White Knight, Grey Queen
By Jeconais
Nice!
The only thing I dislike slightly is Harry being so weak and pathetic.
One of the few things I can find to criticise about your work is theway your characters tend to flaunt what they've got. Even when you write Harry as modest, he spends riduculous amounts of money,
is described as gods gift to womankind and is possessed of vast estates. It is a skill to write about the rich and famous, however I would challenge you to write about the poor or middle class - you
rely too much on the lure of money and fame, it would be great to see you extend yourself to write about a realler world.
My difficulty arises not because your characters are all rich (Hogwarts is, afterall, a private school), but because they are unrealistically rich. Having been through the private school system, I
feel qualified to tell you that the attitude Pansy displays in this chapter - scorn at people less beautiful, rich and tasteful, is unrealistic.
Fantastic opener. I was a fool to put off reading it.
Fixing the canon errors would make it almost flawless.
Great first chapter. I really like the ambitious-not evil-Parkinson family.
Wow! This was a great chapter. I hope the rest of the story is this good as well :)
This was great! I loved this first chapter!
Concha
this is really good so far. of course its only chapter one.
i was really tentative about reading this because, i mean come on, harry and pansy? but i think im gonna have to work REALLLY har not to read it all tonight and get no sleep.
Very enjoyable.
Finished Deathly Hallows yesterday 'round lunch.
Been looking for somthing nice and AU.
i liked the story but i didn't like part with implying harrypansyginny in the story woulda pefered just harrypansy
Tim,
I know I said several times before that I was going to give your non-H/G fics a try, but since I've been here the last few nights finishing up TMW anyway I figured it was about time I actually did
it. Hope probably would have been my first choice to start with, but I'm also trying to stay away from in-progress fics, so here I am giving this a try.
And to be brutally honest, you almost lost me in the first section.
Draco has only paid attention to me, as I’ve been a simpering hanger-on. I know that I have friends who like me for my personality, not my looks, and it’s been a really Slytherin thing to do - trick everyone in the house, including Snape, for my entire time there.
As the kind of canon-thumping reader who hangs out at sites like PS and SQ, being told five books worth of Jo's portrayal of a character was all a lie is not something that goes over well. I couldn't
make that jump for some random author, but I know and respect your writing enough that I was willing to keep going. And I'm still here.
Where you deserve the most credit is for the state you put Harry in when the Parkinsons found him. Making him that helpless -- and I don't think that was too huge of a stretch from the Post-OotP
perspective -- really disarmed a lot of the trust issues that this pairing naturally creates. And, as we've seen in canon, nothing brings characters together better than a good rescue.
I still think Harry here is a bit too open too quickly for my tastes (especially about the Prophesy), but given this background I could definitely see Harry being desparate to trust someone. That's
especially the case given his lack of trust in Dumbledore and the Order, something that certainly promises to be an especially interesting point of conflict going forward.
At first I was also put off a bit by the fact that Pansy here acts so similarly to Ginny in TMW. But the more I think about it, if I'm willing to accept that Pansy's not a brainless cow, the
ambition, the ruthlessness and even the willingness to commit to loving Harry almost blindly fits a lot more naturally here. As you've made clear in both stories, it is a rather Slytherin attitude.
And it worked in TMW, so I'm guessing it might work better here.
And lest I sound too negative, I greatly enjoyed the Parksinsons' reaction to the Dursleys. It was refreshingly gratifying after all the righteous anger I've seen so often in canon and fanon.
So, anyway, that's enough rambling for Chapter 1. I'm definitely interested to see where you're taking this, and I'll do my best to keep an open mind.
-KC
Why, oh why, do so many people have a dislike of profits? It is time that the WW and RW realize that the profit motive if the best control to ensure that resources are used to their fullest by the whole of society. As long as the Parkinson's are not involved in fraud or coersion, they are a benefit to both worlds.
I thought a reread was in order, as you seem to have updated since I suddenly stopped recieving your alerts. I know I've read this story, but even ignoring the fact that I love it so much I had to
reread it, I'm sure it will give continutity to the chapters I've yet to read, so I don't end up spending the whole new chapter trying to remember details from a year or more ago. So, I'm not sure
yet, but I may not review every chapter, as I normally do, because my custom with rereads is only to review if I have something to say other than the fact that I love it, because likelyhood is you
already have a review along those lines from me for each chapter. That being said, I may find the need to remind you how much I love it every once and a while, when the mood strikes me. So lack of
review from me is a good sign really. Cause it something is bothering me I'll be sure to tell you about it.
Anyway, I actually do adore this story, I could barely put it down last time and I am looking forward to repeating the expierience and actually getting to read the end of the story, which I had been
waiting for.
Bye now,
Mashimaromadness
excellent.a topnotch chapter.
Please finish White Knight Grey Queen. I love this story and would love to read more.
So, Pansy has to be beautiful to get Harry, huh? She couldn't just be a good person inside?
I love all your stories, but I sure would like longer stories with more frequent updates...but I'll take what I can get. For as much as I am paying you, I can wait...if I HAVE to.
I knew I was going to like Pansy when you had her quote Hamlet as Macbeth to Dudley. It just made me laugh. I liked her even more when she knocked Dudley out the hard way. I now love the girl. She’s beautiful and clever but not a Mary-Sue. Fantastic beginning. I actually believe these two could have a relationship.
dude that was amazing!
I've read this fic several times and I think it has a good plot and is well written, however every time I read it this bit of dialog makes me want to pull my hair out.
Will you fix it? Please!
“Wonderful news! The owner of GP International, our parent company, is coming here on Wednesday for dinner. He’s bringing his wife and daughter. If it goes well, I will be promoted to the
parent company!”
“Oh, Vernon,” Petunia whispered breathlessly, and then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “That’s wonderful news.”
The loud clomping of feet announced the arrival of their elephantine son. “Yo, wassup?” Dudley demanded, his arms folded in front of him.
“Duddikins, what have we said about talking like that at home?”
Dudley rolled his pig-like eyes. “Don’t,” he mimicked.
“Exactly. Now, listen carefully son. I have a chance of a huge promotion. My ultimate boss will be visiting on Wednesday with his wife and daughter. You have to be on your best behaviour and in
your smartest clothes.”
Oh, and I'm thrilled that you have so many more fics sent to beta!
Ghani
Oh sweet Jaysus, intelligent Slytherins?!? This cannot be!
Nicely done!
Properly speaking, "selfish" just means "concerned with one's own interests".
This is difficult for many to understand, as it is the position of the altruists that selfishness is evil, and since they are largely in charge, we are taught that selfishness is evil. As for helping others, by what right does anyone have a claim to your life? By their need? Why do their needs supersede yours?
This has always been my primary complaint regarding Dumbledore, who talks so much about the greater good, but has never actually taken upon himself the sacrifices he demands or imposes upon others. In this sense he is no less evil than Voldemort, even in canon, because both men want essentially the same thing, its just that Tom is willing to name what he wants (he simply refuses to consider the consequences) and Dumbledore is unwilling to name either.
I really like this story otherwise.