Like a Cat in a Bag
Part 7
By Jeconais
Willow sat at the table, idly watching the dancing denizens of the night club and Xander was dancing with Dawn.
Well, Dawn was dancing; Xander was flailing his limbs in what looked like an eastern European fertility dance. The younger girl didn’t seem to be minding too much though, judging by the way she was laughing.
Xander was getting a lot of attention for the first time, and he loved it. Their spectacular entrance earlier had caused a small stir, and he knew he had a lot of girls very curious to know what he had done to deserve such a display. Still, 'his’ girls were extremely possessive, and no matter which one was dancing with him, they made sure to post virtual 'hands off’ signs all over him.
The brunet had to admit, he was secretly pleased with this. While it was fun to try and dance his troubles away, the events of the last week still weighed heavily on his mind.
He really had to try and sort out his emotions regarding the Slayer. Now that she was out of the woods, physically at least, he needed time to go through the jumble of feelings he was currently experiencing.
Did he still love Buffy? Had he ever loved Buffy? Until recently, Buffy represented his hopes and his dreams. She was beautiful, sharp, witty, funny, a great fighter, and his not-so-secret hero.
In his mind, she was perfect, and he felt that he was perfect for her. There was something reassuring, actually. in the way she never looked back at him like that. He could worship her from afar, always hoping, and never expecting to get her.
Now, though, things had changed.
She had fallen from the small pedestal he had placed her on, fallen in a way he could never have anticipated. He always felt that he understood her problems, that he knew what she faced day in, day out.
He had forgiven her for the whole Angel charade — the way she had lied when he had returned — just as he had forgiven her time and time again for everything else.
Now, however, forgiveness was something he wasn’t sure he could give.
It wasn’t that he though that he was perfect, but he wasn’t the one who had been using drugs recently, or in a lot of cases, needed his forgiveness.
He tried to forget about it, and concentrated on calming his dancing down a little.
It wasn’t working; even Dawn could see that he was distracted.
"Want to talk about it?" she asked, trying to be mature. It was a difficult thing to accomplish, when you were dancing in a night club with raucous music blaring.
Xander smiled a little sadly and shook his head. "There are some things in life, Dawn, that you can’t accept. What happened was one of those things."
"Why can’t you accept it?" she asked, grabbing his hand and leading him to the bar.
"Two cokes," Xander said to the barman, pulling out his wallet. He turned back and focused on the young girl before him. "It’s the lack of respect involved, Dawn. But let’s talk about something else."
"Like what?" she asked, with a smile.
He paused, and took a drink of the watered down coke he had just overpaid for. "The rip off prices I just paid?" he replied with a grin.
"Are you really going to be broke from all of this?" she asked suddenly.
"Nah, it just means I delay looking for a new apartment for a month, nothing serious."
"So, why aren’t you living with us?"
Xander shrugged. "It never really came up."
Dawn reached out and grabbed his hand, pausing only to finish her drink, before she dragged him over to the other girls.
"Sit," she ordered imperiously.
Xander raised an eyebrow, and then smirked at her.
"Bosiness runs in the family, eh?"
"Willow," Buffy said from across the table, "would you be as kind as to elbow him for me?"
Willow nodded, although Xander noticed her eyes lacked the sparkle of earlier, and elbowed him gently.
"Oof," Xander smirked, overacting deliberately.
"Xander was planning on moving apartments; now, he’s got to stay where he is because of the money he’s spent recently. So, he needs to move in with us," Dawn explained. "Acting as though her logic was impeccable and indisputable, she sat back, a smug look on her face.
Willow frowned, and then turned and looked at Xander. "You know, it’s really not such a stupid idea. You’re over there most of the time anyway, and it would be fun with all of us living there for the summer."
"Wouldn’t it be a little cramped?" Xander asked. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to be in that close proximity to Buffy.
"Not at all," Buffy blurted. "You can have Mum’s old room."
"Besides, Xander" Tara added quietly. "if you’re planning on sending Buffy back to school, it would really help if you could pay some of the bills on a more permanent basis."
Xander nodded slowly. He hadn’t thought about that; with Buffy out of a job, and going back to school, someone was going to have to pay the mortgage, and while he had been prepared to pay it and pay his rent, having to pay just the one of them would leave a lot more spare money for having fun.
He smiled crookedly, "Okay. I’ll cancel my lease tomorrow, I only have to give a week’s notice — comes from living in what only cockroaches would call a pleasant habitat.
His decision was rewarded by four beaming smiles.
"Right," Willow said. "You," she pointed at Xander, "dance floor.
"You," she pointed at Tara, "are a genius and I love you." She kissed the girl quickly, and then followed Xander out onto the dance floor. She smiled as the music slowed, and pulled Xander close so that they could talk in private.
"I’ve calmed down a bit now," she whispered.
"I can tell," he whispered back. "Buffy’s still got her ears."
Willow giggled and lightly punched him. "I was thinking of seeing if I could help you two."
"Oh?" Xander asked, spinning her around in what was almost a graceful move for him.
"Yeah. I know this spell that will let you both experience what the other went through. It will allow you to see each others point of view," she elaborated with a wide smile.
Xander froze on the dance floor, and then sighed. It looked like he’d missed something else, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to go through this past week again.
"Come with me," he said and grabbed her hand tightly, pulling her to the exit.
"What are you doing?" Willow asked, pulling against him.
"We need to talk," he growled.
"Uhhh, what’s happening out there?" Dawn asked, watching as Xander froze in the middle of a slow dance.
They watched as Xander grabbed the small red haired girl’s hand, and dragged her off the dance floor.
"Stand in front of me," Tara whispered, reaching into her purse. As the two girls moved to hide her from sight, she quickly murmured a spell, burning some incense. A moment later, she closed her eyes and collapsed back into the chair.
"You can sit down again," she whispered. "Willow was upset about something; I don’t know what, I couldn’t quite pick it up. Whatever it was, she offered to help fix it — by letting Xander switch memories with someone so that they could see what each other was thinking. Xander felt depressed and got a little scared at the offer; he thinks Willow is getting addicted to magic and he’s going to do something about it."
"What are you going to do?" Dawn asked, not noticing that Buffy had gone pale next to her.
"Whatever he wants," Tara said simply.
"Huh?"
"I’ve been worried about it, too," Tara confessed in a small voice. "But Willow wouldn’t admit there was a problem, and I didn’t want to push it, you know? I didn’t want to face it incase it came down to a choice; me or magic."
A solitary tear slowly crawled down her cheek. "He’s taking my risk for me, and he’ll be able to get through to her where I couldn’t. So whatever he wants — he’s giving me my life."
"It’s my fault," Buffy said.
"What is?" Tara asked gently.
"That spell Willow wanted to cast the spell. It was for me. I did something that I’m ashamed off, and I don’t know how to fix it with him."
"What?" Dawn groaned. "It can’t be worse than being on drugs."
"When I was invisible, Xander came by Spike’s crypt. Spike told him he was doing naked push ups."
"Huh?" Dawn asked, looking around, a look of confusion on her face.
Tara felt the blood leave her face at an alarming rate, and grabbed the table. "He knows?"
"Spike told him, and I confessed."
"Wait a second; you did the nasty with Spike in front of Xander?" Dawn blurted out.
Buffy blushed bright red.
"Jeez, Buff! When you screw things up you don’t do it by half, do you?"
"How many spells have you cast today?" Xander demanded.
"What?"
"Spells, Willow. Magic. You know, that thing you pray to your goddess for."
"I know what magic is," Willow retorted, looking irritated at his questions. "And I don’t know. A couple."
"Count," Xander snarled.
"Look, I don’t know what your problem is, Xander, but I don’t appreciate how you’re acting."
"Answer the bloody question," Xander yelled. They were sitting inside his SUV, so that they could have the fight he knew they were about to have, in private.
"I don’t know - five, six maybe?"
"Great," Xander groaned. "What were they?"
"Well, I changed the TV channel, made some coffee, fixed a light bulb, stopped Ms Kitty from tearing up the couch, and then cast the truth spell on Buffy."
"My god. What the hell are you thinking?"
"What?"
"You’re as bloody addicted as Buffy was."
"What? To magic? Don’t be stupid!"
"Oh, please! How does magic make you feel, Wills? Give you a rush to be better than someone else? To be able to do something without getting off your ass? Makes you excited when you pull a spell off, when you levitate something?"
"No."
"Don’t lie to me, Willow Rosenberg, you’re not very good at it."
"But Xander," Willow whined, suddenly looking at him with her eyes wide open.
"That didn’t work for Buffy, and it’s not going to work for you," Xander snorted. "You’ve got a problem."
"No, I haven’t. I can handle it. Magic’s fun, nothing else."
"Nothing’s just fun, Willow. Not when you’re doing something like that for no real reason<" he retorted.
"Look at your first reaction to hearing about Buffy; you want to fry her, and just now, you wanted to cast some weird mojo so that we were in each others minds? Damn it, Willow, we’re not puppets for you to play with!"
The red haired witch burst into tears.
"That’s not going to work either, Willow. This past week, I’ve been cried on, spat on, covered in soup, porridge, and even vomit."
"But…"
"There are no buts," he said harshly. "What do you think is going to happen? Sooner or later something will happen and you’ll cast a spell on one of us. After all, why not? It’s easy for you and it’s only fun, right?"
"I wouldn’t cast a spell on any of you!"
"You already bloody have — you cast a truth spell on Buffy earlier."
Willow went white.
"You invaded her mind; you forced her into admitting something she didn’t want to admit. Where the hell is the right in that?"
"I did it for you," Willow said in a tiny voice.
"Did I ask you to?"
"No."
Xander took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Don’t you get it, even after this week?"
"Get what?"
"That I’m an adult, or bloody close to it now. I’ve got a job, my own place, my own car, a Playstation, pretty much everything I want.
"Yes, I can’t get past what Buffy did at the moment, but you know what? That’s life. It’s something I have to deal with. Either I do, or I don’t, but either way it’s my decision, my life. If I do deal, then either Buffy and I get together, or we don’t. It’s our lives, our decision."
"But…"
Xander turned in the driver seat, reached out, and lightly touched her chin.
"I see my Willow in there," he said softly. "But I see something else — the same thing that I saw in Buffy’s eyes. You’ve got to face it Wills, because if you don’t, you lose Tara. You lose Buffy. You lose Dawn. You lose me. You will be alone, and all you will have is your power, your magic. Even if you cast spells on us, it won’t be us, it’ll just be empty shells, blank slates that you can write what ever you want on. And your creative writing has never been that good.
"Can you face that? Can you face eternity with no one to love you, with no one to laugh with you? When you turn over at night, all you’ll have is an illusion of when you were happy?"
Willow’s mouth opened and shut several times, but no words emerged.
"Tell me I’m wrong, Willow. Tell me I’m exaggerating. Tell me I’m mistaken, that I’m being an idiot like I have in the past. I’ll believe you. Just say the words, and this conversation never happened. Tell me the truth, Wills."
"I… I…" Willow’s chest heaved. "I can’t," she yelled, and burst into tears again. "I don’t know why I do it, but I do. It feels good, and it’s easy. I like it, and I can’t give it up."
"I don’t want you to give it up," Xander whispered, pulling her across onto his lap and cuddling her like he would a little girl. "I want you to use it, but only when it’s important.
"It’s like alcohol. I can have a drink, you know? And I’m not my dad. I don’t come home pissed out of my skull and shout abuse at the postman. But if every time something went wrong, I had a drink, it wouldn’t be long before I didn’t have anything but the drink, and pretty soon, I’m in a gutter being used as a toilet by other winos."
Willow hiccupped a small laugh. "Thanks for the mental image, Xan. It’s gonna take years of therapy to get that out of my head."
"We’ll deal with this," he said softly, stroking her hair. "Tara will help."
"Oh god! Tara," Willow cried. "What is she going to think of me?"
"That you had a small problem, and that you’re dealing with it before it becomes a serious issue?"
Willow sniffled and rubbed her face into Xander’s shirt.
"Oh great," he sighed, amused. "Now I can add snot to that list."
"Xander!" Willow laughed, and hit him in the stomach.
"So, are you going to repair your makeup? You look like a raccoon."
Willow hit him again, and moved her hand up to her eyes, then stopped, a horrified expression on her face.
"We’ll deal, Wills, I promise."
She nodded, and reached over to her purse, pulling some makeup and a mirror out. It didn’t take her long to repair the damage.
"Come on," she smiled, opening the door and sliding out.
"You ready to face them?"
Willow put her resolve face on. "I owe both Buffy and Tara an apology."
Xander nodded. "Let’s go then."
They walked back in to the nightclub, her arm linked through his, and he fervently hoped that this was the last emergency to hit, tonight. He was exhausted now, too much had happened over the last week.
They walked up to the table, and Willow grabbed Tara, pulling her onto the dance floor, as Xander collapsed into the booth and watched the two of them.
He smiled as Willow said something seriously, and Tara smiled massively, and pulled Willow in close, so that they could dance.
"That’s a relieved look," Buffy said quietly.
"Look at Willow’s feet."
"They’re on the ground?"
"Exactly."
"Well," Dawn said, standing up. "I’m going to interrupt the happy couple and dance with them. You two are going to talk. And remember, if you two don’t get together, I get a shot at Xander." She grinned impishly, and danced off, over to the other two girls.
"Subtle, she isn’t," Xander smiled.
"You talked to Willow?"
Xander nodded.
"Same as to me?"
"A little more bluntness, a little less vomit."
Buffy laughed, just a little uncomfortably.
"Would it help if I said I was sorry?"
Xander sighed and swung his feet up onto the nearest cheer. "Up here, yes" he said, pointing to his head, "I know it wasn’t you fault."
"But?" Buffy prompted.
"But it doesn’t matter," Xander said softly. "I won’t let him have the last laugh. I realized when I was talking to Willow that he told me that to hurt me — and it did. I won’t let him have any more influence over me."
"So we can date?" Buffy said, sounding hopeful.
Xander shook his head slowly. "Maybe. But not right now."
"Why not?"
Xander sat up and turned to face her; as he reached up and lightly touched her cheek.
"Because I don’t know who Buffy Summers is at the moment, and I don’t think you do either," he said as gently as he could. "You can’t define yourself around the people you are in love with; you have to be yourself, first."
"Don’t you want me?"
"More than you will ever know," Xander replied simply, unable to believe he was actually doing this. "But I want everything. I want the girl I skateboarded into a rail for, I want the girl whose hair caught the sun and made me want to worship her. I want the girl with the smile that can light up a room. I want Buffy, all of Buffy, and I can’t have that, till you’ve got it inside to offer me."
He stood, and bent down to lightly brush his lips against her soft cheek. "I’ll wait for you guys in the car — take as long as you need."
Slowly, he turned and walked away, through the crowded dance floor, in to the night. For the first time in a week, he looked up at the night sky, and smiled.
Epilogue
"Willow! Tara!" Buffy yelled.
"What?" Willow shouted, rushing into the living room in the house on Revello Drive.
"Look!" Buffy said, jumping around like a four year old waiting for her birthday gifts
"What is it?" Tara asked, as she walked in.
"My grades," Buffy said as she practically bounced off the walls.
Willow looked at them, and smiled, "Two C’s, a B, and an A! I’m so proud of you!"
"I got an A, I got an A," Buffy sang, as she danced around the room.
"Okay, who gave her sugar?" Dawn asked dryly, entering from the kitchen.
"No one," Buffy said, picking her sister up and swirling her around merrily.
"Oi," Dawn laughed. "Slayer strength, Buff, remember!"
"Oh hush," she said as she put her sister down. "Okay," she smiled. "I need you three out the house for the evening."
"You do?" Willow asked.
"Yep. I’ve been waiting for Xander for the past six months, and I’m not waiting any more," she declared.
"I’ve been to college; I’ve talked to the counselor; and while I had to hide half of it, I could talk about the abandonment issues; I’ve worked hard at studying for the first time ever, I’ve turned down every cute boy that’s asked me out, not because of Xander, but because of what he said.
"I am Buffy Summers, and I am not waiting a second longer to getting me some Xander!"
Willow laughed and turned into Tara’s arms. "Think we could spring for a hotel tonight, hon?"
"You’re already booked," Buffy informed, holding out a piece of paper. "Directions, reservations, everything."
"What about me?" Dawn asked.
"You too. You’re in the room next to them. Oh, and all three of you are on patrol tonight."
"I dunno," Tara teased. "First she throws us out, and then she asks us for a favor?"
"I got an A," Buffy pouted. "I deserve a reward."
"Okay," Tara relented. "When do you want us out the way?"
Buffy looked at her watch and grinned. "Now?"
"Now!?"
"Well, Xander’s due home in thirty minutes, and I need to shower and do girly stuff. So, you need to be gone before he gets home."
Tara and Willow nodded, and walked out together.
"So it’s really it?" Dawn asked softly.
Buffy walked over to her sister and nodded. "I’m sorry."
Dawn smiled crookedly. "You know if he still says 'no’, I’m still going to try for him."
Buffy nodded softly, and reached out and stroked her sister’s hair back.
"If I don’t succeed, you will. You’ve got the Summers’ good looks." She pulled Dawn into a hug.
"He’s not going to say no," Dawn whispered.
"I know."
Xander sat at the traffic lights, loud rock music playing from his car stereo, and grinned to himself. He knew Buffy was getting her grades today, and was planning on taking everyone out for dinner if she’d done well. He was pretty sure she had. Slaying was a part of her life, a part of all their lives, actually, but it was no longer the one dominating feature.
He pulled to a smooth stop outside their home, and whistled to himself as he climbed out the car and walked up the driveway.
"Buffy?" Xander called, not seeing her in the living room. He walked through into the kitchen, and was suddenly hit by a sense of déjà vu, as he heard a thump from upstairs.
Not wanting to take any chances, he grabbed a knife and crept upstairs, his whistling abandoned. He wasn’t sure if the noise was Buffy, or a burglar, and wasn’t going take any chances.
He crept along the hallway, and placed his hand on the door to Buffy room, praying that he wouldn’t find what he was dreading.
"Xander."
Xander's voice failed him, as he looked at her, his mind unable to comprehend what he was seeing. His mouth dropped open in shock. "Oh my god," was all he managed to get out, before slumping against the wall.
Buffy smiled. "You’re allowed to look," she whispered.
Xander shook himself, trying to regain control of his mental facilities.
"Look," Buffy purred, running her hands up her sides. "You can’t see my ribs any more."
Xander nodded numbly, having a hard time looking at anything as unimportant as ribs.
"And my boobs are bigger as well," Buffy continued with a smirk.
He nodded in agreement, again.
Buffy stood from her kneeling position and turned around. "I’ve even got an ass again."
"A perfect ass," Xander agreed, breathing heavily.
"Thank you," Buffy beamed. She turned to face him again, and he couldn’t stop his eyes from running up and down her body. He couldn’t see any evidence of the drug use, all he saw was healthy muscle tone, and acres of gorgeous skin that he wanted to explore at his leisure.
"My name is Buffy Summers," Buffy said quietly, walking over to him. "I’m a college student who, with the help of some incredible people, saves the world at night. I’ve got a wonderful sister, and two female friends who are as close as sisters. I’ve been single for six months, and haven’t felt any loss because of it. I even got an A in one of my classes, because I studied for it."
She stretched, causing her breasts to move before his eyes, and he couldn’t help groaning. A feminine look of satisfaction appeared on her face, and she moved closer, and then dropped to her knees in front of him.
"What seems like a lifetime ago, I made you an offer out of desperation," she said, as she looked up, slowly licking her lips.
Xander felt his mouth go dry.
"I can’t keep that offer open," she said softly. "I won’t sell myself for anything or anyone. Not even you."
He opened his mouth, but shut it again when she reached up and pressed her finger to her lips. "I know you would never ask," she continued softly. "So I have a new deal for you. You give me your heart, your mind, your body, and your soul, and I’ll give you the same."
Xander reached down, lifting her up by the elbows.
A faint look of apprehension appeared in her eyes, as she waited for his answer.
"This is where we kiss," he whispered.
Buffy blinked, and then smiled radiantly at him.
"There’s the smile," he whispered, his hand touching her face.
"I’ll be smiling it a lot around you," she whispered.
"I’m going to want a long time," Xander warned.
"Forever?"
"Sounds good to me," Xander agreed, as he leant down and slowly touched his lips to hers. He felt Buffy reach up, and wrap her arms around his neck, and he realised he had a very naked Buffy in his arms.
She broke the kiss, but didn’t move back. "So, you do find me attractive now?"
He moved his hips slightly, and she laughed. "You know," she said softly. "You did have one good idea that day."
"Oh?" Xander asked, stroking his hands up and down the golden skin of her back, marvelling at how soft and warm she felt.
"I’ve never been blindfolded before," she whispered. "It could be fun."
Xander laughed softly, "That can come later. Right now, I just want to explore every inch of you."
Buffy smiled and took a step back, twirling on the spot unselfconsciously. "You can explore any where you like Xan, but there is one problem."
"What?"
"You’re wearing way too many clothes."
"What about the girls?"
"Out of the way, all night."
"Thank god," Xander whispered.
"No, thank Buffy," she smirked.
Xander moved forwards, and lifted the smaller girl, throwing her on to the bed. He stripped out of his clothes as fast as he could.
"I intend to," he growled, licked his lips, and joined her on the bed, prepared to fulfil many years of fantasies.
Thanks to Randy and John, my brilliant beta readers.