Naruto reached out and touched the fence, so that it became transparent. “They can’t see you, and you’ll be able to hear them better,” he said, as he walked back to the other three.
“Naruto?” Shizune asked. “What?”
“Just watch,” he grinned.
“I’ve got an idea,” the voice floated. “There are no men around, why don’t we skinny dip in that pool over there?”
There was a chorus of agreements, as they walked out of one pool, their towels around their waists, and their chests bouncing with each step. All of them were gorgeous, with each having a unique hair colour.
Jiraiya had stopped writing, his whole concentration on the approaching women. A couple were kissing each other playfully as they moved. “I’m gonna make you scream, Hitomi-chan,” one of the girls promised.
They paused in front of the large pool, and stretched up, before, each of them put their hands to their towels.
“Please, Kami, please,” Jiraiya pleaded under his breath.
As one, all of them dropped their towels, and, five seconds later, Jiraiya screamed, a scream of agony and torture. “Noooooo!”
Naruto fell to the ground and laughed as hard as he could. The image of Jirayia’s face as he stared at the group of beautiful girls, each with erect male genitalia, would stick with him for the rest of his life.
“Tsunade-sama,” Shizune said.
“Yes, my apprentice?”
“Please, never let me get on Naruto’s bad side.”
“As long as you do the same for me.”
“I will. That said, it was funny.”
Tsunade grinned, and then laughed, and a second later she was on the floor with Naruto. Shizune joined them a few moments later. Tonton was already on his back, his legs waving in the air.
Naruto looked up, “Release,” he whispered, and the hot springs vanished. The ladies quickly turned back into Naruto-clones, each with an identical wide smile. They dispersed in a group, leaving nothing but grass behind them.
He walked over to Jiraiya, “Now we’re even, old man,” he said cheerfully. “I had something horrific, you’ve had something horrific.” He helped him up. “So, you’re a Sannin, right?”
Jiraiya, his eyes wide, nodded.
“Then, on the way back, you can help train me, along with Tsunade-chan and Shizune-chan.”
It was another four days when they arrived in Konoha. They got through the gates quickly, the very fact that Tsunade, related to the first two Hokages, was back, was a cause for them to be rushed through.
Naruto took them on a slightly scenic route, and they paused by a large lot, where a horde of Naruto’s were clearing it out.
“What is going on here?” Tsunade asked.
“I figured you’d want to see this place first,” Naruto said. “After all, if a Hokage works hard all day, and gets all her paperwork done, why shouldn’t she be allowed to spend the night relaxing at Kohona’s first casino and nightclub?”
Tsunade squealed happily, and pounced on Naruto, giving him a full body hug. Naruto had to use Chakra to stay upright.
She kissed him on the forehead, then hopped off. “Come on, Pervert,” she said. “Let’s go see the old man. Naruto, can you take Shizune to the nearest hotel?”
“Why?”
She looked at him.
“Because, as long as you don’t mind the fact that there is a load of building work going on, I figured you’d live with me in my new house.”
“You have the space?”
Naruto grinned. “Head toward Dad’s land when you’re ready.”
Tsunade walked with Jiraiya in to the Hokage’s office. She smiled at the old man at the desk, despite everything; it was good to see him again.
“Hey, Sensei,” she said.
He smiled warmly at her, then moved around the table and hugged her. “It is really good to see you. Even if you are three days later than I expected.”
Tsunade shrugged. “We got carried away training Naruto.” She looked past him, at the four ninjas hidden in the shadows. “So, you must be Anko-chan, Babe-chan, Sleepy-kun, and I’d recognise that mask anywhere, Tiger.”
The ninja’s in masks removed them, and smiled at her. “Tenzou,” she nodded to the one that had been wearing the Tiger mask.
“Lady Tsunade,” he said, going down on one knee.
“Rise, I’ve told you before, you’re kinda family.”
“Kinda,” he agreed with a slightly amused look.
Tsunade turned to Anko. “Yes, Naruto is back, yes, you can go and see him, no you can’t dump Shizune, yes, he does own us, no, we’re not letting him out of it, yes, you will have to learn to share if you want a relationship with him, no, I don’t know if I want to join in, no, I don’t know about Shizune, no, never with her, yes, we are living with him, yes, if you hurt him, I will kill you personally.”
Anko closed her mouth, as every question she had was answered. She slowly smiled wryly.
“Yes, she is,” Tsunade finished, “and no, I don’t have any problem with your past, both because having a problem would be illogical, and because Naruto-kun is crazy about you.”
Anko laughed and grinned. “I look forward to serving you,” she said with wicked smile.
“I’m sure you do. Oh, and just wait until I tell you how Naruto got revenge on the Pervert.”
Anko clapped her hands together. “I could get Naruto and Shizune to tell me.”
Tsunade nodded.
Anko vanished in a swirl of leaves.
“That,” the Sandaime said dryly, “is the first time I have seen that technique done quite so exuberantly.”
“She’s a tiger, that one, no offence, Tenzo.”
“None taken,” the ANBU replied.
“I get no respect,” Jiraiya muttered.
“I would like to know,” Yugao said cheerfully.
“As would I,” the Hokage agreed. “Do you want my job now?”
“Nah,” Tsunade replied. “You can judge the Chunin exam. I’ll take over after that.”
“Excellent, I’m sure that council will be delighted. They’ve been ever so helpful recently.”
“So I heard.”
“They seem to be under the impression that if they don’t do a good job, Naruto might think that they’re harming the village. And I might have let slip that Naruto was instrumental in Danzo’s death, as well as my former team mates, because he thought they were harming the village.”
“You know,” Jiraiya interrupted. “I think that after the exams, I’m going to take him on a training trip. Should be a couple of years, no more than that.”
“What!” The word came from everyone in the room, with the exception of Hokage and Tenzo.
Jiraiya shrugged. “You’ve all done a pretty amazing job with him, but I can do better.”
“I think it’s an excellent idea,” the Hokage said firmly. “In fact, it’s such a good idea, that I’m going to go as well.”
This time, the “what” did come from everyone else in the room.
“Part of the reason I’m retiring is so that I can train Naruto, I do agree that he’d prosper more out of the village, where he doesn’t have distractions. It would also give me a chance to introduce him to the world, and meet some of my old friends.”
“So that he can take over from me,” Tsunade finished.
The Hokage nodded. “He has good instincts, but needs to know when to act and when not to act, sometimes doing nothing is the best thing.”
Tsunade sat down and sighed. “Well, I’m glad you’re gonna take the flak for this, I can see a lot of irritated people going for your blood.”
“My blood?” the Sandaime asked. “We’re not announcing it until after the finals. When you’re in charge.”
“I hate you.”
“I think,” Naruto said with Shizune, “is that we should head through town first, I can introduce you to some people. Then we’ll head to the Hyūga compound, and tell Hiashi that I’m moving out, before we see how our new place is coming.”
“Okay,” Shizune agreed.
“Hey, that hurt!” The noise came from around the corner.
“Put me down!”
“That’s Konohamaru,” Naruto said, vanishing around the corner. Shizune following him closely.
As they rounded a corner, Konoha was being held up by a black-clad shinobi with a large sack on his back. Next to him was a girl with her hair in four ponytails. They were wearing headbands that announced that they came from the Suna, the Village Hidden in the Sand.
“You have two seconds to put my student down, before I have you killed, Chunin exam or no Chunin exam,” Naruto said coldly.
The foreign ninja looked at Naruto in surprise.
“Two, one.”
As the boy hadn’t moved, three clones appeared, each with their swords against the boy’s neck. “I said,” Naruto growled, “Put him down.”
The boy did, and Kon scampered over behind Naruto.
“Kid, kid,” Kyūbi said, her voice sounding upset. “I’d recognise that Chakra anywhere. It’s Shukaku, the one tailed Tanuki. In the tree. He once tried to mate me when I was asleep!”
“But that’s rape!” Naruto mentally said in horror. “Kon, Shizune, run, now.”
“But.”
“That was an order,” Naruto snapped. “Get the ANBU here, immediately.”
Shizune took Kon and vanished.
“Shukaku,” Naruto yelled, to the red haired boy in the tree. “Get your arse down here immediately!”
The two nins next to him gasped in horror, as a red-haired boy swirled in to place next to them. Sand formed first, then faded down, leaving the boy clear and glaring at him.
“Mother wants your blood!” the boy growled. The other two slowly started to back away.
“G-G-Gaara,” one of them said.
“Quiet, Kankuro,” Gaara snapped. He pulled out some killer intent at Naruto.
“Your mother is an attempted rapist, and your intent to kill me is pitiful. This is how you do it!” He pulled out his own hatred for perverts, and added the extra hate he had for anyone who hurt one of his key people. Foxy-chan was lending him anything he wanted. He looked directly at the boy, and released it in one single burst.
The boy stumbled back a step or two, a look of shock on his face. The other two were frozen, caught in the outskirts of it.
“I have no problem with you, Gaara,” Naruto snarled. “But that one tailed git inside you, I’m going to rip his fucking tail off and give to Kyūbi as a Kami-damned present, you son of a bitch.”
“Mother,” Gaara cried. “You won’t take my mother!”
“Your mother is a male, you idiot, he’s not even managed to get past needing a sex yet.”
“But…”
“What’s going on here?” the Sandaime asked as he appeared next to them. Tsunade and Jiraiya were next to him, Shizune, and several ANBU teams were surrounding them.
“Did you know that Suna were sending a Jinchūriki?”
“No, they somehow failed to mention that. Where is your sensei?”
The red-head was looking panicked, the other two still couldn’t move.
“Naruto, would you please let them move?”
Naruto growled.
“My turn,” Anko said cheerfully, as she bounced in front of him. “Missed you,” she said, as she kissed him.
As much as Naruto wanted to keep up the killing intent, it was impossible to feel like that when you had someone like Anko kissing you.
“Thank you,” The Sandaime muttered in amusement. “Now, who is your Jounin-sensei?”
“B-B-Baki,” the girl said.
“Fetch him.”
Two ANBU left, and returned less than thirty seconds later with a tall ninja, he had a bandage covering his head and the left side of his face.
“Lord Hokage?” he asked, going down on one knee.
“Would you care to explain why your charges decided to assault my grandson?” the Hokage asked calmly. “And quite how you forgot to mention that…”
“Gaara,” Naruto said. “The one-tailed Shukaku is inside him. Once I get through with him, he’ll just be another pitiful tail-less beast!”
The Sandaime sighed.
“My apologies, Lord Hokage,” Baki said smoothly. “We weren’t aware that we needed to say anything.”
“Cloud are participating for the first time in years, and they told me,” the Hokage said. “A matter of politeness, if nothing else. Ensure that your Genin are under control. Naruto, please leave them alone until the exams.
“And if you are interested, the other Jinchūriki is entering through the main gate in about thirty minutes.”
“Okay,” Naruto reached out a hand to Shizune. As soon as she was in range, he made the hand seals and grabbed both her and Anko.
Temari tried as hard as she could not to shake, as the boy in front of her vanished with two other girls in a burst of lightning.
She had thought that nothing could be scarier than Gaara. She had been wrong. Very wrong. Gaara had the one tailed beast inside him. The boy – Naruto – had a nine tailed beast. And perhaps worse, appeared perfectly rational. That much power combined with a rational outlook to life scared her intently.
“We are allies, Baki,” The Hokage said softly. “Please inform the Kazekage that I desire a word or two with him, as soon as he arrives.”
“I will.”
The Hokage, and the others vanished.
“The hotel, now,” Baki ordered, his voice implacable. She ran, as fast as she could, ignoring the others. She wanted to hide, but knew she couldn’t.
Back in their hotel room, they collapsed down.
“Who the hell was he!” Kankuro shouted.
“Weren’t you paying attention?” Temari snapped. “He’s like Gaara, but with the Kyūbi inside him.”
“This is a problem,” Baki muttered. “Did you see who was behind the Hokage?”
She shook her head.
“Jiraiya and Tsunade.”
“But they’re not supposed to be here,” she protested.
Baki scratched his bandaged head. “I need to report to your father, this may change our invasion plans.”
“I need to fight him,” Gaara muttered. “For Mother’s honour.”
Naruto sat with his feet dangling off the edge of the building, as Shizune and Anko had a whispered conversation behind them. There was a slightly scary amount of giggling going on between the two.
Up ahead, he could see four ninjas approaching. One a blonde girl that, even from the distance he was at, seemed powerful. Judging by her height compared to her companions, she was probably the Jounin sensei of the other three.
“That’s little Nibi!” Kyūbi said excitedly. “She’s a good friend, like my baby sister.”
Naruto watched as they entered through the gates. He jumped down from the roof, somersaulting twice, before landing in front of them.
“Nibi!” he cried cheerfully, and hugged the shocked girl. “Welcome to Konoha!”
The Jinchūriki moved out of his arms. “Who the hell are you?”
Naruto pouted at her. “You mean Nibi doesn’t recognise us?”
Her eyes faded. “Kyūbi?” she asked in surprise.
Naruto grinned at her. “Uzumaki Naruto, host of Kyūbi no Yōko, at your service.” He gave her a small bow.
“Nil Yugito, host of Nibi no Bakeneko.”
“Did you know that Shukaku is here?”
Yugito hissed under her breath.
“Sorry,” he said, “but I’ve already reserved the right to rip his tail off and give it to Kyūbi.”
Yugito pouted for a second, before shooting a kick out. Naruto swayed back the three inches needed for it to miss, and looked at her curiously.
“So, you’re not really a Genin,” she said with a smile.
He shook his head. “Genin, just got back from a trip where I got some training from a couple of the Sannin.”
She blinked and laughed softly. “Well, my guys are going to have to work to get promoted.”
Naruto waved at the three Genin standing behind her, they were pretending not to listen in.
“Where are you staying? I’ll guide you there.” As they set off, he looked at her. “I didn’t think that the Village Hidden in the Clouds sent Genin teams to us?”
“We don’t, normally, but I’m here to spy on you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, when rumour starts spreading about the son of Fourth Hokage freeing a country, and taking over many businesses, the Raikage got a little curious. I’m here to see if you’re a threat.”
“Should you be telling me this?”
She shrugged. “Probably not, no. But then, if Kyūbi told you that you could trust someone implicitly, you’d follow...” she paused. “What is the correct pro-noun for referring to a being that no longer needs a sex? ‘It’ sounds massively insulting.”
“Oh, I just call her Foxy-chan,” Naruto said cheerfully.
“Nibi’s laughing. Anyway, you’d follow Foxy-chan’s advice?”
Naruto nodded. “Of course.” They arrived outside a large hotel. Naruto looked at it and frowned. “Look, if you get bored of hotel accommodation, you’re welcome to move in with me – I have at least six bedrooms free at the moment.”
She smiled and gave him a hug. “Thank you, brother.”
“I know this is weird,” Naruto agreed, “but I do see you as my little sister.”
“And I’m close to a foot taller than you,” she teased.
Naruto smiled and henged in to his adult form. “Is this better?”
Yugito reached out and touched his forehead. “A solid henge?”
Naruto grinned and changed to his female form. “We should go to the spas later. I can introduce you to some of the cool ninjas around here.”
“Nibi says that you really are female, hormones, pheromones, and all?” she said in surprise.
Naruto nodded. “Period, potential for pregnancy, the lot,” he agreed. “Not going to happen though, because even in this form, I like girls.”
“Like the two that are following us?”
“Anko’s kinda one of my girlfriends, and I won Shizune and Tsunade in a card game. I’ve had an interesting six months.”
Yugito studied him for a long time. “Yes,” she said abruptly. “We’ll go to the Spa together, I’m sure you’ve got a fascinating story, and I want to hear it.”
Naruto grinned at her. “How about tomorrow evening? I’ve got a load still to do today.”
She smiled. “I’ll look forward to it.” She paused. “Naruto, we’re not here to go eye hunting, if that makes sense.”
He looked at her, then grinned. “Your Raikage isn’t popular, but I’ll make sure that no one takes it out on you. Come on, Shizune-chan, Anko-chan,” he called to the two women, and then transported them to the Hyūga clan compound.
“Naruto-sama,” one of the branch members cried, throwing herself forward and hugging him tightly.
Naruto knew his expression was one of shock, as he looked at Shizune and Anko helplessly. He stroked her back, now aware that she was crying. Others were gathering around him.
She slowly pulled back and looked up at him. For the first time, he noticed that she, and the others, had a completely unblemished forehead. He smiled at her. “Brilliant, that stupid seal is gone!”
She nodded and turned, gathering her hair and raising it, showing a small tattoo at the base of her neck. “We’ve all got one of these, even Hiashi-sama,” she said happily. “All the benefits, none of the pain.”
At that, he was mobbed by happy Branch members who wanted to thank him. It eventually took Hiashi to pull him out of the mess. Safely ensconced in his office, Naruto looked at Anko and Shizune balefully. “A lot of help you were.”
“Ahh,” Anko smirked. “Poor Naru-kun couldn’t handle all those nasty people being grateful.”
“Welcome back, did your mission go successfully?” Hiashi interrupted the nascent argument.
“Hiashi-san, may I introduce Shizune, Tsunade’s apprentice.”
“We’ve met,” Hiashi said, aiming a small smile at Shizune, who smiled back.
“Okay,” Naruto agreed as he dropped in front of the older man and settled down. “Two things.”
“You’re moving out, as your first house is habitable.”
Naruto grinned. “Yup, as soon as I’m ready, I’ll invite you all around for a house warming party.”
Hiashi nodded. “And the second thing?”
“Cloud sent a Genin team.”
Hiashi scowled, and started to rise.
“And while normally I’d agree with what you’re about to do, they were clever. They sent my sister.”
Hiashi paused and slowly lowered himself back in to his chair. “Sister?”
“Nil Yugito, holder of Nibi no Bakeneko, and Foxy-chan’s little sister. She’s the Jounin sensei for her Genin team. She has also promised me that she is not here on an eye hunt, nor is anyone from Cloud.”
“So you’re saying that our argument is with Cloud, not your sister?”
He nodded.
Hiashi sighed deeply, a frustrated look on his face. “I understand, I know people were just following orders, and that we’ve done some pretty bad thing, but still, it’s difficult not want to get some revenge in. I will inform Neji myself. Now, have you eaten?”
“Nope.”
Hiashi looked at his watch. “Come, we will eat.” They walked out, everywhere they went they were met with beaming smiles. They joined Hinata, Neji and Hanabi in the dining room.
“Kawaii!” Naruto yelled cheerfully as he pounced on Hanabi. She smiled at him and hugged him tightly, before he released her.
“Hey Hinata-chan, Neji.”
“Welcome back, Naruto-kun,” Neji said. “I have heard that you’ve had an interesting afternoon.”
“Yeah.”
“Neji, Hinata, Hanabi, representatives from Cloud are participating in the Jounin exams. This is not the time for revenge.”
“Why not?” Neji asked.
“Because they sent their Jinchūriki, who happens to be Kyūbi’s little sister.”
Neji sighed and grumbled under his breath.
“Thanks,” Naruto said. “For those that don’t know, this is Shizune, Tsunade’s apprentice, and you know Anko.”
“Hey,” Anko waved.
“Thank you for having me,” Shizune said calmly, as she took a seat.
Dinner was quite fun, as Naruto regaled them with tales from the mission, leaving Anko in hysterical laughter at what had happened to Jiraiya.
After they had finished, Hinata stood. “Father,” she said softly. “I will not be eating with the family tomorrow. Kiba-kun has invited me on a date, and I have accepted.”
“Woo, Kiba’s a lucky guy,” Naruto praised.
“Indeed,” Hiashi muttered. “I hope it all goes well.”
Hinata blushed, and managed to get out of the room without fainting.
“Neji,” Naruto said slowly. “Do you fancy a walk later this evening?”
“A walk that just might take us past the Inuzuka compound?”
“There’s a chance that, in the spirit of pure coincidence, that we might go that way,” Naruto agreed.
“And if we were to see, say, Kiba, we might have a word?” Neji.
Naruto nodded. “We are friends, after all, it would behove us to keep that friendship up, we could check that he’s as happy as Hinata-chan is.”
“Indeed,” Neji chuckled.
“Don’t scare him too much,” Hanabi cautioned. “You don’t want the date to be cancelled.”
“Scare him?” Naruto asked. “Nonsense, it would just be a friendly little chat. Right, Neji?”
“Absolutely,” Neji agreed.
“Thanks for the meal, Hiashi-san.”
“You are welcome at any time, Naruto-kun.”
Naruto grinned at him. “Catch you later,” he said, as he popped away with the other two, to have a look at his new house.
They arrived in front of what appeared to be a small grey and white castle, complete with curved walls and wooden pointed ceilings.. To the left and to the right, hundreds of people, and more clones, were busy at work, building some smaller versions, but from what he could see, the main house was done.
“Boss!”
“Eleven,” Naruto greeted his clone. “It’s good to see you.”
“Six is over there,” he pointed to the left. “Supervising a problem with the plumbing. He’s been working hard.”
“As have you,” Naruto agreed. “You’ve done an amazing job.”
Eleven grinned. “Tazuna, get your drunken lazy arse over here,” he yelled.
Said bridge builder walked over to them. “Bloody clones,” he grumbled. “Hey, brat.”
“Drunky,” Naruto grinned at him.
Tazuna rolled his eyes, and then moved forward. He opened the doors dramatically. “Welcome to your new house.”
Naruto, accompanied by Shizune and Anko entered. To Naruto’s surprise, the entrance hall way was massive, with a white marble staircase sweeping up to a balcony for the second level, and a polished marble floor.
“Where, exactly, did you get all this marble so quickly?” Naruto asked in surprise.
Eleven coughed. “I might have leaned on a few of our contracts. We’ve got some friends in Earth, and they sent it out quickly. In unrelated news, a minor lord in Tea country is upset with us.”
“Oh dear,” Naruto said blandly.
“Yeah,” Eleven agreed. “On with the tour, Tazuna.”
They moved to the left, to a large sitting area. The walls were painted white, and there were only a couple of scraggy couches.
“Perfect,” Naruto praised.
“Huh?” Anko asked.
“I’ll explain in a bit,” Naruto said with a mysterious grin. The next room was a massive kitchen, with a long breakfast bar, and loads of windows out to the garden. It took up around half of the back of the house. Through a door, was a weapons rack, with numerous weapons already hanging in place.
“Kitchen is custom built, we had to learn carpentry to help, but it is fun. All appliances came from stores in town. We didn’t accept discounts.”
“Good.”
From the kitchen, they walked in to a room with a large hot tub sunk into the floor. There were a series of shower cubicles around the outside. The floor was tiled in blue and white, with the Uzumaki swirl in the centre. Naruto bent down and touched one.
“Under floor heating,” Eleven explained cheerfully. “After training, we can come in here, shower, then sit in the pool and relax.”
“Nice,” Anko breathed softly.
They continued to the last room on the ground floor, a huge dining room, with a long table, that was completely bare, and twenty four hardwood seats.
“There’s a corridor straight to the kitchen, so we don’t need to go through the pool area,” Eleven pointed to a door in the corner. They walked on, into a large corner room. “Library, the book cases are arriving next week.”
Through another door, the emerged back in the entrance hall.
“Up stairs, is easier. Each bedroom is the same,” he explained as they moved up the stairs. He opened the first door, to show a large room with built-in wardrobes, and a bed. As with every other room, the walls were white.
The en-suite bathroom had a shower unit, as well as a freestanding bath, a large marble top and a sink. A mirror hung on the wall over the sink.
“Okay, I can’t take it anymore,” Anko said. “Why is everything so boring! No paintings, no colours, just white everywhere. It’s like you spent all the money on the outside, with nothing left on the inside.”
“Why Anko-chan,” Naruto said with a grin. “I figured that everyone who moved in would want to decorate their own rooms, and everyone could then help decide how we decorate the rest of the house. I’ve not got a clue.”
Anko looked at him with large eyes.
“Of course,” Naruto finished. “That’s if you want to move in? You, and Kurenai-chan, I made it with rooms big enough for you.”
Before he could blink, there was a strange squee’ing noise, then he was flat on his back, with a special Jounin pounced on him.
“We can do so much,” she said eagerly. “I’ve got colour schemes in mind already. We can use clones, right? And buy what we need?”
He smiled and nodded. “Just remember that Shizune-chan and Tsunade-chan will be living here as well. And I’ve still got to ask Kurenai-chan.”
Anko pounced off him and grabbed Shizune. “Come on, let’s make notes.”
“Okay,” Shizune agreed, an excited look in her eyes, as a pen and notepad appeared from nowhere.
“You did a great job, Tazuna. All of your guys.”
“Well, actually, we just told you, erm, Eleven, how to do it, and he worked on this one with most of the clones. You’ve got a huge advantage, because you all work together perfectly. And you can just ask for advice, and you all know it.”
Naruto smiled. “Eleven, can you arrange for some more sake for Tsunade, and put something together for Tonton.”
“The pig? Sure.”
“How’s Six holding up?”
“He’s stressed, but having the time of his life.”
“I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to need you more over the next few weeks, so I’ll put Four in charge here. She’s been itching to do something.”
“Lucky Six,” Eleven mumbled.
Naruto nodded to his left, and Four puffed in to being. She smiled massively and gave a huge stretch, her hands going up, which raised her t-shirt out of her jeans and emphasised her chest.
“Eyes right, Tazuna,” Eleven warned, his voice barely audible.
“Four, can you go and fetch Tsunade at around six, and make her at home? Then talk about the decoration.”
“Sure thing, boss,” she said with a beaming smile. Four bounced over to Naruto and gave him a quick hug. “It’s good to see you back.”
“Thanks. Eleven, do you want to show her around?”
“Of course,” Eleven said, almost stuttering
The two clones left, leaving Naruto alone with Tazuna. “How are you holding up?”
“I kinda miss my family,” he admitted.
“Why not send a message home, invite everyone to come up for next weekend? We’ll have a big party, throw a barbeque, and everyone can see their families again. I can arrange for a couple of teams to escort them.”
“You’re a good kid. That’s a great idea, I’ll let the others know, and send a message. See you later, Naruto.”
Naruto looked at his watch, he barely had time to eat, so he rode the lightning to his favourite store, and spent the remaining time he did have shooting the breeze with Teuchi.
Kurenai walked in to the Hokage’s office with Shino. Her other two Genin had vanished, with an upcoming date between them.
“You’ve got to be Kurenai-chan,” a blond woman said as she entered. “And that makes you Shino.”
“Tsunade-sama,” she gasped, going down on one knee. Shino was a second behind her.
“Relax. Please. I’ve had enough of that today already.”
She stood again.
“So you know,” the Hokage said, “after the Chunin exams, Tsunade will be taking over from me.”
She nodded respectfully. “Mission complete, Hokage-sama.”
“Excellent.”
“Shino, how is living life going?” Tsunade asked.
“Slowly,” the boy said. “It is difficult to do something that you do not know how to do.”
“You want some advice?”
He nodded.
“Sake, have a party, get everyone slightly drunk, then play some silly games. You’d be amazed at how alcohol can lower inhibitions. Just don’t drink too much.”
“We will try,” he said.
Tsunade grinned at him. “Naruto said that there was a cool kid fighting to get out somewhere inside you.”
The visible parts of Shino’s face flushed slightly. “Naruto is... unique.”
“He is indeed, you can leave, Shino.”
The boy bowed and dashed out the door.
“Might I inquire as to why I must be Kurenai-chan?” she asked politely.
“Enchanting eyes, the sort of body that makes gay men reconsider their choices, and an incredible mind,” Tsunade said, her tone indicating that she was quoting. “And also the person behind the Wide Area Illusions that Naruto’s playing with.”
Naruto. Only Naruto would say something like that to someone like Tsunade.
“He told us all about you and Anko-chan on the way here,” Tsunade added.
Kurenai felt a small blush on her cheeks, as well as a warm feeling in her heart.
The doors swung open, and a figure bounced in, before pouncing on her. She closed her arms and caught the figure. “Hey,” the girl breathed.
“We ought to call you something different when you are like this,” Kurenai said.
As the door closed, Naruto looked around at the shadows. “Oh, good, we’re all friends. Hi Tiger-kun,” she waved to the corner where Tenzou was hidden. She moved out of Kurenai’s arms. “Actually, I’m Four, the boss is having a bite to eat.”
The clone smiled brightly. It was the sort of smile that seemed to lift everyone’s mood.
“Hey, I can do something for the boss,” she cheered. “Nai-chan,” she said, looking directly at Kurenai. Kurenai nodded slowly.
“I’m here to show Tsunade back to our new place, but we want you to come as well.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re hoping that you’ll move in with us. We’ve made you a huge room, and we’ve got all the sort of things that you’d love, in the privacy of our own home, and there’s gonna be Anko-chan, Shizune-chan and Tsunade-chan all in their own rooms as well, so no one will ever be lonely. You can even help us fill the library, we’ve got loads of space and no books!”
She blinked, this wasn’t what she had expected. And it was a huge decision.
“Besides,” Four continued, “your place is really small, and you deserve something better! Please, Nai-chan, move in with us?” Four dropped to her knees and put her hands together, looking up through her eye lashes. Her blue eyes seemed huge, dominating her face.
Kurenai didn’t stand a chance. “Okay.”
“Woohoo!” Four yelled, pouncing on her. “We’ll have so much fun,” she promised. She looked around, and then leaned in, “and the boss has promised to spend more time in this form for you. And he’ll throw in a few kisses.”
It was only through years of experience with Anko that she was able to stop blood coming from her nose at the thought.
“Come on, Tsunade-chan,” Four said, reaching out and taking the blonde’s hand. With her free hand, she scooped up a pig that had been sleeping under the Hokage’s desk, put the pig over her shoulder, then grabbed Kurenai’s hand.
A second later, Kurenai found herself being dragged along by the energetic clone.
Hanabi watched the two boys walked out of the Hyūga compound, a small smile on her face.
It had been difficult to get Kiba to ask her sister out, as she hadn’t wanted anyone to know that she had suggested it. A judicious henge, and she was able to get a message passed through one of the members of his clan.
The way that Naruto had reacted was perfect, as it made sure that he didn’t think of her sister like that.
With her out of the way, she just had to work out how to get rid of the other two girls in his life. And that was going to take a lot of thought, because they were Jounin, not little girls.
Still, nothing worth doing was ever easy.
Naruto knocked on the huge doors that marked the entrance to the Inuzuka compound. The door opened slowly, and a marked Chunin peered out. “Yes?”
“Kiba in?”
“I believe so.”
“Excellent,” Naruto said, carelessly pushing the door open and entering. “Be a good fellow and fetch him, will you? We need a quick word and we’ll be out of your hair.”
The Chunin frowned, then looked at his dog. He walked off, leaving the dog behind.
“So how’s life treating you?” Naruto asked the dog.
The dog woofed back.
“The idiotic mutt says that it’s pretty good, although he hasn’t had a fight in a long time.”
“No missions?” Naruto asked, ignoring the added commentary from Foxy-chan.
The dog barked a few times, then whined.
“His pet made some stupid comments, and he’s stuck on guard duty for a while.”
“What did your human do?”
The dog looked around, and then started to bark.
“Stop!” the Chunin yelled.
“We were only having a talk,” Naruto protested.
“Actually,” Neji muttered, “Naruto was having a conversation, I was merely hanging around.”
Naruto grinned at him.
“Naruto? Neji?” Kiba asked. “What are you doing here?”
Naruto smiled. “We’ve come to deliver the traditional threat.”
Kiba blinked. “Oh, for the love of Kami. Bog off, the both of you, it’s none of your damn business.”
“I think you’re mistaken,” Naruto replied. “Dogs can be wonderful, loyal, passionate, but then there is the other side. And as long as we can all agree that the good side shows up for the date tomorrow, no one needs to get hurt.”
Kiba growled in defiance.
Naruto laughed softly. “Neji.”
As Naruto moved forward, he caught a glimpse of Neji taking out the Chunin in seconds.
Kiba reared back and threw a punch at Naruto. A few months ago, it would have smacked through his guard and hit him. Training with a couple of the Sannin, not to mention ANBU and Jounin, as well as his other training, meant that the move was telegraphed, and he had time for a bowl of ramen, before it got near him.
He caught it, twisted casually, knocked Kiba’s feet out from under him, pushed him on to the ground, knelt on his back and twisted his arm up, so that it was painfully pointing toward the boy’s neck.
Akamaru, Kiba’s dog, came running out, but ran into a net held by a couple of clones that had been created for that purpose.
“Now,” Naruto said, not losing his amused voice. “Let’s continue our discussion.”
“What is going on here?”
Naruto looked up, to see a beautifully wild woman staring at him. She was surrounded by four dogs, one of them right next to her. Behind the dogs were five or six ninjas of various ranks.
She had the same facial markings as Kiba, but where as his looked childish, these markings just increased the feral wildness of the woman before him.
“Sweet Kami,” Naruto whispered. “You didn’t tell me your sister was so hot!”
“She’s my mother, not my sister! Let go of me, you asshole.”
Naruto blinked. “Your mother? No way.” He absently swapped position with a clone, and stood. He gathered some chakra. “Release,” he said.
Nothing happened.
Naruto frowned, and poured most of his chakra in to a second attempt to dispel the illusion in front of him. Like a wave, the red tinged chakra rushed over the woman, and headed toward town.
The woman was still the same.
“You’re really his mother, and not his sister?”
The woman smirked. “Tsume,” she introduced herself.
From the distance, a shout of “Naruto!” made him wince.
“Aren’t you a clone?”
Naruto shook his head. “That’s the clone, I swapped.”
“Seamlessly, I didn’t see it.”
Naruto shrugged. “I’ve got to say, you look incredible.”
“Flattery will get you to a certain place, but not further.”
“Who was flattering? I was telling the truth.”
“You do realise that you have the clan heir on the ground, and you’re outnumbered.”
Naruto grinned. “Numbers are meaningless, besides, we’re just having a friendly chat with our old friend Kiba.”
“Friendly?” Tsume asked.
“He’s going on a date with Hinata-chan tomorrow, and we were just making sure that he realised that Hinata is the daughter of the second most powerful person in the village, and that if Kiba shows the negative side of his personality, it would be very bad for him, but it’s friendly, because we know that Kiba’s a good person really, he just sometimes has bad instincts.
“So we were just debating the proper behaviour for a date, and just reminding him of the things he knows deep down, that he might forget in the heat of a moment.”
“Oh,” Tsume said slowly.
One of the dogs near her barked a few times.
“The stinking mutt advised that we throw you out.”
“That’s hardly polite,” Naruto said to the dog. “Besides, as an apology, can I buy you dinner?” He directed the last question at Tsume.
The dog lurched forward.
Tsume raised her hand to stop him, but before she could say anything, Naruto glared at the dog, instinctively using Kyūbi’s power.
The dog skidded to a halt, then tried to back away, whimpering slowly.
“Idiot,” the dog next to Tsume said with a grunt. “Go back to the Kennels, you are not fit for guard duty.”
The dog whined.
“I don’t care,” the talking dog continued. “You do not attack a guest, especially one not showing any threat at all. This is clearly a human ritual, and as the boy isn’t in any real danger.” The dog paused, “unless he does something stupid, in which case, he deserves what he will get.”
“Kuromaru!” Kiba protested.
“What do you know, a talking mutt, perhaps some are intelligent after all.”
“Foxy-chan is impressed with you,” Naruto translated, addressing the dog.
The dog inclined his head. “I’m going back to sleep. You should go, you’ve not eaten yet, and he’s better than the normal idiots that ask you out.”
Tsume looked at him for a long moment.
Naruto smiled at her, raising his hands defensively. “My personal life is already complicated, I have no idea how Tsunade-chan and Shizune-chan are going to fit in with Anko-chan and Kurenai-chan. But, I did invade your compound, so the least I can do is take you out to dinner, and get to know another of the people that the old man trusts so much.”
“So no romance?” she said, although it was phrased as a question, Naruto could see that she had no interest in him.
“I am going to have a one-sided crush on you, but I swear nothing more than that – I give my word, and I never go back on my word.”
“Okay.”
Naruto henged in to his adult form, and offered her his arm. She laughed, and sent the last dog away. She took it.
“Mum!” Kiba complained.
“Talk to the nice boys, Kiba,” Tsume told him cheerfully.
“You okay finishing the message, Neji? Seventeen will hang around with you.”
Neji smirked at him. “Far be it from me to stand in the way of a crush. Kiba and I will finish our chat, and then I’ll go and see Tenten.”
“Give her my regards.”