A Bunny in Hogwarts
These are random drabbles and ideas that I've come up with over the years - they are not beta read, so they aren't any where near as polished as what you would normally see from me. The
grammar is often atrocious, the ideas may not work out, the formatting may suck, some were written years ago, your car may stop running, your house might develop Peruvian fire ants.
Read at your own risk
I have no interest in putting any effort into tidying these stories, so please don't suggest grammatical fixes :)
Written during a lunch break - of course, unbeatad.
"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Crabbe asked slowly as he fingered his collar.
"Yes," Draco snapped. "I know what I did wrong last time, and I won't fail again. This time, we will deal with Potter, and that damned rabbit, and my father will be proud of me!"
"So why not just kill him?" Goyle asked.
Draco sighed. "Look, you lumbering imbeciles, we've had this conversation before! Potter's to tough, so we need help, got it? Now, will you two forget that you know how to talk." The blond boy turned back to his hole and finished the spell, this time with a flick rather than a flourish.
For the second time, a sense of evil and inevitability filled the room. Darkness emanated from the hole, ignoring all the laws of physics that pointed out clearly that darkness could not emanate.
Slowly a figure appeared. It was black, dark, and it was low slung to the ground. It carried around it a miasma of fear and decay.
"All right, now we're talking," Draco yelled excitedly.
The darkness faded, revealing the creature Draco had successfully summoned from beyond.
"Bonjour? Ou-ey le belle magnfique?"
Draco blinked. "Huh?"
The creature inhaled deeply. "Un smella voo feenay." It dropped down to all fours and started to trot off.
"Wait," Draco yelled.
"Pourquoi, my little sailer-boy?"
"I called you to here kill Bugs and Potter!"
"Non, Pepe le Pew is un lover, not un killer." He turned.
"Stupefy!" Malfoy called, pointing his wand at Pepe.
Pepe jumped to one side and frowned at Draco. "I shall leave you, for you are un barbarien," He walked out the door, but not before a large golden cloud appeared from his backside.
"What's that smell?" Crabbe asked, before he started to choke.
Draco went pale and held his breath, the only thing he could think off, was to cast another spell to help him breath. A transfiguration spell. He cast it, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the smell entered, and he choked half way through. His wand, still pointed at the door left off a burst of magic.
"At least I might get someone else," was Draco's last thought as he collapsed into unconsciousness.
The spell raced through the third floor corridor, until it hit a suit of armour in the chest. It rebounded at a strange angle and headed downstairs, toward an unsuspecting house-elf. The elf looked up, frowned, and batted the spell away, toward a corner.
In the corner, a small rat was minding his own business, nibbling on some silver foil. The spell hit the silver foil, and continued its wild journey in a new direction.
Minerva McGonagall was trying very hard not to smile. Snape was still fuming about what had happened at dinner, but was powerless to do anything about it. Harry had pointed out innocently that he was only trying to help Malfoy catch Bugs, and that it wasn't his fault that Draco had stupidly tried to run into a ceiling. And as Bugs didn't belong to a house - or indeed Hogwarts, he couldn't be punished either.
Snape was now in his rooms, still fuming, and no one quite knew where Bugs and Harry where.
She should probably be worried, but the very fact that Harry had a smile on her face was enough to allay her fears. He had been suffering a lot recently, with the expectations of that damnable prophecy hanging over his head, and this seemed to be giving him – and everyone else - some much welcome relief.
There was a flash of light ahead of her, and knowing that she didn't have time to draw her wand, she did the only thing she could. She turned into her cat form. Unfortunately, she wasn't fast enough, and the spell hit her.
She groaned, and tried to return to her human form, but couldn't. She hissed angrily, someone was going to pay for this. She headed toward her room quickly, and hissed again as she passed a mirror. She didn't even look like herself.
She was black, with a white stripe down her back.
Bugs and Harry were wandering down one of the corridors. "What is that smell?"
"Wasn't me, doc," Bug replied, before he sniffed. "I recognise that smell," he muttered. "No... surely not."
"What?" Harry asked.
"Follow your nose!"
The two of them started to jog, heading toward the smell. They threw the door opened, and both retched. "That is horrendous!" Harry chocked.
"You ain't whistling dixie," Bugs agreed. "And look, it's my dyspeptic friend."
"Malfoy," Harry groaned. "And another hole."
"And judging by the stink, a certain skunk stunk this way. You don't have any cats around, do you?"
"Only Mrs Norris," Harry said, "and she's staying with Hagrid while Filch is away."
"Then we should be fine," Bugs said confidently. "Pepe's not bad - when he's on his own."
From far away, the sound of a cat's terrified screech made its way to their ears.
"Except," Harry said slowly. "Professor McGonagall's Animagus form is a cat!"
"She's the nice Professor, right?"
"We better go rescue her then."
Minerva was close to her rooms, and was thanking her lucky stars she'd had the foresight to install an emergency cat flap.
She frowned as a new smell assaulted her nostrils. It was the worst thing she had smelled since the Weasley Twins had decided to play with creating their own stink bombs.
"Hello, my little pussey," a voice said in an appalling French accent. "Allow me to introduce myzelf, I am your new lover."
"Meow?" Minerva yelled in shock and horror, and then cursed her inability to speak in this form. In front of her was a skunk. A large, black skunk. She shuddered in absolute horror.
"You are une bella pussey," he drawled. "And I shall make you mine."
Minerva did the only thing she could think off. She turned, and sprinted as fast as she can in the opposite direction. At the corner, she turned. The skunk was bouncing along merrily behind her, a trail of smoke behind him.
She galloped down two flights of steps, up another, and then leaped from a balcony to another. Panting heavily, she paused and looked back the way she had came. There was no sign of the skunk.
"You are ze corned beef, and I am ze cabbage. Ze corned beef is nothing without ze cabbage."
Slowly, she turned. He was in front of her, leaning against a wall, a smirk on his lips. Before she could move, he did. The next thing she knew was that she was on her rear feet, in an extremely undignified pose, while he stared into her eyes.
"If you stop rezizting me, I shall stop rezizting you," he purred, his mouth getting closer to hers.
With a desperate strength she didn't know she possessed, she escaped from his clutches, and sprinted up some stairs, heading as high as she could. Every time she looked around, he was behind her, bouncing along merrily.
"You know, most men would get discouraged by now, fortunately for you, I am not most men!" he called cheerfully.
Minerva shuddered and tried to hide in the dark, under a small chest of drawers.
"Where are you, my little object of art? I am here to collect you."
Minerva didn't even breath.
Suddenly the chest of drawers tipped to the side, and he was there, holding it up and smiling at her. "You may call me Streetcar, because of my desire pour vu."
With a despairing yell, she ran forward and dived off the balustrade. Even death was preferable to... to... to that! And besides, she still had several lives left, so she might just make it.
Minerva felt her fall slow down to a stop, and she landed in a pair of arms.
"Professor McGonagall?" Harry asked.
She nodded and butted her head against his chin gratefully.
He smiled and stroked her. He had nice hands, not to hard, not to rough, but not ticking either. She purred in relief, feeling safe.
"I'll take care of Pepe, doc," Bugs promised. "You look after the nice teacher."
"Thanks, bugs." Harry started to walk back toward the Professor's quarters, still carrying her. After the excitement and the running, she was exhausted, and Harry was a lot better smelling than most humans. His free hand was still stroking her back, and it felt so nice that she was soon asleep.
She half-woke as Harry somehow managed to open her door, and place her on her bed. "Finite Incancatem," he whispered softly. "Sleep well, Professor."
He turned, and walked out, locking her door behind him.
Minerva curled up, safe, and dropped into a deep sleep.
When she awoke, she had a few seconds of blissful blankness as she wondered why she in her cat form. And then the memories started to hit her. And as they did, her anger grew.
Harry and Bugs were sitting to one side, engaged in a low voiced conversation. Ron and Hermione were staring at them (as were the entire school), Hermione's eyes were still slightly dull from the calming potion she was under, and Ron was looking after her.
The door to the Great Hall banged open, and Minerva McGonagall stormed in. Her hair was un-braided and hanging down her back, and the normally immaculate professor was still in the robes she was in yesterday.
"Who did it?" she demanded of the students.
"Did what?" Snape sneered.
"Severus," Minerva growled menacingly. "Shut! Up! I am not in the mood to deal with your childishness at the moment."
Severus climbed to his feet.
"Sit," Minerva roared. "Because you really, really, really do not want to see a Scotsman angry!"
Snape paled dramatically - an impressive feat for the sallow potions master, and slunk back down into his chair.
"I said, who did it!"
Albus opened his mouth, but at a glare, shut it again.
Harry looked at Bugs.
Bugs looked at Harry.
In unison, they both pointed at Draco Malfoy.
"Gee, ain't we stinkers?" Bugs said in an aside, with a toothy-grin.
"What?" Malfoy asked. "Potter's lying!"
Severus, showing some brains not normally attributed to him, didn't interfere as Minerva stalked toward the Slytherin table. Other members of the Slytherin house dived out of her way.
"Wand," Minerva hissed.
With a shaking hand, Malfoy handed over his wand.
"Prior Incantato," Minerva whispered. A ghostly image of a transformation spell appeared.
Draco gulped. "What did I do?" he asked. "I didn't do anything!"
"A hundred points from Slytherin," she said in a dreadfully quite voice. "You are going to pay, Mr Malfoy. What you did was so far beyond inexcusable that it needs a new category, and if it hadn't been for Harry I dread to think what would have happened. It's time you learnt some responsibility."
Minerva stepped forward and took a firm hold of his ear lobe. "We will talk about this in private, at great length," she promised, and started to pull him out of the Great Hall.
"Not a word," she said to Severus, who nodded fearfully. She walked toward the door, before she paused. "Harry, take a hundred points for saving a Professor's life, twenty points for having the nicest scent in Hogwarts, and a further twenty for the nicest hands."
Harry blushed, as Bugs patted him on the back.
"Harry," Hermione asked softly. "What happened last night?"
Harry sighed softly. "Malfoy summoned Pepe le Pew, and then trapped Professor McGonagall in her cat form, changed her coat to black, and painted a white stripe down her back."
Hermione looked horrified.
"Come on, Bugs," Harry said, "let's get outta here." The boy and the rabbit walked out.
As they went through the door, Ron turned to Hermione and said, "I can tell that's bad but not why, can you explain for those of us who aren't Muggles?"
"Please," Albus added. "I've never seen Professor McGonagall that annoyed."
"Well..." Hermione started, before what ever she was going to say was lost as they were out of earshot.
"What did you do to him?" Harry asked, as they made their way to the Room of Requirement.
"Sent him back home," Bugs replied. "Back there, he's harmless, all the cats have restraining orders on him, and he keeps to himself. So, you're a human, right, doc?"
"Where's your partner?"
"Female. Love. What ever you call them?"
"Oh, girlfriend. I've not gone one."
"You don't say?" Bugs said with a disquietening grin.
Harry nodded, and followed Bugs into his hole.
Bugs passed Harry a fresh carrot juice, and took one for himself.
"Why does blondie want you erased?"
"Well," Harry said slowly. "I guess it's like this. Back when I was a baby..."
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