Rufus posted a comment on Thursday 23rd August 2007 12:26am

Well, I saw your point at the end and I must say that if it's the way you feel about your story, then, ok...
It's a pity for us readers but, well your choice really.

I liked the way Harry was interacting with the other girls. WE don't see that too often in my opinion. In most case, a story like this is quickly transformed into a Harry/Harem story. I liked the idea of distant love but close proximity with other girls.

Anyway, if you allow me, I'd like to take it over and maybe write something on my own about that... I don't say I will post it, but if I do something with it, I'll be sure to send it to you.

Cheers,

Pascal (aka Rufus)

Jamie posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 11:18pm

Started pretty good, generally lacked the fleur/harry interaction i wanted to see. liked what you had so far. youre right about the whole lord thing getting old, found myself skipping over those parts. anyway, looking forward to the next story you upload. still better than 99% of the stuff out there.

sunrisesunset posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 11:02pm

It's certainly a nice beginning - it went on for quite a bit longer than I expected, seeing it listed under 'Abandoned'.

I did get the feeling you were trapping yourself with the harem relationships and a distant main love interest. What could/would/should happen next? Also, the passage of time from Harry & Fleur's first night to where the story picks up again wasn't made very clear. It would have been nice to have had even a glimpse of just how Fleur helped Harry mature. (It might also have taught the rest of us a few lessons!)

I'm glad you posted this, even if you were dissatisfied with it. It allows all of us to learn from your effort - and who knows, perhaps some of the suggestions you get might inspire you to revive this story sometime in the future. Brrt's suggestion has merit, though it would completely change the tone of the fic.

I look forward to more stories from you, whether they be polished diamonds or rough-cut gems - which, after all, are only less brilliant in comparison.

sith2886 posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 9:21pm

lol, it figures the one harry/Fleur with a dash of harem that I didn't feel like shoving ice picks in to my eyes after reading and it gets abandoned. I agree with your logic, but i still sucks.

Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 7:27pm

Guess I should have re-read your WIP list before posting that last... Still, I would really like to read a good, involved Harry/Fleur work, and this piece has potential...

Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 7:21pm

I actually rather liked this, despite your apparent misgivings, and the hinting of R/Hr notwithstanding. I sincerely hope this isn't your previously mentioned Harry/Fleur story you were working on, as I was/am looking forwards to it. Best of luck with whatever project you're working on now.

brrt posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 6:14pm

It would be very tempting to abandon this fic, and maybe you should considering the arguments I've just read. However, you do have an opportunity here to try something you haven't done before - from what I've read anyhow.

So how would this fic have a future?

Kill Fleur.

Not the most palatable idea I know, but your fic "Best Man" probably has more Harry/Fleur potential to be pursued than this one.

If Fleur dies, Harry loses something important to him, something that would be considerably more powerful, than say, losing Sirius in the 5th book.

Harry could begin a serious romp on the dark side, as his light/hope for a better future has been extinguished and his anger/hate gets the better of him.

Fleur made Harry 'grow' at the beginning of the story, and living and understanding the dark side by first-hand experience would also 'grow' him.

When Harry eventually does return from the dark side he is - as the title suggests - changed. Balanced in his understanding of the conflict and the way magic is used. He is also inevitably darker, but also more mature, self controlled and less emotionally dependent.

I understand that you may not be comfortable running with this idea, as Dark!Harry is not really something you like doing (if your other stories are any indication). Harry would also have to lone wolf it for a while, get himself lost -so to speak- before he, or his friends find him.

Fleur is an interesting pairing for Harry, but above all she serves as a catalyst for change in this fic, why not continue that?

Orion posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 5:00pm

As much as I love all of your work, I do have to say that I understand and agree with your reasoning for dropping this. It's well written, but it can't escape being a "harem" fic, just without the romantic relationship between Harry and the girls.

KenF posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 3:50pm

I understand your reasons for shutting this one down, but it did have its good parts. I liked the way you use Fleur's powers on Harry. I've not seen them done like that before. Also, Harry was show that he is still young, not the demigod we usually get.

Thank you for showing your "failures" and why you didn't like them. I think I learn more from your comments on stories like these than I do from anything else.

DarQuing posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 3:23pm

I liked it. I think Fluer(sp?) was good for Harry. I don't doubt that Dumbledore did some unkind things and shouldn't have kept so many secrets, but he wasn't as bad as Tom Riddle.

FenrisWolf posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 2:57pm

This does have one major originality feature going for it, at least that I have not seen before that I can recall; Harry assembling a 'harem' without it actually being a harem. It is far more believable than the endless "Harry is so great we can all share him without feelings of jealousy or insecurity getting in the way!"

I can think of any number of ways of taking this off at an oblique angle from subsequent books, but as you say many of them are over-used cliches and coming up with a fresh approach would take a lot of work, nor is there any guarantee that the end results would justify the effort involved, not if you're already dissatisfied with the story. Still, thanks for sharing this much with us, it was a lot of fun, especially the train ride!

Cuey posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 2:37pm

Well, I agree with all your points about why you aren't going to work on this fic, but at the same time if you were to continue it I would almost certainly read it. Thanks for posting it anyway.

Amamama posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 2:08pm

Ok, I see why you abandoned it, and understand all your reasons - it still was a fun read. So, thanks for sharing, I'm happy to chew through your dustbin, because even with the flaws this story has, you write catching stories. And I do SO look forward to see a story from your hand with a balanced, human Dumbledore. I think I've fulfilled my need for Dumbledore-bashing (but I'll never understand why he didn't check up on Harry before Hogwarts), so it'll be nice to read something else.

Cheers!

Sheepstamper posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 2:08pm

It was a good start, but I have to agree with you that it did become a little boring and was certainly not up to your usual standard, that we have all come to expect......Sheeps

Aberbadger posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 2:07pm

RE Fleur being written out too quickly - Fleur is going to work for Gringotts to improve her English, yes? Well, there is a subplot used from time to time (no where near often enough to be classified as clichéic) that Harry is in regular contact with Gringotts to help him learn about, and learn to manage his estate(s). What if Fleur were apprenticed to the Goblin assigned to him...?

Aberbadger posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 2:02pm

A year's supply of chocolate frogs to anyone who takes up the story and turns it into something both readable (proverbial page-turner) AND enjoyable - yes people, there is a distinct difference! (With author's permition, of course!)

Tim (I believe that's your name, yes?), I understand your POV on this, as I can appreciate that stories, either don't go where we want them to, or don't work without something you don't want to include, but then, you must also understand, that when we read a good story, we want to see where it goes, and how it gets there. That's why this section of yours is both beautiful and dreadful. The stuff you come up with is superb, but you always leave us wanting more!

Wolfric posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 1:30pm

Well, I do see that there are some elements of this that are familiar. If it had caught your interest more fully; I'm sure you could have made it stand on its own. As you say, you can only do so much. I certainly do not want you to pass up working on those stories that do fully engage you, as I and your other readers would suffer the lack. Any way you tend to discard stories that are better than the best efforts of many others. Thanks for writing. W.

Cliff Bryner posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 1:15pm

Thanks. It is really a good story. I'm thrilled with the characterization. I'd sure like you to go on with this story. I'm a big fan.

Seel'vor posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 12:34pm

Personally, I enjoyed this story. You're right, Jeconais, there is the possibility for tremendous cliches, BUT, there is also the Order of the Phoenix. If she was sent away on long-term assignments, it could explain how it's a Harry/Fleur story, without her actually being in it.

However, while I write my own fanfics, I am nowhere near as good as you, and will not question your judgement in this manner.

I will say: Thank god it's not a 'I need my mate' story. I've only ever read one good one of those. (Oddly enough... it was your story 'Hope'. Coincidence? I think not.)

Thank you for posting your work.

Princess Fictoria posted a comment on Wednesday 22nd August 2007 12:15pm

I am rather sad that you have decided to abandon this story. Though there are hints of cliches, I thought you handled them very well. A more mature, but still naive, Harry is fun to read. I like the dynamics that you have added with the liege lord relationships and I was truly looking forward to seeing how Dumbledore would deal with this particular Harry. I do so very much wish you would consider continuing.