Konoha's Legion
Chapter 5
By Jeconais
And yet more of the same.
Big delay in posting this, I know, but life has a way of being awkward.
In the Sandaime’s office, the Hokage was behind his desk, while Jiraiya was sat on the window still.
“That would have killed me, me!” Jiraiya muttered. “I can’t believe it!”
“Yes, well, a lot has changed.”
“And my research, ruined it is! Ruined by a brat!”
“By a brat who gets invited into the tubs with two beautiful Kunoichi,” the Hokage pointed out.
“Minato’s kid, eh?”
The Sandaime nodded. “Why are you here?”
“How can I not be here? I came as soon as I got your message!” He pulled out a piece of paper, with the sketch the Hokage had done of Naruto’s impersonation of the female Kyūbi. “I had to meet this person. Icha-Icha Fox-Girl is calling!”
“Ahh, you’d have to ask Naruto,” the Hokage explained. “That was his henge of how Kyūbi looks.”
Jiraiya’s jaw dropped. “What!”
The Hokage sighed and repeated himself.
“But…” Jiraiya started, before stopping, with nowhere to go. “What about the seal! What about keeping it a secret!”
“Naruto decided he didn’t want to do so,” the Hokage explained. “He even introduces himself as a Jinchūriki some of the time.” He went on to explain what had happened over the past few months, including what had happened in Wave.
Jiraiya shook his head and whistled. “So the brat really can buy the company?”
The Sandaime nodded.
“Damn it.”
“Well, while you’re here, do you want to be the next Hokage?”
Jiraiya fell to his knees and laughed and laughed. When he finally finished, he wiped his eyes, and shook his head. “Funny,” he admitted.
“I thought that was going to be your response,” he sighed. “Right, you have a mission. Grab Naruto and find Tsunade, it’s about time she got over what is bugging her, and came back home. This village needs her.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m old, and I want to spend my retirement with my family, and damnit, I want to join in training Naruto, everyone else is having fun and I’m not.” The Hokage paused. “Seriously? Well, I’m old, and the last few weeks have shown me that this is a younger man’s job. Tsunade would be perfect, I’ve cut of the Root’s head, it needs someone else to deal with the decaying body. I’ve defanged the council, so at least that has been dealt with.”
Jiraiya sighed. “If you say so, you did retire once.”
“Damn right, and I want to do it again, while I still can.”
“Why the brat, though?”
“Because a Sannin could teach him a few things.”
“He’s not bad for a Genin.”
“A Chūnin, I believe you said.”
“Yeah, well, okay. There’s a big card game in Bird, if we hurry, we can be there and back in two weeks.”
“Good, because I want Naruto in the Chūnin exams the week after, so no hanging around.”
Jiraiya nodded. “Have I told you about my latest book?”
Naruto knocked on the door to the Yamanka flower shop. He was dressed in smart, if slightly casual, clothes.
“Naruto,” Inoichi greeted him as he opened the door.
“Inoichi-san,” Naruto said back.
“Come in, come in, and drop the san.”
Naruto smiled at him and followed the elder Yamanka in to the house. “Thank you for inviting me.”
“It is our pleasure. Unfortunately, Ino couldn’t make it, so it will just be the three of us.”
“That’s fine,” Naruto replied, feeling a little relief.
“You two sit down and talk,” a voice from the kitchen called. “Dinner will be about thirty minutes.”
Naruto followed Inoichi into a comfortable living room, and took the indicated seat. “Can I ask you a work related question?”
“Sure.”
“You transfer your consciousness into another human, correct?”
Inoichi nodded.
“Is it a blood line, or can anyone learn it?”
“It’s not something we pass around, but it’s not a blood line. Why?”
“I’ve had an idea,” Naruto said, not wanting to give it away yet. “And I could see the technique being incredibly useful.”
Inoichi looked at him for a long moment. “Learning the technique is hard work. It involves understanding who you are on a deep level.”
“Well,” Naruto said, “when I meditate, I often drop in to see Kyūbi, and we communicate on my mental landscape. It used to look like a sewer, now it’s starting to look more like Konoha.”
“Okay, so maybe it’s not that hard,” Inoichi smirked.
Fifty minutes later, after a mainly technical discussion, with a few personal questions thrown in, that Ino’s mother joined in with, Naruto had the fundamentals down, and had foxy-chan breaking down the Jutsu merrily.
“So,” Inoichi said as they finished the main course. “Can I ask you a question now?”
“Of course,” Naruto replied, expecting it to be about his clones.
“Why Kurenai and Anko?”
Naruto blinked. “Excuse me?”
“What do they mean to you?”
Naruto leaned back as a plate of custard pancakes was placed in front of him. “Well, first, it’s not as if I could separate how I feel for each of them. Anko loves Kurenai, anyone can see that. And Kurenai is slowly falling for Anko, they fit together, and I’m not sure that I fit with them.
“Anko is loud and boisterous; she enjoys life, but doesn’t know where the line is sometimes. Kurenai is her moral compass.
“Kurenai is quiet and more willing to watch, and then offer her opinion. Anko pushes her so that she’s more forceful, and it helps.
“In looks, Kurenai is the sort of beauty that artisans have been capturing for eons. She’s classically beautiful, that goes so much more than skin deep. Anko is more the wild and exuberant goddess, dancing naked in the rain, seducing mortals with her appeal.
“But as wild as Anko is, she longs for what Kurenai represents, just as Kurenai would love to be as free as Anko is.
“As for me, I want to dance with Anko in the fire, then cool of with Kurenai in the rain. I have no idea what is going on, and don’t want to know. I just know that I wouldn’t find anyone like them if I looked for a thousand years.”
He stood, and bowed to the elder Yamankas. “I’d like to thank you both for dinner, but reassure you that I only answered because Anko and Kurenai wanted me to. I’m a little disappointed that they couldn’t ask me themselves. Good night.” He made some hand seals and vanished in his lightning.
Kurenai dropped the illusion that was covering her. “Bollocks,” she muttered, before looking at Anko, who was blushing faintly.
“Yeah,” Anko agreed. “I think we’ve been training him to well.”
“I told you it was a bad idea,” Inoichi said lightly.
“You did,” Kurenai agreed.
“And he’s going away on a mission for a couple of weeks tomorrow.”
“Damn it, come on, Kurenai,” Anko said, “let’s go explain.”
Kurenai nodded, and they both vanished in a swirl of leaves.
“Sakura!” Ino shouted.
“Pig?” Sakura asked, as she walked over.
“Come on, upstairs,” Ino said, capturing her friend and rival’s wrist, and dragged her up to her room.
“What is it?”
“Sit down, forehead,” Ino said, as she sat on her bed. “I know how to get Sasuke away from Haku!”
Sakura sat down next to her, almost bouncing in her eagerness. “How?”
“Well, it’s not gonna be easy,” Ino cautioned.
“I can do it, and do it better than you, pig.”
“That’s the problem, we need to work together.”
“To defeat Haku? Fine!”
“Look, I talked to Sasuke alone, yesterday. And he told me.”
“Told you what and how did you get him alone?”
“He was trying to buy flowers for Haku,” Ino said absently. “Look, Sasuke is the best, right?”
“Right.”
“And he deserves the best, right?”
“Me, yes. That’s right.”
Ino rolled her eyes. “So he deserves something special?”
“Absolutely.”
“He said he’d dump Haku, for us.”
“For us what?” Sakura asked, looking confused.
“Use that brain behind that huge forehead of yours!”
“Huh?”
“Me, and you, together!”
“Oh,” Sakura said. “But…”
“Yeah,” Ino agreed. “But it’s Sasuke, right? And we’d be the winners, and everyone would envy us!”
“But, that’s… that’s perverted!”
“It’s Sasuke, and you already agreed that he’s worth it.”
“Yes, but.”
“No buts, is he, or isn’t he?”
“Of course he is,” Sakura snapped.
“Then, all you have to do, is kiss me, and we can go and get him!”
“Me kiss you?”
“Hey, I’m the one telling you, bringing you in, it’s time you did something first.”
Sakura looked thoughtful for a second, before she leaned in, a small blush on her face, and it was only as Ino could feel her friend’s breath against her lips, that Ino pulled away.
“Oh, Kami, we’re pathetic,” Ino moaned as she bashed the back of her head against her headboard, repeatedly.
“Ino!?”
“I said, we’re pathetic,” Ino mumbled. “Look, last night, Naruto was having dinner with my parents, he’s been eating with a lot of the Clans, and dad invited him. Anyway, I said I couldn’t make it, but might have accidentally left a tape recorder downstairs, and taped the conversation in the living room.
“They were talking about Jutsu, and while Naruto was practising something, Dad asked him why he didn’t go out with us when we were focusing on him.”
“What?” Sakura asked, looking bewildered.
“Quiet, forehead,” Ino sighed. “You know what he said? That there was no challenge! That he could get both of us, without any real effort, all he’d have to do was play on our feelings, and he’d have us both at once.
“I thought that he was just talking crap, but Dad sighed, and thanked him for not doing it! I realised Dad thought I’d do that, and I was like, ‘no way’.
“But then I got worried, so I figured I’d drag you in, you’d shoot me down, and we’d laugh about it. But no, you went for it, and I realised I would have as well. And I don’t even like girls!”
“Nor do I,” Sakura retorted, before she stopped, and blushed.
“Yeah, blush it up,” Ino muttered. “We got turned down by one of the best boys, because we’re useless.”
“One of the best boys, this is Naruto…”
“If the next words out of your mouth are ‘dead last’ I’m gonna throw you out the window.”
“He was, though.”
“Yeah, was, past tense. He is also the son of the Fourth Hokage, for Kami’s sake, is it any wonder he’s accelerating so fast?”
“I guess not,” Sakura sighed. “And, a male who understands how much it sucks to have a period?”
Ino sniggered. “Yeah, a male who’d actually understand.”
“You think it’s too late for one of us to go with him?”
“Sure,” Ino smirked. “I’ll take out Kurenai-sensei, and you’ll take out Anko.”
Sakura shuddered deeply. “She scares me.”
“They’ve both put massive Do-Not-Touch signs on him. And you know where Naruto’s gone today?”
Sakura shook her head.
“On a mission with Jiraiya, one of the Sanin, the same one who taught his dad!”
Sakura sighed. “What do we do, pig?”
“We grow up, work hard, and try not to get left behind. I watched Sasuke yesterday, he’s improving massively as well, Haku and Kakashi-sensei have been training him really well.”
“I know,” Sakura muttered, “I’ve been watching.”
“Why haven’t you been taking part?”
“Because it’s hard.”
“So is being a ninja! You only joined because of Sasuke, right?”
“What? No, I wanted to be a Ninja long before I met him.”
“So what changed?”
Sakura opened her mouth, and then shut it again. “Puberty?”
“How about I ask Dad for help, for both of us? He can recommend someone who will get us up to speed.”
“We’ve lost Sasuke, haven’t we?”
“We lost him the moment Haku made him smile.”
Sakura sighed deeply. “So much time wasted.”
“Me too.”
“Pig?”
“Sakura?”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“So what’s Tsunade like?”
“She needs a keeper,” Jiraiya mumbled. “She’s a chronic gambler, and her skills have led her to the nickname of the Legendary Sucker. She also drinks like there’s no tomorrow, and is always accompanied by her apprentice, a pretty lass called Shizune and a pig call Tonton.
“We’re going to Bird, as there’s a big card game there, and she’ll be there.”
Naruto nodded slowly.
“Anyway, as we’re going, I’m going to give you a huge present, brat.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I’m going to let you sign the Toad summons contract. With it, you’ll be able to summon whenever you need to.”
Naruto nodded slowly. “I know the Jutsu. Thank you, I appreciate it.”
Jiraiya smiled a little, and summon a toad. The toad appeared with a huge scroll in its mouth, which Naruto quickly signed, using his own blood as ink.
“Now, this doesn’t mean that the toads will work with you, you will need to come to an agreement with the boss first. He’ll want to test you. In order to summon him, you’ll need as much chakra as you can gather, then do the Jutsu.”
Naruto nodded. “Foxy-chan, can I borrow some of yours?”
The fox gave a mental shrug. Naruto pulled out every ounce of his own chakra, and then as much of Kyūbi’s as he could. “Summon No Jutsu,” he roared, pouring all of the chakra in to it.
The very ground shook and rocked, before a huge toad appeared. The toad had his eyes closed, and was smiling pleasantly. He had a straw hat on his head.
“Sweet hat!” Naruto exclaimed, as he looked up at the giant being.
“Why thank you, Naruto-kun,” the toad chuckled merrily. He absently moved a pendant on a necklace back in to place, before he stretched.
“You know me?” Naruto asked in surprise.
The toad chuckled merrily again. “For a very long time,” he said.
Naruto looked at Jiraiya, who was staring, totally agape, at the toad. Naruto realised he must have got the wrong toad.
“I’m sorry,” Naruto apologised, placing his hands together and bowing. “I was aiming for the boss toad, but I didn’t use enough chakra.”
“Chakra?” the Toad asked, his eyes closing again. His mouth opened slightly, and a long tongue flicked out. “I think you used more than enough.”
Two puffs of smoke appeared by his feet, as two smaller toads appeared. One was a female holding a ladle, the other a male holding a cane.
The smaller male toad looked at him with ancient appearing eyes, before he swung the cane, beaming Jiraiya in the head.
Naruto giggled. “I like you.”
The toad slowly smiled at him. “I like you to, kid, even if you have interrupted my dinner. Ma?”
“So this is where our sage vanished to, eh Pa?”
“The boy here was going for our son, but got me instead,” the giant sage chuckled. “It’s been such a very long time since I’ve seen this world.”
“I’m sorry,” Naruto said again. “Please do accept my apologies.” He wasn’t sure what was going on, but felt it would be wise to be very polite to toads that could brain a Sannin with ease.
“My, he’s a nice one, isn’t he,” Ma said. She beamed at him. “Why don’t we have a cook-out, Pa, get to know this new summoner.”
“Erm,” Naruto interrupted. “The Pervert said that I needed to pass a test first, before I was official.”
Pa chuckled. “Son?” he called out.
There was a huge cloud of dust, as a toad that was easily a hundred foot tall appeared. He was carrying a huge sword, and was dressed like a yakuza. “Who called?” he roared.
Pa smacked him in the left ankle with his cane, while Ma got his right with her ladle.
“Ma, Pa,” the giant said in shock. He turned, then bowed deeply. “The great sage! What are you doing here?”
“The kid was going for you, but overshot the mark by about ten times as much Chakra as needed,” Pa chuckled. “You’re not going to test him, are you?”
“Of course not,” the giant said obediently. “Delighted to have him as a new summoner.”
“Excellent,” Ma said.
“Kid, I’m Gamabunta,” the toad said, “call me by name, and I’ll appear. We’ll need to have a drink together.”
Naruto looked up at the toad and saluted. “Yes, sir,” he said.
The toad grinned and vanished. To the left, Jiraiya was coming to, until Pa hit him again.
“Well, as you’re here,” Naruto said, “why don’t I cook for you, as an apology?”
“That would be wonderful,” Pa said quickly, before looking nervously at Ma.
“I agree,” Ma said.
“Hmmm,” the giant sitting sage mumbled in agreement.
With the help of a few clones, Naruto quickly had a fire going, and was soon making a thick soup. He kept it clear of meat, as he wasn’t sure if toads practised eating other animals, and he didn’t want to offend these toads that knocked around a Sannin.
During dinner, he found himself expertly interrogated, as the two smaller toads worked together to learn everything they could from him. The sage just smiled and nodded.
In return, he found that they had been the ones who had trained Jiraiya in their home. The Sannin himself came around just after dinner was served, and sat quietly.
Ma, Pa and the sage left shortly after they had finished eating, praising his food. After they were gone, Jiraiya looked at him. “Just how much Chakra did you use?”
Naruto shrugged. “I could have created around seven hundred level two’s with that.”
Jiraiya whistled softly. “And you used Kyūbi’s chakra?”
Naruto nodded. “I asked foxy-chan first.”
Three nights later, they were on the border of Bird country. Jiraiya had abandoned him, which he was quite happy about. All the Pervert had taught him so far was how to pop balloons with his chakra.
Next to him, was close to twenty huge barrels of beer that had cost him a fortune. He’d had to pay for shipping from a brewery close to a hundred miles away, as well as a premium due to the alcohol’s popularity, this close to the big card game.
With his own Chakra, he called for Gamabunta. “Kid?” he asked. “Is it important?”
“Sorry,” Naruto said. “One, you said you wanted a drink,” he gestured at the beer. “And two, I wondered if you knew how to play poker?”
The toad boss froze. “Poker? Beer?”
Naruto nodded.
A giant smile appeared on the Toad’s face. “Kid, do you have any gold?”
He nodded. “Not on me, but I can get quite a lot of it, why?”
“Ma and Pa like you, so I’ll spot you this time, come on.” Gamabunta reached down with a massively webbed paw, and grabbed him and the beer. With a flash, they were gone.
As Naruto blinked, he found himself in a stone room. The ceiling was made of straw, and there were torches burning at regular intervals along the wall. Dominating the room was a huge circular table, with eight spots. In seven of those spots, sat a giant animal. A snake, a slug, a dog, a tiger, a monkey, a dragon, and a three toed sloth.
“What is that, that, h-h-human doing here,” the snake hissed, its head moving back and forth.
“Chill, Manda,” Gamabunta said, “he’s got gold, and has bought us a gift.” He pointed to the barrels of beer.
“That’s good enough for me,” the slug said cheerfully. It nodded at the table, which promptly expanded so there was an empty seat.
“My thanks,” Naruto said. “You’ll have to go easy on me for a bit, I’m here to learn how to play.”
The other bosses’ eyes lit up. “He has gold?” the dragon asked.
“Tsch,” the sloth mumbled. “So tiresome, that has been stated already. Clean your ears out, Micha.”
“…bite you… hard…” the dragon mumbled under its breath.
“Not to be offensive,” Naruto said, “but how do some of you play?”
“Trust the human to bring up opposable thumbs,” Manda sneered. “Look at us, through some weird genetic quirk, we can do things, aren’t we wonderful? Midgets.”
“Manda,” the monkey chided. “You have the manners of a goat. I’m Emna, by the way, Naruto. The Hokage speaks highly of you.”
“Take that back,” Manda hissed.
Emna sighed. He clapped his paws, and a second later, an old gentleman was in his place. “You will, of course, not tell anyone about this.”
“Of course,” Naruto said with a grin. The others around the table changed shape as well. Gamabunta was almost an archetype yakuza, where as Manda dressed like a Feudal lord. The dragon almost put Anko to shame.
“Isn’t that cold?” Naruto asked her, looking at her skimpy steel outfit.
“Want to feel it?” the dragon challenged.
“Sure,” Naruto agreed, and changed in to his female form.
“His scent, it changed!” the ex-tiger said. “That’s not possible.”
The sloth, who was now dressed in a purple tie-dye shirt sighed. “Tsch. It has, therefore it is,” he mumbled.
The dragon looked at him, and then laughed and bowed her head. “You win this round,” she said with a grin. “Gamabunta, how did you meet this scamp?”
Gamabunta grinned and pushed Naruto in to the new seat, while he sat down in his. “You tell them, kid, while I get the chips.”
“It was simple, really,” Naruto explained, reverting to his normal form, before trying out his new one. “Adult No Jutsu,” he muttered. He created a clone, who nodded and said, “Perfect,” before dispersing.
This technique allowed him his full adult form, he was close to six foot two tall, and his face had straightened somewhat, giving him a slightly more feral look.
The dragon wolf-whistled playfully, and he couldn’t help blushing. “Anyway,” he continued in a rush. “The Pervert gave me the Toad contract to sign, and told me to gather all my Chakra. As it seemed I needed a lot, I borrowed some of Foxy-chan’s, and …”
“Wait,” the man who had been a dog interrupted. “Foxy-chan?”
“Kyūbi, I’m her container.”
Manda stared at him. “You call the nine-tailed demon ‘Foxy-chan’?”
“Of course, haven’t you seen her?”
“No.”
Naruto shrugged, and used his Sexy-Fox No Jutsu, this time adding the nine bushy tails.
Manda stared at him, unblinking.
“What?” he asked.
“Tell Manda to put his eyes back in, or I’ll tell Chemon he was leering.”
“Foxy-chan says that if you don’t stop looking at me like that, she’ll tell Chemon you’re leering.”
Manda paled and glared at him.
“Whipped,” the dragon mumbled. “Kid, Kyūbi doesn’t have a female form. Nor is she female.”
“Of course not,” Naruto agreed. “She’s way past such minor concepts of sex, I know that. But I’m male, and straight. What would you rather have inside you? A beautiful foxy woman, or some grumpy old man? It’s bad enough having a talking fox, I’m much happier anthropomorphising her in to this form.”
“Kid, you’ve shocked them, all. Great work.”
Naruto smiled, and let the second Jutsu drop, reverting to his adult form.
“Continue your story, young man,” the slug encouraged.
“Oh,” Naruto scratched the back of his head. “So, yeah, I got all the Chakra, and tried to call Gamabunta, but kinda missed.”
“And?” the sloth yawned.
“I thought I’d screwed up, because a large toad appeared and smiled happily at me. I apologised, and realised something wasn’t right, when two smaller toads appeared, and knocked out the Pervert.”
Gamabunta sniggered as he sat down. “And for those that can’t read behind the lines, the brat called our sage!”
The dragon whistled slowly.
“Impressive,” the dog muttered. “Very impressive.”
Naruto shrugged. “So, poker, how do you play it?”
“A drink,” the tiger said, thumping his hand down.
“You drink, I’ll teach him,” the dragon said. “Come, sit. We will dual-play for a while.” She patted the side of her chair.
Naruto obediently walked around and sat near her. “You’re not scared, you are attracted to me, however. Explain.”
“One of my…” he shrugged. “Girlfriends, I guess, dresses in less than you.”
“That was plural,” the slug pointed out.
“Anko-chan and Kurenai-chan are kind of special.”
“Mitarashi Anko?” Manda asked.
Naruto nodded.
Manda sniggered. “You may be okay, for a brat,” he muttered. He looked at the dragon. “She’s got bigger tits than you, Micha’.”
Micha growled.
“But your growl is much sexier,” Naruto interrupted, hoping to avoid an argument. Micha grinned at him.
“Thank you. At least someone knows how to treat a lady.”
“If I see one,” Manda trailed off.
“He’s a git, and a gimp,” Micha explained to Naruto. “We take on some of the characteristics of our summoners, and his is a real git.”
“Wait, the Snake Sanin?” Naruto asked.
Manda’s face went dark. “Yes.”
“Mand’ keeps making it more expensive to call him, demanding sacrifices, but he keeps paying it,” the Tiger explained.
“What?” Naruto demanded. “Are you an idiot?”
The whole room went deathly silent.
“You ask a murdering psychopath for sacrifices? That’s like asking a baker for a load of bread! For Kami’s sake, next time demand that he calls you while wearing a pink tutu or something!”
The silence was broken by a snort from the sloth, then a hastily covered snigger from Gamabunta.
Manda was staring at him with dead eyes. He stared back. “What,” Manda asked, “Is a tutu?”
Naruto created a clone, who changed his clothes in to the aforementioned outfit.
Manda stared at it for a moment, before he started to chuckle. “Yes,” he mused. “Yes, indeed.”
“I want photos,” Micha demanded.
“Let’s play cards,” the sloth said. “All this talk is making me sleepy.”
“Everything makes you sleepy,” the tiger muttered.
A few hours later, or at least Naruto thought it was, it was difficult to tell how much time had passed in this room, the stakes were getting higher and higher. The dog and the Tiger were out, Gamabunta and the Sloth were close, while Manda and Micha, and the slug and the Emna had reasonable piles.
Naruto was now sat back at his own seat.
“Your turn,” Gamabunta said. “Are you in, or out?”
Naruto looked at his cards, and the large pot of gold in the centre. He took another long sip of the beer, and then took one card. He smiled happily, then pushed all his money in to the centre.
“To rich for me,” Micha said, folding immediately.
“You’ll never learn to play like this,” Manda said, as he folded as well. “You gave it away, none of us are going to risk it, when you obviously have such a good hand.”
“Yeah, kid,” Gamabunta agreed.
Naruto smiled as the others folded as well. He grabbed all the gold, and chucked his cards on the table.
The tiger sniggered, while the dog outright laughed.
“You bastard,” Micha muttered, as she looked at the five random cards. “You got us.”
Naruto grinned, he now had the most money, and could afford to be a little more reckless.
More time passed, and was left to him and Manda. He had around two thirds of the money, to Manda’s third.
“All in,” he said, after smiling at his cards.
“I’ve not got enough,” Manda muttered. “How about I throw in a single favour? I know I’m going to win this.”
“Deal.”
Each of them flipped their cards over, as the others looked on in interest. It was with Naruto’s last card, a King, to match the other three showing, that he took the hand.
Manda groaned and slumped down.
Naruto smirked and finished his beer. “My thanks to you all for letting me play,” he said. He separated the money in to nine even piles, and passed everyone their money back, with double for Gamabunta who had lent him the gold.
“Kid?” Micha asked.
Naruto shrugged. “Call it payment for teaching me how to play.”
The others around the table nodded. “You’re welcome back anytime,” the sloth yawned. “Second Sunday after a full moon is poker night.”
Naruto nodded, and tried to hide a yawn.
“You did good, kid,” Gamabunta said, and placed a hand over his head. Everything went black.
Naruto woke with a slight hangover, and a lot of empty barrels.
“What, in the name of Kami, went on here?” Jiraiya demanded, looking around in amazement.
Naruto stretched, and helped himself to some water. “I decided to have a drink with Gamabunta last night, ended up at the Summons’s poker game. Met Micha, Emna, Manda, and a tiger, a dog, a cool sloth, and a polite slug I think was called Katsuyu. Was a fun night.”
“Naruto,” Jiraiya said seriously. “I hate you, and all that you stand for.”
Naruto blinked at him.
“Humans don’t get invited to sit at Summons’s poker table!”
“Pfft,” Naruto yawned. “I had beer and gold. What more could they ask for? You know Manda’s kinda cool? We were talking about the snake-bastard, and next time, instead of sacrifices, Manda’s going to demand he summons in a pink tutu. Micha’s demanded pictures, so I hope I’ll be able to see them at the next game.”
Naruto paused, to see Jiraiya on the ground, worshiping at his feet. “I take it back,” the Sannin said, suddenly back on his feet. “You are a man amongst men.”
“Thanks, I think,” Naruto replied. “If there’s no hurry, I’m gonna have a nap.” He pulled out his wallet and handed over a large amount of money. “Go, have fun.”
All that was left was an afterimage of Jiraiya.
Naruto went back to sleep, and as he did, went to talk to Kyūbi. The fox was more human sized, and had his snout in a large book.
“Interesting?”
“Yeah,” Kyūbi agreed. “If we work hard, we might get the Jutsu in a few weeks.”
Naruto smiled. “So, you know Manda?”
“I know a couple of the summons, never played poker with them.” Kyūbi lifted up a massive paw. “No opposable thumbs.”
“You couldn’t take a human form?”
“At the time, I wouldn’t have lowered myself. Humility, it’s a bitter pill to swallow.”
“Want to tell me why you attacked Konoha?”
“I’d rather show you a new Jutsu.”
“Okay,” Naruto agreed, not wanting to push a recalcitrant demon.
Later that afternoon, Naruto changed in to some smart clothes, and wandered in to town, looking for some fun. In order to avoid problems with being his real age, he adopted his Jutsu form.
He wandered through the crowds, trying hard not to stand out. He’d watched Jiraiya do this, and couldn’t help notice how no one really paid attention to an old pervert.
He stopped for some lunch, avoiding ramen, as everyone knew it was his favourite food, before he continued to wander.
“Tonton!”
Naruto looked up, to see a small pig wearing a pearl necklace shooting past him. He leant to one side, and caught said pig with one hand, lifting him in the air. The pig’s legs continued to move, as its eyes were closed.
It suddenly seemed to realise it wasn’t moving, and looked at Naruto balefully.
“I’m so sorry,” a dark-haired woman in a kimono said, coming to stop in front of him.
Naruto looked at the pig. “You’re escaping from her?”
The pig nodded eagerly.
Naruto looked at the woman he now knew to be Shizune, and shook his head. “Are you insane?”
If pigs could shrug, this one would have.
“Lesson one in life, my piggy little friend, you never run away from beautiful woman with entrancing eyes.”
Shizune blushed, as the pig rolled its eyes.
“Hi,” Naruto said to her, moving her out of the street and in to an alley, where they wouldn’t be disturbed. He threw up a silencing Jutsu, and a notice-me-not one for good measure. It wouldn’t stop a ninja, but it would do against civilians. “I’m Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha’s Jinchūriki, son of the Fourth Hokage.”
Shizune gaped at him.
“Oh, right,” he said, remembering he was in his adult form. He cancelled it and grinned at her, before resuming it.
“I,” she said slowly, “need a drink.”
“Lead the way, beautiful lady. Tonton and I will follow, right?”
Tonton seemed resigned.
He followed the woman back through the throngs of people, and into a small hotel. Shizune walked up to a blonde who was making her way through a bottle of adequate sake, stole the wooden cup she was drinking from, and downed it. The blonde had both features Jiraiya had told him about. A diamond in her forehead, and watermelons attached to her chest.
He made a mental note to hurt Jiraiya for that description.
“Shizune!”
“Sorry, Tsunade-sama,” Shizune muttered.
Naruto took a seat the other side to Tsunade and studied her.
“See something you like?” she asked dryly.
“I don’t know yet. The Pervert says that you’re an alcoholic with a borderline personality disorder, and a fear of blood.
“The Slug boss thinks you’re an alright person, but you’re slowly following the Snake-gimp and the Pervert into infamy.
“The old man thinks you’d make a good Hokage.
“Three radically different opinions. I’m trying to see which one is correct. The old man isn’t normally wrong; however, I’m following the Slug boss at the moment.” He placed Tonton on the bar.
Tsunade gaped at him, before her hand shot out and she punched him.
Tonton scarpered.
“Yeah,” Naruto said from the doorway as the clone popped out, “the Pervert said you had anger management issues.” He picked up the now thoroughly disgruntled pig.
Tsunade blinked at him, and then at his apprentice who was on her third cup of sake.
“Just what did you say to her?”
“Hmm? Oh, I just introduced myself. I swear, if I didn’t have such a complicated personal life, I’d be at her feet, begging for a date. There is something about the shy and demure types, well, the ones with dark fire in their eyes, that just make me want to start writing bad poetry. In fact, will you go out with me this evening?”
Shizune blushed, and then passed out as the alcohol ran its course through her body.
Naruto sighed and walked over, placing the pig on her, he lifted them both up. “Let’s go talk,” he suggested.
“Hmm,” Tsunade muttered, but led him upstairs, into a small suite.
Naruto looked around the room briefly; it was a standard hotel room, with absolutely no redeeming features at all. The wooden floors blended in to the bare wooden walls with no sign of care or attention.
He placed Shizune down on the couch, and patted Tonton. The pig sighed, and settled down for a nap.
Naruto sat down on a chair. “So,” he said. “I’m in a quandary.”
“Oh?”
“My mission, along with the Pervert, is to bring you back to Konoha.”
Tsunade frowned and flopped down. The movement forced her shirt open a little. He didn’t find it hard not to stare.
“Why? It would take a lot more than you to drag me back. And who do you mean by ‘Pervert’?”
“Jiraiya, your ex-teammate, and other Sannin,” Naruto replied. “Don’t worry about him, I gave him some money and sent him to a whore house. It will be days before the money runs out.”
Tsunade sighed. “You don’t have a high opinion of us, do you?”
“I’m going to kill one of you. I’ve already put a stop to the Pervert’s most egregious crimes, and I’m still unsure as to what to do with you.”
“What are your options?”
“Well, I could force you back to Konoha, ignoring what you feel. I could fail the mission, and find someone else I can trust to look after Konoha, or I could persuade you to come back – which would probably be the best option for all concerned.”
“Force me?” Tsunade asked with a laugh.
“It would take me one message.”
Tsunade laughed again.
“And I can have you banned from every casino in the Elemental Countries,” Naruto finished.
Tsunade froze.
“When I killed Gatō, the Shipping Merchant, I blackmailed him in to signing his businesses over to me. Having no clue what they were worth, I separated them roughly, and kept around a third of them.
“By sheer luck, I kept the most valuable ones. I own the Pervert’s publishing company, and I own a chain of casinos, as well as a number of other businesses. Oh, and by the way, you owe me a fucking fortune.”
Tsunade was now gaping at him.
Naruto sighed deeply. “Why don’t we relax and start again?” he suggested. “I’ll drop my henge, you drop yours, and we just talk, ninja to ninja.” He dropped his, reverting to his naturally small form.
“What henge?”
“The one you are currently using to hide the fact that you’re the same age as the Pervert. Foxy-chan doesn’t seem the world the same way as anyone else.”
Tsunade blinked. “Who is foxy-chan?” she asked, looking bewildered.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Uzumaki Naruto, Namikaze Naruto, depending on which of my parents I want to name myself after. I’m also the one that dear old dad sealed the Kyūbi in to.”
“Oh, I’ve heard about you. You freed Wave and killed hundreds of bandits doing it.”
Naruto smiled. “Yeah, that was a fun day.”
“Killing hundreds was fun?”
“When they are murderous raping bastards, yes.”
“Oh.”
“So, tell me your story.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve yet to drop your henge, and I’m still blackmailing you. Sure, the Pervert told me some things, but he left out a lot more. Tell me about why you left the village, tell me why you’ve been running for so many years.”
“This is not what I expected to happen today,” she mumbled. She sighed deeply, “I can’t believe I’m doing this, for a brat as well.”
Naruto grinned at her.
Tsunade dropped the henge, leaving a woman in her fifties. Her hair was proud silver, and her breasts were still impressive, despite the skin not being as smooth as it once was.
“If I didn’t think you would freak out, I’d point out that I actually find you more attractive like this.”
Tsunade glared.
“Not as cute as Hanabi-chan,” he muttered. “When you’re in a henge, you keep switching between young and old as I keep an eye on things, it’s distracting. Besides, you’re actually very good looking, you don’t actually need to hide behind a bimbo-esque henge.”
“I was beautiful; I can’t bear to see myself grow old.”
“When everyone you love is the same in your mind, frozen and undamaged by the trials of time?”
She sighed and nodded briefly. “Dan is beautiful, so brave and strong – he fought so hard for everything, and then he died, and I felt his blood through my fingers, I can still remember the panic, the way I did everything I could, but it wasn’t enough, it was never enough.
“And every time I close my eyes, I wonder, could I have done more? Could I have done everything more? And every time I do, I see Nawaki, telling me I should try harder, do something, do anything to save them, to save him.
“But I always fail, I can’t do it, and then I wake up.”
“And the only thing you can do is drink to forget,” Naruto finished.
A cynical smile appeared on Tsunade’s face. “And now we know the root of my feelings, you just need to manipulate them to get me to accept the job.”
“By pointing out the obvious fallacy in your feelings?”
She nodded.
Naruto shrugged. “I could, but I’m yet to be convinced that you’re worth it. You have a terrible past. It’s tragic, but so is every other good ninja’s past. It’s not until you feel like you’ve lost everything, and that you have nothing, can you break through the barrier that was holding you back, and make something of yourself.
“The people who don’t know tragedy are not Ninjas, they are civilians, they live life through the adventures of others, they love, they eat and they drink, they hate and they fear, they had minor triumphs and minor catastrophes, and they never really see what life is like in our world.
“And that’s why we are Ninja. We work to protect them, we die so that they can live, because as they can’t understand us, we can’t understand them. But it is our job, it our life, to save them.
“And each generation, a new bunch of civilian children look around and smile, and know, deep inside, that they need more, that they want more, that they need to do more, so they sign up, they sign up to a life of pain, agony and eventually, nothing more than a small name on wall.
“And they do it willingly, they know how bad it is going to be, and they don’t care, because they know, deep inside, that by their sacrifice, others will live, others will love, and when they’re in a ditch, bleeding out their last, they will know, that they did what they could for others, and they can finally be at peace.
“You already know the answers, but you are too afraid to face them, and you would rather stop, you would rather be a civilian, and let others care for you. You’ve given up everything you care for, and you’ve been lost for so very long.
“So, I’ll give you an offer. Quit now, and I’ll seal your chakra. You will be a civilian. I’ll even throw in enough money for you to live comfortably for the rest of your life.”
“What?”
“You don’t want to be a Sannin, you don’t even want to be a Ninja, so I’ll make it happen. Screw the mission, if it’s not something you want deep in your soul, then it is pointless forcing you to do anything. I can tell the old man that you are no longer capable, and you will be finished.”
“C-can I think about it?”
Naruto nodded. “Tell Shizune that I’ll pick her up at eight, and to wear something nice.” He didn’t wait for her response, as he turned and walked out.
As he left the room, he took his adult form again, and headed toward a nicer hotel. There was no way in hell that his first stay in a hotel was going to be in a generic medium priced hotel.
The concierge at the hotel looked horrified at his travel stained clothes, and made a signal. A few busboys made their way to stand near him.
Naruto sighed. “My name is Uzumaki Naruto,” he said stiffly. “Owner of Nami Inc.”
The receptionist gaped at him.
If he hadn’t been informed that this was the best hotel in town, he’d’ve walked out by now. He opened up a seal, and deposited a large bag of money on the table. “I want a suite.”
A man shot out of the back, pushing the receptionist to one side. “Of course sir, it’s such a pleasure to have you here. You look tired.”
“I am,” he admitted. “I need a nap, can you send up a tailor, I have a date this evening.”
“But of course, shall we say, six?”
Naruto nodded.
“Do you have any luggage, sir?”
Naruto nodded, and then smirked. He undid a bunch of seals, and let his equipment drop to the floor.
The manager smirked slightly as well, before he turned to the concierge and raised one eyebrow.
The concierge had now lost his smile, and hurried to help, kicking the other busboys into action.
“There might be a grey haired pervert stop by later. Jiraiya, the Sannin, if so, give him your worst room on my tab. And if he asks for Geishas, limit him to one a night.”
“Of course, it shall be as you say. I’ve got you in the penthouse.”
“Perfect,” Naruto smiled. “And thank you.”
“No, thank you sir.”
Naruto turned and followed his luggage up the elevator, and into a palatial room that was the single biggest room he’d ever seen.
As soon as the – tipped – busboys and concierge had gone, he dropped his transformation, ran over to the bed, and jumped up and down on it, before tearing around whole place, examining everything from the trouser press, to the sumptuous dressing gowns.
The bathroom made the spas he’d been in look like a peasant’s toilet. He turned the taps on and stripped, throwing his clothes in to the corner. While the bath was filling, he took a shower and got clean.
As he was finished, he stepped in to the bath and relaxed. With an exhale, there were another eleven Naruto’s in the bath with him.
“So, how’d I do?”
“Well,” Two said thoughtfully, “pretty good. She had no clue how to handle you at all.”
“I don’t know which way she’s going to respond, though,” Eight added.
“Me neither,” Naruto agreed with a yawn. “So, what do we do next?”
Naruto headed back to the hotel that Tsunade and Shizune were staying in, dressed in the finest clothes he had ever seen.
The tailor, an obsequious little fellow who got a little too personal with the details on how “sir” dressed, was at least extremely competent, and the kimono he wore, in black and grey, suited his colouring perfectly.
As he walked, people stepped out of his way – which felt a little weird, and made him wonder if he was over doing it slightly.
He clearly was, as a group of ruffians obstructed his path. He didn’t stop, even as they drew weapons. He raised his hand slightly, and thirty clones quickly made short work of them, before stripping them, and tying them to a fence in the middle of the street.
He entered the hotel, to find Shizune standing around nervously. She was also in a kimono, with her hair up and held in place with two long sticks of wood. She had on a small amount of make-up.
“You look amazing,” he said softly, as he took her hand.
She giggled. “Thank you.”
“Relax,” Naruto told her. “As beautiful as you are, I’m already in a relationship of some strangeness. Tonight is about getting to know you, and having fun, and letting Tsunade think.”
“What did you say to her? She’s not said much all afternoon.”
“Uh-uh-uh,” he said softly. “Not until after dinner, before that, we’re talking about the beautiful lady knows as Shizune, and the brat known as Naruto.”
“Brat?” she asked, arching her left eyebrow. “Maybe in the past, but not now.”
“That’s only because you don’t know me, yet.”
“Why are you in this form?”
“Because you wouldn’t be able to relax if you were on a date with a short-arse teenager.”
“But I am,” she pointed out.
“And instead of being laughed at, you’re being envied.”
Shizune looked around, and gasped in shock at the number of people watching them surreptitiously.
“And of course, I am being envied as well, but not as much, I’m being slightly hated, they just think I’m a rich man who got lucky.”
His companion blushed, as they entered a restaurant. There were a few people in front of them, but the Maître D moved straight toward them. “Uzumaki-sama, you honour our establishment with your presence. Please, come quickly, for I have a table ready for you.”
Naruto inclined his head in a small bow. “I thank you,” he replied formally, hiding his amusement. They were led to a table, and soon had drinks and their food ordered.
“Wow,” Shizune mumbled. “Tsunade said you were loaded, but, wow.”
Naruto laughed softly. “I’m friends with Hiashi-san, and I’m acting like him,” he confided. “I’m also trying to show off my dating skills. How am I doing?”
Shizune looked at him. “If you keep this up, your date would be happy to warm your bed later.”
It took every bit of his self control for him not to choke on the water he had just sipped. He couldn’t control the blush on his face, however.
Shizune laughed. The food was brilliant, and the conversation better. For years, Shizune had travelled the countries, trailing after her mistress, and she had many amusing stories of their adventures.
“So,” Shizune said, as the waitress took away the last plate, and left two coffees. “What did you offer Tsunade-sama?”
“Everything, and nothing,” Naruto sighed. He looked at her. “She told me about Dan and Nawaki, and I offered her a way out.”
“How?”
“I can seal her Chakra, she’d be normal.”
Shizune looked horrified. “But…”
Naruto reached out and raised her chin, closing her mouth. “I’m praying that she doesn’t accept. I was harsh on her, because I know what the job of being a Hokage is all about.”
“Hokage?” Shizune asked. “Of Konoha?”
Naruto nodded. “That why I’m here, with the Pervert.”
“Jiraiya-sama?”
Naruto nodded. “I sent him off with a load of money. I presume he’s in a brothel somewhere, practising his healing Jutsus to ensure he doesn’t catch something he shouldn’t.”
Shizune giggled. “Can you really do it?”
Naruto sighed and nodded. “Foxy-chan – Kyūbi, by the way – says that I can give her Chakra poisoning by injecting some of the demonic Chakra in to certain points of her body. It would burn the natural Chakra out of her.”
The dark haired women winced and shivered slightly. “What would I do?” she asked herself.
“Well, you could continue to follow her around, I’ll make sure you’re no longer bothered by debt hunters, I own most of your debt anyway.
“Or, you could come back with me to Konoha, I know we’d love to have someone as skilled as you with us.
“Or, you could work for me personally, I have a few businesses, and I would always love to have intelligent and beautiful people working for me.”
“So many options,” Shizune sighed. “We both know what I’d choose.”
“To stay with Tsunade,” Naruto agreed. “Your loyalty is definitely the best thing about you. Don’t worry, I might have been harsh on her, but I do understand what she has done for Konoha, and if she chooses retirement, I will make sure that she enjoys it.”
Shizune leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. “You’re a special man, Naruto-kun.”
“A brat,” he corrected cheerfully.
“So, tell me about your girlfriends.”
“Well…”
The phone running woke Naruto the next morning. He grunted, and rolled over, picking up the receiver. “Hello?” he rasped.
“Good morning, Uzumaki-sama,” a perky voice said. “I have Tsunade-sama and Shizune-san asking for you in reception.”
“Please send them up,” Naruto replied. “Did Jiraiya turn up eventually?”
“He did, he is currently,” the voice paused, “indisposed.”
“Good,” Naruto grunted. “If he looks like waking up, send some fresh entertainment to his room, on my account.”
“I will. Your guests will be with you shortly.”
“Please send up a bottle of your finest sake as well.”
Naruto hung up, and grabbed a dressing gown. He dashed in to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, before throwing on some jeans and a t-shirt. He finished just in time to open the door and welcome his guests in.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
They both shook their heads negatively.
“Can you send me up some breakfast in half an hour?”
The attendant nodded and politely vanished, after passing him the tray with the sake and three wooden cups.
Naruto walked over to a chair next to a couch. “Take a seat,” he offered.
Tsunade dropped down on the couch, Shizune sat primly next to her.
Naruto sat, and silently opened the bottle of sake and poured for the three of them.
“That’s good stuff,” Tsunade sighed in pleasure. “Naruto, tell me something.”
“Hmm?”
“If you wanted me to have the job, how would you sell it to me?”
Naruto settled back and thought for a few minutes.
“Being Hokage of Kohona is the hardest job in the world. And yet, it’s been made easier recently. The old man has made a few master strokes to allow his successor an easier time. He vanquished paper work, and Root has been dealt with.
“So the hard work now comes from sending Ninja out on missions, and dealing with the other Kages. It’s all consuming, because the village looks to you for strength, for direction, and for leadership.
“And it’s terrifying, because at times, you have to take the decision to send a friend and a colleague to their deaths.
“But the rewards, the rewards are huge. You have an army of powerful people devoted to you, and to your protection, so many people who would die for you without a seconds thought.
“You get to influence entire generations of students, passing on your knowledge and experience.
“And every day, you get to look out at our village, and know, deep in your heart, that you are doing the right thing, not just for yourself, and for your family, but for the hundreds of thousands of people you are letting be normal.
“That is a Kage, living with the hard decisions, to let everyone else do their jobs without having to worry.”
Tsunade pulled out a deck of cards. “It’s simple, we each deal one hand. Best hand wins.”
“What are the stakes?”
“If I win, you forget all my debts, and you let me gamble all I want for the rest of my life. You never come to me again, and I go on as I have been.”
“And if I win?”
“You win me, and Shizune.”
“What!” Shizune almost screamed.
“Quiet, apprentice,” Tsunade snapped.
Naruto looked at her for a long moment, and then slowly smiled. He understood, he hoped. She wanted the job, but her pride wouldn’t let her just give up her life. Doing it this way, by chance, even if she lost, she could claim that she was back because he ordered her to.
If the Hokage felt that she needed someone to lean on, he’d do his damndest to be that person. It was his duty as loyal leaf shinobi.
“Deal the cards,” he told her.
Shizune gasped, her hands going in front of her face, as she tried to hide.
With an expert flick of her fingers, Tsunade shuffled the deck, then placed it on the table, tapping the top. Naruto reached out and cut it.
Tsunade dealt out five cards each. Naruto flipped his cards over, not looking at them. He looked straight at Tsunade.
“If I win, something bad is going to happen,” she said. “That’s how my luck works.”
“Not this time. If you win, you’ll get what you wanted.”
She flipped other each card, her eyes not saying anything, as she looked at them. With the second to last card turned over, Shizune gasped.
He looked down. He had a three of a kind in eights. Tsunade had two tens, and two random cards. If the last was a ten, she had won, if not, he had.
Her hand hovered over it.
He reached out and turned the card.
The ace of spades.
Shizune collapsed backward.
“We leave after breakfast, Hokage-sama.”
Tsunade met his eyes for a long moment, before she smiled and nodded. “As you wish, Naruto-sama.”
“Just Naruto.”
“And to you, I am Tsunade, not Hokage-sama.”
He smiled at her. “Do you need to pack?”
“We just need to pick up Tonton, we’ll meet you at the gates?”
He nodded and saw them out, Shizune still looking shell-shocked.
As soon as they were gone, he created Five and sent him on a mission.
I know that Tsunade doesn't use a Henge - Naruto doesn't...
Sure I should add more here, but it's Christmas and my brain isn't working ...