Konoha's Legion
Chapter 1
By Jeconais
Author Notes:
Contrary to my record, I'm not actually a fan of long author notes, but in this case, I'm going to need to.
First: I am NOT writing an introduction to the world of Naruto here. This presumes that you at least have some knowledge of the cultures and background to the Naruto universe. As with most of my stories, this has a some relation to Canon, but Canon is twisted to fit the story. This is Fanfiction, not a faithful retelling of the original with a few minor changes.
Second: This is completely and utterly un-betad. So it is full of typos, misspellings, continuity errors and who-knows what else.
Third: If you've never read any of my HP stuff, my style of writing has a main character that tends to dance around the line between super powered and act-of-God. If you're looking for a good and sober story, read Viridian's Team 8 - it's a far better story.
Fourth: This story covers the time period from shortly after the graduation up to the the Chunin exams.
Fifth: I've tried not to use Japanese in the fic. I don't speak it, understand it, or even pretend to be that interested in it. There are, however, a few conventions - most notably the perverted-thoughts-equals-nosebleed, the use of honorifics, sweat dropping, "glomping" and the use of the words Kawaii (it's just a cuter word than "cute"), Jutsu (Technique), and some blood line descriptions when the English is cumbersome.
Hmm, a few others as well...
Genin, Chunin, Jounin = Ninja Ranks
Hokage = Leader of the village
ANBU = Special Assassination and Tactical Squad - Black Ops
Byakugan = All Seeing White Eye - The Hyūga clan's special abilities, giving them enhanced eyesight, the ability to see chakra
Chakra = Without going into Eastern philosophy - the power behind their techniques.
Kyūbi = Short for Kyūbi no Yōko or nine-tailed demon fox - more of a title than a name, but used as a name for convenience here.
Kunai - Japanese throwing weapon
Sixth: There will be fight scenes in this, however, they will not be a list of "let's show our grasp of Japanese by chaining 4 words together to do something destructive." In most cases, it will be the effect, not the words.
Seventh: If you're interested, I started reading Naruto through DisobedienceWriter, then Pudgypudge on that other fanfiction site (the one that's loads more succesful than this one).
Eighth: The characters used are aged from canon - so they younger characters are all around fifteen/sixteen, not twelve. The older character's aren't. Call that a conscience pleaser.
“Idiot!” Sakura screamed and hit him on the head with her fist.
The scene had been repeated a hundred times. Naruto would say something stupid; Sakura would scream and hit him.
“If you put as much effort into being popular as you did pranks, maybe people would care about you!”
As he had a hundred times before, Naruto reached into the part of himself where his forgiveness for Sakura was kept, only to find it empty.
He frowned to himself and checked once more.
Going to be the best Hokage ever? Check.
Going to make everyone respect him? Check.
Going to have hot monkey-sex with at least three women? Check.
Going to seduce twins once in his lifetime? Check.
Going to love Sakura forever? …
Having gone through his list, he noticed that he had two new ambitions, even if he wasn’t quite sure what monkey sex involved. He also realised that his crush on Sakura had run its natural course.
And with that, he realised she was right. He should be popular. He had the damn Kyūbi in his stomach, he should be loved. And that would really help with the third and fourth thing on his list.
“You’re right, Sakura,” he said, deliberately dropping the ‘chan’ honorific from her name. He stood and looked around. Sasuke was brooding as always, staring off into the distance. “Well, tell Kakashi that I had something to do, when he gets here. Later, Sasuke, Sakura,” he said and wandered off. They had no mission today, or even anything planned. It was just habit for them all to meet up, wait for Kakashi, then be sent on their way.
He wandered, automatically, to his favourite place in the world, Ichiraku’s Ramen Bar, and once there, ordered a light lunch of eleven bowls of ramen. It was a testament to how hard he was thinking that it took him nearly ten minutes to eat all of them. Probably the slowest time he had ever taken. He didn’t even notice Ayame looking at him worriedly.
What he needed was to make everyone know he was the jailor of the Kyūbi, not the beast itself.
He knew that there was some sort of celebration tonight, where everyone who was important would be gathered – so obviously, he hadn’t been invited.
He scratched the back of his head, and then slowly started to smile. “Thanks, Ayame-chan,” he yelled cheerfully, throwing some money down, and headed off at top speed.
Once back in his tiny apartment, he sat on the bed, and went to see if he could visit his parasite. The scant few times he’d paid attention at school, he’d learned that the meditation was a way of looking inside himself – where the fox would no doubt be.
The problem with meditation was that it was more boring than listening to lectures about how Ninja’s should handle themselves when not fighting.
Still, if he was going to turn over a new leaf (and get with twins), it was worth trying.
To his immense surprise, it eventually worked. As he either meditated, or fell asleep, and appeared in a dank and miserable sewer. He walked down, to find a cage at the end with a freakin’ huge fox asleep inside it.
“Yo, Foxy,” Naruto yelled.
‘Foxy’ sprang at the door to the cage, and bounced off.
“I’ll bet that hurt.”
“PUNY HUMAN,” Kyūbi roared.
“I need something from you,” Naruto said, about as intimidated as the Hokage faced with an angry Genin.
Kyūbi just roared in defiance.
“Okay, time for my first new Jutsu, it is part of plan ‘Make Naruto Popular’,” he announced cheerfully. “Call me when you’re ready to talk.” He took a deep breath, and formed a series of hand seals. “Irritating No Jutsu!”
Fifteen clones popped into view in his mind. Each one was exactly half his size. In a matching high voice, they started to sing.
“I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that will get on your nerves…”
With his clones busy, he dropped out of his mental mindscape (which sounded better than ‘woke himself up’), and continued to plan. He needed new Jutsus, and his irritating one was a good start. All the ninjas seemed to concentrate on getting more powerful, and coming up with different variations of the same thing. How to fricassee the enemy as flamboyantly as possible.
And it was this flamboyance that worried him. Sasuke was clearly gay. Sasuke hungered after flashy Jutsus like Sakura’s mum hungered after half the Village Council. If he went for the flashy Jutsu as well, would that make him gay?
He reckoned that being unpredictable was a far better way of getting ahead in a fight, and as Kakashi was about as likely to train him as a monkey was likely to drop out of Sakura’s arse, he needed to work for himself.
It was about four hours later that he felt Kyūbi trying to attract his attention. He put down his paper and pencil, and (with the help of a punch to the face) dropped into his mental landscape.
“One more time!” one of the clones said enthusiastically.
“Please,” Kyūbi begged. “Please stop them!”
“Okay guys, take five,” Naruto said.
“You’re the boss, boss,” the clones shouted, and took a seat, starting small conversations with each other.
“That is so unnatural,” Kyūbi grunted. “They shouldn’t be talking to each other.”
Naruto shrugged. “Ready to talk?”
“You are a brat,” Kyūbi sighed. “Here I am, powers that make the gods crawl, beaten into submission by a teen that can’t sing.”
Naruto grinned cheerfully. “Hey, if I’m happy, you’re happy, right? I mean, this sewer is a representation of how I feel?”
Kyūbi’s large eyes blinked at him.
“And if I’m happy, I’ll eat more meat. And if I eat meat, you get the experience?”
Kyūbi nodded slowly.
“So, what I need is to demon it up tonight.”
Kyūbi sighed deeply. “What?”
“I’m going to demon it up tonight, you know, flare a bit of your chakra, make a speech, and prank the village.”
“And we’re going to survive?”
“Ye of little faith,” Naruto chided. “Of course we are. My pranks are always brilliant. This is going to be my best!”
The nine-tailed fox was quiet for a few seconds, before it nodded. “If you entertain me this evening, I’ll teach you something – as long as you promise to kill someone with it.”
“An enemy?”
“Enemy, friend, I care not.”
“Cool,” Naruto cheered. “Thanks guys.”
“No problem, boss,” The clones said and dispersed, filling Naruto’s brains with hours of singing.
“That is really irritating,” he said proudly, as he left his parasite alone.
Back in the real world, he absently created another clone. “Right, hit me.”
“Boss?”
“I need to look beaten up.”
“Gonna need a few more then,” the clone pointed out.
“Hmm,” Naruto nodded. “Wait one second.” He created four new clones, and then dropped back into his mindscape.
“Just a quick one,” he said. “Can you please not heal me right now? And are you male or female?”
“I’m beyond your concept of sex,” Kyūbi sneered. “And I will withhold my chakra for a while.”
Naruto bowed gratefully – parasite or not, there was no point in antagonising the demon to much – and popped out. “Right, hit me.”
Two minutes later, Naruto was on the floor, his jumpsuit ruined, and with bruises all over his face. “Thanks,” he croaked, as the clones popped out.
With a shudder, he walked to the window. In the distance, he could just see the gathering of the crowds.
“Show time,” he muttered to himself.
“You better know what you’re doing,” Kyūbi muttered into his mind.
“This is a new development.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve got my interest,” Kyūbi grunted. “And speak in your mind, idiot.”
“Fuck you too,” Naruto replied, and jumped out the window, deliberately landing in some mud. He rolled around in it, and then used some of the demonic chakra on offer, and flared it massively.
The chakra was red, and actually felt kinda nice. Warm. And would possibly be useful if he was ever in Snow country.
From the distance, the faint music seemed to pause, as Naruto ran toward them. He kept the chakra up, as people screamed around him. There was a huge gathering of civilians, as they stood in front of what looked like a stage. A large orchestra had been playing on a raised stage that was highlighted by a hundred multi-coloured lamps.
“Kill the demon,” someone screamed, as they parted before him.
As expected, the ANBU arrived, with Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage. “Freeze,” One of the ANBU roared.
Naruto smirked, copying Sasuke’s expression perfectly. “Yes,” he yelled. “Come, kill me.”
“Everyone shut up,” Sarutobi yelled. He let out some killing instinct that instantly made everyone follow his instructions to the letter.
“Naruto?”
Naruto sneered. “Naruto isn’t here right now,” he yelled. “There is only Kyūbi, the greatest of the demons, the nine-tailed fox!”
“Kill him,” a masked member of ANBU yelled.
“Idiot,” Sarutobi shouted, before punching him so hard that he flew into the distance and crashed into a fence. “Why are you trying to provoke us?”
“Because I deserve to die,” Naruto said, as sincerely as he could.
“You are lying,” The old man muttered.
“If you don’t, I will eat all your children!”
There were several screams, and the anger in the air grew.
“Do you know what you are doing?” Kyūbi asked in Naruto’s mind.
“Not now!” Naruto replied silently.
“Again, why?” the Hokage asked suspiciously.
“Because with this human stain’s death, I shall be free!”
Complete silence covered the field full of people again.
“But the seal…” the Hokage said slowly.
“Oh yes, your precious seal,” Naruto said mockingly. “The one that your legendary hero trapped inside this human’s body.
“Let me tell you about that wonderful seal. It was supposed to be powered by this human’s spirit, by his will and determination to protect everyone. But no, you stupid humans had to insult your jailor, you had to mock him, to try and kill him, to demean and humiliate him. And every time you did, that seal got a little bit weaker, until today, when I was able to take control.
“And now, now, now you will kill me, or I will kill you, and as this body dies, I will be free!”
“Naruto would never let that happen,” the Hokage said softly.
“Oh?” Naruto sneered. Silently, he cast Sexy-Fox No Jutsu on himself, and was rewarded with a gasp. He was taller now, with deep red hair, and two cute ears on the top of his head. Unlike his normal sexy technique, he was dressed this time – it wouldn’t do for the Hokage to get a giant nose bleed.
“I’m his mother, his lover, his best friend,” Naruto whispered in his new sexy voice. “I’ve been there when you’ve hurt him. I’ve been there when you’ve insulted him. I’ve been there when he was alone at night. Is it any wonder that he loves me?
“I’ve been his friend, when you have condemned him for saving you all! And if he lives long enough to complete puberty, I’ll be there, as his lover, his mate, showing him the love that you could not.
“Now, kill me, give me my freedom.”
“Kid,” Kyūbi said, its voice full of laughter. “You have balls the size of coconuts. Now, let me have control for a bit, you need a good finish, before you wrestle control back from me.”
“No killing?”
“This is much more fun.”
Naruto sighed and took a mental step back.
“Come,” Kyūbi hissed, “fulfil your destiny, trust that your hero was right, that I am just tricking you. Kill me. Remove the bloodline of the Fourth Hokage from your village.”
“What!” Naruto yelled in his own mind.
“Not now,” Kyūbi threw Naruto’s own words back at him.
The ‘What’ had been echoed around the villagers.
“Oh yes, you didn’t know,” Kyūbi sneered. “The Fourth Hokage used his only son to save you, knowing that you would never be so petty as to blame a child who was your saviour. Trusting fool. With Naruto dead, no one will ever see the bloodline again, and you can go back to wishing that the Uchiha wasn’t gay!
“But enough talk, you humans bore me. Kill me now, before I start my rampage.”
“Wait,” Sarutobi shouted, as some people started to move toward the female version of the Kitsume. “You wouldn’t talk unless you had to! You would just kill! Naruto is still stopping you.”
Kyūbi sneered. “Barely, he’s just hanging in there. All it will take is one more beating, one more insult, and I’ll be free! Then you will all be dead!”
“All yours kid, finish the show off dramatically.”
“We are going to talk later,” Naruto muttered. “No,” he yelled. He started to shake his body, the image of the Jutsu slowly fading. “I won’t let you, I won’t.”
People around him were looking on in shock.
“I’ll protect you,” he said quietly. “Even if you don’t deserve it.” With that, he pretended to faint, while asking Kyūbi to knock him out.
Kyūbi sniggered and did exactly that.
All around the field, people were looking at each other, and gulping.
“Everything Kyūbi said was true,” the Hokage said sadly. “We reap what we sow, and not even I will be able to defeat the Kyūbi when she is freed. I will send my family away, and hope it is enough.”
“You’re giving up?” Hyūga Hiashi demanded.
“Look at him,” Sarutobi said, pointing at the unconscious Naruto. “Beaten, bruised, dressed in the only clothes people would sell him, malnourished, alone, feared and hated. And at the same time, the trickster fox was in his mind, using our negligence, our inactions, our hate and our anger against us. It’s a miracle we’ve had this long.”
“We cannot let a powerful bloodline go to waste,” Hiashi announced, “nor can we claim honour, when none exists. I have made a mistake, and I will apologise. As an apology, I will engage him to one of my daughters.”
“Wait just one second,” someone yelled from the crowd. “You’re not getting this bloodline that easily! We can apologise as well!”
Hiashi sneered. “No one else here can look at him without fear.”
“Yes, we bloody well can,” the loud mouth returned.
Hiashi turned and picked the boy up, cradling him, ignoring the mud he was getting on his pristine clothes. “He will be staying with my clan,” he stated firmly. “Hinata, Hanabi, run ahead and have a room prepared.”
The two girls made their way to the front. “I-is Naruto-kun alright?” Hinata asked softly.
Hiashi nodded. “Beaten, and exhausted, but he should be fine.”
With a daring burst, Hinata moved forward and lightly stroked Naruto’s face, before she grabbed her sister and started to run.
“Hmm,” Hiashi said with a smirk. “It looks like my daughter saw what was underneath first. Her intelligence makes up for her weakness.”
“This isn’t over yet, Hyūga.”
Hiashi turned to his right. “Find the ones who hurt him, have them killed,” he ordered his guards.
“Yes!” they said eagerly, before he turned to the ANBU. “Care to help?”
“Yes,” they said as well, and vanished.
“I can send for a medic,” Sarutobi offered. “Normally, the fox protects Naruto, but alas, I fear the fox is no longer offering that service.”
“My daughters will attend to him,” Hiashi promised, before walking away.
Sarutobi watched him leave and sighed. “Not even the Hyūga clan kindness can save us.” He turned, and walked away slowly, his shoulders hunched over, leaving behind a field of shocked people.
“Yosh,” a voice yelled. “The flames of this village lay in ashes. That people cannot see a youthful man for who and what he is.”
“Lee,” a female voice said. “For the first time ever, I agree with you. Where are my parents, I want a long talk with you!”
And that was just the start of the conversations for that evening.
Alone in his office, Sarutobi took a bottle of sake out the cupboard, and started to giggle. He poured himself a small amount, and saluted the window. “Naruto, that was your greatest prank,” he said with pride.
He looked at his paperwork, shrugged, and pulled out an orange book. Before he could open it, he stopped, and picked up a new piece of paper.
Jiraiya
For your next episode, how about a character like the sketch attached?
She’s a real fox!
S.
Hiashi placed the boy down, and looked at his two daughters. “Attend him.”
“We will,” they agreed, as Hinata blushed furiously.
Hiashi walked into his office, and smirked. He’d always thought the demon boy an idiot, but tonight had proved conclusively otherwise. Naruto had been in control to start with, and he had originally thought it was just a desperate attempt to be accepted. It was only near the end that he had changed his mind.
The Kyūbi had been freed, willingly, and rather than kill, it had helped the charade. That meant that Naruto had won the demon over to his side, which offered all sorts of interesting possibilities for the future.
A ninja that could work with a nine-tailed demon? That would be a major asset, and combine that with the intelligence and flair shown today, their village, and his clan, would be safe for a very long time.
When his guards got back, he’d order them to shadow Naruto around for the next few days, just to ensure that all the villagers got the message.
And perhaps, he’d order his daughters to take the boy shopping. Anything would be better than those orange rags.
Feeling cheerful for the first time in a long time, he helped himself to a bit of sake, and thought about the very female form of the Kyūbi, Naruto had an exemplary imagination.
He absently picked up a napkin and wiped the thin trail of blood from under his nose.
Hanabi sighed as she watched her sister blush at the unconscious youth asleep on the futon.
She had no idea why her sister was interested in him; he was annoying, short for his age, and blonde - even if he did have some power.
She sighed once more, and took over washing him. Her sister seemed to be on the verge of passing out, and the smell from the mud on the boy was starting to get to her.
She pulled out a dagger and used it to cut his clothes off, leaving him just in his shorts.
Hinata gasped.
Hanabi sighed for a third time, and decided to eliminate her sister. Without hesitation she reached down and cut the shorts off, pulling the material away.
Her sister managed to pass out with a nose bleed less than a second later. She looked down curiously. She’d never seen a male before, and clinically noted the differences between him and her. If you ignored the personality, he wasn’t hideous.
As quickly as she could, she washed him, and was surprised to see the wounds heal themselves.
She covered the unconscious boy with a cover, and dragged her sister to Hinata’s room, before going to bed herself, her duty done.
“So, Foxy,” Naruto said. “What’s this about my dad?”
“You heard,” Kyūbi grunted.
“Do I have a blood line?”
“How the hell would I know?” Kyūbi asked. “I’m a demon, not a biologist. I fight, I fuck, I eat. What more is there?”
“Love?” Naruto asked dryly.
“See, want, take,” Kyūbi retorted. “However, I’m a demon, you’re a human. So, I said I’d teach you something cool. Pay attention.”
Naruto stood to attention.
“Form these seals. Dog, dog, dragon, then focus your Chakra…”
Naruto awoke and stretched, before finding out two things. First, he was in a much more comfortable bed than he was used to, and second, he was naked.
There were some clothes to the left of his bed, so he climbed out and headed toward the bathroom he could see through an open door. After washing, doing his teeth, and cleaning his hair of the remaining muck, he felt brilliant.
He dressed and opened the door to the bedroom.
“Uzumaki-san,” a woman said. “Please follow me to breakfast.”
“It’s Naruto,” Naruto said cheerfully. “Not to ask a stupid question, but where am I?”
“You are in the Hyūga clan house,” the woman replied softly, before going quiet.
Naruto nodded and padded along after her. They entered into a large room, where Hyūga Hiashi was sat on a pillow at the head of a low wooden table. Next to him, two girls were looking at the table. He knew Hinata, obviously, but wasn’t sure about the other one.
Naruto bowed respectfully. He knew the man by reputation, but had never talked to him.
“Please, take a seat.”
Naruto pulled up a pillow and sat formally.
“You know my daughter Hinata, I believe?”
“I do,” he said happily. “Hinata-chan’s great.”
Hinata squeaked softly, but didn’t raise her head.
“This is my youngest daughter, Hanabi.”
Hanabi looked up and glared at him.
Naruto tried, he really did. The talk about decorum from Foxy-chan last night went through his mind. He tried to resist. But he couldn’t.
“Kawaii!” he yelled, and pounced from his sitting position, glomping the girl.
After a few seconds of holding the squirming girl tightly, he bounced off her, ruffled her hair playfully, and sat back down.
As seriously as he could, he looked at Hiashi, “It’s nice to meet her.”
Hiashi looked at him for a long moment, then a small smile flickered on his face.
Hanabi looked like she wanted to glare at him, but didn’t quite dare.
“Thank you, Hiashi-sama, for bringing me to your house.”
Hiashi nodded. “My daughters cleaned your wounds.”
“Thank you, Hinata-chan, Hanabi-chan,” he said formally, knowing that the chan would irritate the younger girl.
There was no response, apart from the plate in front of Hinata starting to glow a strange reflected red colour.
Hiashi clapped his hands, and servers came out, with plates of breakfast. There was no conversation as they ate, and it was probably the finest meal Naruto had ever eaten.
“Come,” Hiashi said. “I wish to discover your skill level.”
Naruto looked surprised, but followed the older man out to a courtyard.
“Attack me.”
Naruto knew that the elder Hyūga was a skilled man, so didn’t hold back.
“Your form is atrocious,” Hiashi noted absently. “I shall have a word with your teachers.”
“They never bothered to teach me anything,” Naruto replied, aware that his skills were somewhat lacking in this department. “I do have an ace I can use though.”
“Oh?”
He smiled and pulled up his Chakra, and created as many Shadow Clones as he could. Over a thousand Narutos appeared in the courtyard, all of them looking at the Hyūga.
“Indeed,” Hiashi said and nodded slowly.
“I do have one new thing,” Naruto added. “Could you please turn on your Byakugan?”
Hiashi nodded slowly, and moved into a defensive stance.
Naruto’s hands flew. Dog, dog, dragon. He focused his chakra, and dived forward. He seemed to glide over the ground, staying a consistent two feet in the air, before he smacked into Hiashi with both his fists.
The man went flying back and landed against a wall. Naruto made the seals again, and dived again, but this time, he stopped before impact. He bowed to the elder.
“What, in the name of Kami, was that!?”
Naruto smiled and scratched the back of his head. “It’s erm, the first part of my bloodline. It’s called the Torpedo. It’s one of the things I’m learning.”
“Interesting. I will arrange for you to be tutored, with my daughters.”
“Thank you, Hiashi-sama,” he said. “May I ask why?”
Hiashi nodded. “Follow me. Girls, please get ready to take Naruto shopping, he needs some new clothes.”
The girls nodded and turned, allowing Naruto to follow the man into his office. “Last night,” Hiashi said as he settled down, “you tricked the entire village.”
Naruto looked at him.
“That, in itself, was impressive, but at one stage, you had the Kyūbi working for you. That intrigued me.”
Naruto decided to be honest. “Foxy-chan isn’t that bad. She’s got a bit of a temper, but we came to an agreement. I eat more meat, I kill some of our enemies, and she’s happy to help me out. The seal is foolproof, after all, dad did it.”
“Indeed. The rest of the village has been warned by the Hokage that you desire to be normal, however, it is invertible that there will be some people who take it too far.”
Naruto nodded.
“And those that can’t forget the past.”
Naruto sighed. “I’ll try not to kill too many.”
Hiashi laughed coldly. “They deserve it if they are too stupid to recognise what happened.”
“I thank you for your hospitality, Hiashi-sama.”
“Hn,” Hiashi replied. “Your apartment is not fit for a dog. The room is yours for as long as you desire.”
Naruto bowed deeply, before he turned and walked out, heading back to the courtyard.
“Not bad, kid.”
“Thanks,” Naruto replied. “I did pay attention.”
“One more thing, no orange today? I have more techniques…”
“Deal!”
“Hanabi-chan, Hinata-chan.”
“You do not have the right to call me that,” Hanabi snapped, glaring at him.
“Kawaii!” Naruto yelled, and glomped the smaller girl again.
“I hate you,” Hanabi sighed from underneath him.
Naruto grinned and climbed to his feet. “Shopping,” he yelled, and grabbed both girls’ hands. He lifted each on to one of his shoulders, and ran at top speed to the town centre.
Hanabi started to pound on his back, while he was pretty sure that Hinata had passed out again.
“Hey, Foxy-chan, why does Hinata always pass out?”
“She likes you, idiot, a crush.”
“Oh,” Naruto said. “She’s pretty and nice but …”
“Yeah, not exactly mate material. Kid, I’m gonna tell you the greatest secret when dealing with vixens. Be innocent, they love it, it makes them think they can mould you.”
“Innocent, got it. Thanks.”
Naruto pulled to a stop, and placed both girls down gently. He then helped Hinata to the ground and waited, while Hanabi sighed and tapped her foot.
“I’m sorry, Hinata-chan,” he said, as the girl came around. “I didn’t realise I was so rough.”
Hanabi rolled her eyes, while Hinata blushed. “I’m sorry,” Hinata whispered.
“Come on,” Naruto said excitedly. “I need a new wardrobe.”
“You get orange, and I’m gouging your eyes out,” Hanabi muttered.
“You’re so cute,” Naruto said and ruffled her hair again.
Hanabi threw a punch at him, he moved slightly, so that the punch flew past him. “If you wanted a hug, you just had to ask,” he announced, and hugged her tightly.
Hanabi just groaned as he released her.
“I have better things to do today,” she muttered. “Hinata-neesan, let us go.”
“Okay.”
The next hour was spent in various shops, as Naruto found out how the other-half shopped. Hinata was too shy to push herself forward, but Hanabi acted like the princess she was. She demanded, and received, immediate attention.
Assistants appeared and made suggestions, some Hanabi accepted, others she denied abruptly.
At the end, he had an entire new wardrobe. Hinata paid without bothering to look at the bill.
Naruto looked down at his new clothes. “Hinata-chan, Hanabi-chan, my thanks.”
“Y-you’re welcome,” Hinata whispered. Hanabi nodded at him.
“I have training now, so I’ll see you later.” Hanabi turned, and dragged Hinata away.
“Can I get these delivered?” he asked the assistant.
She nodded and took the address of the Hyūga compound.
He thanked her and took off, dashing at full speed.
“Stop!”
Naruto skidded to a stop.
“Every time you run like that, I get motion sick! Listen and concentrate. Dog, Bird, concentrate your chakra, picture your destination. Then…”
Five minutes later, Naruto took a deep breath, made the hand signals, and disappeared.
Kakashi arrived at the training ground, to find that Sakura and Sasuke were in place as always, but the brat wasn’t there.
Out of nowhere, a lightning bolt hit the ground, and Naruto appeared. “Cooooooool,” he breathed. “That was the single coolest thing ever!”
“Dead last, what the hell was that?” Sasuke demanded.
“Bloodline,” Naruto replied absently. “What’s the mission today?”
“Party for village children,” Kakashi replied.
“Kakashi?” Naruto asked.
“Hmm?”
“If you pull out that perverted book of yours in front of children, I will use my new Jutsu on you all night.”
Kakashi’s eye twitched.
Naruto sighed. “Irritating no Jutsu!”
As before, a group of mini-Naruto’s appeared and started to sing. “Ohh Ee Oh Ah Ahh, bing bang walla walla bing bang!”
Naruto smirked as a visible bead of sweat dropped from Kakashi’s chin.
“Fine,” he grunted.
“That’ll do guys,” Naruto said.
“You’re the boss, boss,” one of them said, before they dispersed.
“Where’s the party?” Naruto asked.
“Village hall.”
Naruto nodded and made the hand seals quickly, and vanished once more.
Naruto was pleased that the teleportation Jutsu worked indoors as well.
He landed in a dramatic half-crouch.
The kids, all dressed in their fines party clothes, stared at him, before cheering happily.
“The entertainment has arrived,” Naruto announced. “Right, first up, we’re going to play a game! You, you, you, you, you, not you, you, you and you, over there. The rest, stay here!” The children moved into place.
Naruto walked over to the table, and ripped off a strip of the table cloth. “We’re going to play a game of catch the blind ninja,” he announced. “The team that gets me first, gets to ride the lightning with me!”
The kids all cheered loudly, as Naruto blindfolded himself and moved as the first kid dived at him.
Kakashi, along with Sakura and Sasuke, arrived at the hall, to find a blindfolded Naruto dancing around, while squealing children chased after him.
The parents were to one side, laughing and joking, then cheering as a child got close.
Finally, Naruto slipped, and all the kids dog piled him.
“Not bad,” Naruto said, from the side, taking his blindfold off. The kids gasped, and then cheered as they found they’d pounced on the floor. “Gather around, and hold hands.”
The kids moved into a circle. Naruto jumped into the middle, and made some hand seals. In a flash, all the kids vanished, appearing a few seconds later in a different spot.
“Cool!” they yelled, before cheering.
“You know what now?”
“What?”
“Food!”
There was another cheer, as the kids headed toward the tables that were groaning with different items.
Naruto headed toward the adults.
“Thank you,” a woman said.
“Which one’s the birthday kid?”
“The dark haired one in the pink dress. Natsumi.”
Naruto nodded and walked over to the kids, who were sat on the floor, each with plates in their laps. He picked up the birthday girl and sat her in his lap as he joined them.
Kakashi couldn’t hear the conversation, but could hear a lot of giggling and laughter. The two Genins next to him rolled their eyes and sat in the corner. He reached for his book, only to find a mini-Naruto staring up at him reproachfully.
He sighed and lowered his hand, wondering how the hell he was going to keep himself entertained now.
That night, Naruto sat at a table in a restaurant, eating a thick steak, while writing out ideas for new Jutsus. It was all very well having Foxy-chan come up with deadly techniques, but it wasn’t enough for him. He needed to have other things up his proverbial sleeve.
Today had been an amazing day. He’d been able to buy clothes at a real price, he’d been able to buy food that wasn’t rotten, he’d been able to walk around without being insulted and stared at.
It was brilliant, and he was sure to be nice to everyone, he didn’t want to get a reputation like Sasuke, and besides, it would be easier to be Hokage if people genuinely liked him.
He giggled as he wrote down an idea, and then another.
“People are going to think you have a split personality,” Kyūbi said into his brain.
“I do,” Naruto replied. “You’re the all powerful one, I’m the one who has to use imagination to defeat the people.”
“I have enough power for both of us,” Kyūbi pointed out.
“True, but relying on one thing is a bad idea. This way, I can distract them, then use your techniques. Simple.”
“Hn,” Kyūbi muttered.
As the bill for the steak arrived, Naruto realised he really needed more money if he was going to eat well all the time.
“You can earn extra money from killing rogue ninjas,” Kyūbi told him.
“Oooo,” Naruto said, and flashed out of the restaurant, heading towards the Hokage’s office.
“You can go straight in,” the secretary said, smiling at him.
Naruto smiled back, restraining the urge to yell at her for being a hypocrite. Sometimes, he wondered if the villagers were really worth all the trouble he was going through.
But then he remembered that there just had to be twins in the village, and if he was going to sleep with them...
“Take a seat, Naruto,” the Hokage said, nodding to the chair in front of the desk. “I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”
Naruto grinned at him, and moved to the corner, staring out the window at the village.
“Attack!”
Without thinking, Naruto turned, two kunais flying out his hands. The weapons flew, catching the assailant and sending him flying into a wall, and pinning him.
“You’re pretty short, for an assassin,” Naruto said as he looked at the boy.
“Like you can talk!”
That was the sort of answer that Naruto would have given. “Loud, too,” he added. “So why are you attacking the old man?”
“Because I want the damn hat!”
Naruto reached out and smacked the kid on the head. “Never bad mouth the hat! That is the sweetest hat in existence!”
The kid stared at him rebelliously. “It will be my hat one day.”
“Oh?” Naruto asked.
“I’m Konohamaru,” the kid replied. “The old man’s grandson.”
Naruto turned to the Hokage. “You really need to talk to your kids about their name choices,” he said.
The Hokage raised his eyebrows at him. Naruto turned back to the kid. “So, brat, what makes you think you’re getting the hat?”
“I’m being taught the short cuts to being Hokage.”
“Taught short cuts?” Naruto turned to the Hokage.
The Hokage concentrated on his paperwork.
“Then,” Naruto said cheerfully, “as I want the hat as well, there is only one thing I can do. Prove to you that there’s no such thing as a shortcut.”
As fast as he could, he pulled out a kunai and threw it at the Hokage. The Hokage didn’t even look up from the paperwork as he caught the kunai, and threw it back. Naruto tilted his head slightly, allowing it to fly past his head, and bury itself in the wall a millimetre about the kid’s head.
“That was so cool!”
Naruto blinked. Yup, that would have been his response as well.
“Train me!”
He would have said that as well.
“Please, boss!”
Naruto sighed. “On top of the Fourth’s head. Ten minutes. If you’re late, the deal’s off.”
The kid vanished, leaving behind his scarf.
“It’s bad enough that you allowed your kids to give him a silly name,” Naruto said, settling down in the chair he’d been offered some time ago. “But putting him with someone who claims there are shortcuts to your job? That’s gonna get the brat killed.”
“Hypocrite,” the Hokage muttered. “What do you want, Naruto?”
“Just popping in to see how you are.”
“Fine,” the Hokage grunted. “I take it you’re happier now?”
Naruto nodded.
The Hokage smiled at him. “I am glad to hear that. Don’t you have to get to the Fourth’s head?”
“What? Oh, no. I sent a clone. He’ll take care of the brat.”
The Hokage chuckled.
“But, he did have the right idea, though.”
“Oh?”
“Yup, I’m gonna attack you as well. But my goal is to kidnap you.”
“For what purpose?”
“The consumption of ramen. I’ll pay.”
The Hokage was on his feet and in front of his desk, before Naruto could blink. “Revenge,” the old man cackled. “Revenge is mine!”
After an enjoyable evening meal, where the Hokage could only manage eight bowls, Naruto headed back to the Hyūga compound. He paid his respects to Hiashi, before heading to bed.
The next morning, Hanabi was already gone to the Academy, leaving him with just Hiashi and Hinata.
Something was pricking at the back of Naruto’s mind. “Hmm,” he mumbled. “My Kawaii senses are tingling. Excuse me.” He made several hand seals, and then shouted “Kawaii No Jutsu!”
He flew through the nearest wall, in a parabolic arc, heading toward what ever had attracted his attention.
Flying like this was fun, he decided. “Kawaii!” he yelled.
He found himself heading toward the academy, and covered his face so he wouldn’t be cut by the glass in the window, as he burst through.
Hanabi was pleased to be back at school. After a day of Naruto’s company, she needed to be back with people who treated her as she deserved.
She ignored Konohamaru and his two friends, Udon and Moegi, and waited for Iruka-sensei. They were wittering about the training they’d had the night before, but were easy enough to ignore. When Iruka arrived, she pulled out her best glare and relaxed.
As one, every wannabe-Ninja in the room turned to the window. There was a sound, like someone shouting from the distance.
Hanabi had a sinking feeling in her stomach. It couldn’t be. It simply wasn’t possible.
“……aaaaiiiiiii!” the voice finished, as the window nearest her exploded, peppering the far wall with glass, and she was tackled to the ground in a huge hug.
For a girl who had received perhaps three non-Naruto-hugs in her entire life, it was strange to be held so close. It was even worse that she usually ended up on her back, with the boy on top of her.
Emotions she wasn’t sure she was ready for yet pointed out that it wasn’t a bad position.
Naruto sat up and ruffled her hair. “You’re so cute!”
“Boss!” Konohamaru called.
“Konohamaru!” Naruto called back.
“What are you doing here?”
“My new Jutsu! It’s called Kawaii No Jutsu. Whenever something cute happens, I can jump and glomp it!”
“Naruto,” Iruka called. “Where were you?”
“Having breakfast with Hiashi-sama and Hinata-chan,” he said.
Iruka blinked. “You jumped four miles?”
Naruto nodded. “It was very kawaii!”
Iruka sighed.
“Boss!” Konohamaru said, “you gotta teach me that Jutsu!”
“You got it,” Naruto agreed. “Meet me in the top-secret meeting place again tonight.”
“What about us?” Moegi asked.
“Can you glare like Hanabi-chan?”
Moegi shook her head.
“Then it’s not as Kawaii,” Naruto explained.
Moegi sighed. “I meant can we learn it as well?”
“Oooo. Sure, I expected you two to tag along again!”
“Can we all learn it?” another student asked.
Naruto looked surprised. “You all want to learn it?”
With the exception of Hanabi, everyone nodded.
“How about I hire Naruto for a C-class mission to teach all of you at the end of school tomorrow?” Iruka suggested.
The kids cheered, as Naruto gave him a big thumbs-up. “Okay, guys, make sure you bring the cutest thing you have tomorrow. I’ll see you then!”
He made the hand-seals and vanished, leaving behind a stunned group of children and a gaping teacher.
Naruto arrived back with his lightning flash, making Hiashi and Hinata jump. He looked at the wall, and created some clones. “Guys, fix the wall.”
“You got it, boss,” the clones cheered, and got to work.”
“Please excuse me,” Naruto said to the others. “Hanabi-chan was being very kawaii.”
“Hn,” Hiashi said. “You invented a Jutsu so you could locate and hug something cute?”
Naruto nodded.
“Hn,” Hiashi said again, and concentrated on the food.
Naruto ate as politely as he could, and then followed the two Hyūgas out to the courtyard.
“Hinata, come at me,” Hiashi nodded.
Naruto watched as the girl hesitantly approached her father. Something was very wrong here, he knew Hinata was shy, but this was going too far.
“Harder,” Hiashi demanded, his fourth insult of the fight starting. “You are weak, a disgrace to the clan. Try harder!”
Naruto moved before he could help himself, pulling Hinata away. “What the hell was that, Hiashi!?”
“You are a guest, you will remember your place,” Hiashi roared.
“Screw that,” Naruto roared back, not backing down in the slightest. If he wasn’t going to back down to a nine-tailed demon, he sure wasn’t going to back down to a mere human. “You have some serious problems, and I am not going to let you put down Hinata-chan like that.”
“She is my daughter.”
“Could’ve fooled me. I’ve seen dogs treated better than that. What the hell are you thinking?”
“She has to be strong, or her sister will be in charge of the clan. We must have a strong leader.”
“Then teach her to become one, don’t take away everything that makes her what she is – that’s self-defeating.”
“This is how I was taught!”
“Hinata-chan is not you! She is herself, like Hanabi-chan is herself. Your priorities are so screwed around that you can’t even see what you are doing. So sit down over there, and watch!”
Hiashi growled at him, and he growled back, only he felt Kyūbi lend him some of her chakra at the same time.
Naruto turned his back on the older man. “Hinata, front and centre.”
Looking pale and nervous, Hinata slowly moved in front of him.
“Right, come at me.”
Hinata threw a weak punch at him. Naruto ignored the snort from Hiashi.
“Come on, Hinata-chan,” Naruto said with a foxy grin. “You can’t hurt me, I’m Naruto! Now, show me what you can do! I know you’re much better, I watched you in school, and you could totally kick Sasuke’s arse! Show me, come on, Hinata-chan.”
Hinata giggled, and attacked again, this time more seriously.
“Great,” Naruto praised. “Now again, come on, you really can’t hurt me, and even if you did, I’ve got amazing healing. Impress me, come on!”
Hinata nodded. “I will!” she agreed, and launched herself forward. This time her moves were fast and crisp, and he had struggled to avoid her.
“That’s great!” he cheered, as he jumped backward. “Faster, harder!”
This time he was really pushed to protect himself as Hinata flew at him, he could almost see her hands glowing, as her Gentle-Fist style blocked the flow of Chakra around his body.
She finished with a move where he couldn’t even see her hands moving, he just felt a lot of pain, and flew backward.
“Naruto-kun!” Hinata screamed, flying after him. “I’m so sorry!”
“Hinata-chan,” he whispered. “I am so proud of you. I told you that you could do it!”
She nodded and smiled shyly, looking down.
“You are going to ruin my reputation,” Kyūbi grunted.
“Thanks, Foxy-chan,” he replied mentally, before getting to his feet as he felt his Chakra paths being restored. He stood, slowly, and stumbled, before glaring at Hiashi. “There’s an old saying, ‘you catch more flies with honey than vinegar’, and if this is how you’ve been acting, trying to make your daughters strong, then that is child-abuse, Hiashi. People can only be strong as the people they have to lean against, you want Hinata-chan and Hanabi-chan to be strong, then let then lean against you until they are ready, don’t treat them like horses to be broken!”
“You have dropped the honorific. Why?”
“Because you have lost the respect I gave you.”
Hiashi growled and moved forward. Naruto heard Hinata squeak next to him. “I could snuff you out in an instant!”
Naruto met his eyes. “Kill me, possibly, but you will never defeat me. I will not back down from what I believe in, no matter what the price might be.”
“Hinata.”
“Yes?”
Hiashi turned. “A man who cannot see his own mistakes is a man without honour. A man who cannot apologise is worse. I have acted badly, and did not see that you required different treatment. I apologise for my behaviour, and will endeavour to rectify it immediately. Please be forgiving if it takes me a while.”
Hinata gaped, before she lunged forward and hugged her father.
Naruto smiled and stepped away quietly. As soon as he was out of sight, he made the hand-seals and made his way to the training ground. He needed time to think, and waiting for Kakashi was as good as way as any.
Iruka walked into the Hokage’s office, and stopped in front of the large desk.
“Take a seat,” Sarutobi told him, relaxing back. “What can I do for you?”
“I’d like to hire Naruto for a C-class mission tomorrow?”
“Oh?”
“Yes, I’d like him to teach his new Kawaii No Jutsu to all the children.”
“Kawaii No Jutsu?”
Iruka smirked. “He invented it so that he could glomp Hanabi whenever she glares. He thinks it’s too cute. This morning, he jumped from the Hyūga compound to the school in one go! Can you see the possibilities? A kid could be lost, and all he has to do is cast this Jutsu, and he can jump home! It doesn’t seem to take much Chakra, even by Naruto’s standards.”
Sarutobi leaned back. “Do you know how many birthday requests for Ninja entertainment I get a year?”
“Erm, no?”
“Eight,” the Hokage replied. “Sometimes seven, but it’s been stable for the last ten years. Do you know how many requests I’ve had in the last day?”
“No?”
“Forty-six.”
“Erm, why?”
“It seems that word has got around that Naruto is great with kids. They utterly adore him – possibly because he’s on their level – and now that adults are regretting how they’ve treated him, and are seeing him as he really is, they want to hire him.”
Iruka laughed softly. “Good, anything that helps him keep the Kyūbi at bay is a good thing.”
“Indeed.”
Sarutobi looked to the corner. “Please fetch Naruto.”
“I will,” the shadow said, and vanished.
“So, how is this class?”
The next few minutes were spent reviewing the students, before a flash of lightning appeared, and Naruto and the ANBU member appeared.
“Hey, old man,” Naruto said cheerfully. “You called?”
Sarutobi slowly picked up his pipe, filled it, and set it alight. He took a deep breath. “Naruto,” he said slowly. “Exactly what was that?”
“Oh, bloodline,” Naruto said with a grin.
The Hokage sighed. “This is Uzuki Yugao, she is ANBU. Next to her is Mitarashi Anko.”
A shadow from the corner waved.
“You know Iruka, of course.”
Naruto nodded. “And the guy behind you?”
“Gekkō Hayate” the man introduced himself. “And I am impressed that you sensed me.”
Naruto waved at him.
“I trust these five people with my life, and with yours,” Sarutobi said. “I would like you to tell them the truth.”
Naruto plopped down in to a chair. “Them hiding isn’t exactly a sign of trust,” he pointed out.
Anko and Hayate moved out of the shadows. Anko was a tall and well built woman, with purple hair, and a cheery grin. Her outfit pushed the borders of polite attire. Hayate was male, with bags under his eyes making him looked tired.
“So, Hayate-san and Yugao-san are together?” Naruto asked.
“How’d you work that out, kiddo?” Anko asked.
“They smell of each other,” Naruto explained. “And you’ve still not said why I should tell them the truth, old man.”
“Because I trust them.”
“Yes, and I’m glad that you do, an old man like you needs young people around him to make him feel good, but that doesn’t answer why they need to know.”
Iruka smiled faintly, watching the ANBU members and Anko smirk.
“Now I’m curious,” Anko announced. “I’ll give you some one on one training, kiddo.”
“Tell you what,” Naruto said, “let’s do a deal. You tell me why you smell of snakes and I’ll tell you my secrets. I already know that Sleepy and the Babe are together.”
‘Sleepy’ and the ‘Babe’ both glared at the nicknames, while Anko paled. She sighed. “I have a curse seal from Orochimaru, I was his apprentice for a while.”
“So that’s why the idiots call you snake-bitch,” Naruto announced. “We’re gonna have to fix that.”
“Fix it?” Anko demanded. “You can’t just fix it!”
“’Course you can,” Naruto replied. “I fixed my situation.”
“What!” the three young adults demanded. It was only experience that allowed Iruka not to say it. The Third was smirking cheerfully.
Naruto grinned, it was his foxy grin. “I pranked the village! Foxy-chan and I agreed that we needed to improve my situation, so I borrowed some of her Chakra, made a dramatic speech, did a henge. Oh, and allowed Foxy-chan to add the bits about Dad and a fake-bloodline, and hey presto. I’m now living with the Hyūga.” He paused. “Or was, dunno.”
“Naruto,” the Hokage sighed. “What did you do?”
“I kinda called Hiashi-sama a child abuser,” he admitted, his hand going behind his head and scratching the back of his neck. “He was training Hinata-chan, and calling her useless.” He huffed. “Hinata-chan has low confidence, that’s all. So I told him he was being an idiot and persuaded Hinata-chan to fight me instead. She knocked me flying,” he finished proudly.
“Anyway, at the end, Hiashi-sama apologised to Hinata-chan, so at least they’ll be all right. I left then. Anyway, I think that he’s upset with me, because I also kinda dropped the sama, when I was annoyed at him.”
Anko suddenly vanished, and returned a few seconds later with Hinata’s sensei. She was a beautiful young woman, with incredibly black hair, and amazing red eyes.
Iruka laughed as the smaller boy was suddenly pounced on by Yūhi Kurenai. She gave him a big kiss on the cheek, and then ruffled his hair.
Naruto blinked, and then muttered something that sounded like, “Older woman are cool!”
“Kurenai?” the Hokage asked dryly.
“Yeah,” Anko added, “that’s normally my greeting.”
As Kurenai climbed off of Naruto, the boy turned to Anko, stood and grinned. “Hi, I’m Naruto.”
Iruka blinked, before he allowed himself to laugh. The Hokage and Hayate both sniggered as well.
“You little brat,” Anko said, respect in her voice. She pounced on him and went to kiss his cheek as well. Only Naruto turned his face, and got the kiss on his lips.
Anko let him go and stepped back.
“All right!” Naruto cheered, jumping in the air. “First kiss on the cheek with one hot woman, first on the lips with another. Damn, life is great. So, old man, you got some bad news for me now, right?”
“Hmm?”
“Please,” Naruto said dryly, “I don’t get things like this happening without a major down side, so I’m ready for it. Damn, but it was worth it, whatever it is. So, that bloody cat for a month? Track down this traitor? Listen to Sakura whine about the Sasuke for ten minutes? Hit me with it, I’m ready!”
Iruka smirked at the list of priorities, and the weights between them.
“No,” the Hokage said slowly. “No mission, although you could perhaps finish telling the nice people the story.”
“What else is there to tell?”
“Details, Naruto, details.”
“Pfft,” Naruto said expressively. “Fine,” he looked at Kurenai. “To bring you up to date…”
“Hey,” Anko protested. “You’re just telling her?”
“First kiss,” Naruto pointed out with a grin. “Definitely worth a story.”
Kurenai grinned back.
“Anyway, my little speech the other night was faked. It was a version of my Sexy No Jutsu and I borrowed some of Foxy-chan’s Chakra. Oh, and allowed her to reveal about dad. Clear?”
“Not even close,” Kurenai replied. “In fact, I have one question.”
“Shoot.”
“What the hell!?”
Naruto dropped back into his seat. “Okay, my life sucked. Everyone hated me, and no one would tell me why. I went through all sorts of things, especially on hunt-Naruto-night. I found out about Foxy-chan when Mizuka-traitor tried to kill Iruka-sensei.
“So, the other day, Sakura said that if I put as much energy into making people like me as I did pranks, perhaps they would. And she was right. So that’s what I did.”
There was a stunned silence from the gathered shinobi.
“Foxy-chan?” Hayate asked, coughing slightly.
Naruto looked at him, and then frowned. An expression of deep thought took his face. Everyone went quiet as the boy seemed to be wrestling with a complex idea. After a few minutes, his face cleared, and a look of joy appeared on his face.
“Woohoo,” he yelled, and pounced on Anko, stealing himself a kiss before she could react. He bounced off her and tried for Kurenai, who simply moved out the way. The miss didn’t dampen Naruto’s mood. Instead, he did a little dance on the spot.
“Naruto?” Iruka asked with a sigh.
“I’ve found it, the trick to being a ninja! I’m on the right course!”
“Oh?” the Third asked curiously.
Naruto nodded eagerly. “Kakashi’s not really a complete pervert. Anko-san might dress like a lady of the night, but she’s not.” Anko blushed slightly at this. “Iruka-sensei is not a calm and polite teacher. You’re not an old-man, old man. Hayate-san’s famous cough is fake. I don’t know Kurenai-san and Yugao-san enough yet, but I’ll bet they are the same.”
“And the point?” Iruka asked.
“I’m on the right track! I’ve been telling Foxy-chan that she can have all the powerful moves, but that I’d need distracting ones. You all have something to make people underestimate you, despite your prowess as brilliant fighters. So by not focusing on just becoming more powerful, I’m going the right way. You better keep that seat warm, old man, because I’m still gonna take it. Dattebayo!”
Hayate clapped slowly. “Most Genin don’t recognise that for years.”
Naruto grinned foxily. “Wanna see my second Jutsu? This is the one that I used to persuade Foxy-chan to help me.”
“Sure,” the Hokage said, before anyone else could do anything.
“Irritating No Jutsu!” Naruto yelled happily.
Five mini-Naruto’s appeared, and in an off-key voice, started to sing. “Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree. Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee.”
Five different weapons flew from various shinobi – including the Hokage – and hit the clones, dispelling them.
“That was…” was as far as Kurenai got, before the smoke blew away, to show ten-quarter size Naruto’s.
“As we were,” one of them cheered.
“To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees. Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody.”
More weapons flew toward the clones, but as before, as each one fell apart, two more, half the size, took their place.
Naruto looked proud, and started to sing along.
“I’ll give you your first real kiss if you shut them up,” Anko begged.
The clones vanished with a poof.
Anko sighed, but there was a smirk in her eyes.
“Later,” Naruto promised. “If I’m gonna pass out, I’ll do it in private.”
“That,” Kurenai said, “is really irritating.”
“Yep, Foxy-chan managed to last four hours before she gave in.”
“You know who would love this?” Anko asked.
“Who?” Naruto asked back.
“Morino Ibiki,” Anko said. “He’s the head of the ANBU Torture and Interrogation Force.”
“Cool,” Naruto said.
“How did you make the Shadow Clones do that?” Hayate asked.
“Well, I channelled the Chakra so that instead of dispersing, it just splits. And each one retains my personality, so I figure that eventually they’d get so small that they’d be able to crawl inside someone’s ears and sing there. And by that time, they’d be so desperate they’d stab themselves in the head to avoid it.”
“That’s it, I’m having his virginity later,” Anko announced.
Naruto looked up at her, before blood flooded out of his nose and he passed out.
“Still got it,” Anko cheered.
Iruka laughed softly.
Kurenai shook her head, an amused smile on her face. “So, what the hell is going on with Kakashi?”
“Huh?” Anko asked.
“Naruto, he was polite to us, to Hiashi, but not to Sakura, Sasuke or Kakashi. Something is going on there, because he clearly doesn’t have respect for them.”
“Hmm,” the Hokage agreed. “Hayate, if you wouldn’t mind?”
“Okay,” the ANBU member said and vanished in a swirl of leaves. He returned a few seconds later with Kakashi, and to the surprise of most, Hyūga Hiashi.
The man looked around, and then frowned at Naruto.
“Blood loss,” the Hokage said. “Anko expressed her pleasure at a new Jutsu of his.”
“Hn,” Hiashi said. “Are you sure that this...” he paused, “man, is the correct sensei for Naruto-kun?”
The Hokage, the respected head of the hidden village, gaped at the Hyūga.
Hiashi’s lips flickered into a smile for a brief second. “Naruto-kun has earned my respect. My question remains.”
“Kakashi?” Sarutobi asked. “Exactly why has Naruto stopped referring to you as a Sensei?”
“Hmm?” Kakashi asked, his orange book in his hands.
That was a mistake, as Hiashi had the book out of his hands before he could move.
Everyone blinked, as Hiashi and Kakashi had a staring contest. One that Kakashi backed down from. “Naruto-kun did not back down, even when I threatened to kill him,” Hiashi said softly. “This is a boy who has many aspects to his personality, but above all else, he cares. I will not have him killed because Kakashi spends more time with the Uchiha and the Harpy than Naruto-kun.”
Everyone turned to the Jounin. His eye was looking slightly down. He sighed. “The fox killed my sensei. I’ve tried my best not to let it get in the way, but every time he does something, it reminds me of the fox inside him!”
The Hokage sighed softly.
“I will train him personally,” Hiashi stated firmly.
“Denied,” Sarutobi said instantly. “Naruto needs to learn more than your style of fighting.”
“Kyūbi is already teaching him more than that,” Hiashi said. “His Teleportation Jutsu, his Torpedo Jutsu.”
“Torpedo Jutsu?” Kurenai asked.
“Yes, he glides along around two feet of the ground, and hits with incredible force. It threw me against a wall, and he could have hit me again while I was recovering. He told me that he had a partnership with the fox, that she was teaching him the finishing moves, he was teaching himself distraction, he just needs a good grounding in the other skills.” Hiashi turned to Iruka. “We will be having a talk about the standards of the school. To allow a student with Naruto-kun’s skills to graduate is a telling rebuke to our society.”
Iruka nodded slowly. “Many of my colleagues could not look underneath the underneath.”
“They will learn, or they will die. Konoha has no need for bigots.”
“You know,” Anko said, “today has been full of fun.” With the tension neatly broken, Hiashi sighed and relaxed slightly.
Before anyone could say anything, the door swung opened, and two guards entered. “Hyūga-Sama, Hokage-Sama, a council meeting has been called.”
Hiashi merely sighed. He turned and walked over to Naruto, picking him up. He looked at the others in the room. “Follow,” he ordered.
“Not one for words is he,” Anko whispered to Iruka, as they followed the man to the next building, where the council chamber was.
“Why am I here?” Hiashi demanded, his arrogance and power on full display. “The Hokage and these honourable Ninja were in an important meeting concerning the future of this village.”
“Ahh, Hiashi-san,” one of the council members that Iruka didn’t recognise greeted him. “We are here to listen to a request from Uchiha-san.”
In the middle of the hall, in a spotlight, stood the last loyal Uchiha.
“I’ve not got all day, speak, boy,” Hiashi demanded.
Sasuke glared at him. There was a well-known enmity between the two clans.
“I demand that, as the last Uchiha, the Kyūbi be removed from the idiot and placed inside me, so that I may use the power as demanded.”
There was an absolute stunned silence that greeted the request.
“Denied,” Hiashi spat. “Guards, take this idiot to the hospital. He is not to be released until he is sane, no matter how long that may be.”
“What?” Sasuke yelled.
No one on the council said a word to defend him, not even the most fervent of the Uchiha supporters. To want a demon placed inside you was madness, pure and simple.
Sasuke was knocked out by an ANBU member and dragged away.
“While we are here,” Hiashi said, “Naruto-kun is under my personal protection. He has gained my respect, and I will not have any council members plot against him. Try it, and you will die. Now that this waste of time has concluded, Honoured Shinobi, Hokage, shall we continue our conversation?”
“Yes,” the Hokage agreed. They all swirled away back to the Hokage’s office.
“Why is Naruto still out?” Kurenai asked.
“I’m keeping him out,” Hiashi said, “I will tell him what we have agreed later. With no parental figure around, I am acting in loco-parentis. Now, with the idiot out of action for a while, I suggest that team seven be broken up, and that Naruto trains with each of the other Genin group in the mornings, and with me in the afternoons.”
“What about missions?” the Hokage asked.
“He can do the D-rank missions on his own,” Iruka suggested. “And join the other groups when they go on better missions.”
“Hmm,” Sarutobi mused. “Group training could be wise. Having a general specialist could be useful.”
“I’m going to help train the brat,” Anko announced.
“We will as well,” Yugao added, speaking for her boyfriend.
“He’s welcome in my team. Hiashi-san, Hinata was much improved today.”
“Hn,” Hiashi agreed. “Naruto-kun made a strong statement to me this morning. Naruto-kun?”
The boy slowly opened his eyes. “Why did you keep me out?”
“You will have to learn that people do care about you, and that there will be times when we can achieve more without your unique brand of diplomacy.”
Many emotions flittered over Naruto’s face, before he seemed to realise that he was still being held by the man. “Hiashi-sama?”
“The honorific is back?”
“You apologised, you showed that you are worthy of respect.”
“As are you, Naruto-kun.” He let the boy down. “Now, we have agreed that Team 7 is disbanded, until Kakashi can act like a real Sensei, and the Uchiha is out of therapy.”
“Wait, why is Sasuke in therapy.” He paused, “and why did it take this long to get him in it?”
“He requested that the Kyūbi be removed from you and put in to him.”
Naruto collapsed on to the floor, tears streaming out of his eyes as he laughed and laughed.
“F-f-foxy-Chan just said that it would be a great idea, as they both like boys, and that it wouldn’t take her long to take control anyway.” Naruto trailed off into howls of laughter, his eyes flickering with red.
“Well,” the Hokage said dryly, “I’m glad that Kyūbi is amused.”
“I’m more impressed that anyone has the guts to call Kyūbi foxy-chan,” Kurenai muttered.
Naruto sat up and giggled. “Foxy-chan has a wicked sense of humour. Anyway, what about Pinky?”
“Pinky?” Anko asked.
“Sakura, the pinkette that’s always attached to Sasuke. Hey, here’s an idea, why not put her in as well?”
“Naruto!” the Hokage sighed. “We will give her some options as well. We want you to train with one of the other Genin teams in the morning. In the afternoon, the people in this room have volunteered to train you into the ground, and fix the mistakes made at the Academy. You will continue to work on your own Jutsus and the Kyūbi’s.
“As for missions, I have one request from Iruka for the school tomorrow.”
“Woohoo,” Naruto cheered. “Great.”
“And loads of party requests.”
“That’s better than the damn cat,” Naruto cheered again. “And more important missions?”
“When everyone agrees, you will accompany one of the other teams.”
“That’s great, old man,” Naruto said cheerfully. He paused, before a smirk appeared on his face. “My Kawaii senses are tingling! Kawaii No Jutsu!” With a crash, he jumped through the wall heading in an arc toward the far side of town.
“Well, I better follow him,” Anko said, “I still owe him a kiss.”
“I think,” Hayate said, “That I’ll turn up at school tomorrow, I have a sudden urge to learn that Jutsu.”
“What time?” Kurenai asked. “I’d like to learn it as well.”
“Four,” Iruka said. “And now that I have the answer to my question as well, I’m happy to leave you honoured gentleman to your discussions.”
“I will leave as well,” Hiashi announced. “Iruka, I believe a staff meeting is in order with your other teachers. We shall have it now.”
Iruka felt several beads of sweat drop down his back.