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Konoha's Legion
Chapter 2

By Jeconais

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Author Notes:

Not much of an improvement over part 1 really.  Still unbetad, still no hint of a real story, still me just playing around.

Meant to post this on Thursday, but I was doing a 25 hour shift for work, so this sort of thing was somewhere near the bottom of my list.

“Yo!” Naruto called.  “This team Gai?”

“Yosh!” a green spandex wearing boy shouted.  “The flames of your youth have brought you to us.”

“They have?” he asked.

“They have,” a new voice said.  “Lee!”

“Gai-Sensei!”

“Lee!”

Behind the two now-hugging men, a sunset appeared, highlighting the spandex wearing duo.

“Cool,” Naruto murmured.  “They do this all the time?”

“At least six times a day,” a girl muttered.

The two finished.

“Your flames of youth shine brightly,” Naruto yelled.  “It is reflected in your eyes!”

The man and mini-man burst into tears and hugged each other tightly, the sunset appeared again.

“Got it!” Naruto cheered.  “Thanks guys, you can stop now.”

Everyone in the clearing in the forest stopped and looked at him.

“Sunset No Jutsu,” he shouted, as his hands flew through different patterns.

Behind him, a sunset appeared, flooding the clearing with a dull light.

“Hmm,” Naruto said slowly, his hands started to move again in a different pattern.  “Let me try that again.”

“Sunlight No Jutsu,” he screamed.

This time, a bright light appeared behind him, sliding him into a shadow, and brightening the surrounding area massively.

“Yeah,” he cheered and danced on the spot.  “I gotta teach that to some people later!”

“Why?” the girl asked.

“Tenten, right?”

She nodded.

He flashed her a foxy grin.  “Which makes you the mysterious cousin?”

“Hi, Naruto-kun,” Neji said wryly.

Naruto looked at him blankly.

“You had a chat with Hiashi-sama yesterday?  Well, he came and apologised to me last night.”

“Hiashi-sama is a great man,” Naruto agreed.  “He doesn’t let pride get in the way of an apology.”

“Anyway, I am Neji.” Neji continued.  “The two hugging are Gai and Lee.”

“Gai-Sensei,” Naruto said with a smile.  “Mini-Gai.”

“Now that we’re introduced,” Tenten said, “can you answer the question?”

“Oh, yeah.  Can’t you see how useful it is?  It’s going to revolutionise things!”

“How!” Tenten demanded.

Neji smirked.  “Prepare to hear something so obvious that everyone else has missed it for years.  Go on, Naruto-kun!”

“It’s night,” Naruto said eagerly.  “We’re under attack, suddenly, we cast Sunlight No Jutsu, and we can see everybody, they’re confused, we attack and we win!  Or it’s night, and we’re entering an enemy camp.  We cast the Jutsu, everyone wakes up confused, and without problem, we rush in and kill them all!”

Gai, Lee, and Tenten gaped at him, while Neji’s smirk only grew.

“Yosh!” Gai said reverently, before sprinting off so fast it looked like he was teleporting.

“Gai-Sensei will return anon, or I will run a thousand laps around the city!”

“Can you do that?” Naruto asked.

“I will prove it!  Yosh!” Lee shouted, and sped off.

Naruto grinned and sat down.  “I need a hat.”

“A hat?” Tenten asked, looking bewildered.

“A cool hat,” Naruto agreed. 

“Don’t ask,” Neji said, “you’ll never understand his logic.”

Naruto grinned.  “That’s my secret.”

Gai arrived back, with the Sandaime, and some ANBU members in tow.

“Hi guys,” Naruto waved.  “Old man.”

“Naruto,” the two ANBU said, waving back at him.

“Another new Jutsu, Naruto?” Sarutobi asked.

Without standing, Naruto yelled “Sunlight No Jutsu.”  As before, bright sunlight appeared from behind him, flooding the area with light.  “I’m sure you can see all the benefits.”

“Naruto,” Hayate said slowly.  “You got the idea from watching Gai and Lee?”

“Sure, it was their minor Jutsu; I just tweaked it a bit.”

“He got them to do it twice,” Neji said, “he seemed to dissect it, pick up the pieces, and come up with a new Jutsu on the spot.”  Neji stood, and put his hands through a couple of seals, before calling “Sunlight No Jutsu!”

As had happened for Naruto, a bright sunlight appeared behind him.

“Yeah,” Naruto cheered.  “Way to go, Neji!  That was brilliant!  Hinata-chan said you were a genius, and you really are!”

Neji blushed faintly.  “Thank you, Naruto-kun.”

“You guys get that?” Naruto asked the ANBU.

“We can use it?”

“Of course, Sleepy, what’s the point of inventing a Jutsu then keeping it to yourself when it can help everyone?  I mean, there are a couple I’ll keep to myself – the ones that can kill, but ones like this?  The more people who know it the better.”

“Thank you, Naruto-kun,” the other ANBU member said, bowing faintly.

“You’re welcome, Babe,” Naruto said with a large grin. 

“Brat,” the woman muttered.  “Has Anko fulfilled her promise yet?”

“Nope,” Naruto pouted.  “I had a massive outbreak of morality, and put it off for a bit.  Damn stupid morals.”

“And that had nothing to do with protecting her, did it?” Hayate asked dryly.

Naruto put on his most innocent face.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Yugao moved over and ruffled his hair.  “Come to the ANBU compound tonight, we’ll feed you and show you around.”

“I will,” Naruto promised.  “See you at four?”

“Absolutely!” The two ANBU members vanished, leaving only a smiling Sandaime.

“I’m very proud of you, Naruto,” he said, and then vanished himself.

“Yosh,” Gai said, “your youthfulness does you great credit.  So, you are here to train with us?”

“Yup,” Naruto agreed, jumping to his feet.

“Where is my most youthful student?”

“Running,” Tenten sighed.

“A jog will do us all good,” Gai agreed.

Naruto grinned and started to run with the others.  He always had stamina to spare, so he found it quite fun.

“Naruto, why don’t you run with Lee, it may be more challenging!”

Challenging was an understatement.  Naruto had to push himself to keep up with the speeding boy.  It was only through application of will that he kept going.  It was an almost impossible task, but he refused to back down from it.

Eventually, the two boys collapsed in front of the others.

“You won, Lee, well done,” Naruto said.

“Won? My youthful rival, it was clearly a draw!”

“Nope, you’d done ten laps before I started, so you win.”

“Your youthfulness does you proud, Naruto,” Gai said.  “It is important for a Shinobi to be as fit as they can be!  Next time, we will practice for real!”

Naruto nodded.  “I will work harder,” he promised.  He looked at his watch.  “Eek, I’m late for my class!”  He made the hand-signals and vanished.


“Neji, what the hell!” Tenten shouted.  “Since when have you showed emotion, smiled, in fact, what the hell!”

Neji smiled.  “Last night, I was called into Hiashi-sama’s office.  On his desk was a house of cards.  He looked at me, and said, ‘A tower of cards is like life, Neji’.  It was the first time he had said my name in an informal way.  He then pulled out one card from the bottom, and the house remained standing.  ‘If you take out one card, it can remain standing.  This card is finding out about Naruto’s parents.’  He took out another.  ‘This one was finding out something else about Naruto-kun.  The house is still standing Neji, but it is weak.’  He then looked at me directly, and pulled out another card.  The whole house fell down.  ‘This is Naruto telling me to my face what none have ever dared to do. I have apologised to Hinata and Hanabi, and now I will apologise to you.’”

Tenten gasped.

“Hirashi-sama then ordered me to show my seal.  He then walked over, placed his hand on my forehead, and removed it.”  Neji revealed his forehead, showing that it was indeed clear.

Tenten looked stunned.

“Yeah,” Neji agreed.  “After that, he explained what really happened to my father, and gave me a letter, and for the rest of the night we talked.  Things are a lot better between us.”

“And fate?”

“Fate has an enemy, chaos, and Naruto-kun is an avatar of chaos.  He does what he feels is right, regardless of anything else.  He created chaos in Hiashi-sama’s mind, and his house of cards fell down.  I am free, because fate cannot touch me when Naruto-kun is around.”

Neji looked down.  “Oh, Tenten?”

“Yes, Neji?”

“Do you maybe fancy getting dinner sometime?”

Tenten blinked, and then slowly flushed.  “Yes,” she squeaked.

“You think we should get to the school?”

Tenten shot to her feet, and they both sprinted off.

There was a large crowd of people sat on the grass outside the school building; a lot of parents were with their kids.  Standing around the outside of the group was a number of shinobi, including more than a few ANBU members.

They joined up with some of their friends, and waited.

Iruka-sensei made his way to the front.  “Well,” he said with a slight smile.  “There are more people here than expected.  To being with, we’ll start with a demonstration.  Hanabi, will you do the honours, please?”

Hanabi sighed deeply and moved next to the teacher. With a resigned look, she opened her arms wide, and then slowly glared.

From the distant, in the direction of the Hokage’s tower, came out a shout.  Everyone turned to watch, as a small dot got ever closer.

“KKKkkkkkkkaaaaaaaawwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

Naruto landed with a thump and bounded into the girl, hugging her tightly.

There was a large round of applause, as Naruto jumped to his feet and lifted Hanabi up.  “Wave,” Naruto said.

Hanabi looked like she’d rather eat broken glass, but did as she was told.

“She’s so kawaii!” Naruto said, ruffling her hair.  “Right, everyone bring something kawaii?”

All the students nodded.

“Now, I need a volunteer,” he said, adopting a thinking pose.

All the students raised their hands eagerly.

“Hmmm,” Naruto said.  “I think I’ll pick… you!”

Everyone turned as Naruto pointed over the heads of the children, to a surprised looking Kunoichi, who was snacking on a stick of dango.

“What?” she blinked.

There were some rumblings from the adults.  Naruto, who had been making his way toward her, paused.  “Haven’t we learned that things are rarely what they seem?” he asked, in a mildly rebuking voice.

The rumblings were replaced with an embarrassed silence.

Naruto grabbed the purple-haired Kunoichi and pulled her to the front, despite her attempting to get away from him.

“I want you all to welcome a very good friend of mine,” Naruto said, “Special Jounin Mitarashi Anko.”

“Hi, Anko-Sensei,” the students said in unison.

Anko looked uncomfortable.

“So, have you got your Kawaii item?” Naruto asked.

“I didn’t expect to be doing this,” she hissed.

“Which is why I came prepared,” Naruto said happily.  He opened a piece of paper, and tapped it.  A cute, furry, plushie mongoose appeared.  Its fur was dark red, and it had two eyes and a goofy looking grin.

“Kawaii!” Anko yelled and pounced on it, before blushing furiously.

“Now,” Naruto said with a wide smile.  “Does anyone know what makes a mongoose famous?”

The students all shook their heads.

“They can kill snakes!”

The students all looked impressed.

“And what’s more,” Naruto continued, seeming to ignore the fact that his words were clearly aimed at the adults.  “Anko-chan has something in common with the mongoose.  She’s been training really hard for years so that she can be ready to kill a snake that betrayed us.

“But that’s a different story, and I’m not here to tell stories, I’m here to tell you how to glomp from a distance.

“So, what I think we need next is a wall.”  He made some hand-seals, and created some Shadow Clones.  Well, a few was perhaps an understatement, as around a thousand appeared.

“A wall please, guys.”

“You got it,” they shouted, and got to work.  Each Naruto henged themselves in a large block, and then jumped on top of each other.  It was another example of the chaos that Naruto could cause, and Neji couldn’t help smile at it.

“Right.  Everyone got their item in front of them?”

Most of the students nodded.  Some of the ninja’s took out different items, including Kakashi, who placed his infamous orange book carefully in front of him.

“Step one.  All we need is a tiny bit of Chakra, far less than say a normal clone, and make these signs.  Dragon, tiger, rabbit, rabbit, tiger.”

Naruto did all the hand signs slowly, so that everyone could see.  “Then, all you do is concentrate on the item you think is cute, and let the Chakra flow into it.  Watch Anko-chan.”

The woman shook her head and sighed.  With a rapid movement, she made the signs, and concentrated.  A light blue Chakra dripped out of her hands and onto the item.

Naruto clapped happily, and then looked at the kids.  He walked around, watching them.  One of Naruto’s clones appeared next to Neji, and wandered over toward Kakashi.

“Now, for the fun part,” Naruto said as everyone finished.  He picked up the Mongoose, and walked around the wall.  He returned a few seconds later empty handed.

“Anko-chan, this time, you need to channel the Chakra around your body, and make the same seals.”

She nodded, her hands flashed.

“Now, shout ‘Kawaii No Jutsu!’”

“Kawaii No Jutsu,” she yelled, and rocketed into the air, with a shocked look on her face.  She cleared the top of the wall easily, and landed.  She walked around the side, holding the mongoose.

Naruto cheered her, and there was a round of applause, which caused Anko to flush.

“You can also use ‘Valuable No Jutsu’, Kakashi,” the clone said, before dispersing.

Kakashi’s one eye looked surprised, before he nodded slowly.

“Okay, Hanabi-chan, you helped earlier, so you get to go first.  Where’s your special item.”

The girl looked slightly embarrassed and shrugged.

Naruto sighed and reached into another seal.  He pulled out a plushie fox and handed it to her.  The only sign she accepted it was the faintest of blushes.  She rapidly performed the first set of seals, before allowing Naruto to take it away.

She stood, and made the hand signals.  Her hands were precise, but far slower than Anko’s.  “Kawaii No Jutsu!” she screamed.

She took off, clearing the wall easily.

Naruto cheered her as she walked back, actually cuddling the small fox.  “You’re dismissed Hanabi-chan, your dad’s over there.”

She gave him a hint of a smile, and walked off.  Hinata gave her a hug, before Hiashi-sama lightly patted her back.

“Konohamaru Corps,” Naruto yelled.

“Boss!”

“You three are up next!”

“Cool.  We’ll do it, you’ll see, kore!”

Naruto grinned, and sent a couple of clones to round up all the remaining items. 

“Go for it!” he ordered.

Three different voices yelled the same thing, and three kids flew over the wall, screaming in pleasure.

From there, Naruto walked around and made sure that they could all do it.

As he finished, the Hokage arrived, looking regal in his hat and robes.

He raised his hands, and everyone went silent.

“I hope you all understand the benefit of this Jutsu.  If you are ever lost, or in danger, you can use this to return to safety.  However, as with every Jutsu, it should be used sparingly.  Unless you happen to be the jailor of incredibly powerful demons, of course.”

Naruto grinned and waved.

“I would like to thank Naruto-kun for giving up his time.”

“Yeah,” Konohamaru yelled.  “Thanks, boss!”

Naruto bowed to them, giving them all his foxiest grin.

“And Iruka-sensei for organising this.”

There was a lot of applause for the Sensei.

“Thank you all for your attention this afternoon, it’s been fascinating to watch, as well as educational, as once again we have been forced to open our eyes and examine ourselves minutely.”

The Hokage smiled benevolently, and then vanished.

Neji looked as Naruto walked up to Anko and took her shoulder.  There was a flash of lightning, and they were gone.

“Wow,” Tenten muttered, as the Henged Naruto’s all dispersed.

“Told you,” Neji said proudly.  “Chaos.  So, food?”

Tenten shook her head.  “Let me go get changed first.”

“I’ll pick you up in an hour.”


Naruto arrived in the ANBU headquarters, next to Anko, and looked around eagerly.

His look was interrupted almost immediately as a red-eyed Kunoichi dived on him, and then pressed her lips to his own.  Naruto opened his mouth in surprise, to find Kurenai’s tongue press inside him.

It was at that moment that Naruto realised he was getting his first ever real kiss, and he enthusiastically returned it, trying to copy the older woman to the best of his ability.

Kurenai slowly pulled back, and smiled at him.  “That was for what you just did for Anko.”

“I didn’t do it for that,” Naruto protested.

“That’s why you got kissed,” Kurenai said.

“Oi, you tart,” Anko protested loudly.  “One, I’m quite capable of thanking him myself, and two, I had dibs on his first kiss.”

“You snooze, you lose,” Kurenai smirked.

“So, brat?” Anko snorted.

“Real women are so cool,” Naruto sighed in pleasure.

“We’re ruining him for girls his own age,” Kurenai grinned.

“Ruined,” Naruto agreed cheerfully.  “The girls are so concerned about stupid things that it makes actually talking to them impossible.  But before I say something stupid and ruin the moment, let’s get on with the tour!”

“Anko, Kurenai,” a soft voice greeted them.

They turned to find a scar-faced man.  “This is Ibiki, Naruto,” Anko said. 

“Torture guy, right?”

“Correct,” Ibiki said, looking amused.  “Doing one at the moment.  Tough one, he’ll talk soon though.”

“What he do?” Naruto asked.

“He’s a Cloud Nin, we caught him spying,” Ibiki said.

“He also likes to kidnap female academy students for his fun,” Anko added.  "We found him outside our academy, and Cloud have a history of wanting the Hyūga eyes."

“What, he was waiting for Hanabi-chan?” Naruto asked.

Kurenai and Anko nodded.

You gonna stand for this, kid?” Kyūbi asked, her voice harsh.

“Hell no,” Naruto replied as he walked over to a wall and pulled a sword from the wall.  “Where is he?”

“We can’t kill him, yet,” Ibiki pointed out.

We can have him talking in minutes,” Kyūbi promised.

“I’ll have him talking in minutes,” Naruto repeated the promise coldly.

“Give him a shot,” Anko suggested.

Ibiki shrugged, and turned, leading the way down the stairs.  There was a window, through which he could see a prisoner who was staring defiantly forward.

Naruto stormed in.


Anko, Kurenai and Ibiki watched with interest, they were quickly joined by most of the ANBU members.

“Anko,” Ibiki said, “Why did you make up the story about the girl?”

“Pushing his buttons,” Anko replied.  “I wanted to see what he would do to people who threaten the people he loves.”

“Yeah,” Kurenai agreed.  “Genin’s are normally passionate, but this one is interesting.”

“Said the woman who kissed him,” someone muttered.

“Shh,” Anko said irritably.  “I want to listen.”  It was testament to her reputation that everyone went dead silent.

“So they’ve sent a kid,” the prisoner spat.

“You will tell me everything,” Naruto said coldly.

The prisoner rolled his eyes.

Naruto absently made the hand seals, and whispered, “Irritating no Jutsu.”

“He’s gonna sing to them?” Ibiki asked dryly.  “It’s a nice idea, but it won’t work on a Jounin.”

“I said quiet,” Anko growled.

Two half size clones appeared, each with a sword in their hands.  They moved over to each other, and stabbed each other.

The prisoner sniggered, but then looked confused as the two became four, each quarter sized.  Each of the four then stabbed each other again, becoming eight.  This continued, through sixteen, thirty two, sixty four.  Each time they sped up, splitting faster and faster.

“Stop,” Naruto said.  They could no longer see the individual Narutos, they were far too small.  “There are now over four million clones, all microscopic.”  A faint mist moved from the floor, over the Jounin prisoner’s clothes, and into his mouth and nose.

The Jounin’s eyes were massively panicked, as he yelled and screamed, and tried to blow the mist away.

Naruto didn’t move, just stared.  Suddenly, the Jounin’s legs stopped moving.

“My clones have just disabled your legs,” he said absently.  “They control your body.  They can restore it, they can do anything.  So, what they are going to do now is stimulate the pain centres.”

The prisoner suddenly screamed, the sound was piercing.

He stopped.

“The cool thing is,” Naruto continued, “that we’re just stimulating the pain nerves, so there is no actual damage.  I can keep this up for years, and as I do, I’ll slowly start to learn some really interesting things, some of my clones are already trying to change your genetic makeup.”

“Please,” The prisoner begged.

“Not yet,” Naruto whispered.  “Why don’t you feel like it is when you are totally paralysed?”

The man’s head fell backward.

“You can’t breathe, you can’t blink, you can’t do anything except feel your body die,” Naruto continued.  He snapped his fingers, and the man’s head came up, his eyes panicked.

“I control your soul.  I control you.”

“I’ll talk,” the man screamed.  “I’ll answer anything.”

“You have nothing I want to hear,” Naruto whispered.

“No!” the man screamed hysterically.

Naruto sighed.  “Please lie to Ibiki, I want to finish the job.  The clones will last until I dispel them.”  He turned and walked out.

Ibiki placed a hand on his shoulder, then walked in to the room.

Naruto sat down, and then put his head in his hands.

Kurenai walked over and knelt next to him.

“This is what being a ninja is like, right?”

They all nodded.

“Torturing, killing, lying, deceiving, this is the stuff they don’t make clear in the Academy.”

“You did what you had to,” Anko said, as she dropped down as well.

“Listen to her,” Yugao said, as she dropped down as well.

“Just think about Hanabi-chan, used and abused, discarded,” Anko said.

“Does the end justify the means?” Naruto asked.

“We are Ninja,” Anko said.  “We do not always do what is right, we do what is necessary.”

 Naruto nodded slowly.  “Thanks Anko-chan, Kurenai-chan,” he paused and grinned, “and thanks, Babe-chan.”

“Idiot,” Yugao said fondly.  “Come on, let’s get the tour out of the way before we eat, then we’ll teach you some cool things.”

“On one condition,” Hayate added.  “You show us the torpedo Jutsu.”

“Deal!  Oh, how do you identify missing ninjas when you are out of the village?”

Anko moved over to a bookcase and pulled out a book.  “The bingo-book,” she said as she chucked it at him.  He glanced through it and grinned.


Naruto sat at the top of the Hokage monument and watched the sun slowly set.

Life was good.

No one had tried to kill him; no one had even hit him for being an idiot.  And the only slight downside was the behavioural training from foxy-chan.  Every time he said something stupid, she added an hour to the time until she would next teach him a new Jutsu.

It was cruel.  It was inhumane.  It was irritatingly effective.

He was on a mission now to try every different food possible.  He still loved ramen, but perhaps not to obsession – not when there were so many other foods out there that were just as nice.

As the sun set, he made the hand signals and went back to the Hyūga compound.

“Naruto-kun,” Hiashi greeted him.  “I have some bad news for you.”

“They’ve declared ramen a narcotic?” he gasped.

Hiashi smirked briefly.  “No.  Sadly, the council has agreed that the Uchiha is sane, and as such, has been released.”

“What!”

“That was my reaction as well.  A nurse named Kabuto approved it before I could do anything.  You are going on a mission tomorrow, a C-class mission, so that the Uchiha can prove his worth.”

Naruto sighed and nodded formally.  “Thank you for letting me know, Hiashi-sama.”

Hiashi smirked again.  “A good response.  You may now give your honest response.”

“This sucks!” Naruto said.  “Thanks, I was having trouble holding that in.  My lessons with you, Iruka, Anko-chan, Kurenai-chan and the ANBU are great.  I have Foxy-chan teaching me stuff all night, and now I have to stop that to escort Sakura and Sasuke through a training mission!”  He took a deep breath.  “Maybe there will be people in the bingo-book,” he mused. 

“It is indeed possible.”

Naruto bowed formally.  “I will rest, and be ready for tomorrow.”

“Before that, there is a get together tonight, to,” Hiashi paused and looked at a scroll in front of him, “facilitate the re-integration of Uchiha Sasuke in to the Genin teams,” he quoted.  “You, as well as the rest of the Genin teams of your year, along with Gai’s, will be there, it has started already, at your second favourite restaurant.”

“Yay,” Naruto said dryly.  “Are the council at least paying?”

“Yes.”

Naruto grinned.  “Right, we’re going to see how much Foxy-chan can help me eat.”

“I will expect to hear the screams of horror from the council when they get the bill.”

“Thank you,” Naruto said, bowing formally.

“Get going, Naruto-kun.”

Naruto made the hand seals and vanished.  He arrived, to find he was expected, as he was quickly guided to the table.  Teams eight and ten were already there, along with Team Gai, and the Senseis.  Sasuke and Sakura were sat near the end, with Sasuke next to Ino as well as Sakura.  Kakashi was reading his bright orange book.

“So,” Naruto said cheerfully.  “Who died?”

Everyone looked at him.

“Tough crowd,” Naruto muttered.  “Oi, waiter!”

“Naruto-sama?” the waiter asked.

“You do know the council is paying for this?”

The waiter nodded.

“Good, right, my hungry looking friend here,” he pointed to Kiba, “would like steak, lots of it.  Bring it on two plates.  The cutie of a Hyūga would like a platter of sushi, heavy on the tuna, followed by a cinnamon roll.

“Shino over there would like a salad, plenty of tomatoes, and a side dish of honey.  The one asleep would prefer some soup of the day, so that he doesn’t have to chew.  The gorgeous gal with the enchanting red eyes would prefer the chicken, with mushroom and cream sauce.  Gai and Mini Gai will prove their youthfulness with a test of courage – the hottest curry you have, with extra seasoning.  The cute lovebirds of a Hyūga and the knife wielding Kunoichi will have a combo platter.

“The dude who looks like he needs a smoke has no taste buds left, so give him plate of chilli, and he’ll do fine.  I’d hate to guess what the other four want, so you can ask them yourself.  Choji and I will start with a steak, then the sushi, then the curry, then the chicken, and finally we’ll finish with the pie.  To wash it down, we’ll have four bottles of red, four of white, three bottles of sake, and one bottle of champagne for toasting.  Got all that?”

“Yes, Naruto-sama,” the waiter said with a large smirk.  “Drinks will be right over.”

Naruto jumped on to the table.  “Ladies and Gentlemen,” he called.

Everyone in the restaurant looked at him, as silence filled the room.

“The council has ordered us to enjoy our evening out, at their expense, so to compensate you for the noise you’ll no doubt hear, tonight’s drinks are on the council, please order what you like!”

There was a cheer, as well as many people thanking him by name.

He grinned and bowed to them, before dropping down.  He moved over and inserted himself between Hinata and Kurenai.  “Hi Hinata-chan, Kurenai-chan,” he greeted the two girls. 

“Naruto-kun,” Kurenai said, giggling.

“Come on people,” Naruto said, “talk, the atmosphere in here is deep enough to kill a duck!  Look, so Sasuke’s out of the psychiatrists, and obviously hasn’t changed, who cares?  Sure, I have to give up training with all of you, but it’s only for a week or two, and with any luck I can use it to try out some of Foxy-chan’s moves!

“So, Choji, how’s the new Jutsu going?”

“I think I love you,” Choji muttered.

“Sorry, not the Uchiha,” Naruto grinned back.  “I’m straight.”

“I am not gay!” Sasuke roared.

“Of course you are,” Naruto said with a grin, turning to him.  “There is no way a straight man could ignore Pinky and Blondie hanging all over him.”

“Screw you, idiot,” Sasuke muttered.

“Hey,” Naruto exclaimed, “this is a perfect time to try out my new Jutsu, and break this weird atmosphere.”  He made some hand signs, “Homo No Jutsu!” he cried.

In the middle of the table, five Narutos appeared.  The first was dressed in leather chaps, and had a moustache that matched his long hair.  The second had a bare chest that glistened with oil, and was wearing tight jeans.  The third was in a tight fitting sailors uniform, complete with a formal shirt.  The fourth was in a ninja uniform that was at least two sizes too small for him, and the final was just wearing a swimming costume.

Two of the clones turned to each other and started to dance, before shooting hot looks at Sasuke.

Hinata was the first to go, blown backwards by the force of her sudden nosebleed.

Naruto tweaked the Jutsu a bit, so that he looked to be in his early twenties – well, early twenties if he hadn’t suffered malnutrition growing up.

Kurenai was the next, passing out from blood loss.

Everyone seemed to be looking at Sasuke.

“Oh, Sasuke-chan,” one of the Naruto’s breathed, blowing him a soft kiss.  As nothing happened, they Henged into random men, and kept as they were.

Sasuke banged his head on the ceiling, as his nose exploded violently.

“I knew it!” Naruto cheered as he dispelled the clones.  “And thank Kami he doesn’t fancy me!”

“Wow,” Kiba said with a smirk.  “Just, wow, Naruto.  You made a Jutsu to prove Sasuke was gay?”

Naruto nodded.  “I figured he was always so uptight because he was stuck in the closet, now he can be happy.”

Ino and Sakura looked completely shocked, as if their entire world had been ripped out.

“Oh oh,” Neji muttered.

“Back of, forehead,” Ino said slowly.

“I saw him first, piggy,” Sakura said back, just as slowly.

“I was nicer to him at school!”

“He always asked me out!”

“Why, so he could play tic-tac-toe on your forehead?  You had your chance, you blew it!”

“Naruto-kun likes me more!  He will be mine!  And at least I don’t eat at a trough!”

“No way, Naruto-kun is mine!”

“Oh, crap,” Naruto muttered.

Kiba smirked, “good luck.”

“Aww crap,” he muttered again.  He shrugged and quickly woke up Kurenai so that she could protect his left side, and then Hinata.

“I’m sorry, Hinata-chan,” he said softly, “my clones didn’t mean to accidentally kick you.”

Accidentally kick you?” Kyūbi demanded, her voice full of laughter.  “Brilliant, kid, brilliant.”

Naruto sent her back a mental smirk.  Sasuke was back at the table, his head in his hands.

“So, Gai, Mini-Gai, I take it you liked the show as well.”

“Why would we, my youthful friend?” Gai asked blankly.

“You mean you two aren’t gay?”

“No, of course not!”

“But you wear spandex, spend half your time hugging other men, and have bushy eyebrows – they are all signs…”

“Signs for a lesser man, yes,” Gai agreed.  “But for us, no one could mistake our flames of youth for anything but extremely youthful vigour.”

“Gai-Sensei!” Lee cheered.

“Naruto-kun is right,” Sakura cried.  “He always is!”

“Save me,” Naruto pleaded to the table.

Two kunais appeared in the table in front of the two girls.  “You talk to Naruto this evening, the next ones don’t miss,” Tenten threatened.

Sakura and Ino paled.

“Thanks guys,” Naruto said, as the first drinks arrived.


Sakura was heading toward the main gate, talking to Ino about Naruto.  It was easy enough to do, her mental mindscape simply substituted black with blonde, and Sasuke with Naruto, and nothing changed.

Simple.

“Ahh, girls,” a new voice said.  In front of them were two real female ninjas.  The sort that she, and Ino, kind of, aspired to be.  One, Kurenai-sensei was leaning against a post, nibbling on a stick of dango, an amused look on her face.

The other was scary.  It wasn’t the outfit, although that was enough to make Sakura want to stab her.  How dare she have such big boobs, and to wear such a small amount of clothing?  She had long purple hair that neatly framed the dark eyes that were the source of her fear.

They screamed violence and pain.  And possibly torture.

Sakura could feel Ino freeze beside her.

“I’m Anko,” she introduced herself.  “And my dear friend Kurenai-chan was just telling me that you’ve both decided that you like our little Naruto-kun.”

Sakura growled.  How dare this hussy claim any sort of association with Naruto-kun.

Anko’s eyes looked amused, and Sakura tried to hide a wince.

“Naruto-kun,” Anko drawled, “is interesting.  Hard working, fun, dedicated, powerful, full of stamina, loyal, kind, and absolutely fucking ruthless to anyone who even hints at hurting someone he likes.”

Sakura nodded.

“As such, Nai-chan and I have ensured that when he grows up a little more, and the Kyūbi is working on that, that he comes to either of us first.  Or maybe both, that could be fun.”

“Anko,” Kurenai-sensei chided playfully.

“Why?  You’re both, like, way older than him!” Ino blurted, before looking horrified.

Anko sniggered.  “Like, way older?  What marvellous language skills.  Age is irrelevant, we’re all adults here, and finding a powerful ninja with personality flaws that we can handle has been difficult.  But you don’t need to know why, all you need to know, is that if you make a move, Pinky, on our little Naru-kun, when you get back, I’m going to,” as she spoke, two snakes slid out of her coat sleeves and reared up, “tie you to the flagpole and charge villages a Ryō to use you as they see fit.”  The snakes vanished.  “Toodles,” Anko finished cheerfully, as she grabbed Kurenai-sensei and they both swirled away.

Sakura couldn’t move.

Ino was breathing hard next to her.

They didn’t move for several minutes.


Naruto arrived at the main gate with his normal lightning show, bang on time.  He was dressed for the mission, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and some thick boots.  He looked like a civilian, apart from the slightly unusual wrist bands.  His forehead protector was in his pocket.

“Naruto?” Kakashi asked slowly.  “What are you wearing?”

“Did you say something, Kakashi?” Naruto asked innocently.

Kakashi grumbled.

“What the hell are you wearing,” Sasuke demanded.

“Here’s the deal,” Naruto said.  “You walk with Kakashi and Sakura, and I’ll walk with the drunk.  That way, we can all just get along nicely.  Right, drunky?”

The grey haired man sniggered.  “I like you, kid.”

“Good, let’s monkey!”

Sasuke went first, Kakashi didn’t seem to want to be near him.  Sakura went with Kakashi, shooting long glances at Naruto – that slightly freaked him out.

There were about two hundred yards down the road, when a terrified scream ripped through the air.

Naruto smirked.  “Looks like the council has just got last night’s bill,” he cheered.

Kakashi shot him another long look, but didn’t say anything.

If one thing had been proven last night, it was that older women were amazing kissers. 

Naruto soon found that Tazuna, the bridge builder, was quite a lot of fun, and they had a good time, chatting about anything and everything as they passed the time.

Their fun lasted several hours, despite the glares and looks from the other three, before, almost from nowhere, two ninja’s jumped out of a puddle.  A large chain shot out at Kakashi, the two ninja’s heaved, and Kakashi seemed to split into two, with a burst of dramatic looking blood.

“Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura yelled.

“Hmm,” One of the ninjas grinned.  “A man down, eh?  We’ll just take care of you two first.”  The moved together and launched a Jutsu Naruto had never seen before.  Sasuke had already started to move, his speed impressive, as he threw several Shuriken at them.

The two ignored the weapons as they released the Jutsu, throwing both Sasuke and Sakura into a tree.

The two smirked.  Next to him, Tazuna was breathing heavily, looking around fearfully.

“Sorry, kid,” one of the two said.  “But as we’re killing the old man, you have to die as well.”

Naruto smiled.  “It’s okay, the third ninja we hired, who is behind you, will stop you.”

The two ninjas turned, their hands going to their weapons.

Naruto jumped forward, a sword flashing out of his left wrist band, beheading the first in a single sweep, before changing the swing, and placing the blade deep inside the second ninja’s stomach.

“Flawless, kid, flawless,” Kyūbi praised in a proud voice.  “I’m going to show you a new move for that one.”

“Yay!” Naruto cheered.  He pulled out a couple of scrolls and dumped the first head in to the scroll.  It wasn’t worth much, but would double his pay for this mission!  He’d be eating well for a month.

“I’m impressed,” Kakashi said slowly, as he appeared next to them.

Naruto looked at the second Ninja.  “Torture No Jutsu,” he whispered.  Streams of minute clones flew out of his mouth, and in to the now-panicking Ninja’s mouth.  After a few demonstrations, the remaining ‘Demon Brother’ was happy to spill his guts about everything that was up ahead, including the name of a fellow ninja - Momochi Zabuza.

When he had finished, Naruto dispelled his clones, and then cut the ninja’s head off – to the happy sighs of Foxy-chan.

“Kakashi!” Sakura shouted as she got to her feet unsteadily, before she saw Sasuke, and called his name as well.  Sasuke woke with a groan, and walked over.  They both looked at the beheaded corpses, a green tinge to their faces.

“It was so cool,” Naruto said happily, “Kakashi appeared from nowhere and beheaded them with a single move!”  He tried to ignore the disbelieving look from Tazuna.

“Idiot,” Sasuke muttered, nodding to himself.

Sakura looked doubtful.

“So,” Kakashi growled, for the benefit of the two that had just woken up.  “Want to explain why the Demon Brothers were after you?”

“Please,” Naruto sighed.  “Haven’t you been paying attention at all?  His country is broke, it can’t afford full ninja’s, and this Gatō guy’s raping everything in sight.  So, let’s get going, we can’t back out on our first mission, right, Sakura, Sasuke?”

“Right, Naruto-kun,” Sakura agreed obediently.

Naruto hid a shudder as they started to move again.  Naruto again playing the civilian, until they had taken a boat in to Wave country, and Kakashi shouted “Get down!”

Naruto tripped, dragging Tazuna down with him.  A huge sword flew over their heads, landing in a tree, where a man with no eyebrows crouched on it.

Zabuza really was here, and he was worth a fortune! 

“Protect us,” Naruto cried, grovelling on the floor, and absently wondering how much it was going to cost to get the stains out of his jeans.

“Sasuke, Sakura, protect the clients,” Kakashi snapped, as he undid part of his mask.

“Ahh,” Zabuza sneered.  “The infamous copy-cat ninja.  Master of a thousand stolen Jutsus.  I’m honoured that you bring out the Sharingan already.”

“What are you playing at, coward,” Sasuke whispered to Naruto.

“Look underneath the underneath,” Naruto whispered back.  “Just do as you’re told.”

A thick mist followed a shout by Zabuza, that seemed to freeze him in place.  Sasuke and Sakura didn’t seem to be faring any better.  A small burst of warmth from Foxy-chan freed him, and he braced himself, so that he could react if needed.

Zabuza headed toward them intently, only to suddenly fall apart as Kakashi rammed a sword through him.  It was a water clone.

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief, as the freezing effect vanished, allowing his team mates to move again.  As the two ninja’s fought, the fog slowly started to disperse.

Naruto through desperately, trying to come up with a decent plan, but nothing seemed to come to mind.  Sure, he could use any number of Kyūbi’s techniques, but they needed him to be close, and he wasn’t anywhere skilled enough to get close enough, and have the time to do any of the moves.

What he needed was a distraction.  A distraction that would stop both men long enough for him to act.  He didn’t even know what would distract Kakashi.

Wait, yes he did.  Kakashi was a pervert, so it was obvious.  He’d just have to take it up a notch.

He carefully made the signs for his clones, and smiled as two were created in the distance.

“Can you walk on water?”

“What?”

“Water, can you walk on it?”

“No…”

“Then exactly how are you going to get close to him?”

Naruto paused.  He hadn’t thought about this.  The two ninjas were fighting on water, and if he teleported into place, he’d instantly sink.

“I’ll help this once,” Kyūbi said with a sigh.  “Use your torpedo, and I’ll throw some Chakra at it so that it is faster.

Thanks, foxy-chan,” Naruto said, as he made a hand signal to his two clones.  Both of them used his Sexy No Jutsu, his new and improved version, this time complete with visible breasts, and skimpy knickers.  The two walked over, as Naruto moved one leg underneath himself, preparing.

“Kid, do it now!”

“Gotcha!”

“Zabuza-kun,” One of the two clones called, before the transformed Naruto turned and started to kiss her twin. 

Zabuza and Kakashi both stared in disbelief, as the two clones made out in front of them. 

Naruto charged forward, moving as fast as he could.  He made the hand signs, before his sword arrived in his hand.  He skimmed across to Zabuza with such speed that he couldn’t keep up.  It was only when stabbed his sword through Zabuza, who staggered backward, landing close to a tree, that he realised it had worked.

The clones dispersed, leaving Naruto with the weird feeling of having been involved in a lesbian kiss with himself.  It was something he’d have to examine later. 

Kakashi looked on in shock.

Two senbons flew through the air, hitting the fallen ninja in the neck, as a Hunter nin appeared.  “Thank you for your help,” the hunter called.

“Finish him!” Kyūbi roared in his mind.

Naruto jumped forward, his sword swinging out as he decapitated Zabuza.  “Sorry,” Naruto said cheerfully.  “But he’s my kill, and I need the cash.”

“Zabuza-san!” the Hunter cried, tearing his mask off, revealing long black hair and an exceptionally pretty face.  He – Naruto thought it was a he, but wasn’t completely sure – seemed devastated.  “I failed you.  I have no reason…”

Naruto sighed and his stomach reminded him he was hungry.  He moved closer and whacked the boy on the back of the neck, moving him into unconsciousness.  The hunter fell to the ground, and Naruto bent over him, and surreptitiously felt between the hunter’s legs.  With a sigh of what might have been regret, he found that it was indeed a male.

He picked him up and threw the male to Sasuke.  “Carry,” he ordered.

“Why?” Sasuke asked.

“Just do it,” Naruto said with a long suffering sigh.  “I’m tired.  And that face isn’t in the bingo-book.”

Sasuke growled, but picked up the unconscious boy.

“Naruto-kun,” Sakura said slowly.  “You just killed an A-rank missing nin!”

Naruto nodded.  “I’m going to eat well for a year with this bounty,” he said cheerfully.

“Great work, kid.  But I think we’re going to have to train you harder so you can have the fun of a full fight as well!”

“Okay.”

That evening, they sat around a fire, a couple of rabbits roasting over the flame.  The Hunter-nin was still unconscious.

“Naruto-kun,” Sakura said.  “What has happened to you?”

“I’ve found my nindo,” he explained slowly.  “I fight to protect the people I love, the people who have been there for me, who have helped me.  I have no inheritance to rely on, and while I own land, the buildings were destroyed by Foxy-chan, so I have to look after myself.  Zabuza was worth a fortune, so I’ll be able to eat well for years.”

“But you killed him!” Sakura said.

“How else would I get his head?” Naruto asked. 

“Don’t you feel bad?” she asked.

“Oh, that’s what you mean,” Naruto said.  He scratched the back of his head.  “I’ve spent a lot of time recently with Anko-chan and Ibiki-san, not to mention some of the other ANBU members.  They’ve helped me gain some perspective on the whole death thing.  Ibiki-san gave me these,” he added, holding up his hands and showing his wrists.

“We are Ninja, we kill. Sometimes we do it for good reasons, sometime we are little more than tools, doing a job that allows us the freedom we enjoy.  The first time I nearly killed someone, I was upset, but my friends helped me.

“And now?  Now I have foxy-chan inside me, and she likes killing more than anyone else, and she’s been purring happily because of the three I killed today.”

“Wait, three?” Sasuke demanded.

“Oh, yeah, I lied earlier,” Naruto said with a shrug.  “Anyway, it’s late.  Get some sleep, I’ll take the first watch.”


Naruto awoke first, and let Sakura get an extra hour of sleep as he watched the dawn in silence.  Before anyone else was awake, the Hunter nin woke up.

“Hi,” Naruto said, as he dropped next to the boy.

“Please kill me,” the boy replied, his voice empty.  “Or let me out of here, so I can kill myself.”

“I’m guessing you’re not a Hunter nin, then?” Naruto asked.

He shook his head.  “I was Zabuza’s tool.  I failed him.  I have no purpose.”

“Okay,” Naruto said slowly.  “What’s your name?”

“Haku.”

“So, do you think that Zabuza would want you to give up and die?”

Haku shrugged.  “This way, I can try and redeem myself in the next life, with him.”

“What did he do to deserve your loyalty?”

“Why?” Haku asked.

“If I’m convinced, I’ll do it,” Naruto lied.  He listened to Haku’s life story, about how he had discovered his blood line, and watched as his father had killed his mother, before he had killed the man himself.

Haku’s description of living on the streets as a penniless, hated, orphan reminded Naruto of his own life, and he decided that he would help the boy out.

Haku explained how Zabuza had saved him, taught him, and given him a purpose, and as he had failed that, he had no purpose left.  He looked at Naruto, and finished with, “I wanted to protect the person important to me... I wanted to work for that person, I wanted to fight for that person... I wanted to make that person's dream come true... That was my dream... And now my dream is over, because I failed.”

Naruto looked at him for a long moment, before punching him as hard as he could in the face.

Haku looked back with wide eyes, before spitting out some blood.

“You coward,” Naruto spat.  “Something bad happened, so I’m giving up!  Let me die so I can run and hide,” he whined mockingly.  “Who cares that death is the easy way out, and that you will never find anyone else precious to you!

“God, you people are so alike!  Take the sleeping git over there – his entire clan was killed by his brother, who then put him under a bloodline curse for what seemed like two days.  Does he dedicate his life to something worthwhile?  Hell no, he dedicates it to something as self-defeating as revenge!

“My childhood was probably worse than yours, and his, and you know what I do?  I fight for the people who I love, and you know what?  If they all died, I wouldn’t give up, I’d keep going, because that is my way!  I never back down from what I think is right.

“Now, you, my androgynous friend, are not going to dishonour your precious person’s memory by killing yourself, you are going to live, you are going to find someone new to care about, and you are going to have a long and happy life.  Understood?”

Haku looked at him, his mouth open.

“And until you find that person, you will guard Sasuke and Sakura with your life, understood?”

“I do,” Haku agreed slowly.

Naruto reached down and untied the boy, and then gave him his weapons back.

“Aren’t you afraid that I will attack you?” Haku asked.

“Why would you do that?” Naruto asked.

Haku shrugged.  “Revenge?  You did kill Zabuza.”

“Shit happens,” Naruto agreed.  “If he hadn’t attacked, I wouldn’t have gone out my way to look for him.”


The poverty of the rest of Wave country was shocking.  Kids in rags ran through areas that made the seediest slum in Konoha look like the Uchiha compound.

Naruto sighed to himself, and then swore that he would do whatever he needed to so that he could help these people.  He happily spent the evenings with Tazuna’s family, his daughter, Tsunami, and his grandson, Inari.

Tsunami immediately attracted his attention by being both older and gorgeous, so it was fun for him to flirt with her.  He tried very hard to ignore the looks Sakura was giving him.  He did find it ironic that a few months ago, he would have killed for her to pay him that sort of attention.

Of course, that was before he found out about real women.

As for Wave itself, the first thing was obvious.  The bridge needed workers, and he was a one man workforce, so while Kakashi trained the original him, he sent hundreds of clones to help build the bridge.

He was learning a great deal about how to build large structures, and started to get interested in the theory behind it, which led to some tutorials on the basics of architecture.

Sadly, it was a subject that would take a lot more time than he had available to master.

His lesson with Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura were more useful, as after a day of trying, he mastered tree climbing, then water walking.  Haku was more of a useful teacher, as he actually explained what was needed. 

Haku was friends with Sakura, and Naruto had the distinct impression that was because Sakura thought Haku was female.

On the fifth morning, it was his turn to spend the day guarding Tazuna with Sasuke.  Sasuke was sitting on the far side of the bridge, watching the jeans-wearing horde.  At the end of the shift, he sidled up to Tazuna.  “You know,” he said to no one in particular.  “It’s a shame that someone doesn’t hire me to get rid of Gatō.  Maybe for a share of the profits.”

Tazuna froze.  He coughed.  “Naruto-kun?”

“Yes, Tazuna?”

“How would you like some work on the side?”

“Oh?”

“If you take out Gatō, you can keep half of what you find, the other half belongs to us, as that’s where a lot of his money comes from.”

“A fifth,” Naruto bartered.

“That’s not how it’s supposed to work,” Tazuna pointed out.  “You are supposed to ask for more, and we come to an agreement.”

“Oh,” Naruto said slowly.  “In that case, a sixth.”

“You know what, I think I’ll just shut up,” Tazuna sighed.  “Yo, Jimbo!”

A tall and thin man wandered over to them.  “What’cha want?”

“When’s Gatō due back?”

“He arrived a few days ago.  He’s on his flagship.”

“Which one is it?” Naruto asked.

“The biggest one in the harbour, the big harbour a few miles down the coast.”  He pointed to the right.

With a clap, all the clones vanished, leaving Naruto with a brain-meltingly useless burst of knowledge.  “Going for a walk,” he yelled cheerfully to Sasuke.  “Catch ya later.  Tell Kakashi I’ll be back soon.”

The two builders watched him walk away, whistling a jaunty tune.

“You know,” Jimbo said softly.  “That is possibly the most dangerous person I’ll ever meet.”

“Because he looks the most innocent?”

“Aye.  A thousand workers, all independent, boundless energy, and so many clever questions.  It’s weird how they always vanish after they get an answer, but another soon replaces them.  Anyway, if I hadn’t seen the clones, I would have sworn that he was a civilian.”

“That’s the way he wants it.”

“Aye, I’ll get back to work now.”


What’s the plan, kid?” Kyūbi asked.

Naruto looked down at the docks, and at the huge ship that dominated the dock.  “I was thinking of waiting until it was dark, running over the water, climbing the side of the ship, killing everyone, taking any gold, then sailing the ship back to the bridge, and hiring it out to someone, so that I get to have my own pirate ship whenever I need to take a break.”

“Have I ever told you that I love you?”

Naruto snickered and settled down for a nap.

When he awoke, it was after midnight, and a cloudy sky meant that the moon wasn’t visible.  He moved cautiously down to the beach, and then pumped chakra into his legs as he sprinted across the water.  He knew if he slowed down, he’d get very wet.

It was pretty easy to climb up the anchor.  He paused before the deck, seeing how many people were out and about.  There appeared to be three guards, and that was it.  The arrogance was mind-blowing, but then, who in their right minds would attack Gatō?

No one,” Kyūbi suggested.

Hn,” Naruto agreed, as he slid behind the first guard and covered his mouth, while stabbing him in back.  “Shhh,” Naruto whispered, as the man whimpered before obediently dying.

Naruto eased him to the ground, and then padded silently to the next guard and repeating the process.   The third guard had his throat slit, before he knew what was going on.

“How many do we have left?”

“There are ten asleep, below the main deck, and one who seems quite skilled next to the biggest room up front.”

“That’ll be Gatō’s main guard then,” Naruto mused.  “How about we send a few hundred clones to kill the ones asleep, and we take on the skilled on?”

Deal,” Kyūbi agreed.

Naruto made the hand seals, and ordered his army to have fun.  “Remember, no fire Jutsus, I want this ship!”

“Aye aye, captain,” the clones whispered, and took off.

Naruto created a few more clones.  “Make sure no one leaves the ship,” He ordered them.

They saluted, and henged into barrels.

Naruto walked to the door that had the skilled ninja in it, and opened.  “Hi, I’m here to kill you,” he announced.

The ninja was already on his feet, a sword in his hands.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m Naruto,” Naruto introduced himself.  “Not in the bingo-books yet, but I am the container of the Kyūbi No Kitsume, the all powerful nine tailed demon.  I’ve been hired to deal with Gatō, and I have the crew being killed at the moment, the guards are dead, and that just leaves you.”

“Right,” the ninja said slowly.

“Can I have your name please?” Naruto asked.  “I need to see how much you are worth.”

“It’s your unlucky day, kid,” the Ninja said, “the name is Fuju, tell it to the death god when you meet him.”

“I had kinda hoped that my introduction would scare you off,” Naruto admitted.  “Oh well.”  He made a couple of hand signals, and teleported behind the Ninja, thrusting his sword out.

The ninja barely moved in time, diving forward.  “What the hell!”

“Bloodline,” Naruto explained.  “Here’s another one,” he said, as he cut his own wrist, then showed it as it healed up.  “Look, we don’t have to do this.  You’re an earth specialist, and we’re in the middle of an ocean.  You’re not worth that much money to me, so walk away, and we can meet up later.”

“Don’t pity me, brat,” Fuju spat.  “I’ll crush you!  You can’t stand up to me, and your mind games won’t work!”

Naruto shrugged, and made the seal for his torpedo Jutsu, flying along, parallel to the wooden floor, and throwing Fuju backward.  He followed it up immediately, as the shocked Ninja tried to block.  As he bounced off, he threw a spin kick, that was easily blocked, but Fuju failed to block the follow up stab to the leg.

Fuju growled, and attacked, his Taijutsu was far better than Naruto’s, so he concentrated on blocking and dodging, Naruto suddenly launched his Torpedo again, before instantly teleporting behind him once more, this time managing to punch Fuju in the back of the neck.

He didn’t pause, his hands flashed through a series of signs.  Dragon, dog, dog, dog, he focused his Chakra into his hand, and punched forward as hard as he could.

The chakra flew from his fist, just as Foxy-chan had taught him, catching the ninja in the back of his head.  There was a pause, before Fuju’s head exploded.

Flawless Victory,” Kyūbi crowed.  “Fatality!”

“Ewww,” Naruto responded.  “We need a cleaner move than that!  And I can’t keep his head in a seal if it’s gone!

True,” Kyūbi agreed, as she started to purr happily.

Naruto sighed and sealed the rest of the body, before he walked out the door, to find his clones standing around in a circle.  In the middle, was a short brown haired man wearing dark glasses, and pyjamas.

“This is Gatō, captain,” one of the clones said.  “He wanted to talk to you.”

Naruto nodded.

“He’s willing to strike a deal.  He’ll sign over his businesses to you, in exchange for you not killing him.”

“Deal,” Naruto said cheerfully.  “Let’s go sign some papers.”

Gatō look relieved, and quickly entered the luxurious cabin.  The clones all followed, each holding a sword, each glaring at the man, reminding him not to try anything.

A few minutes later, Kyūbi informed him that all the information they needed was there.  “Let him loose, boys,” Naruto ordered.

Gatō ran out the door without a second look.

“Query,” Naruto said to his clones.  “Do you guys qualify as me?”

“Nope,” One of them said.  “We’re like your creations, like grown children.  We know how you think, but we’re not you, exactly, the moment we were created we were different.”

“Good,” Naruto said, as a scream filled the air.  “Then I won’t feel guilty about him being killed by one of us out there.”

All the clones shared his grin.

“Captain,” one said, as he entered the room.  “Gatō seems to have been transferring his funds, as there is a shit load of money down in the cargo area.”

Naruto looked at the papers in front of him.  “Gatō was going to meet several hundred thugs at the dock tomorrow.  Wonder what they’ll do when they’re met with an army of us that out numbers them five to one.  Right, it’s time to put that book on how to sail a ship to work.”

“Aye aye, captain,” the clones shouted.


Tazuna couldn’t concentrate on the bridge.  Naruto hadn’t been seen since he had gone for a walk the day before, and Kakashi was looking very suspiciously at him.

The pink haired Genin, along with the other two were helping a little, more through boredom than any real desire to help.

In the distance, a large ship appeared.  Tazuna covered his eyes and stared.

The ship slowly sailed closer, and Tazuna could just make out a sea of blonde hair.  He grinned.  “Jimbo, go fetch everyone, quick!”

“Aye, boss,” he agreed, taking off without hesitation.

“Exactly what is Naruto doing on that boat!?” Kakashi demanded.

“It’s a ship.  And sailing it?” Tazuna offered.

Kakashi growled.

“I might have hired him to deal with our little problem,” Tazuna muttered. 

Kakashi sighed again, as the ship drew closer, before it span to the right, and dropped anchor.  The now-clearly-visible blonde crew saluted, and dispersed in small groups, leaving one Naruto to jump over the side and walk to the shore.

Tazuna moved as fast as his old body could carry him to the far side of the bridge, to welcome the boy.

He was met by most of the townspeople.  “Look,” Naruto called.  “I have a hat!”

He was wearing a broad rimmed black hat, with each side curled up.  “How do I look?”

Tazuna laughed softly.  “Like a captain, kid” he said.  “Like a captain.”

“So,” Naruto said, looking at the crowd slightly embarrassedly.  “Gatō suffered an attack of morality, and well, he wanted to make up for everything he had done to you, so he’s signed off all his business to you guys, and made a donation of all his money.”

Complete silence met his announcement.

“He wanted to ensure that this wonderful country lives up to its potential.”

“And Gatō himself?” Tazuna asked.

“Came down with a slight case of death,” Naruto admitted.  “But he decided to help the local shark economy with his death, so it’s all good.”  He handed a scroll to Tazuna.  “Open this somewhere secure and enjoy.  Oh, Gatō’s thugs all decided to retire as well.  In unrelated news, the dock will need a bit of cleaning up.”

Tazuna’s daughter was the first to react; Tsunami burst from the crowd, and pounced on him, kissing him firmly.

Naruto struggled to keep his balance, as he kissed her back. 

“Thank you, Naruto-kun,” she said softly.

He grinned at her, and pulled a pearl necklace out of his pocket.  With a practised movement, he put it around her neck, and closed the clasp.  He gently kissed her lips. “Don’t forget me, Tsunami-chan,” he whispered.

Naruto looked at Tazuna.  “I’ve got your mission fee, so we’re out of here.  Inari, stay cool!”

“Do you have to go?” Inari asked.  “I don’t even mind you kissing mum!”

Naruto dropped to his knees in front of the kid.  “Sadly, I do,” he said gently.  “But I’ll be back, I never forget my friends, that’s my nindo.”

Inari nodded and hugged Naruto.

“Tazuna, see if you can rent out my boat, I’ll let you know when I need it.”

“Will do, thanks, Naruto, for everything.”

Naruto winked at him.  “Catch you on the flip side.”  The boy walked over to his team.  “I’ve got a hankering for some Ramen, let’s fly!”  He took off at top speed, the other ninja’s following him.

“So,” Tazuna said.  “The Great Naruto Bridge?”

“Tazuna,” one of the village elders asked.  “What was that!?”

“I kinda hired the kid, Uzumaki Naruto, to kill Gatō, I offered him half of everything that Gatō had, but he only wanted a sixth, the rest is in here.”

“Let it be known throughout the land, that today and every year on this date, there will be a national holiday, in honour of the hero of the Wave, Uzumaki Naruto!”

The cheer of the crowd could probably be heard in Konoha.

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Author Notes:

Part of maturity is experience, and Naruto, through massive over-use of clones, is certainly getting that.

A lot of the explanations for how Naruto and Foxy-chan know things is going to have to wait until near the end,