Content Harry Potter Naruto Buffy the Vampire Slayer XMen Translations

“Can we talk Xander?”

“We’ve not done much else recently.”

“I know, but seriously, can we talk?”

“This isn’t The Talk is it? If so…erm no, I have a cat that needs rescuing from a rabid bunny.”

“I’m not scared of Bunny’s Xan, you can’t escape that easily.”

“I’m not trying to escape Buff, once in a lifetime is enough for me.”

“Hey, I thought we had talked about that.  Remember, no more Tall, Living And Broody, Live Boy”

“Live Boy? Ha Ha Ha, how long have you been waiting to call me that, and did you tell Angel?”

“Nah, not yet…but if we don’t have this conversation I still have his number, and Cordy’s.”

“Ok, ok, no more brooding, but its hard y’know.  I Loved Ahn, I wouldn’t have proposed otherwise, and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her, maybe bring up some baby ex demons. I couldn’t do it though, I know the future was fake, but it made me realise one thing.  I loved her, but I wasn’t in love with her and I all the dreams of kids suddenly left me cold, so I ran.  Like a coward, leaving her at the altar.”

“I know, but it was for the best.  If you hadn’t, and had married someone you didn’t love, it could have fulfilled the prophecy as you would have felt trapped and maybe ended up like that.  You did the right thing Xan, trust me on that, but your timing sucked.”

“Woah, when did you become maturity girl?”

“Yesterday, didn’t you notice?”

“What, before or after you slid down the banister?”

“If I remember correctly it was a Xander shaped b..friend that was tempting me to do it.”

“b..friend?”

“What was that Xan, you’re mumbling?”

“Nothing, anyway, were talking, is this The Talk now? coz Charlie Brown’s coming on soon, followed by Princess Mononoke on Toonami”

“Xan, much as I hate to drag you away from your cartoons, we are having the talk”

“Ok, shoot. What’s the subject?”

“There are two.”

“Buff? This is where you bring up the first one”

“Sorry, just correlating my thoughts”

“Correlating?”

“What, Slay Girl can’t use her extended vocabulary?”

“I didn’t know Slay Girl had a vocabulary.”

“…”

“Ouch….ok, ok”

“What do you think of what Willow did to Warren?”

“Do you want the short answer or the long answer?”

“The long, no stalling Xan, this is now officially The Talk.”

“I understand.  If someone had killed y..someone I love I would get revenge.  I’m not a Wiccan, so it wouldn’t have been magical, but I would have got them one way or another.”

“Don’t you think that what she did was reprehensible?”

“Can I borrow a dictionary to look up some of these words? I thought I had a problem when Giles was still here.”

“Quit avoiding the question, this is Talk Time.”

“ OK, resurrecting Katrina and getting her to slowly strangle Warren was a little OTT, and badness certainly ensued.  But it worked, Warren died, Willow got her revenge, and more importantly, Willow scared herself so bad she’s been getting help.  Look Buff, when I found you in the bathroom after Spike…after Spike.”

“Nearly raped me? You can say it Xan, I did kinda deserve it, I was sleeping with him before hand, he just thought I wa…”

“No! Don’t you ever say that again, don’t you ever think that.  It was not your fault.  Damn it Buff, I don’t care if you were laying on your back singing “Happy Birthday Mr President” You said No, no, not take me anyway you want it.  There are no excuses for what he did.  When I left you afterwards if I had had Willows powers I would have made what she did to Spike seem like a gentle staking.  I wanted to literally crucify him with stakes, in his crypt a few hours before dawn, and then leave him to slowly burn for several hour as he watches his final dawn.”

“Xan…”

“No Buffy, it was not your fault, don’t ever apologise for it or try to rationalise it, you were the victim, and slayer or non slayer, you are still a beautiful woman, what he did was wrong, gives all men the wrong name.  You haven’t dated since then Buff, hell, you hardly even go out alone, I hate what he did to you and crucifixation seems like a just and merciful punishment.”

“Xan, calm down, please.”

“…”

“Way to slay the couch there., I thought I was the one with the super strength.  Ok, that does kind of take me onto point two.  What do you think of this?”

“Your breasts??? ouch what do you mean?”

“I mean me, in general, and remember, this is still The Talk.”

“Do you mean looks, personality, what? I need a clue here.”

“Looks first, then personality.”

“Buff, you’re gorgeous.  Your one of the most physically perfect women I have ever seen, either in real life or in film.  Your strong and carry yourself with grace that belongs in fantasy novels.  I don’t mean your slayer strength either.  But you are not perfect.  You have made mistakes since I have known you, you have not always done the right thing, but you have always tried, and in the end, you have always had the strength to do the right thing.  I lost a lot of respect for you when I found out you were having sex with Spike, but you are here now, 6 months later, you have a job, you have re-established your relationship with Dawn, you’ve managed to help Willow start on the path towards both forgiving herself and overcoming her addiction.  I said it before You’re my hero Buffy, and you still are.”

“…Xan…”

“Hey, no tears, Buffy”

“Xan, I wanted The Talk for a reason.  I haven’t been dating for a reason, and its not Spike.  Its you.”

“Me?”

“Yes you.  Alexander, you never left me Xan, you had the chances to go, I even tried to push you away, but you stayed.  I have one question for you, and I need to you answer with your heart”

“What?”

“Will you go out with me, to dinner, just the two of us, no sla”

“Yes, God, Yes”.

You should follow me on Twitter.
Follow @Fanficauthors for the fastest updates

Log in using your account with us

Log in/create an account using

Create account

Retrieve your password

Simply enter your email address in below, and we will send you an email with a NEW password in it. Once you have logged in, you will be able to change your password to something a little easier to remember.